“And if I do not?” she asked. At that time, so soon after her Rite, her body, soul, and desires had wracked her between desire and terror. Her voice had shaken.
“There is always the priesthood. You would make a grand priestess,” Niss said cradling her tightly.
Standing now with Blaze, she tried to focus on this. His hand on her shoulder turned her stomach to butterflies, and his scent so close in this intimate place, she could almost taste his lips…
“I will show you.” Blaze’s voice so strong and serene uplifted her and she would do anything for him. She nodded.
He turned her back towards Calvin and leaned forward so that his mouth was next to her ear. His face just barely touching her own and those butterflies made her clench her legs and stomach to avoid falling over. Her passion must be apparent to him and part of her cared and another part did not. “See the River,” he whispered and her passion spiked dropping her to her knees in the path.
The world before her eyes charred to ash and blew out before her eyes. When the transformed view reached Calvin, the ash blew into a current of flowing embers and then liquid flame. He fought his match in exquisite detail and color and sound and smell. It all assaulted her in this place and she remembered her teachings. Trying to focus on Calvin and tune the rest out was difficult. To her surprise, the disfigured woman fighting Calvin looked radiant and glorious and awesomely beautiful. It took her breath away. To her side, a god of fire and desire held her still and pointed. “See how he drowns, but his partner – she aches for life. He dies. She will live forever.”
She looked at her own hand and saw how it scattered tiny burning sparks and occasionally pieces of her scalded and burned away. She gasped and Blaze took her hand. In his pure being of red energy, her hand looked like pale garbage and she trembled seeing how insignificant…
“You are not insignificant to me, to my father, or to the Goddess. Your worship is seductive and amazing. Like that woman’s,” he pointed to Ayden. “Your friend though, Calvin? I see only relief that he is no longer held to the knight’s standard. He lacks faith. Lacking faith, there is nothing to hold the River at bay, and he is murdered each second. For his lack of faith.”
Did this god say my worship is seductive?, but even as she thought it, Blaze turned her face and kissed her farewell.
Air rushed into her lungs making them ache and she caught herself holding her breath. She knelt alone, shaking with longing. Her lips tingled with heat. Down below, Calvin and Ayden walked away for a break. She touched her shoulder feeling the warmth of the dragon’s touch. Her lips reached for the sensation of Blaze’s kiss. She remained alone but felt alive, her heart pounding.
She floated away from the sparring arena and rejoined her troupe later that night high on the mountain looking down on the Fort. To her, it seemed as if she had teleported from the field to the bonfire. Dar Niss came forward and greeted her, and then caught her hand and pulled her away from the fire.
“What’s going on?” Seline asked. Her voice sounded drunk and slightly hoarse.
“You are in no state to rejoin the group. I see our lord has spent some time with you? Yes, come with me.” She led Seline around the camp’s perimeter to her personal tent. Her guard held open the entry and the two of them walked in, Seline stumbling and giggling a bit.
Dar Niss led her to her sleeping area. When Seline began giggling even more, Niss sighed and pulled her down. “Here, lay down, relax. I want you to open yourself up to me and trust me.”
“Ooo,” Seline cooed. “That sounds nice and perfect.” She stretched back arcing her back seductively.
Niss prayed to the Goddess and with a soft touch, pushed Seline into a deep sleep. The young paladin dropped backwards, a soft smile on her lips. Niss pulled a lamp over and noted that the girl’s lips had changed color; they glowed with soft red fire. She mumbled gently in her sleep. When Niss blew out the lamp, in the darkness, she could still see the ember fire dancing on her mouth.
“The girl is asleep. No one is to enter. If she awakens, call for me no matter what. Do not let her leave my tent,” Niss explained in whispers to the guard.
Seline suffered exquisitely in her dreams. When she finally opened her eyes, she could not remember where or why or how she had come to this place. A pitcher of water by her side almost proved too difficult for her to drink from and she fell back. The blankets around smelled of arousal and felt soaking wet from her fevered dreams. She wiped hair stuck to her face from her eyes and tried to sit up. Her lips still burned. She tried to stand up but fell over and knocked the small tray of water and snacks to the hard ground.
Minutes later her mentor entered the tent. “Why am I like this?” Seline mumbled.
“Our lord Blaze had some fun with you. He does this to test the resolve of all new members, often at a time when you’re distracted or not expecting it.” Niss helped Seline stand and sit down on a chair. “Men experience this differently. Think of it as the opposite of dragonterror. Men experience a type of combat euphoria and invulnerability. Women, well," Niss smiled remembering it, “we experience a level of passionate abandon.” She took a wet towel and wiped Seline’s face. “The test is to endure. I apologize for tricking you into sleep. You’ve been asleep for almost three days.”
“Three days! That’s…”
“Exactly what happens when you step out of the River the first time. Or are tested by Dar Blaze. Actually, any of the red dragons. Why I have heard rumors about the high priestesses when they were tested by the emperor. It's scandalous.”
“I saw a torrent of energy and fire… I saw myself disintegrating. Calvin, he was.”
“Pale and empty. Yes Seline. When he entered the Temple, he bore a token identifying him to the Shields. Even his mentor saw that he lacked a certain level of conviction. But because of the token, he was given a chance. The girl he sparred with, she has hope to enter the Temple. Her officer training will determine whether she has the required understanding and insight to serve as a battle priest, healer, maybe even a proctor.”
“Mistress, may I ask – why is he so dim? I thought all of us are consecrated to the Goddess.”
“Consecration is different than having active faith. Even though that one has walked with the king, spoken with Dar Shara, danced with dread lords, and been friends to a child of destiny, he takes it for granted. There are worshipful acts but when done with no regard for the doctrines of the Queen? Even if he has ability, there is no desire to elevate the Queen, only to serve. And he expects to be rewarded. Though the Queen rewards us many times over, She finds the expectation insulting. It makes him less desirable to the Queen, but the dragon emperor saw and noted this millenia ago. Even the weakest tool is still a tool for the building of the Queen’s throne. Your friend Calvin, unless something in him changes, will live and die. Sure, he may find glory after a measure but it will be pale by comparison to if he held firmly to faith and fire.”
Seline started to feel better and asked, “Is the River, was it the red energy I saw washing over him, over us? Is it here in this room? I remember studying and reading about it but nothing prepared me for it. I saw the river once in the Dutchy, but it felt like a dream. My parents told me it was a dream.”
Niss pulled over a chair and poured herself a drink. “The River is central to the Queen’s teachings. She exists, and we exist because of the River. Simply put, the River is Time. While we are in this world, in this place, it washes over us. Some it drowns and they die of illness, old age, or accidents. Others see glimpses of it and learn how to shape it, becoming magic users. We in the Temple are given divine insight into how the River can flow at the Queen’s command and similar to but different from magic users.”
“Lord Blaze is different though. All of the dragons are.”
“Yes Seline. They are. The eldar, those like the dragon emperor and the gods who existed before the River, are different. Their children are different. So are the undead, elves, and those not as strongly touched by
time. You have much to learn but eventually you’ll start to see these things for yourself.”
“Blaze is, amazing. Dar Niss, I wanted to give myself to him. To be his. Forever. If I think about it too much.” She shuddered. “Tell me more. I can’t think about it or I feel I will explode.”
Niss smiled and squeezed her hand. “Very well, lets go for a walk.” They exited the tent and her guard fell in behind her. “The Queen is an order of god just below what we call the Prime Aspect. The Prime Aspect is the creative and destructive powers that existed in the time of eldar and used to be one and the same thing. Their separation created the space in which the eldar formed. It is prophesied that someday, these forces will recombine and destroy everything. Though not a god, we recognize it as a power beyond anything we can understand. From this power, magic, the divine, and the inexplicable things of the universe come.
“Into that the eldar formed themselves from the pure stuff of chaos. Each gravitating to its interests. Each a magical and wonderful creature that lived and breathed chaos. The Queen is one of these, timeless and perfect. She saw the River begin flowing and took steps to protect Her children. There are other gods like Her, each within their area of interest – we call it a dominion. The Queen’s dominion comes from an enjoyment of chaos in all its forms that then led to the colored dragons pledging themselves to Her. You have a question?”
“Two actually. Why are the guards with us and what does dominion have to do with the River?”
Niss put her arm around her shoulders and said, “The guards are here so that the men do not take advantage of your current condition. I don’t know if you have noticed but you are having quite an effect on those around you.” Seline blushed and looked down when she saw that any male with line of sight to her was staring at her like she was the most desirable woman they had ever seen. “To the other question, the River and dominion are closely linked. The River flows always from creation to destruction. Its course washes through and over and within everything in all of creation. As it flows through a dominion, the god of that dominion becomes stronger. Yes child?”
“What happens? I mean, I feel this excitement this urge to….”
“Lady Seline, you are sworn to the Temple. Unless released from that oath, if you did, you would be removed from the Order of Fire. Unless you atoned, and that is very hard to do as a novice, you’d never be allowed re-entry to any Order. Put it out of your mind.”
“So, I can never,” she started to ask but Niss cut her off.
“No, never. Not unless you want to leave the Order.” She stopped and signaled her guards to back off. “Look Seline, Dar Kell and the king Dar Rojo have done much to change the Queen’s religion to be more fair. But, one thing that never changes is that this is the worship of the Goddess. The Goddess chooses the time, the when, the who, and the dragons obey. So too do her worshippers. The priestesses choose the time, the when and the who and the worshippers obey. Even Dar Kell obeys this, now and after extensive atonement. You, as a paladin, as a woman, are in a difficult position. But, you knew this joining. Put it out of your head. Find something else.”
Seline laughed, but it sounded lonely and cruel even to her as she attempted to make light of it. “So the male paladins, they can be chosen by a priestess. Can a male priest choose me?”
They resumed walking and Niss said, “The male priests do not choose, they are chosen as well child. Like I said, find something else.”
“Like what? What do the others do?”
“Seline, there are not many female paladins. In an empire ruled by dragons, the talented, the beautiful, the skilled females, we are treasures. It is rare to find a gem like you applying for the knighthood. I’d suggest running, martial training, and weapon mastery. Anything physically intense and exhausting. The urge will fade and you suffer more now because of Dar Blaze. Remember, the thing that makes you most beautiful to them is your commitment to not becoming their slaves. They want our worship, not our subservience.”
“Not many females you said. How many are we?” Niss started to explain and answer but in a moment of clarity, Seline blurted out, “You used to be a knight! Oh no, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud!”
Niss began laughing, for real this time. “Indeed Seline, I was. And Blaze overpowered me. I had a good mentor. A man. He passed away years ago. He tried to help me and how it tormented us both. I still love him. I loved him every day. Resisting me, helping me, he fell in love with me too. He sought distraction in Bloodstone and after several tours there, he retired. I left the Order for the priesthood, to be with him. So, you see, it isn’t all bad.”
“But you have regrets. I can see it. So that is why you helped me, put me to sleep?”
“Yes, I regret that I never stood as a holy knight in Bloodstone. Though I have stood there as a priestess, and though my children have fought there as paladins, I regret missing that experience. And since he passed away, I wonder if my weakness did not somehow pull both of us out of the Order.”
“Back in the Dutchy, there was a boy. We fell in love. Well, I think it was love. He had a perfect face and made me laugh. He told me he would search the whole world over to find me a perfect gift, and when my sixteenth birthday arrived and it was made known I would try for the knighthood, he brought me his perfect gift. It was a flower, potted in soil, from a field where we used to play as children. My head was so full of dreams of glory that I mocked him for his perfect gift. I can still see his hurt in his eyes. But he bowed and gave it to me. I never saw him again. He avoided the farewell and send off parties my father threw.” Seline sighed. “I regret how I treated him.”
Niss nodded. “A gift of wealth or a purchased gift, even if sincere, is still a token expression of that wealth no matter how well-intentioned it might have been. You could always leave the Order, become a priestess, or join your friend Calvin as an officer, and return to your perfect boy,” she suggested.
“I will write him a letter Niss. When he gave me the flower all I could see was a pathetic attempt to squash my dreams of becoming a knight. Now, I see what he saw. The flowers I used to play with and say that he loved me, he loved me not. When I was with Blaze, it felt similar but more glorious. In the fire, all I wondered was whether the dread lord could ever love me. In my armor, surrounded by my father’s retainers, dressed like a knight, I must have seemed dreadful to him and I regret leaving him unanswered. Yes, I will write a letter.”
They walked in silence for some time, the clanking armor of the guards and the sound of the high valley wind pacing along with them. Finally, they came to the top of a hill and Niss pointed, “Look, from here we have a clear view of the dragon emperor’s throne. Look there. I want you to remember this feeling you have, this razor edge of self-control on one hand, and an utter surrender to meaningless passion on the other. Remember that this is the true nature of dragons, especially fire breathers. Someday, you’ll meet the dragon emperor. What you experienced with Blaze will be a thousand times more powerful with the father. Unlike Blaze, the emperor is an eldar. He swore fealty to the Goddess and accepts the title of “son” but he is so close to being a god that you may as well consider him one. If the Goddess is a step below the Prime Aspect, then consider that the dragon emperor is too, except but for one thing. For the Goddess’ glory, he CHOSE to be part of HER dominion. As strong as he is now, he gave up a lot for Her. I like to think he did it for love. Can you imagine even asking him this?”
From their vantage point, they could see a long winding train of business heading to and from the mountain’s intricately carved and sculpted entrance. It seemed alive and Seline imagined she could feel it breathing. They watched until the chill wind at this altitude eventually made Niss shudder and she suggested they return to camp.
“Do the dragons, do they ever, you know choose to be with a human?” Seline wondered aloud.
Niss did not answer for a while and then said, “It’s hard to say. There are no scriptures that suggest the
dragons have, but given the nature of the eldar, who knows. You should study it Seline and let me know. They certainly don’t seem to mind taking human form and interacting with us, though most dragons do not.”
“Oh really? I thought they all could.”
“No. Following the hierarchy, there are dragons separated from the eldar or created by the eldar. The ones who did not pledge themselves to the Goddess or to Her Consort on the other side, fell into the River and have become weak and disconnected over the ages. Those are what most people think of dragons. They are a lesser order, though they can be brought back through conversion. But, that is not a task for the Order of Fire. And, truth to tell, there are many other creatures similar to these lesser order beings that miss their true potential. They have intelligence, or at least a spark of it, and sometimes even free will. The River does not claim them entirely but it does carry them along. More powerful undead, and divine servants would be like this.
“Continuing the earlier discussion, you then have very long-lived creatures like elves and lesser undead. Past that and you have us. We can extend our lives with magic, healthy practices, and divine blessings, but eventually the River takes us as well. Our only hope is to find paradise after death with the Goddess, or to ascend into immortality on our own terms. As they separate from the River, they grow more powerful and comfortable with their power. The dragon emperor for example, I believe is comfortable in his power in any form. A wild red dragon though, even if it could, would never shift into a human or anything other than a red. Their egos will not allow it. Now, blue dragons and other colored dragons, well, it just depends. Ynt'taris, the white who guards the upper glaciers of the mountain can and does shift into all manner of forms. I have been told he does that to experience places he cannot go as a white because of the climate.”
Back at camp, Niss made sure that Seline had eaten dinner and felt strong enough to be alone and then called several other members of the Order over. Older men, they stood rigid and at attention but at the same time pulled off a relaxed look, even with full plate armor and weaponry. They agreed to look after her. Left alone, sort of, Seline reflected on the day’s conversation and found the burning urge growing again. No matter what, her thoughts kept drifting back to Blaze. “So, tell me if you would, when you met dread lord Blaze, you both wanted to conquer the world?” She smiled and tried to pass the question off as casual conversation.
Malcor's Story Page 38