by Tara Brown
I flinch, "And you ARE exactly the same."
His jaw is set. His eyes are full of regret, "You have to die. You know that."
I chuckle, "There is another way. I intend to do everything in my power to make the other way work for me. I know my mother will die for me. I just have to convince my father."
His mouth lifts, "You have to find him first."
His cocky smile pisses me off. "No I don’t. He'll come for me. When he does I'll be ready."
He is beautiful. I step forward and press my lips against his. I take advantage of the fact the greens are covered in people and give him my best kiss ever. He doesn’t fight. He devours me as always. I slide my fingers up into his hair. I pull slightly. I remember liking the feeling of pulling hair and having mine pulled. I kiss him with the years of experience Ellie has.
I kiss the side of his face and duck my head into his throat. I lick along his jugular and whisper, "Willow was right wasn’t she? The minute she met you she saw it? You loved me. You still do. But I'm not ever going to be yours Wyatt. Does that bother you? Other men have had what you have tried so hard to get? I gave it to them without even the slightest bit of thought or effort. Have a nice life Wyatt, with the wife you let mommy pick out." I kiss his cheek softly and turn away from him.
"You're right. Rayne you're right about it. About it all. Is that what you want to hear? Is that enough for you stop tormenting the fuck out of me constantly?"
I turn back and smile harshly. His dark blue eyes break my heart a little bit. "Well it changes nothing. Being right and not being together is the same as being wrong. What does it matter?" I blow him a kiss, "And no. I like tormenting you. A lot." He laughs bitterly and follows me. I know when I enter the building I vanish, to him.
I'm shaking but I'm free in a sense. I have returned the smack he gave me in the beginning. I have taken back the power he held over me. The power of the knowledge that he loved me all along and that I wasn’t alone in it. His mother saw it. His uncle saw it. Willow saw it. I saw it.
I still see it.
But I don’t care anymore. I am free of him because I don’t care. My life is complex enough without him tugging at my heartstrings and then marrying some girl because his family likes her and approves.
Mona is in our room with books everywhere.
She scowls at me as I close the door, "I missed so much."
I collapse on the bed, "I know. God. And I have to go out tonight. If I don’t do the mini sips at the bar I get too hungry and end up eating a whole person."
She grimaces, but looks back at the books and her laptop.
My phone rings.
I answer, "Willow?"
"Hey kiddo."
"Hey. How's it going?"
"Good." She sounds tired. "I've been doing a bunch of reading and it looks like Constantine is right. He's right about the devils. Beheaded and instant dead. No suffering. You're staying away from him right?"
"Yes."
"Promise? Cause I had a dream the other night and you were drowning in a sea of blood. I think it means you're not eating enough and your body is craving things. Like sexy things. You're not having sex right? It makes your condition worse."
I laugh, "No. I promise. No sex. No meat. No processed food. It's been vegan and water and healthy." It's true and I miss everything, except sex. "I saw Wyatt. He's back at school, I think." Mona's nostrils flare, I'm sure Willow looks exactly the same. I put a hand out and continue, "I think he fears me, a little. He knows I can drink from him and not suffer any pain. I tricked him the one time in the motel room, but now he knows. The handfasting cost him something, just like it did me. I can sense him the way he can me. I can drink from him and kill him if I want to."
She sighs again, "Be careful for Goddess's sake. You don’t know that you can kill him."
"I know. I'm being careful. How's tracking the devils going?"
"Not so good. So far we think the one who came and used you to cleanse is from either Detroit or New Orleans. We think he maybe lives in both regions. The turmoil and corruption there is the best place. He was so accessible to you. He must be stateside. The next ones we believe are in Rio de Janeiro, Karachi, Ciudad Juarez, Caracas or Capetown. We can't be positive but we think we're on the right track. Should know more in the next couple weeks. We have witches dispatched to each city and looking into it. Do you forgive me yet?"
I frown, "For what?"
"For abandoning you to the Van Helsings and not leaving my coven to be with you?"
"I never was angry with you. I know everything you have done was to help me, in some way."
She sighs in relief, "Oh thank Goddess. I was so worried. I fled when he came to the house with you because I was scared and confused. He loves you Rayne. Make no mistake. That man loves you. I still believe he has your best interests at heart. I didn’t want to stay and lead him to the lair. I knew he could torture me and make me tell him. I didn’t want him to know what you were. I fled to protect you. Their touch is especially bad for Earth Witches. I just can't leave you."
I sigh, "Well I don’t believe it. I don’t think he wants to help me Willow. I think he's team Van Helsing."
"I hope you're wrong."
I chuckle, "I don’t. I don’t need complications like boys right now. I need to hunt these devils and end my issues."
"I can't leave my coven Rayne. I would lose my magic if I did. I would die without it. I would come with you otherwise."
I shake my head like she can see me, "I don’t want that Willow. Stay there and be safe with the others. They can't get to you there. Wyatt told me that he can only kill a couple of you at a time."
"Yeah well, he hasn’t tried messing with us so that’s good. How did Fitz seem? Did he look okay?" Her voice breaks.
"Cruel and ruthless. Was that how he looked before?"
She pauses, "He's not really like that, you know that? He's the sweetest man alive."
I can let her believe that. I can keep her from knowing the things they did to me. The way my shoulders slowly dislocated and the way my wrists broke.
"Well make sure you're being safe. And if I find anything I'll let you know. We are desperately searching for Lillith's whereabouts. So far it seems like she's vanished off the face of the earth. Nothing is written about her. But I'm not giving up. As soon as one of the witch groups find the devils I'll let you know. We will get you flights."
"Thanks Willow. I love you."
"I love you too. I miss you."
"Me too."
I hang up the phone. Mona is examining me.
"You think it was a good idea right? Coming back here?"
I nod, "I think so. I feel exposed though. I feel like his family could take me anytime. Like the crowds and hordes of kids on campus, can't keep me safe."
She smiles, "Maybe that’s how they want you to feel."
"Maybe. Maybe that’s why Wyatt came here. He wanted to make sure I knew I was being watched. Then when the next devil is ready, they will just take me and there isn’t anything I can do about it."
Mona shakes her head, "It feels so hopeless. I feel hopeless."
The outcome is inevitable. I look at her and feel the fear and pain in the thing I'm about to ask, "Promise me something."
She nods, "Anything. Except leaving you. I won't do that."
"Kill me before they get a chance to do that to me again. Don’t let me live through that. Please."
Her eyes widen but she knows. She remembers what she saw. She knows how bad it was. She stares blankly and nods her head, as if automatically. "I swear."
"You have to swear you will kill me."
Confusion mixes with the empty pain, "I swear, but how?"
I shake my head, "Not sure. I think we need to visit Michelle and see what's shaken. They should know. That priest knew more than he let on."
Her face brightens, "Okay sweet. This weekend?"
"Yup. We can leave tomorrow." I grin, "I'll call my hubby and arrange some cash
."
She rolls her eyes, "You're so mean. He likes you and you're tormenting and extorting him."
"He deserves everything he gets. He fucking betrayed me." The pain and anger and hatred aren't mine, but I feel them nonetheless.
"Whatevs. I gotta go to class. Be safe. Stay here. If you need something text me." She leaves.
I look at my phone and smirk. I like talking to Constantine and hearing his voice. I pick it up and leave the room. I should be staying in but I need some air. His voice makes me warm and the memories make me something else altogether. But it usually involves a cheesy grin and clenching my thighs together.
Walking down the stairs I smell something. It's familiar and makes my stomach twist. I lean against the wall and watch as two men come up the stairs. The older one looks exactly like the man in the boat the day I met the Nixie. The other one is the man who was at the church with Wyatt. I press my back against the wall and watch them walk the stairs. The older man has a bouquet of flowers. I panic even though they can't see me.
I know they're here for me. I turn and run texting Mona.
'CAR NOW'
I have my phone and my keys. I rack my brain to remember if I left anything in the room I might need.
I race across the greens to the student parking. The car makes me smile most days. I stole it from a vampire, it's pretty much the coolest thing I've ever done. I don’t smile when I see it this time. I panic pushing the buttons. I can't help but feel them behind me, breathing down my neck the way Wyatt does when he chases me.
I get into the car and wait. The parking lot is packed. My phone vibrates and scares the crap out of me.
'COMING'
My foot is tapping and my palms are sweating. They're coming for me. The other devils must be full. It hasn’t been a month.
'They need to starve you' my brain whispers.
I bite my lip and my whole leg shakes from the tapping of my foot. I see her at the same moment I see him. She sees him and runs for the car. I see her mouth open and words leave them.
The guys in the parking lot hear what she's screaming and gather. They grab Wyatt. He struggles but one of them pins his arms. Three of them hold him. He stops fighting. His dark blue eyes meet mine. He doesn’t smile his cocky smile.
He was the bait. I fell for the trap. I kissed him and talked to him. I flaunted the fact I was here.
She's huffing and puffing when she gets into the car. I slam the car in reverse. I watch his eyes as I pull away. He looks relieved. I swear he does. Maybe it's what I want to see.
"Holy fucking shit. What was that all about?"
"They came for me. Wyatt's friend from the church came to our dorm with the old guy from the boat. They came for me."
She's struggling to get her breath, "I'm going to fail this class for sure. My prof looked at me like I was crazy."
"What were you shouting to get those guys to grab Wyatt?"
She grins, "I said he was stalking me. I had a restraining order against him. He beat me up two weeks ago."
I sigh, "He is going to get beat up."
"Good. Fucker. I needed to be at that class."
"I'm sorry Mona. I'm sorry I ever got you into this."
She touches my hand and grips, "No. They were coming to take you back to that tower. I know it. It's time to start starving you again. They don’t care about you. They care about their job. You have the same rights as any other human, Rayne. So your parents suck. Lots of people have sucky parents. Yours made a deal that they should have to honor. Not you. You were a baby. They aren’t even your parents this time. You're born of that virgin."
I drive to the priest at the cathedral. I know he has answers he isn’t telling me about.
I press the Bluetooth button.
"Willow."
The robot voice says, "Calling Willow." I snicker at Mona who rolls her eyes.
"What I grew up poor."
Willow answers, "Rayne?"
"Hey they came for me. I left the dorm. I'm on the road to get the priest but I don’t think he'll tell me anything."
She sighs, "Constantine."
I frown, "You just said…"
She cuts me off, "Forget what I said. He's the only one who can help you. NO SEX RAYNE!"
I shake my head, "Mom I'm not gonna have sex. For god's sake. He's like eight hundred or some shit. Give me a little credit."
"I love you."
"Love you too."
I look at Mona who is holding her mouth. "Don’t even think about laughing."
She bursts, "Oh my god she's the best."
I press the button again, "Constantine." I say.
The robot voice says, "Dialing Constantine."
He picks up on the second ring and I feel a wave of heat and thigh clenching.
"My love. To what do I owe the honor of this phone call?" He sounds sarcastic.
I laugh, "I need you."
He chuckles, "My favorite words. Give me just the smallest of hints as to why so I can imagine it's for something only infinitesimally related."
I look at Mona and roll my eyes, "No. Meet me at the church I told you about."
"You know I can't attend church my love. Perhaps I can give you what you need in the parking lot, in MY car perhaps."
His tone makes me smiles, "You sound bitchy Constantine."
"You sound less afraid of me than you should be Rayne. You're extorting money from me, using my pain and guilt. I will eventually get what is rightfully mine, in return for all of these favors." He says favors with distaste and annoyance.
"I need your help with a priest. How can I get you and he to meet?"
He sighs, "Bring him outside. I'll snag him there."
I don’t know how that’s going to help. I know he can't walk on holy land but I don’t ask any questions. I drive. I can count on him to help me. I know that.
"I'll text you when I get there. There is a garden. We'll meet you there."
"And I will wait on your beckon call my pet." He hangs up on me.
Mona looks worried. "He sounds pissed and I can't even blame him for it. He might be evil and shit, but you're being cruel to him."
My anger flashes, "He betrayed me, before. I was tortured and fed the evil of the world and then murdered because he let them take me. Trust me my attitude toward him is justified."
She glances at me, "Well what's with the flirting and leading him on?"
I shake my head, "I still love him. Me from before. Her memories are merging with mine and I remember the way I loved him. I also remember the way my heart broke when they dragged me away and he watched. His dark eyes looked broken but he never fought them. He could have killed them all."
"It still feels wrong to take money from him."
I nod, "I know. But we're broke and I have no one else. Willow is so busy looking for the devils. I don’t want to burden her with my worries. I don’t want her to leave the coven. She'll die."
"I don’t get that? She could live with you all those years and not die."
I laugh, "We were with them all the time. I just never knew. We traveled with psychics and stayed with other spiritual people and went to vegan retreats. All witches. She made me take my entire spring break, summer vacay, and Christmas break, to be with them. Not to mention the other holidays and vacation time. God then there were the ones that stayed with us. No, they were there. Always. I was just gullible and dumb. I watched a lot of movies while they chanted and lit candles and planted shit."
"Why did they let you grow up like that? Why did the witches protect you?"
I shake my head again, "I don’t know. She hasn’t answered that. She says they're friends of my moms. She's scared of my parents though. When Wyatt came there, she was ready to die rather than betray my mother or be taken by the Van Helsings. If the Van Helsings caught her now they would torture her and kill her. Or use her as bait for me. She's safer with the other witches."
"Was she ever going to tell you? It seems like she was going to wait
for you to just become what you are?"
"I don’t know. She doesn’t answer those questions. She says weird things like that’s not information for right now. That’s only going to complicate things more. Nonsense. I need the answers to all those questions. I'm short on answers. From everyone."
Chapter Twenty-One
Michelle looks like a real girl, in a different sort of way. I see no trace of the boy I used to know. She looks sweet and innocent. She looks like a nun, just a very pretty nun.
"This is a good look for you." I say.
She laughs and has a hard time meeting my eyes, "I feel great. The sisters are amazing and the church is full of encouraging people and enlightenment. I never stray to the boy's side any more. Got to keep the temptations to a minimum. I've already had a couple issues. I mean no one knows, but him." She points upward.
Mona laughs, "You had lesbian nun sex? Does that even count as lesbian?"
Michelle makes a disgusted face, "No-my-god. Oh gross. Dude. Beaver has never been my favorite mammal. No I had alter boy sex."
I raise an eyebrow, "Aren't they minors?"
She bites her lip and nods, "Like seventeen and shit. I'm only two years older but it still felt dirty." Her eyes turn mischievous, "Dirty good."
I laugh. "You are here to cleanse your soul and instead you're tempting alter boys to sin, in a church no less."
She feigns a wounded look and nods. "I'm ashamed." Her pretend shame lasts seconds. "What brings you two here?"
"The priest."
"Why?"
"He has answers. We were hoping you'd be able to lure him to the garden for us."
She swallows and nods, "Yeah probably." She looks guilty just thinking about it. This actually makes her look guilty. Sex with minors in the confessional makes her smirk and this makes her feel guilty?
"Have you seen my dad?"
She gulps and trembles. She shakes her head and I feel sick for bringing it up.
"He can't come here can he?"
She shakes her head again, "No. Are you still mad at me?"
I shake my head and grab her. I pull her in and hold her tightly to me. "I love you. Forever."
She sobs quietly. "I love you too."
"Have they attacked you again?"