by C. M. Wright
“We were waiting for you to wake up and recover before we made a decision. As much as I don’t like it, I don’t want you hating me for not including you, considering it was you he hurt the most,” Will bites out each word with an underlying anger, and I know how much it costs him to maintain control.
“I appreciate that, Will. Thank you,” I tell him softly. “Do you think you can set something up with everyone involved tomorrow night? Maybe there's enough room we can all fit in here?”
Will looks around the room. Although plenty big enough for one person and a few visitors, I already know we won't all fit in here, as much as I wish we could. I want to get the whole Jake issue done and over with as soon as possible; and I know Will wants the same, but most likely even more so.
Will shakes his head in the negative in response to my question, and I turn my attention back to the action going on at my chest with the pump. I nod when he says that we'll figure out something, and if we have to wait a little longer, it wont hurt anything. I know he's just trying to make me feel better, but I still cant help feeling like an ass for being practically useless. Well, other than being a milk cow.
I finish up pumping and offer to let Will feed his daughter for the first time. He greedily agrees and practically snatches the bottle from my hand. It hadn’t occurred to me that he might have felt left out while I was breastfeeding, and I tell him I’m more than happy to share the feeding with him. His eyes light up and he quickly agrees to help out as much as I need him to. I decide then that I'll also include her brothers in the feedings, wondering if they've been feeling as left out as their dad has.
Almost as if Will can read my thoughts, he begins telling me about the boys' training and how they're both progressing, and where each one still needs some work. I feel a deep longing to be included in their training and once again fill up with determination to get out of this bed and out of this hospital.
Will also tells me about some of the missions outside the walls that have been organized, and that out of all these months, we'd only lost one man since the breach inside the walls destroyed so much. He updates me on the families that had lost a loved one in that incident, and I feel heartsick when he informs me that one woman lost both her husband and her only child, a daughter, in the attack. She's all alone now and going through a pretty bad depression. In fact, Dustin had her admitted in the hospital and she's currently in a room just down the hall from me. He avoids mentioning Vicki at all since he initially told me what happened a few days ago, but does tell me that Nick is taking it one day at a time.
A knock at the door ends our talk. Will calls out permission to enter after shooting a quick glance at me to ensure my boobs are covered. The door swings open wide. Gleaming metal is the first thing I see. It takes me a second to realize that what my favorite doctor is currently pushing into my room is a wheelchair!
“Oh my God! Dustin, I love you so much,” I squeal with delight. My imagination shows me flying through the hallways, freedom whipping my hair straight out behind me.
I forget in my excitement that I have some pain issues going on with my crotch, but am abruptly reminded when I feel a slight tear. I gasp and place my hand against myself, trying to ease the pain. Dustin looks up in concern, and quickly moves to my side. I’m unable to speak at first, but when I turn my face up to him and he sees the tears leaking down my cheeks, he knows.
“You dipshit” is all he says, though his tone is soft and sympathetic.
“I know,” I respond with a sob.
Dustin asks Will if he will be alright with the baby for about an hour or so, and Will answers in the positive. We both look at Dustin with curiosity and he grins with a twinkle in his eyes.
“You wanted a shower, you're getting a shower,” he tells me and my excitement returns, though I tone down the celebration quite a lot.
One of his nurses, Cindy, comes in the room at this point and assists Dustin as he helps me into the chair. After all this time of using a catheter, and then a bedpan once I awoke from my very extended sleep, I couldn’t wait to see something as simple as the bathroom; but when Cindy wheels me past the door to my private bathroom and out into the hall, confusion has me turning my head to look back at her and Dustin.
Dustin gives me a reassuring smile, then explains that because I can't stand on my own very long, he has a surprise for me. I turn away, my brow knitted with even more confusion, and watch the doors pass on one side, and the windows that show the tops of trees on the other.
John attempts to follow us until Dustin insists I want him to guard Alyssa and Will. He looks at me, obviously only my word will do, until I quickly back Dustin up. The Zombie Zapper salutes me and turns back to his post. I hear Dustin chuckle behind me as we continue on down the hall.
At the end of the hallway, Cindy waits next to a wider than normal door for Dustin to open, and then pushes me inside. I gasp when the details register. Gleaming white tile and sparkling metal make up one of the biggest showers I've ever seen. A half wall with the same tiles as the main walls surrounds the shower area and Cindy wheels me right in. Inside, a white sturdy thick plastic chair with several small holes in the seat sits in the middle of the shower area.
Dustin grins at my groan of longing and excuses himself. Soon after he leaves, my mom walks in. After she closes and locks the door, she helps Cindy get me to a stand and I hold on tight to Cindy as Mom undresses me. They then lead me the few steps to the other chair and help me down. I yelp when my bare ass hits the cold plastic, but not even that can lessen my excitement.
Mom goes over to a cabinet and Cindy follows her to the cabinet next to hers. I watch in delight as Mom pulls out shampoo and conditioner, a bar of soap, and face cleaner. Cindy comes back with a thick plush white towel, a couple matching washrags, and a clean hospital gown and matching robe. She's also brought me a pair of thick pink socks to put on my freezing bare feet. I thank them way more than I probably needed to, but their smiles and laughter tell me they know how badly I've been needing and wanting this.
“Right, then! Are you ready to feel human again?” Cindy asks me with a grin.
“Christ! You have no idea,” I answer distractedly, my focus on the knobs that need to be turned to start this heavenly process.
“Watch your mouth, young lady,” Mom scolds me, and only then do I even realize what I'd said.
“Sorry,” I mumble and then impatiently ask, “Can we get started already?”
They laugh again but Cindy quickly moves to start the water. I flinch when the water first comes out, expecting it to be cold at first, but it's not. The temperature is perfect. Hot enough to make you feel as if you're accomplishing something, but not so hot as to be uncomfortable or painful. I just sit back and sigh at first, letting the beautiful liquid soak into my skin; but too soon, the women remind me we don't have unlimited water, so I hurry to wash my hair and as much of my body as I can get to. My face burns with embarrassment when I'm held up on my feet and one of my helpers wash my ass, but once I realize I actually feel completely clean now, my embarrassment is shrugged off and gratitude replaces it. Cindy turns off the shower and rushes back over to help my mom move me over to the half wall, where I’m told to hold on to the wall so they can dry me. When that's finished, I'm moved out of the shower with a woman on each side, and just that tiny bit of distance soon has my legs trembling from exhaustion. The wheelchair is waiting for me just outside the half wall of the shower and I'm gently lowered to the towel-covered seat.
Mom covers me with a long thick dry towel so I don’t freeze, and the women wait for me to catch my breath and get a little strength back. Once I do, they quickly and effortlessly dress me and brush my hair. Cindy offers to put my long tresses up in a ponytail and I nod eagerly. I remember back to a few days ago when I panicked while wondering if I had a bald spot where I had lain for so many months. Will had quickly reassured me that I had been turned often and that none of them would have let me just lie there in one spot and wither away. M
y heart swells now as I think of all the people who loved me enough to do so much for me for so long. A tear escapes, but I quickly brush it away, hoping neither woman had seen.
Once the warm socks are covering my feet, Mom gives me a quick kiss on my forehead and promises she'll stop by after supper to visit me and see her granddaughter, but she has other patients to tend to for now. I nod and smile at her, then thank her again. She flashes me a smile and a wave before dashing out the door leading to the next floor. Cindy turns me toward my room and begins to wheel me back. When we come to the windows, I ask her to stop.
“Are you in a rush?” I ask her.
“Nope. After I'm done getting you settled, I'm off to supper, then home. What do you need, Canada?” she asks patiently.
“I just wondered if I could get closer and look out the window for a minute? If you want to go, I don’t mind. I can have Will bring me out later.”
“What will another minute hurt? I'm sure being stuck inside this building is getting old and I don’t think I could handle it nearly well as you have,” she tells me good-naturedly.
I laugh and say, “Well, I was asleep for most of it.”
“True,” she replies with a laugh.
Cindy pushes me closer to the window and I lean forward as far as my stitches allow.
I gasp when I see all the new buildings that have been built since the last time I saw this view of our refuge. Not only that, but other changes have happened, not least of all the weather. Where once it was bitterly cold and almost barren of color when I last remember, now it's warm and filled with greenery. Flowers give splashes of bright colors against the dark green of the grass, and they've even managed to make cement walkways, which before were just muddy paths.
The residents of Rose's Refuge have built what looks like an old western main street, complete with wooden boardwalks in front of several businesses. From here, I can't read many of the business signs, but I can clearly see all the people wandering about freely within our walls. Their voices and laughter just barely carry on the wind, but even that little taste further encourages my will to walk and get out of here.
I turn my head to the side where Cindy stands, not watching the same view I had been, but watching my own face instead. I laugh and grasp her hand, too excited and proud of the people in Rose's Refuge to express by using actual words. Cindy understands and pats my hand with her free one, her own expression of pride clearly shining through.
“I think I’m ready to go back now. Thank you, Cindy. Thank you so much, for everything.”
“My pleasure, Canada. Sooner than you think, you'll be up and moving around without anyone's help. I promise,” she assures me.
I grin and desperately hope the woman is right.
She pushes me back into my room and Will places Alyssa in her bassinet before coming to assist the nurse as she gets me back in the bed – a bed which I despise, yet at the same time, cant wait to collapse into. My body is screaming for rest after all the new activities I've put it through today.
Once settled in a comfortable position, I belatedly notice that someone had come in while I was gone and had changed all of the bedding. The bed smells and feels as clean as I finally do. I welcome Will's arms around me and giggle when he tells me that it's a relief for him to be able to breathe this close to me again. I give him a light punch in the arm before demanding my daughter.
He places Alyssa in my arms and I cuddle her, wondering if my short temper toward her was simply the result of feeling so awful and filthy. Whether it was that or being able to feed her with a bottle, I have no doubt that my daughter and I will get along much better now.
Chapter Eighteen
Two evenings after my first shower in such a very long time, Will shows up unexpectedly to my room. Even though I've persevered and have managed to walk down the hall and back with more strength and energy, I'm still unable to move very fast or for longer distances. So when Will walks straight to my wheelchair and brings it close to the bed, I know we're going somewhere beyond my ability.
He gently removes Alyssa from my arms where she's sleeping and places her in her own bed. I watch with amusement as he covers her and gently pats her bottom. Then he turns back to me and helps me into the chair.
When my husband tells me we have a meeting to attend, my stomach begins to churn with anxiety, knowing that this meeting is most likely going to have Jake as the main topic. We pass my ma in the hallway and Will thanks her for sitting with our daughter and promises to try not to be too long.
“Take your time. I enjoy spending time with my great-granddaughter.”
And with that, she hustles inside my room, firmly shutting the door to keep Alyssa to herself.
Will and I laugh, but the laughter quickly ends once the wheels of my chair begin to lead us away. We both know that after tonight, Jake's fate will be determined. One way or another.
At long last, I'm finally outside. The birds singing and the sound of the wind gently blowing, not to mention all the noise from the residents, are almost too much for me. The quiet of the hospital is dramatically different than what I’m now being exposed to. I attempt to discreetly cover one ear to filter some of the noise, but Will isn't fooled.
“Too much for you?” he asks with concern.
“A little, but I'll be all right,” I assure him.
Will pushes me past several of the businesses and I comment on each one with excitement.
“Oh, Will! A bakery! And a barbershop and salon! Oh, and look! There's even a mercantile.” I laugh as the surprises keep coming.
Will already knew what was here, but he humors me when I point things out as if he should be seeing this for the first time with me. He stops outside a set of large double doors on a fairly large building. A wooden sign above the door announces that we have arrived at Rose's Refuge Community Building.
I lean forward and open the door and Will pushes me inside. Across the room, a few long tables have been pushed together to make one large table. Sitting around the table are all of my brothers and Jake's own brother, Greg. John the jailer – ha! I like that title! - and my dads are here, as well. The only person I'm a little jolted about seeing is Dustin.
Will pushes me up to the table and the volume of voices rise as everyone greets me at once. I attempt to hide the wince from the pounding in my head, but know I'm unsuccessful when the noise decreases almost instantly. I shoot a grateful look around.
Will sits in a chair next to me and the meeting soon begins.
“As the voted in leader of Rose's Refuge, I know it should be me leading this meeting,” Will begins in a confident tone that has me raising a brow in surprise. Apparently, he handles authority much better than I thought he would. “However, due to the circumstances and the issues concerning this particular person, I feel it would be better if I stepped aside and allowed Dustin to lead. Does anyone have a problem with that?”
We all looked at each other, but no one spoke against the idea. Will then indicates with a nod and wave of his hand for Dustin to proceed. The doctor gets to his feet and nods to John and my brother, Andy. The men leave the room through a door further into the building on the right side. By the noise and light that comes through, it's easy to determine that the door leads outside.
No one makes a sound other than a cough here and there, or a rustle of fabric or squeak of a chair. The door opens back up and the men lead another man inside. I gasp when I realize the pale, unshaven, filthy and much skinnier man is actually Jake.
If I hadn’t already been told that Jake was making an ass out of himself by refusing to shower, shave, and eat little more than what he needs to survive, I would never have known this pathetic man was the same man I had been so terrified of.
The stench of his unwashed body and clothing causes several of us to gag, and Jake's cocky grin tells us he's happy he's affecting us this way.
What a disgusting moron!
Voices drone on around me, everyone deciding the fate of the man at
the end of the table. His hands and feet are shackled and both ends of the chain are attached to another chain around his waist. I can't seem to take my eyes off of him. One reason is fear, but the other is fascination at just how far he's let himself go.
“Canada!”
Dustin's raised voice and exasperated tone brings me to the awareness that he had definitely called my name more than once. I jump and look around at the others, ending on the intense glare from my husband. Catching Jake's smirk, I realize what everyone, including him, must be thinking.
“Oh, hell no! Sorry, but I was not thinking what any of you think I was thinking. How could you think that! Disgusting.”
Will's body remains stiff next to me, but he does manage to put one possessive arm around me. I lean as far as I can against his side, and ignore the pinch of the wheelchair's arm pressing into my own side.
“As I was saying, we need to decide today what needs to be done with this man,” Dustin stops his pacing behind Jake and I cant help but giggle when I notice the moment the prisoner's stench hits the doctor's nose. His face scrunches up in disgust and the hand he was just about to clap down on Jake's shoulder freezes in mid-air. Coughing, he backs away so fast his feet tangle and he almost busts his ass.
Dustin does an admirable job covering up, though, and returns to his speech as if nothing happened.
“He can't remain in that jail cell much longer, mostly because Andy and John are about to riot, but also because it's inhumane. Not,” he raises his hands when several voices cut in to express how Jake's hardly human, “that I don’t think he deserves everything he gets; but come on, people! We are better than this. We are not like that man.”
I remain quiet, keeping my opinions to myself, but I watch the others. The anger has hardly faded towards Jake, in fact, they may have become even more angry at him over all this time. Of course, the recent deaths caused by the very zombies he created probably isn’t helping win any sympathy votes for him.