by Andrea Ring
“I am destroyer,” Shiva says. “I would revel in such a struggle.”
“You are also builder,” I say. “Be King Builder this day, I ask you. I am your most faithful servant.”
I bow low to the ground, and Shiva sighs loudly.
“Damn it, Kai, I don’t have time for this shit.”
I laugh, straighten up, and put a hand on his shoulder. “I know. Did I take you away from Lili again? I’m sorry.”
Shiva grins. “She’ll wait. She always does. So you need a wife? I thought you had to marry in your twenty-fifth cycle.”
“I’m in my twenty-fifth cycle,” I remind him.
“Shit. I thought you were twelve.”
“We went drinking and wenching a cycle ago!” I say. “How could you think I was twelve?”
Shiva shrugs with a smile. “So I haven’t been keeping track. Why didn’t you talk to me about this then?”
“I thought I had enough time,” I say, “and I’ve been trying to summon you for several moons. My father has gone completely crazy. He expects me to choose a bride from the peasant village! He’s closed the ports to all visitors, including my prospective noble brides, because he says you told him an assassin will arrive this cycle.”
“Hmm,” he says, thoughtfully tapping his chin. “That sounds familiar.”
“Shiva,” I say.
He laughs. “Fine. Yes, an assassin will arrive by boat this cycle. Your father will die. There’s nothing that can prevent it.”
My knees give out, and I slide to the floor. “My father is going to die?”
Shiva nods. “They want the throne, Kai. They’ll try for you, too.”
I look up at him through my tears. “Will they get me?”
“Not if you’re married. The attempt will be thwarted.”
“How?” I demand.
“Your bride will take the poison meant for you.”
I shake my head. “Impossible. I have to lose my father, and then I have to decide whether to die myself or sacrifice the woman I pledge my love and protection to? That is not a choice! It is hell!”
“You summoned me and asked for answers,” Shiva says. “I’m giving them to you.”
“You’re giving me nothing!” I shout. “Give me something! Tell me what I can do to get out of this predicament!”
Shiva lowers himself to the floor beside me and picks his teeth. “You could marry a girl who’s sick, who’s going to die anyway. Or you could pick a girl who’s evil, who deserves to die.”
I shudder thinking about tying myself, however briefly, to either one of those.
“Or you could marry someone who is willing to sacrifice herself, one who wants to do her duty for the kingdom of Jatani.”
“I don’t think those kinds of women exist,” I say. “Maybe in Indrapur, maybe there are two or three who understand the implications, but I cannot pick someone from Indrapur. All I’ve got is the lowly peasant village of Dabani…wait. The Protector is there! Maja the Protector. Surely he can assist us.”
“He guards the pass, Kai,” Shiva says. “His role is to protect Dabani in a land attack. He cannot interfere in politics.”
“Then I’m done for,” I say, hanging my head. “You finally get to destroy both me and Jatani, Shiva.”
Shiva sighs again, and for a fleeting moment, I get the impression that maybe he doesn’t crave my destruction.
“I can point you to a girl, one from Dabani, who has the biggest heart and the greatest courage for this task. She will not be what you want, nor what you expect, but she will be your savior if you play it right.”
My eyes widen. “Of course, yes, whatever is needful, I will do. But she…she is one who will sacrifice herself?”
Shiva nods. “But only for love. While she understands her duty to her kingdom, she won’t marry you just to go to her death. She must love you if she is going to die for you.”
I nod. I don’t like it, but this girl may be the only way to both save myself and prevent a civil war. “Is she in the barracks they built?” I ask. “What’s her name?”
“Her name is Nilaruna Nandal,” he says, and I turn her name over in my mind. Nilaruna. “I destroyed her and remade her, so I know she has been forged in the hottest fires, tested beyond the limits of most mortal beings.”
I rise. “And she’s in the barracks? I will go find her now.”
Shiva shakes his head. “She is not in the barracks. She chose to volunteer to be the new Go-Between.”
I put my hands on my hips. “But all eligible maidens were ordered to the barracks.”
He shrugs.
“Fine. I will pack a bag immediately, but…tell me…how long does my father have?”
“I can only tell you that your father will die before this cycle ends.”
I nod and turn to leave, but Shiva calls me back.
“Kai. There is one more thing. You must hurry. Nilaruna is planning to be married in less than a fortnight.”
III. MAJA
Nili stares up at me, awe and fear in her eyes.
“What do you think?” I ask her.
She gulps. “You’re a dragon?”
I incline my head to her.
“Dragons have been extinct for two hundred cycles.”
“A few still exist,” I say, “in these very mountains, but they’re extremely shy. And I am not a natural dragon — I was born a man, remember? This is the form the gods forced on me.”
Nili climbs to her feet and stares up at me. There is no self-consciousness about her, even though she’s completely naked. And the view is so inspiring, I’m not about to remind her.
She takes a few tentative steps toward me and stretches out a hand. “May I?”
“Please,” I say.
She rubs her hand down the length of my left leg. I barely feel the touch — my dragon skin is hardened leather, callused from flight and impervious to windburn and the occasional tree branch I snag when I’m landing. I close my eyes and fight to feel her skin against mine.
“You’re skin is like my scars,” she says. “Rough and plated. It’s as if we both have built-in armor.”
I nod.
“You’re beautiful,” she says, smiling up at me.
I settle down on my haunches. “Come. Snuggle up against me. You must be cold.”
Nili looks down at her body and laughs nervously. She covers herself with her hands. “Oh Maja, I’m naked! And you’re not!”
“Technically I am,” I say. “I like you naked.”
She laughs again. “You might, but I’m a little uncomfortable.”
I wave my hand and conjure clothing for her. She sighs in relief.
Then she nestles into my legs and rests her head against my cheek. “So you want to marry me, huh?” she says.
The thought sets me afire. I blow out a breath, and smoke curls from my nostrils. “I would care for you, Nili. I would protect you and love you and cherish you as the precious gift you are.”
Nili shakes her head. “I never thought I’d hear those words. I never thought I’d be close to a man. Half of me longs to throw myself into your abyss and lose myself. How easy it would be! But what about the rest?”
“You mean Larraj?”
“I don’t care about Larraj’s feelings, but what of my parents? If they entered into a marriage agreement with High Priest Sanji, what happens if I don’t fulfill it?”
“According to the law,” I say, “your parents would have to pay a penalty for Larraj’s time and trouble. I don’t see how Larraj or the high priest has suffered any damages, though. Larraj is too young to marry, so it’s not as though he’s missed out on other offers since the agreement was made. Your father will probably have to make an offering to the temple. That seems most reasonable.”
Nili remains silent. I nuzzle her cheek with mine.
“If your parents cannot afford the penalty, whatever it is, I will pay it.”
“It’s not that,” she says. Then she pulls back to look me in th
e eye. “Two things. One, someone is trying to kill you, and they’re killing all your Go-Betweens, and we can’t ignore that. They’re probably trying to get you out of the way so they can attack Indrapur. We might be facing a war.”
I know my duties should be foremost in my mind, but I can’t focus on anything except the tiny creature cuddled up next to me. “What’s the second thing?”
“I have a duty also to my family. If they are going to face consequences for my choices, I have to at least prepare them. Maja, I have to go home.”
“No! No, Nili. If you walk out of this cave, you might never return! I won’t risk you.”
“It’s not your choice,” Nili says. “We know the dangers. I can keep an eye out. Most people believe that since I am scarred, I am also simple. I can use that to my advantage.”
“No. I’ll just keep you here, in my thrall. I won’t let you go.”
Nili stands and glares at me. “If you love me, you won’t hold me here.”
I sigh and bow my head. She’s right, but I won’t admit it out loud.
“Maja, we’ll never be safe if I stay here. We’ll never figure out what’s going on. One of us needs to go to Dabani and start poking around. Obviously, it has to be me.”
I don’t say anything.
Nili crouches down in front of me. “Tell me more about the spell you’re under. What circumstances allow you to enter the village?”
“The spell that binds me here breaks if anyone enters or exits the Northern Pass. That’s it. It is designed to protect Dabani from a land invasion. I doubt if the castle in Indrapur itself were attacked that I’d be able to provide assistance.”
Anger crosses her face. “So for your good deeds, you’ve been sentenced to this life in a cave, with no companionship, no family, no way of ending this exile?”
There is a way, but meeting Nili has changed everything. Perhaps I do not want out.
But I appreciate the anger on my behalf. “You’ve changed my fate, Nili. I hope you see that. The gods have given me a gift. They’ve given me you.”
***
We spend two days arguing, but there is no give in Nilaruna. She’s determined to return to the village, and I realize I must prepare her the best I can.
“Try again.”
Nili wrinkles her nose, takes a deep breath, and flicks her wrist at the feather I conjured. It twitches, but it does not fly.
“This is a waste of time,” Nili says. “I’ve never had one inkling that I’m able to do magic. It just feels wrong.”
I raise an eyebrow at her. “It feels wrong? You’ve never said that before.”
“I didn’t know I was supposed to,” she snaps.
“Nili, magic is, in great part, a feeling. Emotions can fuel it or hinder it. If it feels wrong, it is. Your talents must lie elsewhere.”
“But where?” she says, exasperated.
“Have you ever had a good feeling? Something you thought or did that just felt right? Completely natural?”
“Playing the flute,” she says. “I could play any tune I heard, and I remembered tunes easily.”
“Okay,” I say. “That could be music, or it could be magic with your hearing. Do either of those things sound right?”
Nili smiles. “Sound. Ha. Actually…I’ve always felt I could tell when people are lying. When we met, and you told me you didn’t harm Nishta, I felt like you were telling the truth.”
“My eyes used to be blue.”
“No, they weren’t. You’re lying.”
I laugh. “You’re right. My eyes were brown.”
“Nope,” she says.
“My eyes were green, like yours.”
Nili stares at me. “Show me.”
I change my eyes to their original color. “Perfect,” she says, laying a kiss on my leathery cheek.
Damn the gods, I hate being a dragon.
We continue to practice with Nili’s hearing.
She can detect lies, which will be extremely useful.
She can remember entire conversations and minute details, as long as she is paying attention when she hears them.
She can distinguish sounds that occur at the same time, even when one is obscured by the other.
And one week to the day we met, Nili prepares to walk back to the village of Dabani.
***
“I love you,” she says, wrapping her arms around my man form and hugging tight. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Be safe. Take no chances. Come back to me.”
“I will.”
We kiss.
I try to hold it in my mind, this kiss, the feel of Nilaruna in my arms, the absolute joy and despair I feel all at once. I am supposed to be Protector, and I cannot even protect the woman I love.
I watch her walk down the stone tunnel.
I have not cried for myself in three hundred cycles.
But a tear silently glides down my cheek.
IV. THE KING
“I’m not going to die!” I bellow. “I’ve closed the ports!”
“Shiva says that they will find a way to get to you, no matter what you do. I’m sorry, Father.”
I sit on the edge of my bed and clench my fists. I’ve always prided myself on my dignity, and I won’t lose control now.
Kai sits beside me and throws his arms around me. We hold tight.
“So.” I pull away and school my face. “Did Shiva say when?”
“Before this cycle ends.”
“Did he say who is plotting against us?”
“No.”
“Then what the hell did he say?”
“That the assassins will kill me, too, unless I’m married. Apparently, my bride will die instead of me.”
“And I’ve closed the ports…oh, Kai. You must get to those barracks and choose a bride immediately.”
Kai nods. “I have a bride in mind, one who will align herself with the crown. My bags are packed. Actually, they were packed yesterday, but I haven’t been able to get you alone. And I wanted to say goodbye to Mother.”
I squeeze my eyes shut tight. He wants to see his mother.
“Go find your bride, and I’ll start planning the wedding. You can see your mother when you return.”
“I may not return,” Kai says, and my pulse jumps. “I hope to, I plan to, but what if the assassin catches me on the trail? This might be my last chance. Please.”
I sigh.
Kai’s right. This may be his only chance, and I’m only King. I am not one of the gods, dictating the lives of royalty. I am Father, but would Kai hate me if I refused his request? I might die while he’s away. I could not bear his hatred in the afterlife.
I stand. “Fine. Follow me.”
***
When I met Silvia, I was a pompous ass of eighteen cycles.
Marriage and the taking of the crown didn’t change that.
Becoming a father didn’t change that.
When I lost Silvia, I was a pompous ass of thirty-five cycles.
But I evolved.
A person doesn’t know his true measure, his heart, his mettle, his self, until he is tested.
My life was one big “bow-down-to-me” fest until that horrific day.
I had power. And I wielded it. I tried to be fair, but when you’re sitting on high, your view is different from that of those below you.
I had power.
Until that day.
Silvia rode her horse through the woods every morning. She knew her animal, she knew the land. She was more at home in the saddle than on her throne.
We still don’t know what happened. She rode ahead of her companions, just out of sight, but she always liked to give her horse a little head and let him stretch himself. No one worried. Same thing, each day.
But not that day.
They found her unconscious on the side of the trail, thrown from her horse, her forehead bloody from where it connected with a large rock.
She came to later that afternoon, and I still didn’t ge
t it. It was a little fall, a bump on the head. I had state business to take care of, a mistress to appease, coffers to fill. My wife would be fine.
I visited her for the first time two days after the accident. Our healer tried to prepare me, but I remember laughing in his face. My wife can’t speak? Ridiculous. She cannot walk? Make her.
Silvia was sitting up in bed that morning, a smile across her lips. I remember — I smiled back.
“Dear Silvia, how are you feeling? Quite a scare you gave us.”
She didn’t move. The smile was frozen on her face. I remember a chill creeping ever so slowly down my spine.
“Silvia? I said, how are you feeling?”
A thin line of drool oozed from the left side of her mouth.
I gagged, and I turned and walked out of the room.
I didn’t return for twenty-seven days.
Kai was never allowed into that room. For him, his mother was dead.
***
I didn’t need to explain any of this to my son. We’d had numerous talks about it as he’d grown older, and he’d never pushed the subject of seeing her. I think it was easier, for him, to put her out of his mind.
Or maybe that’s the excuse I tell myself for making the decisions I’ve made.
I knock lightly on the door and clear my throat. I lift the latch and will myself to not shed a tear.
“Wait,” Kai says. “Father.”
I turn to him.
“I’d like to do this alone, if that’s alright with you.”
I feel a relief so huge that I almost forget about my imminent death. Even though I spend two hours a day with Silvia, seeing her with Kai is an entirely different proposition.
“Whatever you need, Son,” I say. I step back and let him move to the door.
“Father?”
“Yes?”
“I’ve always hated you for keeping her from me. And I’ve always loved you for it.”
Damn it all, that does it. That gets the tears flowing. I nod once and hurry back to my chambers so that Kai doesn’t see me cry.
That wouldn’t do.