by Kim Karr
I didn’t know how to reach him.
Didn’t know his connection to Lizzy.
Wasn’t even sure if finding him could help me find Lizzy.
Still, knowing the kingpin’s street name made me feel like I was one step closer to getting Elle back.
Standing from the bar, I glanced around for the nearest exit. Something caught my attention. Narrowing my eyes, I focused on a group of boisterous men deep in conversation with one lone female among them. Not just any female. A beautiful woman with ginger-colored hair standing way too close to Michael O’Shea.
My gut twisted.
My body stiffened.
My vision blurred.
It was Elle.
My Elle!
ELLE
Whenever I thought of political fundraisers, I pictured old men standing around outside smoking cigars, women in stodgy long dresses clustered together gossiping, and glasses of cheap wine everywhere.
That was not the scene I was currently immersed in.
The grand ballroom was beautiful in a roaring twenties kind of way. The ceilings were gilded with a golden hue, the chandeliers were gleaming crystal, the carpet red, and the linens black. And right in the middle of it all was a giant champagne fountain that was absolutely gorgeous.
After thinking about it, I’d said yes to Michael. The voice on the phone had rattled me and I wasn’t sure what the call was about, but I was almost certain whoever was on the line might have been threatening Clementine. It was after that I decided Michael wasn’t being truthful. There was too much that didn’t add up. Going to this fundraiser might help me figure out what it was. I longed to discuss it with Logan, but I’d already burned that bridge.
In the midst of all the chaos, I’d been worried about the dress Michael had selected for me to wear. It was a long black silk, almost classic-style A-line with a deep vee in the back, but the matching deep vee in the front brought it to a whole new level.
It was a bit too sexy for me.
I might not have seen my sister in fifteen years but there was no way her breast size had shrunk that much, therefore there was no way she’d have been able to wear a dress like this without spilling out of the sides.
“Can I get you anything?” Michael asked, pressing his hand to the small of my back.
He’d been talking to the same group of gentlemen for the past twenty minutes about the Suffolk County crime rate statistics and I was out-of-my-mind crazy. With a smile I said, “No, I’m good, but if you’ll excuse me for a moment, I need to use the ladies’ room.”
“You’re bored, aren’t you?” he whispered in my ear.
His concern seemed genuine, but I wasn’t taking anything he said at face value. “No, not at all. Watching you at work is fascinating.”
The smile that lit up his face made me wonder if I’d taken my attempt to be upbeat a little too far. “The least I can do is walk you to the restroom.”
“No, Michael. Stay and network. You’re doing such a great job.”
He moved a little closer. “It’s you who’s doing the great job.”
Without pretense, I gave him a return smile. “I’ll be back.”
It was odd, but I couldn’t tell him about the threatening call I’d received. I was too suspicious of him. Although I wanted Michael to succeed in his bid to be nominated to run for the Suffolk County District Attorney position, I had to wonder what the big push was right now when his life was so completely turned upside down.
With each passing day, my doubts about Michael’s sincerity kept mounting. How was he going to keep my sister’s drug dealings out of the press? And if it did come out, would he be implicated? Because if I knew he was somehow involved, and Logan knew he was involved, someone else must surely also know.
Like the deliverymen, I thought.
Chilled, I couldn’t help but think about how they ended up.
The restrooms were near the bar and I took my time walking the short distance to them. My feet were killing me in the heels I was wearing and I couldn’t wait to kick them off. In truth, I couldn’t wait for this night to end. All this hobnobbing was exhausting. It didn’t take more than one night of this to know the political arena wasn’t exactly my cup of tea.
As soon as I opened the bathroom door, I found it to be equally as impressive as the ballroom. There was a lounge area with a few comfortable-looking chairs, a perfume bar, and stacks of black washcloths next to bottles of luxury soap. Obviously it had been decked out for the evening.
The perfume bar drew me to it and I looked at the various bottles. Jo Malone was among them, and I picked up the lavender scent and sprayed it on each of my wrists. Once I’d rubbed them together, I lifted them to my nose and closed my eyes to enjoy the fresh, clean scent.
There was a crinkle, a tickle, a tease on the back of my neck. I didn’t need to open my eyes to know who it was. His own fresh scent gave him away. I gasped as my body betrayed me, my toes curling and my stomach fluttering at just the hum of his body near mine.
Lips brushed my neck and I couldn’t stop myself from trembling in need.
“You look incredible.”
That voice was raw. Husky. Sexy. All Logan.
My eyes snapped open and I found his hazel ones staring back at me in the mirror with more lust in them than any one human should be allowed to convey in that manner. “What are you doing here?” I somehow managed to ask, albeit in a squeak.
His hands gripped my hips and pulled me back toward him. I melted into his hard body and felt how much he wanted me.
Fire flamed through my veins, giving way to lustful desire that I couldn’t suppress.
I missed him.
I hated not being able to talk to him.
Hear his voice.
Touch him.
Feel his body against mine.
Yet, I knew I had to stick by my decision. My life wasn’t my own anymore and I had to remember that girl needed me.
His hold on me was possessive and he urged me to tilt my head to the side. “I’m the one who should be asking you that question.”
My pulse was beating wildly and even though I knew I shouldn’t, I gave in to his unspoken command and tilted my head.
Those lush lips skimmed down my neck.
And I couldn’t resist him.
In my red-hot haze, I allowed myself only a moment to absorb the feeling. While doing so, I admired him. I couldn’t help myself. Dressed in an expensive tuxedo, he screamed class, sophistication, and all things money. Pressed white shirt, black bowtie, and dropping my eyes I noticed he was even wearing expensive-looking shoes. He fit in at events like this so well, while all night I’d felt so out of place. That had to be another sign of why we shouldn’t be together. When I lifted my gaze and found his eyes, I knew I had to push him away. We were over. “I don’t think it’s any of your business.”
His hands started tugging my dress up. “Everything about you is my business,” he growled.
It was then that I realized he must have seen me with Michael and he was jealous.
Jealous!
Was he trying to make his mark, stamp his claim on me? Well, I wasn’t his. He’d had a choice; he’d chosen not to be with me. I turned around and shoved him away. “No, Logan, you’re wrong. We’re not together anymore and nothing about me is any of your business.”
My words were cold and they killed me to speak them, but for the past few days I’d been just barely holding myself together. If this little tête-à-téte, or whatever this was in the bathroom, went any farther, it would surely make me crumble when he was finished marking me and then left me alone—again.
Logan grabbed my wrist. “Don’t say that, Elle.”
My breath caught when I looked at the real him, not the reflection of him. His eyes were wide. Pupils dilated and dark. So intense. And his lips were slightly parted, the lower one wet from where he’d just swiped his tongue. So delicious looking.
The urge to kiss him was too much to bear and I had
to close my eyes to try to find my center, but I couldn’t. The sexual tension between us was off the charts and quickly causing my control to shift.
His hand was still holding my wrist and he let it slip lower. Before I knew it, he was tugging me into a bathroom stall and I was going willingly.
Saying nothing, he pushed me against the door, hard enough to rattle it. He moved closer until we were face-to-face, chest-to-chest, hip-to-hip, and then his hands were lifting my dress.
I shuddered when his thumb moved back and forth against the inner skin of my thigh. Slow, even strokes. This small touch was enough to electrify me and the shudder of my breath echoed in the small space.
He leaned even closer and his lips brushed my earlobe. “Tell me you’ll wait for me.”
I turned my head the tiniest bit toward him. I felt like I was going to break in two right there, I was so torn.
But I had to keep my stability—for Clementine.
My lips barely moved when I said, “I can’t do that.”
“You can.”
I shook my head. “I can’t, Logan. I can’t put my life on hold for something that might never come.”
The air around him crackled dangerously. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth.”
His lips skimmed down my neck. “Do matter what you do, you’re mine, Elle. Mine. You’ll always be mine.”
Torn between giving in to him and holding on to what I knew was the right path for me, I had to get away from him to think clearly. In a split-second decision I reached behind me and unlocked the latch, causing the door to swing open. I didn’t deny that I was his. He already knew I was. My body’s reaction to him alone was enough to confirm that, but I did say something I knew would make him dislike me, or maybe even hate me. Keep him from following me and tearing me apart. “I have to get back out there. Michael will be wondering where I am.”
“Michael,” he spat.
Guilt set in and I had to push it away. I was doing what I had to do. Still, I tried to ease the burn of my words. “Logan, I’m here with him to support him politically, not that I owe you any explanation.”
His expression cleared. I couldn’t read him at all. But then he leaned back against the sink and gripped the edge tightly, and I knew he was hurt.
I hated this. All I wanted was to be with him, but our separation wasn’t my choice.
His jaw twitched.
My eyes were glued to him. Under his clothes, I could see the impressive muscle tone of his arms and chest that I loved to have pressed against me. I could hear the way he breathed. I could almost taste his lips on mine.
“Don’t, Elle. Just don’t,” he said.
“Don’t what, Logan? Go on with my life?”
His eyes were flat, his expression lifeless. “You know why we can’t be together right now. All I need is some time.”
I was shaking my head and lashing myself at the same time. I felt physically sick. “I gave you a choice and you didn’t pick me. There is no in-between. Not for me. There can’t be.”
His gaze remained steady, unblinking; his mouth was straight, almost a frown. “This is our story. There can be whatever we want.”
My fists and jaw were clenched. When it came to us, he wasn’t right. “How does that work? The in-between, I mean. We call each other on the sly, maybe meet up to fuck in secret, in a bathroom, a backroom, someplace where we are with other people so no one knows we’re together?”
The look of pain and despair he gave me was one I’d never seen.
The ache in my chest flared, but I didn’t stop. I had to put an end to this before I couldn’t. “Tell me, Logan, in this in-between, do we not only fuck each other but fuck other people too, to make the sham all the more real?”
Red seeped into his face. “Fuck you, Elle.”
His words punched the air from my lungs. I wanted to fall to my knees right there and say I was sorry, but I had to stay strong. I had to end this between us for good, because I knew he would keep going with the back and forth. “We shouldn’t be seen together. Do you want to be the first to walk out of here or should it be me?”
He pulled his bowtie loose and unbuttoned the top button but didn’t answer me.
Everything in this small space was suddenly too bright and my heart was beating way too fast. I couldn’t be near him for one more minute because I knew if I was, I was going to launch myself at him and give him what I knew he’d take. And I couldn’t do that. I was here for a reason—to spy on Michael. Find out what he was up to, if anything.
With a quick pivot on my heels, I made the decision for him and turned and started for the door.
“Elle, don’t leave things like this between us,” he pleaded.
I had to.
Nothing had changed.
A quick fuck wouldn’t make me feel any better tomorrow or change the fact that we had no future.
Realizing this, I thought I might just hate him.
But as soon as I left the room, left him, the hole in my heart told me I didn’t hate him.
Instead, it told me I would love him forever.
DAY 14
LOGAN
The pavement was wet as my feet pounded against it. I sprinted faster, arms working, fists flying up beside my body. Faster and faster I went, until my legs cramped and my stomach knotted, but that wasn’t enough to make me stop. I didn’t even falter. I just kept running.
The rain came down harder, but not hard enough to drown out the sound of her screams. They were everywhere.
I was running in the very early hours of the morning, trying to clear my head—to erase the nightmare I couldn’t seem to shake. It was so real. I had gone to her. Brought her back into my life. And then soon after she was in a dark place, alone and afraid. I saw the image of her frightened face, heard the sound of her shrilling screams, and felt her warm blood on my skin.
Running wasn’t erasing it—I could still see it.
Nothing was working.
I couldn’t shake it.
The haunting image surrounded me.
It was to my left.
To my right.
In front of me.
I just ran faster.
Miles and miles seemed to pass in mere minutes, but then my legs began to burn. I didn’t care. I kept going. The knot in my gut felt more like bricks. I didn’t care. I ran faster. But no matter how fast or how far I ran, it wasn’t going to change anything. Whether I was with her or without her, she could still be in danger, and I didn’t have a big enough army to save what my gramps would call my Helen of Troy.
Gasping for breath, I finally stopped.
Fuck, what had I done?
Was she with him?
No, I knew what she’d said last night was her way of coping with what I’d done to us. But knowing that didn’t stop the ache in my chest.
With my hands gripped around the back of my neck, I looked around, hoping to latch onto anything that would stop the constant noise in my head.
I couldn’t stand being without her.
The very early dawn created a purple haze that enveloped the surrounding area like a shroud. The sky was still dark. The air was thick and moist. And I could feel sweat running down the side of my face.
Flashing lights down at the waterfront caught my attention, and something about the situation drew me closer to the chaos.
An unwanted feeling I couldn’t shed.
Long strides brought me toward it. The closer I got, the louder the sounds became. The whoop of a chopper along the riverbank, the chatter of reporters, a Channel 7 news truck. It was utter madness for the early morning dawn.
“Stay behind the tape,” the cop said, pointing his flashlight at me.
Hey, I knew that cop.
“What’s going on?” I asked him, hoping he didn’t remember me from the night he introduced me to Blanchet, the she-devil DEA agent who coerced me into helping her bring down Patrick Flannigan.
Turned out that wasn’t all sh
e wanted. She also wanted a lead on the source of the drugs that were hitting the streets of Boston in monstrous proportions. She’d tracked Flannigan and knew he wasn’t the kingpin in Boston’s cocaine operation, but he was still vital enough to hunt down. He had his hands in many illegal things, but drugs weren’t his most lucrative venture. Numbers and prostitution were more his game. What he didn’t know was that his son had upped their involvement in the drug market, and that was why they were both behind bars right now.
Blanchet had spoken to my gramps and gotten all she needed from him. Hence, my father was still a free man. She had yet to pull him in. And my hope was she wouldn’t.
“I said, stay back.” The bite in his tone wasn’t strong enough to indicate he recognized me.
Someone behind me spoke up. “A body was found. They think it’s been in the river for a while.”
Something told me I had to edge closer. Something else told me to keep running.
I watched the cop as his rubber boots squished along the mucky riverbank and then when he was out of sight, I maneuvered myself around the mob of people to where I could better see what was going on.
My sides were cramping; my skin felt tight, my throat dry. I needed water. My vision was slightly hazy and I had to squint to see that far, and finally I did.
Oh fuck!
There it was.
A body.
A woman’s body.
My lungs were no longer burning, but still I felt myself gasping for air.
The body wasn’t just a body.
Inconspicuous in the brush, I took another step forward and heard my sneakers squish in the mud.
Fuck!
I glanced around. No one was paying any attention to me.
They were focused on the body. And now so was I. Her arms seemed bare, although her torso appeared clothed in black. Her legs were covered in what had to be streaks of mud. Her feet and legs were hidden in her leather boots. And then there was the halo of fiery red hair floating grotesquely around her limp body.