by Kim Karr
“You okay?” Phoebe asked me.
I blinked. “Yes. The coffee is really hot, so be careful. What about you? How long have you been married?”
She laughed and glanced at her protruding belly. “Less time than I’ve been pregnant. Jeremy and I met over five years ago, but we just reconnected last year. Logan actually helped us find our way back to one another.”
“Logan is a matchmaker?” I couldn’t believe it.
“No,” she admitted, “but he did take me to a launch party for Assassin’s Creed that Jeremy was attending.”
Games?
Logan?
“You’re kidding. Logan plays video games?” I laughed.
“Oh, yes. Jamie and he claim to be masters at all things video.”
Ripping open a packet of sugar, I added it to my coffee to help subdue its bitter taste. “I had no idea.”
“No idea about what?” Logan asked, sliding in beside me. I’d never seen him drink, but tonight he most certainly had indulged. Slightly drunk, he found my thighs as soon as he set his glass down and pushed them apart. His fingers were cold, and tingles traveled up to my sex and down to my toes.
“That you’re a Guitar Hero master,” Phoebe said with a laugh.
Logan rolled his eyes while at the same time, under the table, his hand snuck beneath the hem of my dress. “That was a long time ago.”
“Not that long ago,” she countered.
I shifted in my seat as fingers found the inside seam of my hose and traced up it.
Thank God Jeremy slid in next to his wife and took Phoebe’s attention off us.
“Logan,” I warned quietly through my teeth.
My warning went unheard as his hot breath blew in my ear. “What?” He chuckled.
My gaze shot across the table, trying to focus on anything but the pleasure radiating from my core.
Jeremy placed his hand on Phoebe’s cute belly and whispered something in her ear. A strange pang of envy ripped through me; not at the loving couple I was looking at but at her belly, carrying a human being.
Phoebe nodded at him and looked over to Logan. “We need to get going. We have to be back in the city early for a meeting.”
“Thank you for coming,” Logan said. There was a quick press of his thumb right to my clit and then his hand was gone. “Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes,” he ordered hot in my ear.
The words seared through me. Meet him. I didn’t think I could move. Tension had already coiled tight in my belly and the feel of his hands between my thighs was the only thing I could think about.
Jeremy had stood to help Phoebe out and Logan quickly followed.
Phoebe threw her arms around Logan as best she could with her bump and I watched as he stiffly hugged her back.
When she pulled away, she patted his chest. “Sorry.”
His friends must have known he had a hard time showing affection.
Surprising me, he put his hand on her stomach. I couldn’t hear what he said, but it ripped my heart in two. The way he looked at her stomach, I just knew he wanted to have children of his own some day.
I forced myself up on rubber-like legs as he took my hand, and together we said goodbye to most of his friends. Oddly enough, they had made me feel like I was part of the inner circle.
“Come on, man, time to toast Killian. You and me and a bottle of Jameson should just about do it,” James shouted unnecessarily to Logan since he was standing so close.
James and Lindsay had stayed behind and it was just the four of us now. They were spending the weekend in Boston.
Logan was standing across from me and he tossed me an apologetic glance. Looked like the bathroom rendezvous would have to wait. “Rain check,” he mouthed.
Butterflies took flight in my belly when I looked at him and I couldn’t help but nod. He was, as always, breathtakingly handsome. It didn’t matter that alcohol had dilated his pupils. In fact, tonight they looked wide and dark. Languid. Sexy. Maybe even luminous as they burned into me with a desire I craved. His gaze seemed to have a glow in it that was only for me. And his scrumptious hair was a beautiful mess, different shades of light and dark brown sticking up everywhere because he had been running his hands through it all day. It looked like just-fucked hair and I had yet to fuck him tonight. Free from intoxication myself, I still licked my lips at the thought of what was to come.
Seeing him, knowing what we were like together, just being with him lit me up from the inside.
“You’re a fucker,” Logan laughed and pointed to James.
I was glad to see the upbeat effect his friend had on him, even though their maturity was lacking. It was obvious their boyhood friendship was emerging the more alcohol they both consumed. It was okay, though. Logan needed this.
James drank from his beer bottle and then looked at me. “You’d better keep him in line, Elle. Whips and chains if need be.”
I hadn’t heard the conversation but answered him nonetheless. “Bondage? I’m not certain he’d be willing to give up control.”
James looked at Logan. “Hey buddy, that would mean you gave a shit enough to take control.” James laughed. “I’m proud of you.”
“Cold, man. Cold.” Logan drained his drink.
Insults flew back and forth. One worse than the other, and each time they both laughed.
More than five minutes later, James slung his arm around his wife, kissed her sloppily on the lips, and then patted her ass, whispering something to her that I knew had to be sexual in nature.
She smiled at him submissively, and the term alpha male came to mind. I remembered calling Logan that when we first met. Made me wonder—was he one? James was for certain. I’d spent enough time with him to know this and I didn’t have a doubt that Lindsay knew it too. Not that I was judging their relationship. They seemed very happy.
James then clapped Logan on the shoulder. “Come on, you fucker, time to hit the bottle.”
Logan glanced at me.
“Oh man, don’t be a pansy-ass.”
Logan threw James the finger.
James shoved Logan’s hand playfully out of his face and said, “I prefer the real thing.”
Lindsay laughed at them both. She’d seen this behavior before; I could tell when she threw me a just wait and see what’s to come look.
I laughed too. Really, these two men were just too adorable together.
In the midst of the antics, Lindsay turned to James. “Mind if I get some air? It’s a bit stuffy in here.”
He nodded at her. “Only if Elle agrees to go with you,” he said, and then looked toward me. He was charming in a caveman sort of way. It seemed to suit him.
Lindsay was right, though. The room was smoky. Earlier, a few older men had been puffing on cigars and the air smelled stale. I didn’t seek Logan’s approval when I said to Lindsay, “Come on, what do you say we go for a walk?”
Her smile beamed. I could see why she was a Victoria’s Secret model. Besides being tall and thin, she had a quality about her that radiated beauty. Oddly, I wondered how many women like her Logan had fucked. Dozens was my guess, since James and he appeared to have many similar qualities and had traveled in the same circle for many years. I hated the insecurity being around his friends had drawn out in me. It wasn’t like me at all, but then again, it had been only the two of us in our own private bubble since we met, and this was more realistic. A shroud of guilt began to consume me for my dark thoughts.
A hand wrapped around my waist and a hard body pressed against mine. “Did you forget something?” His breath tickled my neck.
I leaned back and played along. “I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure?” His voice dipped, low, husky.
“Oh, right, I probably should leave a tip on the table,” I joked.
“No. Not that.”
I tipped my head back even farther. “Help a girl out and tell me.”
He spun me around.
That grin. The look. Heat. God, I loved hi
m, every piece of him. Happy or sad. Right or wrong. Dressed or naked. Sober or drunk.
“I can do better than that,” he growled, and then his lush lips were on mine, parting, demanding, seeking.
Breathless, I pulled away. “Oh, if you wanted a kiss goodbye, all you had to do was ask,” I said with a wink.
In the midst of all the sadness surrounding him, he gave me a heart-stopping smile that I would remember forever. “I shouldn’t have to ask,” he teased.
On my toes, I gave my own alpha male another kiss, not like his but memorable nonetheless. Wet. Wild. With a little bit of tongue. “Was that better?”
“That’s enough, Romeo.” James’s big hand was on Logan’s shoulder, yanking him back. “It’s my turn.”
He pretended to go in for a full-on mouth kiss, but Logan shoved him away before he got too close.
Laughing, Lindsay and I left the pub.
Being free of Miles felt good. I appreciated the protection he had provided for me but was more than thankful when Logan called it off. After everything, Logan knew the one thing Tommy hadn’t lied about was leaving me alone.
Also, I hadn’t received any more blocked calls or messages, for which I was also thankful.
Outdoors, it was still light. Although inside it seemed like midnight, it was actually only six o’clock. Since Michael’s office closed early on Fridays, I was confident that even though it was right around the corner, he would have left already. Still, to be safe, I took Lindsay down the side streets.
We walked down one and up another, passing store after store. Soon, the light started to drain from the sky. “We should probably head back,” I suggested.
It was then that she spotted a stationery store called Love Notes and clapped her hands together. “Oh, let’s go in.”
I shrugged. “Sure, why not.”
Myself, I’d never been into cards. Then again, I’d never had anyone to give one to.
Inside she found the section she was looking for immediately. It was in the back and designated by a sign that read naughty.
“Porn cards.” I had to laugh.
“Erotic cards,” she corrected. “Haven’t you ever given one to Logan? I give them to James all the time.”
Rather shocked such a section even existed, I shook my head. “No, I haven’t.” Surprised she gave them to her husband, I had to ask, “How long have you and James been married?” Logan hadn’t spoken of his friends much, so I knew little about them.
She laughed. “Not long. The same amount of time we’ve known each other.”
Eyes wide, my mouth dropped open.
She glanced at me. “We got married the night we met, or maybe it was the next day.”
Perplexed, I had to ask, “How does something like that happen?”
With a head shake she answered, “It was a Friday night and I was out with my friends. Next thing I know I’m on a private jet headed to Vegas with about twenty people, and then I’m in a chapel saying ‘I do.’ Sounds crazy, but it was love at first sight and we both knew it, so since we were in Vegas, we decided to do the deed.”
“Sounds almost like a fairy tale.”
She gushed, “He is my Prince Charming.”
My eyes wandered the section in front of us. There was a card with two cherries and a tongue between them, one with a woman stepping on a man’s ass in high heels, and another with a woman in a garter belt sitting forward on a man’s knees while he had his hand inside her panties.
Lindsay browsed for a few moments and then she picked one up. On the front was a picture of a woman bent over a man’s lap, his hand on her bare ass. The card read, “I’ve been naughty. Punish me.” She handed it to me. “Do something bad and then give this to Logan. I guarantee you’ll like the results.”
I didn’t take it. “Oh, Logan and I don’t have that type of relationship.”
She shoved it toward me this time. “Trust me, Elle, all men like a woman to be submissive once in a while. I doubt Logan is any different.”
I took the card and stared at it.
Did I want him to spank me?
Did he want to?
I remembered what he’d said to me the first day we’d met with a gleam in his eyes when we talked about the sex toys I was selling, “My friends from New York would love these,” or something like that.
She picked up another card, this one of a woman’s arms and legs bound to a bed frame and a man’s head between her legs.
My face must have registered my unease. Too many ghosts from the past.
She looked at me and simply said, “The best orgasms come when you give up control. I was never submissive with a man until James.”
Inserting my card back into its sleeve, I was interested as to what changed her. “What made you decide to be submissive with him, then?”
She set her card down and picked up another. “It’s what makes us work. It was what I needed and what he needed. I had a mother whom I always had to take care of and my entire childhood and teen years were full of decisions she should have made for me, but instead I was the one making them for her. James, on the other hand, had a very controlling mother and I think because of that, he needs to feel in control himself. It just happened naturally between us.”
“And you’re happy?”
“More happy than I’ve ever been in my life. I like that someone else makes the decisions for me. With the hecticness of my job, it’s so much less stressful for me. I ask permission and he decides if I should receive it. I need something and he takes care of it. Sometimes, I let him bind me and he gives me earth-shattering sex. And once in a while, I misbehave just so he can punish me.”
Her honesty didn’t shock me but it did surprise me. I was glad she felt comfortable enough around me to admit her feelings. Before I could say anything, her phone started to ring.
“Here, hold this,” she said, and handed me the card she had just picked up so she could dig in her purse. On the front was a picture of man holding his erection, and the caption read, “Talk dirty to me, baby. I need to get off.”
I stared at it and an unwanted memory flashed before me.
The surgery had been arranged.
My sister had reluctantly agreed to donate one of her kidneys to my mother. They were a perfect match. I was a match, but not as well matched as my sister.
Both my sister and mother were to arrive at the hospital early in the morning. It was the night before and I was sitting at the kitchen table, doing my homework. My mother was sitting beside me, watching me. She was weak, feeble, but optimistic she would get better.
My sister was supposed to have come home for dinner but never did.
It was just after ten when the door opened. Boots clunked inside and my heart fell. It wasn’t my sister.
My mother scurried from her chair to get my father’s dinner.
“I’ll get it, Mom. You sit down.”
She smiled at me. She had allowed me to do more and more for her over the past year. Grocery shopping, dinner, dishes, cleaning. All of her duties that my father expected but she had a hard time keeping up with.
He came into the room and set his gun on the counter before he looked around.
“Where’s Elizabeth?”
“She’s not home yet,” I answered quickly.
Anger flared in his eyes. He turned around and went back toward the door. I heard him lock it and latch the chain. Lizzy would have to call and apologize before he’d let her in. I hated nights like this.
His steps were louder this time as he came back into the kitchen. “What are you still doing up, Gabrielle?” he asked, his tone stern.
“I had to finish my homework, sir,” I answered, as I removed the foil from his carefully covered plate.
“Leave it. I already ate. I need to talk to your mother. Go on to bed.”
I couldn’t tell if he’d been drinking.
My eyes shot to my mother.
She nodded.
With that, I covered the plate and pu
t it back in the refrigerator before I went to my room.
When he locked my door, it was a surprise. It had been a while since he’d done that.
“Susan,” he called.
Her steps were feeble as she came down the hall.
“I’m going to take a shower and then I want to talk to you.”
Doors opened. Closed. And then silence.
I lay on my bed, squeezing my eyes shut, hoping, praying, he was going to leave her alone tonight. All I heard was silence. I must have fallen asleep because I awoke to that god-awful thudding of the headboard more than an hour later.
“Talk to me, Susan. Tell me you like what you see.”
If my mother was responding, I couldn’t hear her.
“That’s it. Keep talking. Tell me you like to see my hands on my own cock. Tell me it turns you on. Gets you wet.”
Again, if my mother was talking, I couldn’t hear her.
“That’s it, baby. I’m so close. Tell me to move my hands faster. Fuck myself harder. Talk dirty to me, baby.”
At fifteen, I was so much more aware of things than I had been years ago. I knew he was jerking off in front of her. And sadly, I was just thankful he wasn’t making her have sex with him.
The phone started to ring.
“Ignore it. She’ll call back. Keep talking to me, baby. I need this. I need this from you.”
The phone kept ringing.
His moans told me he was starting to climax even through the incessant ringing.
Soon, though, all was quiet. Even him.
I had fallen back asleep.
The phone started to ring again and woke me. This time when I looked at the time it was close to three A.M.
“Yeah,” he barked into the phone.
Silence.
“Fuck. I’ll be right there.”
My eyes flashed to the card again. Maybe it was because my sister’s death was still fresh in my mind that I had to fight back the urge to cry. My family was such a fucked-up thing. And my daddy issues would never allow for me to be submissive with any man.
“Yes, baby, I understand. Sure. I can do that. Have fun,” Lindsay said.
Her words drew my attention.
Silence.