by Tara Brown
I turn on the shower and step in. The hot water is gross at first. The stench of the dead man has permeated my pores and the steam releases it into the air.
After the third time soaping up, I slip down the side of the tiled wall and let the water pour down on me.
I cover my eyes and wait for the dirty feeling of sleeping next to a dead man to sink in, or just vanish altogether. I don’t understand my own detachment from it all. I'm not angry or disturbed or anything. I am grossed out a little at the thought of him lying there, but I am completely detached from it. I fed on him, killed him, and lay next to him. Very serial killer-ish.
I hear footsteps and look up, expecting to see Mona with towels or a drink. Instead Constantine walks into my shower. He's completely naked. I jump up and avert my eyes.
"What the hell are you doing?" I stare into the beige tiles.
He wraps his arms around me and nuzzles into my neck. "I've missed you my love."
I squirm out of his grip. I try to ignore the massive thing between his legs or the ridiculous fire burning in my face and neck. I think my entire body is on fire.
"What are you doing in my shower? This seemed like the right way to approach the fact you betrayed me and let them kill me?"
His eyes burn. He pulls me into him and kisses my cheek softly, "You don’t want to discuss this right now." He looks into my eye. I pull away. I know what his eyes can do. What they can convince me of.
I shove him off, "You left me in a cell, a locked cell, like an animal. I was next to a dead man for three days. Open your mouth and taste him in the air. Then go fuck yourself."
His eyes widen, "Don’t speak to me like that Rayne. I'll only warn you once." The muscles in his fierce body flex from his anger. His dark eyes are wild, "I realize you're young in this body but I do not tolerate that from anyone. Be a lady for god's sake. It's bad enough you've soiled your virginity already." My hand flies out and slaps him hard. Instantly I regret it. I recoil. His dark eyes fill with anger. He grabs my arm and drags me from the shower.
I scream for help, but he laughs and drags my soaking wet naked body to my bed. He throws me on the bed and tosses a huge blanket at me. He wraps me in the blanket and curls me into a ball. No one comes. My screams go unheard. He pulls a towel around his waist and sits on the edge of the bed, holding the blankets around me.
"Where is Mona? What did you do to her?"
He frowns, "Mona? She's fine. She went back to school for a few days. I told her you would be fine."
I struggle from the blankets that are soaking wet now. I point at him, "Screw you. You told her to go back to school and forget about me. God damned, Constantine."
He raises an eyebrow. "I would stay in those blankets if I were you. Unless you have intentions of us doing things beyond talking."
I wrap the soaking wet blankets around myself and shiver.
"I hate you sometimes." I mutter and climb off the bed. I drag the blankets to the fire across the room. I kneel in front of it.
He laughs, "I have missed you."
I look back at him with contempt, "You are an asshole."
He points, "Last warning Rayne. I'll turn you over my knee if you keep acting like a child." His smile turns dangerous, "If I recall you liked it. A lot."
I remember it and blush. My skin is in flames. I sputter and turn away from him. I did like it. A lot.
"You left me for dead. You let them kill me."
His voice is in my ear, "You made me do it."
I turn and his lips press against mine. His tongue parts my lips. His arms lift me up into him. His hands separate the skin and the wet blankets. He lays me down on the blanket and kisses me. His towel is pressed against my hipbone. He kneels beneath my legs and I feel something I've never felt before, reluctance. I don’t want him. Not that way. The old me wants him. The new me doesn’t know him and I'm way too sober to do this. I push him off and shake my head, "No please."
He pulls back, confused. "What are these games you're playing with me? Hot and cold and then repeat."
I pull the blankets and try to cover myself. "No games Constantine. I don’t know you. Not in this body. My soul recognizes you but my heart and body don’t."
He bends and kisses my lips, "My sweet wife. I loved you the minute I saw you. I have loved you in this life and the last and the one before that."
His words bring a chill to my spine, "You have known me three times?"
He looks like he might deny it but doesn’t, "Yes."
I frown, "How?"
His dark eyes burn, "You were mine then. You are mine now. You'll always be mine."
He gets up and leaves the room. He does that when he's done answering questions. I hate that. Always have. Apparently for all three of my last lives. I storm to the closet and find it full of clothes I would wear, in my size.
"This is creepy." I whisper. This is twice now. Wyatt's and here. Only here looks like my own closet. I can't help but wonder if Constantine has been spying on me and buying things based on my own purchases. I wouldn’t put it past him. At all.
I throw on underwear and a sports bra. Easier to outrun Wyatt if I wear a sports bra and harder for Constantine to get into. I pull on a t-shirt, a sweater and some jeans. I feel like I'm dressing like a homeless person. Technically I am homeless, so layers are important.
I put on two pairs of socks and a thick jacket. I grab the handle but the door is locked.
"Asshole."
I close my eyes and listen. The dead aren’t there. "Are you here? Can you help me?" Nothing. He must have some kind of enchantment on my room. Which makes sense. The dead never called to me in my bed when we slept here before. They called to me when I got to the hallway. They wanted me to sleep in the hall with them.
I turn and look at the windows. It wouldn’t be the first time and I have a sinking feeling it won't be the last.
I put the window up and try not to let the frigid air off the ocean scare me off. I climb out onto the window ledge. If he catches me he can drag me back without any fight.
A huge gust of wind blows past me. I grip the ledge of the house with my nails. The trembling in my hands isn’t helping my balance. I slide along the ledge to the roof of the conservatory. Taking breathes and attempting to muster courage, I jump. My fingers desperately try to grip the shingles as I slide down the roof. I'm not sure but I think I hear myself screaming. Pain is everywhere. My fingers are scraping against the singles and my face is scratching as I slide. I push my legs in and as I hit the rain gutter, I stop. The metal makes a snapping noise and a groan. I start breathing again. My heart is attempting to pound its way out of my chest. I take a deep breath and wait for my entire body to stop shaking.
The cold wind is stinging my chin. My fingers are bleeding and stinging too. I lay my huffing and puffing face against the cold rough shingles and close my eyes for a moment. I'm not sure how to die, but falling off a roof and landing in some psycho's rock garden seems like a bad plan.
I start the journey across the roof after I've calmed my breathing. I clear my throat and look down. I'm still winded and starting to feel exhausted from the adrenaline rush.
I get to the lowest point where the grass looks lush and a bunch of old bushes sit against the house. His gardens surrounding the conservatory are beautiful.
I don’t know how to get off the roof. I slide to the corner where I think the downspout will be. I slide my hands down the roof to the gutter. I grip it and let my legs fall off the back. The metal cuts into my already sore hands. I swing back and forth for a moment. The windows of the conservatory are empty. He isn’t there. I reach for the downspout and kick my legs until they reach it. I shimmy down like at Wyatt's house. When my feet touch the ground they sting. I turn to run but standing on the grass with his arms cross and a huge smile playing with his lips, is Constantine.
He claps his hands and I drop to my knees.
"That was amazing my love. Really I never ever imagined you would grow to be so
resourceful. No wonder they put you in a tower."
The first step he takes toward me brings tears to my defeated eyes. I slump over and sob.
He stops and watches me. "Don’t cry. Please. It breaks my heart."
I shake my head, "You don’t have a heart." I sob.
His look is pained, "I know I don’t. I gave it to you over seven hundred years ago and I've never asked for it back."
I cry harder. My bitchy brain is chanting 'it's a trick' but my heart is remembering his tender love.
I smell the ocean in the air. The Nixie are calling me.
I look up at him. He knows my thoughts. He can read my face.
He raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms again, "You really think you can outrun me?"
I shake my head. "I know I can't."
He walks to me and lifts me from the ground. His fingers are soft and gentle where they touch. "I have loved you for all of eternity Rayne."
I wrap my arms around him and kiss him, fervently.
His lips try to keep up, but I am moving fast. I run my hands through his thick dark hair and tug on it slightly. He moans into my mouth. His tongue caresses mine as I suck it. He almost drops me. I wrap my legs around him. He sits down on the grass and lies on his back. I am on top, dry humping him. I kiss and almost get lost in the show. He tastes like every sin I've ever eaten all mixed into one. He is delicious. But I can't seem to eat him. Something blocks it.
His hands are cupping me and grinding me into him. I struggle from his grip and stand. I make like I'm about to undo my jacket and instead I break into a run. My legs explode with the effort and energy. The Nixie slide from the water in twitching movements. Hundreds of them line the shores. They were waiting for me. I could have heard them singing in the water, if I had listened close enough.
I leap from rock to rock and push hard. I see a blonde one first. She twitches and jerks in slow movements towards me. They are the scariest shit I've ever seen on land. Her smile is bright but her eyes flicker behind me. I push harder. I know he's right behind me. I leap for the Nixie. They swarm around me instantly and twirl. I am lost in the cyclone of them until we are in the water again.
They swim me out fast. Constantine can swim fast, but not as fast as Nixie can. I struggle for the surface. When I reach it I bob amongst the hundreds of glowing heads.
He is on the shore again and laughing but I can see he's pissed.
"Well played Rayne. Well played."
His dark eyes are red. They always turn red when he feeds. At his feet are three dead Nixie. He licks their colorful blood from his fingers.
He turns and leaves the shoreline.
10 Nixie have died for me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Willow hands me the tea. I hate it. It's nettle and Oregon grape. It tastes like cat pee smells. The mug's warmth and the smile I get from her, make the taste tolerable.
"The Nixie are your mother's truest people. They are the Fae. True Fae. Creatures of the earth. Water Witches. They are the best bet for finding the sacred garden." The redhead says.
"Why are they helping me if they know she is going to die, when I kill her?"
The redhead shakes her head, "We don’t know. We don’t know if they’ve helped you before or if this is a new development."
I feel exhaustion like I've never felt, "Well I know this is my last lifetime. This is the last time I will be born. I've been born four other times. This is the fifth. Apparently Constantine knew me for the last three."
The redhead frowns, "What?"
I nod, "He's known me three times. Says he loved me all three times. Says I'm his."
This news doesn’t improver either of their faces, "His?" The redhead, Glory, almost spits the word at me. She looks worried, "How has he tracked you down three times? We had a terrible time finding you. You were three when we finally did."
I'm confused, "What? I was three? Where was I?"
Willow looks distracted, "You were in an orphanage. The nuns said that a young girl who swore up and down she was a virgin brought you in. She was catholic and said you would be the antichrist being reborn."
"Antichrist? Who thinks that about their baby?"
"A fifteen year old girl who's never had sex before. God puts you in the place you have the best chance of surviving the twenty-one years. He never gives you to people who will hurt you."
Still confused, "How did you know who I was?"
Glory shrugs, "The Nixie. They came and told us that you had been born again and you were alone in the world. They said you were in an orphanage. We would know you by the light in your eyes. We can see it. We always have been able to. We searched every orphanage until we found you. We were asked by the Nixie to take you into our care. Lillith herself tasked it to us. Willow volunteered and the rest is history."
"Why did you raise me like a normal kid? Why not here where the magic is?"
Willow smiles and puts her hands over mine, "We can't let you stay here. You weaken our magic. You bring the evil inside of you and the evil looking for you, everywhere you go. You taint the very earth you stand upon. This is a sanctuary."
I don’t like that answer.
"Have you ever spoken to my mother?"
Glory shakes her head, "No, only the Nixie and other true Fae can get to her."
"How can I find her?"
Willow leans in and kisses my forehead, "We don’t know. We know there are four types of witches and each one is a small aspect of her. We are Fae but not true Fae. Earth Witches guard the earth, balance the energy and care for the plants and creatures. We heal things. The Fire Witches are the same as us, part human and walk upon the earth. The Nixie, the Water Witches are the only ones who are still true Fae. They have lived separate of the humans and have remained unsoiled. We Earth and Fire Witches have become more human than Fae. We are no longer permitted into the sacred garden. The knowledge of the garden was lost to us ages ago. Humans can't get to the garden, unless they are completely pure of heart."
"I thought that the Witches were part of Lillith?"
"We are. Lillith is an angel, she isn’t human. We got our magic from Lillith. The Water Witches have a bit of Lillith's blessing in them. Mostly they are Fae. True Fae means they have no human in them. The bloodline isn’t watered down with non magic, so to speak."
"What about the Air Witches?"
Willow points to the sky, "Opposite of the Water Witches. Angels. Mixed Fae and angel. Mostly Angel though. Snooty. We don’t get on with them."
The redhead crosses her arms, "The Nixie are the only ones who know anything about the sacred garden and believe me, they protect the secret with their lives. The Air Witches can't get to the garden because they don’t have enough Fae. It's confusing okay?"
I sigh and rub my temples, "Super confusing. Yikes."
Willow looks at me with her glowing green eyes, "You need to find the witch who handfasted you and get her to take it off. Only a Fire Witch can handfast and only the witch who does it can remove it. Then Wyatt can't track you." Her eyes soften, "I believe he loves you. But better not risk it."
"You need to focus on the task of killing the devils too Rayne. Until they die the sin is just filling up and waiting for you to be ready. Take away the humans chance of filling you up." Glory looks spicy.
I nod, "Okay."
I feel the dismissal lurking in the air.
"You can't stay my sweet girl."
I laugh, "What happened to the labels? You hated labels and now you call me everything under the sun."
Willow laughs, "You called me mom. I wasn’t your mom. I didn’t earn the title. I told you I didn’t like labels. It was easier than explaining you were the human equivalent to an angelic garbage disposal, who would be sacrificed if I wasn’t careful."
I watch her eyes, "Who is it you're afraid of? Who is coming for me?"
She flinches. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She looks like she is about to cry, "Your father."
Glory
jerks her head around, "What? You spoke to him?"
Willow nods, "I was trying desperately to divert his attentions. He felt the change in her, like we all did. When the Sin Eater awoke in her, he came looking for her. He told me he had to meet with her. It was the way things were done. The way the process worked. She needed to look upon him and know he loved her and she was doing the world a great service. She needed to see the martyr she was."
Glory grabs Willow's arms and shakes her, "You spoke to Lucifer and you kept it secret."
Willow looks down, ashamed and defeated, "He made me keep it secret."
The redhead looks crazy. She starts to cry. "No Willow. No. What have you done?"
I'm more confused than before.
Willow looks at me as a single tear slithers down her cheek. Her green eyes glow bright for a moment and then fade. "I saved her." Her lips tremble as she whispers.
The light behind her eyes is gone.
She collapses on the table.
I don’t know what is happening. I reach for her but my hands reach into a pile of daisies, instead of her. Tiny daisies. Hundreds of them. Thousands.
"What? Willow?" I stammer and reach for the flowers. I grip them and claw through the pile. She isn’t there. The daisies fall onto the floor and spill off the table. I scream in a rage and panic. Tears blind me.
"What have you done? Is this magic? Where is she?"
I look around but Glory is on the floor sobbing. The daisies are everywhere. Willow is nowhere.
I collapse onto the floor and sob.
Glory is rocking back and forth. I am near screaming.
"W-w-w-what. H-h-h-happened?" I ask in sobs.
I hear noises and commotion. I hear other people sobbing. Someone screams and thumps onto the ground next to me.
Daisies are everywhere.
"She loved you Rayne. She loved you so much. You were always her child, in her heart you were hers." I feel hands touching me. Rubbing my back and trying to hold me. I push them off.
I can't listen to it.
I push myself up and stagger to the front room. I run for the front door. I run out into the dark black garden and down the pier. I dive off the end of it into the water. The Nixie are there, waiting for me. They hold me and we cry together.