by Reid, B. B.
After hearing what he revealed, I didn’t care about what he did. I only cared about what it might do to him. How long would this casual nonchalance over his father’s murder last? I hoped it wasn’t forever. I hoped that his soul wasn’t gone as he’d claimed. To feel, even if it was pain and sorrow, meant to possess that vital part still.
When we were silent for a while, I drew a deep breath, afraid to ask this next question. “And Selena?”
He swallowed, and I knew that whatever he was about to say wouldn’t be easy for me to hear. “I suppose I should start from the beginning.” I frowned at the bead of sweat that slipped from his hairline and down his achingly gorgeous face. Whatever he was about to say, my reaction and the consequences scared him shitless. More than his father threatening to end everything that Vaughn dared to love. “Your sister and I kissed…” He took a deep breath that shuddered out of him a moment later. “Before that night you caught us together.”
My arms dropped, and I took a step away from him. He let me. Sorrow and guilt ravaged his face, but he let me go anyway, knew that he wouldn’t be able to make me stay. “What?”
“That night we drove to the Poconos, Selena kissed me in the van. I have no excuse for what happened, pip. None. But—”
“But what?” I demanded. What could he possibly say that would make me understand? His father hadn’t threatened him then, so what did he have to betray me?”
“You asked me if I’d done things for Thirteen. After you ended things between us, my father sent me to Colombia to track down his supplier who’d double-crossed him.”
My gut twisted painfully before Vaughn could finish. Oh, God. He hadn’t, had he? Please no.
“He sent me and a few others to kill him.”
“Vaughn…”
“I watched that man take a bullet to the brain and did nothing. We even brought his body back to the States like a trophy.”
My mind raced as Vaughn spoke, remembering every detail of that weekend, including the haunted look in Vaughn’s eyes. I’d mistaken him for being upset over me ending things. For a moment, I wondered if I hadn’t, would he have gone? Just as quickly, I realized it wouldn’t have mattered. Vaughn wouldn’t have had a choice either way. I’d never regretted giving myself to him that night, but I’d never been so grateful either. I’d kept him tethered to that part of himself his father wanted to destroy. Only time would tell if it had been in vain. If his father, though dead, had won anyway.
“What does this have to do with my sister kissing you?”
“I let her, Tyra. For a split second, I let her take what she wanted because I wanted to hurt you.” He blew out air and swore at what I was sure was devastation written on my face. “You have every right to hate me. I do. I knew then that I was losing the battle with my father, and I hated myself. I was exactly who he claimed all along. After Colombia, I didn’t know how much longer I could fight. I was so tired, pip. I thought if I stopped resisting the inevitable, if I surrendered, then maybe I could feel a smidgen of the peace I felt when I was with you. The only thing holding me back was your feelings for me. As long as I still had a chance with you, I could never give in. I thought I wanted to hurt you for letting me go, but really, I wanted to destroy me.”
Wordlessly, I wrapped my arms around myself despite the warm spring air. It did nothing to staunch the frost creeping over my heart once again. Vaughn daringly wrapped himself around me.
“I’m so fucking sorry,” he pleaded.
“Tell me about the party,” was all I said in return. Vaughn might have thawed the ice around my heart, but the muscle was still numb. Time indeed was what it would take, but how much was required remained to be seen. Like him, I was tired of fighting the inevitable too. The reality that maybe Vaughn and I weren’t fated after all.
“My father ordered me to get rid of you permanently, or he would.” A chill ran down my spine, and as if sensing it, Vaughn ran his fingers down my back soothingly. “I wasn’t strong enough to walk away from you. Not without crawling back.” He held me tighter, and I did the same. “So I took a page from my father’s book and used her to get what I needed.” He peered down at me, sorrow and regret making his green gaze brighter. “I needed to take away any chance in hell of you ever forgiving me.” I could see the fear in his eyes and hear the question on his lips before he spoke again. “Did I succeed?”
My lips parted, but no words came. I couldn’t figure out which direction my heart was tugging me in. Everything was so damned jumbled. Finally, I answered him, telling him the truth.
“I’m not sure yet.”
His arms slackened in defeat, and I pulled away from him—pulled away before he could feel that lurch in my chest. The one that choked the air from my lungs and demanded I take back the words or perish. My own soul had turned on me.
Still, I walked away.
The beach house was quiet when I snuck inside. Of course, at three a.m., it would be. Tonight had been my first day on the job, and it was amazing that I didn’t screw up. There had been no distraction big enough to keep me from replaying Vaughn’s confession. And right before we left the Manor, Lou stirred the pot when she handed over a framed portrait almost as big as I was. In it, Vaughn was gazing down at me though I hadn’t noticed. The picture had been taken last summer just before everything went to shit. Lou’s explanation had only partly eased the tension.
“By my calculations, River was cooking in your stomach, and you didn’t know it, so technically, it’s a family portrait.”
“Gee, thanks, Lou.”
My dry response had been the only thing holding back my tears at the time. Apparently, Ever had gone over to Wren’s house the night Vaughn’s father died to retrieve it at Lou’s request. Needless to say, we hung it over River’s crib as soon as we got home. It required a place of honor since Ever had almost lost his life over it. He’d also met his biological father for the first time, but no one was sure yet whether Ever considered that a bright side.
I was almost to the stairs when light flooded the living room, making me jump out of my skin.
“Where have you been?”
Vaughn was sitting in an armchair—all of the furniture had been returned to the room after the party—with River resting in his arms. He must have woken up, making his father aware of my absence. Shit, shit, shit! How quickly I’d forgotten. Newborns don’t sleep the entire night through. I swear it seemed as if River woke up more often than he did at the hospital and wondered if that would change once he got used to the change of scenery.
“I would have told you if you hadn’t been in the middle of a jealous rage. I got the job.” Despite my irritation, I hesitated, and it took all of my concentration not to stumble over the rest. “I was working.”
He didn’t seem impressed. “Where?”
Even though I anticipated the question, I still had trouble answering. “At a club.”
“Don’t play games with me, Tyra. What’s this club called?”
“Recognize that I’m just declining to tell you because it’s none of your business. We are not in a relationship.” When he simply stared at me, I set down my duffel bag, and when his eyes shot to it, I quickly diverted his attention. “Look, I’ve had some time to think—”
“You mean since this morning?”
Ignoring his sarcasm, I continued. “Yes.” Surprisingly, the truth tumbled out easier than I had expected it to. “I forgive you, Vaughn, I really do. How could I not after what you did for River?”
Vaughn blinked in surprise, and then relief replaced his anger. “And you,” he reminded.
I paused before relenting with a nod. “And me.”
His gaze narrowed as he sensed the but coming. “So then, what’s the problem? Why won’t you tell me where you were?” We both knew it wasn’t the question he really wanted to ask.
“The problem is I-I can’t trust you.” He started to argue, but I held up my hand, cutting him off. My head knew that he’d only been using Selena, but m
y heart was a different story. I just didn’t think that I was strong enough to trust Vaughn with it again. Not now that I knew how far he was willing to go. There were boundaries I didn’t believe anyone should cross for any reason. “I know, okay? I know that it couldn’t have been easy for you, but it doesn’t change that you did it. I want more than anything to promise you that I will only need some time, but what if I never get over it? What if I just string you along until your heart is just as withered and broken as mine? I can’t do that to you. After everything you’ve been through, all you’ve done for River and me, you don’t deserve that. I’m not just asking you to let me go but to free yourself as well.” I moved over to the recliner until I knelt in front of him, one hand on each of his strong knees. “Vaughn, think about it,” I pleaded. “You spent your entire life not allowing yourself to feel for anyone because of your father. Now that he’s dead, you can. What if…” I bit my lip because the very thought of it made bile rise in my throat. But I couldn’t ignore it even if it caused me pain.
“What if what?”
As we stared at each other, River sleeping peacefully in his father’s arms, unaware of the turmoil surrounding him, I forced myself to swallow past the resistance keeping the words at bay.
“What if I’m not the girl you were meant to be with? How do you know there isn’t someone better out there?”
“CONGRATULATIONS, MAN. NOW THAT I’M no longer on the market, I knew she’d say yes.” Jamie then held up his beer, and Ever, Wren, and I did the same. “Cheers.”
We were standing in my kitchen, congratulating Wren on getting engaged. He’d finally popped the question, and no one was surprised when Lou accepted despite the rough months they’d had.
“So when is the wedding?” Ever asked Wren. The two brothers had finally kissed and made up and not just because Four and Lou made them.
“We’re not going to have one.”
“Aw, man.” Jamie groaned. “You’re eloping?” He didn’t bother hiding his disappointment and disgust.
Wren shrugged. “No. We’re going down to the courthouse.”
“Yeah, that’s not going to work for me.”
“It’s what Lou wants, and I’m not going to say no to getting it over with. I just want the girl, not the frills and pomp.”
“K.” Jamie then began tapping away on his phone while Wren finished his beer. Ever and I exchanged a look, knowing Jameson all too well. Wren and Lou were getting a wedding, whether they wanted one or not. “So, what should we do to celebrate?”
I paused from sipping at my beer. “I thought we were doing it?”
Jamie raised a brow as he looked around the island. “Beers and Cheez-It? Are you kidding me? It’s Wren’s stag night.”
“Well, what would you suggest?”
Jamie pocketed his phone with a twinkle in his eye. “Let’s go to The Suite of Dreams.”
“What the hell is that?”
“It’s a club that opened up just outside of town. I heard they have all types of chicks in there. Tall, short, skinny, curvy, good girls, bad girls, good girls who want to be bad.” For some reason, he eyed me when he said that last part. I seriously hoped this wasn’t some scheme to hook me up with a stripper.
“I’ll have to pass. Sorry.”
“What the fuck? Why? So you can sit up all night waiting for Tyra to take you back? Have some dignity, man.”
“You’re one to talk. Who was it that pined and whined over Bee because you thought she preferred Ever? Besides, my kid’s upstairs sleeping, numbnuts. Tyra’s working.”
“So I’ll call Four to watch him. No big deal.”
Ever scowled as he stared Jamie down. “Why can’t you call your own girl to babysit?”
“Because I need her naked and horny when I get home, not exhausted and covered in spit-up.”
I scrubbed my hand down my face, wondering if it was too late to get a new set of friends. “Look, just go without me.”
“Negative. I already texted Four. She’s on her way.”
If possible, Ever’s scowl deepened, but he said nothing. To save myself the headache, I decided not to fight the inevitable and headed upstairs. On a whim, I donned one of the suits my father had tailored for me, thinking that maybe tonight I’d take Tyra up on her advice. It had been two weeks, and she didn’t seem any closer to changing her mind. In fact, she appeared firmer in her idiotic belief that I could ever love anyone other than her, so I went with the flow.
Fuck it.
After checking on River, I returned downstairs just as the doorbell rang. Jamie whistled when he saw me, winking and blowing me a kiss.
“Just get the damn door,” I snapped.
Laughing, he obliged. “What the—aww, come on!” he whined when he saw Bee standing there next to Four and Lou.
Bee smirked as she shouldered past him, stepping into the house.
Four eyed us before crossing her arms. “You guys wouldn’t happen to be going to a strip club, would you?”
“No.” We’d all spoken at once.
“Where’s River?” she asked with a shake of her head.
“He’s in the nursery. He should be good for another hour or two.” I then launched into a full list of instructions. Wren, Jamie, and Ever practically had to pull me out of the house after I spent ten minutes giving the girls the rundown with no sign of being done.
“Jesus, you’re not going to war,” Jamie muttered after they successfully got me into his Jeep. My stomach was in knots over leaving River for the first time since coming home.
“I know that.”
“So, where’s Tyra working anyway?”
“I don’t know.” And I didn’t. I forced myself to delete the tracking app after she practically pushed me into another girl’s arms. She had it in her head that there might be someone more forgiving, someone out there better for me than her. I shook my head.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Jamie continued to interrogate. “She didn’t tell you?”
“I asked, but no, she wouldn’t tell me. She only mentioned that it was a club.”
“What kind of club?” Wren inquired.
I shrugged. “Don’t know.”
Everyone in the Jeep fell silent, and I knew they were all trying to figure out what the hell had gotten into me. I wondered the same. The drive wasn’t long. Despite the distance from the beach house, it took about thirty minutes with Jamie’s wild driving. I looked around the parking lot as Jamie pulled up to valet and saw nothing but foreign and luxury cars. The red Jeep Sahara stood out like a sore thumb despite Jamie being worth billions. Jamie whooped and pounded the roof of his car before hopping out. He practically ran over to where two bouncers and some short, bespectacled guy stood with a clipboard near the entrance.
Wren, Ever, and I exchanged a look. Anyone who knew Jamie well knew to be suspicious when he was excited.
The club was huge, and I could tell from the outside and even with the blinding bright lights of a neon sign that it had more than one level.
“Mr. Buchanan, what an honor,” Mr. Clipboard greeted. “It’s been a while since we’ve seen you. We certainly missed your enthusiasm for our girls.”
Ever looked over at his cousin—the two not being blood-related after all didn’t change the fact that they were family. “You ‘heard,’ huh? Been here much?”
“A few times,” Jamie muttered. He avoided our gazes while sticking his hands in his pockets.
“Up until a year ago, we saw Mr. Buchanan almost every weekend! He really had a thing for our leggy blondes.”
“Can it, Dan, and stop calling me Mr. Buchanan.”
“Right away, Mr. Buchanan.” Dan reached out, shaking my hand, then Ever’s and Wren’s. “I’m Dan.”
Once the introductions were made, Dan nodded to the bouncer on his left. He had muscles that put mine to shame, not that I ever aspired to be that big. It wasn’t like I needed them now anyway. Even if by some miracle USC did take me back, I could never move acr
oss the country and leave River. The bouncer gripped a gold knob and pushed open one of the tall, royal-blue doors.
It was dark inside, but Jamie seemed to know exactly where he was going as he led us up a flight of stairs with dim lighting built along the side. Once we reached the landing, my gaze traveled the spacious floor. The crowd was thick considering the late Friday night, and almost every one of the tufted gold ottomans that could easily seat six was filled.
There was a bar, but Wren, having turned twenty-one last August, was the only one old enough to drink—not that he would. Even with Fox dead and Royal promising not to retaliate, he remained wary of the world. The bouncers hadn’t even checked him for the gun I knew was tucked inside his suit jacket.
Strategically positioned to form a triangle were three round stages, each with a girl dancing around a pole. Extending from the back of the club was a catwalk of sorts, but instead of showing off their clothes, the girls shed them. And there were men—some eager, some bored—watching them in the chairs lining the sides and curved front of the platform. I hadn’t really paid more than a passing glance to any of them as I felt myself yawning and checking the time. River would be awake now and screaming for his bottle.
“Don’t you dare call them,” Jamie warned.
“Who?”
“The girls. River’s fine, but you’re not.” Jamie clapped me on the shoulder. “Let’s have some fun, brother.” A girl who was actually dressed in a pencil skirt and blouse introduced herself before leading us across the club. Finding myself agreeing with Jamie, I followed my friends up another set of stairs, this one shorter. This level was like a loft, but instead of one section, there were three, each designed to look like a bedroom suite. Rather than ordinary bedroom furniture, however, there was a small round platform with two high-backed armchairs on each side and a short catwalk extending from the platform and disappearing behind the curtains.