As time has gone on, I’ve come to realize Jess may have been right all along about Kevin. After Dave died, Jess found Gage, and he’s just as amazing as Dave was. It’s made me realize there are other great men in the world, and I haven’t really given myself the opportunity to be treated how I deserve to be. I just wish I could get Kevin out of my head and heart. He’s like a drug: even though I know how bad for me he is, I can’t fully let go.
“Earth to Kat. Have you even heard a thing I said?” Cam waved her hand in front of my face with a smug grin.
“Um, sorry. What were you saying?” I get up to get plates out and start dishing out the salad, hoping they don’t ask where my thoughts had taken me,
“I was asking you about what happened with Grand Master Douche the other night that made Joey go Jersey City on his butt again?” Cam and Jess both laugh; they know how Joey turns into a totally different person when he’s pissed.
I try to be vague at first. “You know Joey. He sent me a few texts that I didn’t answer, and when he saw Kevin’s car, he thought something was wrong.”
“I never return Joey’s texts. Like ever.” Jess eyes me suspiciously. “I did tell him to keep his eye out for Kevin the Creep, though. I just didn’t expect him to be so crazy about it. Sorry.” She looks at me suspiciously when I can’t hide a smile. I know now that Joey showed up because he wants to be with me and really was jealous. Jess clearly knows me too well; she leans forward on the island as if she’s interrogating me. “Is there something going on between you two?” She raises an eyebrow and looks back and forth between Cam and me.
Cam tries to defend me, unaware of my impending confession. “Jess, he showed up on her doorstep with a date. That’s not something even Joey would do if there was something going on between them.” She turns back to me, trying to get more out of me. “What is going on with you and Kevin anyway? Why was he here? Please tell me you aren’t getting back together?”
I instinctively get defensive. I always do when it comes to Kevin. “For now, we aren’t getting back together exclusively. I want to date other people before tying myself down to Kevin for the rest of my life, and we are at that point where it’s shit or get off the pot. I want to be sure.” I don’t know why I’m even letting them believe that there’s a possibility of a future with Kevin, other than the habit of defending him is too deep.
“Jesus Christ, Kat, that’s so not romantic. I’m not trying to be mean, but if he was the one, you wouldn’t want to date anyone else to be sure. Hasn’t he had his three strikes with you anyway?” Jess fiercely stabs at her salad, clearly frustrated with me.
“Listen, haven’t we had this talk a thousand times—”
Jess interrupts me before I can finish. “Yes, and that’s exactly why I’m telling you that you need to do whatever it will take to get Kevin out of your system.” She tosses her fork down on her plate, exasperated. “I thought you guys were finally done?”
Cam puts her hand on Jess’s shoulder to calm her down. “Kat, we just want the best for you. We want to see you settled and happy.”
Anger and frustration build inside me now. “Just because my life isn’t like yours doesn’t mean I’m not happy. Yes, Kevin and I have had our ups and downs. So did you and Holden. You married someone else, for God’s sake. So don’t lecture me about settling.” I can see the hurt in Cam’s face. I know her relationship with Holden was much more complicated than Kevin’s cheating ways. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to love Kevin the way I do, and in my mind, the only way to know if I’ll ever get over him is to go out with someone else. Someone I could see a possible future with.”
“Well, I think that’s a great idea, Kat. We both do. Now you just have to meet someone who can do that for you. Is there a new hot gym teacher at St. Peter’s?” The way Cam brushes off my harsh comment proves just how close we are and my heart grows a little closer to these girls.
I lean my head on Cam’s shoulder and hug her tightly, still not sure how to tell them I have a date with Joey. “I do want what you have with Holden, Cam. I’m sorry I said all that. I want what you both have. Hell, you and Jess have found perfection. It’s a little daunting living in your shadows. I’m about to turn thirty, and starting over with someone new is a scary thought. I think that’s why I always fall back to Kevin.”
“Well, let’s all go out this weekend and find you a hot, smart, single guy. Maybe Gage or Joey know someone? All of Holden’s friends are married…well, except Joey.” The way Cam says Joey’s name makes me blush and Cam notices right away. “What? Why are you looking at me that way?”
When Jess grabs my chin and turns my blotchy face towards her, I curse my Irish genes. “What are you hiding, you little sneaky brat? Are you already boning someone?”
Typical Jess, smooth as ever. I slap her hand away and sit up straight, trying to hide my nervousness. “I don’t think I need to go out to find someone else quite yet. I actually have a date. Tonight…” I clear my throat, trying to sound as confident and nonchalant as possible. “With Joey.”
They both scream and cover their mouths, flailing into each other. “She said Joey was smart,” Jess jokes, trying to make me relax when I stiffen to their reaction.
I can’t help but laugh along. “Relax, you two. It’s one date. That’s it. He just wants to prove to me that there are other guys out there other than Kevin. He probably only asked me out because he felt guilty about the other night.”
“Oh, please, Kat. Joey has been after you for as long as I can remember. I just can’t believe you actually said yes.” Jess takes a drink from her glass and looks at it sadly. “Oh how I wish this were wine.”
Cam looks at me, and I know she sees the confusion in my eyes when she grabs my hand. “Listen, Kat, of course we’re excited about you finally going out with Joey. But just be ready for him. Joey’s never been in a real relationship, and if he’s asked you out on a real date, then you can be damned sure he’s not thinking of this as a fling. When Joey sets his mind on something, he’s all or nothing. I can’t wait to see what a total whipped puppy you’re going to turn him into. It will be sweet revenge to all his taunting comments all these years.”
“Why do you keep saying that I finally said yes? He’s never asked me out on a real date before.”
Jess rolls her eyes at me. “Every time you bring Kevin—or anyone around, for that matter—Joey has always gotten territorial over you. Don’t you remember how Joey asked you out about a thousand times when you first moved down here in high school? You’ve spent the past fifteen years making sure he knew the answer was and will always be no. N.O.” She snaps the last letters with flair. Cam and I laugh at her.
“Well, I said yes, to one date. And I don’t want the two of you to go blabbing to your husbands or Joey about this. Let Joey tell the guys when he’s ready. I don’t want him thinking I’m taking this too seriously.”
Cam grabs my hand and gives me a huge smile that makes me feel as if I am doing the right thing. She’s always such a calming force for me. “First of all, I’m sure Joey would love the fact that we’re sitting here talking about him. But our lips are sealed if you want them to be. I do have to tell you, though, Joey asked the guys over this afternoon and said it was important. I can only guess it has to do with what you just told us.”
“God, he’s such a girl.” Jess laughed.
“How about you let us help you pick out the perfect outfit that says ‘I’m sexy without even trying.’” Cam leads me up the stairs, not waiting for my answer, and I follow, feeling happier than I have since I can remember. I wish for a moment that there’ll be more than one date for Joey and me. I let myself imagine a future with him, and it feels better than anything in the world.
Joey
“Just the Way You Are”
“So if I tell you something…really confide in you two asshats, do you promise not to remind me of all the shit I’ve said in the past and just give me your honest opinion?”
“No,” G
age and Holden both answer jokingly.
I can’t hide my frustration. I know they’re messing with me, and I’ve never done anything that would suggest that I would expect anything different. But this is different. Kat is different. And I can’t fuck this up. Even though it’s only a date, if tonight doesn’t go well, it could affect the rest of my life. And the way I’ve been imagining the way my life could be has me not able to recognize myself both because it’s such a strange feeling, and because I want to do everything possible to make a future with Kat a reality.
I hand both guys a beer, and feel ridiculous for feeling nervous about talking to them about Kat. I’m a grown man in my thirties and feel more like a teenager than ever, worried about their approval. “So. Kat and I are going out on a date tonight, and I want your advice on where to take her.” Holden’s jaw just about drops to the floor and is for the first time speechless. Gage looks back and forth between us with a shit-eating grin, as if he’s just been waiting for this moment. I take advantage of their silence and lay it all out for them. “I know what you’re thinking, and know what you both said to me yesterday, but I’m serious about Kat and wouldn’t have asked her out if I didn’t want this to go somewhere. After the way I’ve been acting lately, I’m sure this is no big surprise, so just don’t be dicks and help me out with this.”
Holden pounds half his beer, clearly trying to bide his time. I’m sure his only comments to me right now are to tear me apart because of all the shit I’ve given him over the years about Cam.
Gage pats my back. “Hey man, I’m glad to see you ask someone out for some other reason than a booty call.” He eyes me suspiciously. “Just make sure you’re not doing this just to get in her pants or Jess will murder you while you sleep, and I’d have to let her. You know she’ll also kill you if there’s any drama at the wedding, so if you fuck this up, at least wait until after we get married.”
Holden interrupts before I can defend myself against his obvious disbelief in my ability to make it work with Kat. “Listen, Joey. You know I love you like a brother, and want you to be happy, but are you sure you want to be in a relationship? I don’t really see you as the type with kids and a picket fence. Don’t get me wrong: I think you’d be a great husband and dad, but I just never thought it was something you wanted.”
I take another pull from my beer to push down my frustration with their hesitation and remember that they have these opinions because I’ve never given them any reason to think anything different.
“Listen, there are a lot of things that I never thought I’d do. Like having a heart-to-heart about my love life with you guys like a bunch of pussies. All I can say is after I punched out Kevin and then saw him with his grubby hands on Kat again the other night, something changed for me. I’ve always thought Kat was hot, you know that, but I’ve never pushed things because I didn’t think I wanted to or would be able to be in a relationship with anyone. But after Dave died, a lot has changed for me. I value the people in my life more than I used to, and am tired of being alone.”
Gage raises his eyebrow at me with a huge smile and looks to Holden. “Sounds like our boy’s growing up!”
Holden reaches over and pinches my cheek. “He’s turning into a man,” he says sarcastically.
I smack his hand away. “Shut the hell up, you two, and help me plan a night to sweep Kat off her feet.”
The entire time I spent planning tonight with the guys, I wanted to keep in mind that as special as I want this to be, it needs to be real. Having a catered dinner at a mansion on the beach like Gage and Jess had would not work for us. Kat would just think I’m trying to get in her pants—which I am, but not tonight. Tonight’s about her realizing that I’m serious about giving us a chance. I want her to know that I want to have more with her than I have ever had with anyone else.
Ever.
At first, I thought I would take her out to dinner, but decided on a night in after talking with the guys. Kat wouldn’t be impressed by being taken to a fancy restaurant, and has never cared about my famous parents and the millions they have, so taking her to a dinner at the big house and being waited on all night would do nothing but have her think I’m too lazy to do anything myself. A quiet dinner here, at the house I bought from my parents and paid for with my own salary, is how I want to start things between us. I want her to know I don’t want the flashy parties anymore or to behave like a spoiled rich kid. I want her here, in my home, having dinner with just me and no other distractions that are sure to happen if we were to go out. The hard part for me about having our night at my place is that all I’ll be able to do is think about taking her up to my room and exploring every crevice of her body. But that’s not something I can let happen.
So here I am, standing in my kitchen, obsessively checking on some cheesy chicken dish Helen told me would be impossible to mess up. It hasn’t helped my confidence that Helen, Holden, and Gage have placed bets on whether or not I ruin everything.
When the doorbell rings, I take one last look in the mirror as I walk down the hall and try to psych myself up and stop acting like a total pussy. I have no idea how I went from one extreme to the other so quickly with Kat, but I’ve always been an all-or-nothing kind of guy, and I guess this is what all feels like when it comes to caring for another person the way I care for Kat.
I can tell when I see her through the front window that she can’t see me, and thank God for that, because I could possibly be drooling right now.
God.
Damn.
She’s so beautiful that it hurts and I know right then that I don’t have to keep worrying about me being the one to break her heart. She’s the heartbreaker. Her normally wild brown curls are pulled back in some sort of messy braid that’s sexy as hell and I can’t help but smile. She’s wearing a simple black top, and I love the way it hugs every curve, accentuating her full breasts, and my thoughts drift to how they could perfectly fill my hands.
I take a deep breath before I open the door, all the while reminding myself to keep it together. “You’re late. That means you do the dishes.”
I lean in and kiss her cheek before I let her walk past me. When I notice her blush, I internally high-five myself. I’m having the same effect on her that she has on me. The way I feel with her tonight is so much different than any other time before. Maybe it’s the possibilities that lie ahead. Maybe it’s the fear of rejection. But when she looks up at me with those familiar eyes, I see something I’ve never seen before and all I want to do is know what it means.
“I would have done the dishes anyway.” She straightens her stance and looks around the living room as if it’s the first time she’s been here. She looks as nervous as I feel and I like it.
One of the things I love most about Kat is how easy we are with each other, and right now, things feel anything but easy. I need to change that. I grab the wine glasses off the bar and walk over to the couch, where I have some cheese and crackers out on the coffee table. I want to stretch this night out as long as I can, and these appetizers are the perfect start. “How about some wine before dinner?”
I see her body relax a little as she walks over to me, and I feel myself do the same. I remind myself that this is Kat Pierce, not some stranger. I pour the crimson liquid into a glass and hold it up to her. “How was your day off?” I try to get her thinking of anything but this being a date. I need her to remember it’s only me, too.
She smiles and sits right next to me so that her leg brushes casually against mine. The short blue skirt she’s wearing creeps up her thighs just enough to make me curse myself for wearing these damn jeans. I wish I could feel her smooth skin against mine. “It was good. The girls came over for lunch, then I graded papers. Pretty exciting.” She takes a sip from her wine and I can see her relax a little more with each second that passes. “How about you? What were you up to today? I was surprised you didn’t stop by for a run. I was needing one today.”
I brush a piece of hair from her face and smile wh
en she leans in a little to my hand.
She has to be mine.
“I should have called you. Sorry if I left you hanging.” I would have done anything to be with her this morning but didn’t want her to know just how badly I want to be with her every second, and decided to give her space after the night we had last night. I take a sip from my wine when she smiles up at me and shrugs her shoulders, letting me know all is forgiven.
“I was a little tired anyway after all that wine last night. They sure do say “cunt” a lot on that show.” She looks away and I know she probably was up thinking about me all day just like I have been thinking about her. “Did you have a good day?”
I nod. “I had to get some things done around the house since I’ll be at work the rest of this week. Then the guys came over and we hung out for a while.”
“Did you tell them about tonight?” Her voice is soft and unsure. I don’t want her to ever be unsure of us.
“Of course. And they all think I’m an ass for taking this long to ask you out.” I reach out and take her hand in mine. “I’m not fucking around here, Kat. I’m not going to hide the fact that I want to be with you anymore.”
She looks down for a moment and then her gaze meets mine with a fiery intensity that makes my insides burn. “I only said yes to one date.”
A smile plays at the side of her mouth. I know she’s doing what she always does, keeping me at a distance, and I’m not going to let that happen. I take her glass from her and set it down on the table before I grab her waist and pull her up so that she’s sitting so close, I can feel her heavy breaths of anticipation. “After tonight, you won’t be able to say no to me again, Kit Kat.”
His Jar of Hearts (A Broken Fairy Tale #3) Page 6