by A. M. Myers
“I’ll come back down after I get you settled upstairs and get your things.”
I nod. “Okay.”
He closes the door with his free hand and we begin our trek from the car to what I assume is our private elevator twenty feet away. It’s slow going but Gavin is patient as he holds me up safely in his arms and guides me to the elevator. It opens right away when he pushes the button and he ushers me inside before hitting the only button on the panel. It prompts him for a code and I watch him as he punches it in.
0503 - my birthday.
I commit the code to memory as the door closes and the elevator starts going up. The closer we get to the penthouse, the faster my heart races and the more my belly flips. As I suck in a quiet breath, I squeeze my eyes shut and count to ten in an effort to calm my erratic nerves.
It’s going to be okay.
No matter how many times I silently repeat the mantra to myself, it doesn’t seem to do any good. I have no idea what is waiting for me once those elevator doors open and I barely know the man at my side but what other option did I have? I could have gone to my father’s house but just the thought of walking in there and knowing that I’d never hear his voice again or see his smile was too much to bear. So that left me with only one option since the place I truly want to be is damn near one thousand miles away.
“Welcome home, baby,” Gavin says with a smile as the elevator glides to a stop and I suck in a breath as I open my eyes. The elevator doors open to a wide, round foyer with white marble floors and a large wooden table in the center. A vase of roses sits in the middle and I resist the urge to wrinkle my nose. I’ve never really been a fan of roses and I can’t imagine why I would have them in my house. Gavin leads me through the foyer as it opens up to a large open floor plan. To my left is the kitchen which is also all decked out in white marble and to my right is the living room. There’s a cream colored sectional positioned in front of a gas fireplace and large windows along the back wall allow the entire space to be flooded with light. It’s gorgeous but a little sterile and not my taste at all.
Where’s the color?
Where’s the comfort and homey feeling I crave?
It’s hard to imagine that I ever lived in this space and once again, I’m reminded of the many differences between whoever I used to be and the woman I am now.
Or the woman I was…
Oh, hell, this is so confusing.
“Let’s get you to the couch,” Gavin says as he begins guiding me toward the living room. “You can rest and I’ll get your stuff up here. I gave the staff the day off but we can order something. Just let me know what you’re in the mood for.”
I nod as I sink into the couch and he makes sure I’m comfortable before flashing me a smile and going back to the elevator. As soon as he’s gone, I stand up and gingerly make my way over to the bookshelf in the corner. There’s a photo of Gavin and me all dressed up and grinning at the camera. I pick it up and stare at the woman smiling back at me before running my finger across her face and shaking my head.
“Who are you?”
I catch my reflection in the glass and even though we look identical, she’s a stranger to me and the more I get to know about her, the more I wonder if I’d rather keep it that way. Nothing about this life makes sense to me or feels true to who I am and I can’t help but wonder what happened over five years to make me change so much.
After setting the picture back on the shelf, I wander back over to the couch and sit down, gazing out at the view of the ocean below. A luxury penthouse right on the water… How in the hell did I even afford this place? Even if I still had all of my two million dollar trust fund, I highly doubt it would be enough to cover the price of this place. The elevator dings and I turn as Gavin walks back into the room with my bag.
“Did you decide what you want for dinner?”
I scowl up at him. “How did we afford this place?”
“It was a gift from your father when your company became successful. He said a CEO deserved a home worthy of the title.”
Turning back to the window, I watch the waves crash against the shore as I nod. That does sound like something my father would do. He was always sneaking cash into my purse when I wasn’t looking even though I had the trust fund. Anytime I complained and told him I had more than enough, he would give me a look and tell me that he worked his ass off to make sure I never had to go without and that was usually the end of the conversation.
“So… dinner?” Gavin asks again, interrupting my thoughts and I turn to him as my stomach growls. I’ve been eating gross hospital food for days now and I’m looking forward to something with flavor.
“A burger sounds good.”
Gavin stops and turns to me with an arched brow. “Really? You were on a diet for the…”
“The what?”
“Uh… the wedding but I guess that’s on hold now.”
“Oh,” I whisper, looking down at the massive rock on my hand. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head, the surprise melting away as he smiles at me. “No. Don’t even worry about it. I just hadn’t thought of it yet because I was so worried about you.”
“Okay,” I whisper, turning back to the windows. There’s something about the water that puts me at ease even though I’m in a strange home with a man I don’t know.
“Food will be here in thirty minutes,” he says and I turn back to him as he glances up from his phone and offers me another smile. I know he’s probably trying to make me feel more comfortable but it’s actually doing the opposite. The pressure to be the woman he remembers, the woman he’s engaged to, is unreal and a huge part of me wishes I could go somewhere and be alone until I get my memory back. Then again, what happens if I get my memory back but I’m still not the person he’s desperately waiting for?
God, this whole situation is a mess and the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone but it’s just so much… so much weight bearing down on me and I feel like at any moment, my arms are going to give out and that weight is going to crush me.
“You mind if I take a quick shower before the food gets here?”
I glance up at Gavin and shake my head. “No, of course not. Just do what you would normally do.”
“Well, normally I’d ask you to join me,” he replies and I suck in a breath as images of him wet and naked play out in my mind. I pull my knees to my chest and hug them. He sighs. “Shit. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s okay.”
He sighs again and sits down next to me on the couch. “No, it’s not okay. It’s just so hard to always be on guard with you because two weeks ago, you were my Juliette.” He takes my hand in his. “But I know you don’t know me and I really am trying to make you as comfortable as I can.”
“I know,” I whisper with a nod.
“I have faith that we’ll get back there though.” He peeks up at me, his eyes shining with vulnerability and I nod as my chest tightens. Is it truly lying to him if my doubt is based on the fact that my whole life is up in the air right now and nothing feels hopeful?
I don’t know if we’ll get back there.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get my memory back.
I don’t even know who I am.
“Okay,” he says, releasing my hand and standing up. “I’m going to hop in the shower. Be right back.”
I nod and watch him walk out of the room before turning back to the windows. A little girl runs along the water, giggling as her father chases after her and tears sting my eyes as I smile. Daddy hated to go to the beach. He said it was too crowded, too sandy, and stressed him out more than ten emergencies at work but every once in a while Mom was able to convince him to go with us and we’d spend hours building a sand castle or burying him up to his neck. After Mom passed away, getting him to the beach was even more difficult since it held so many happy memories with her but that didn’t mean he missed out on special time with me. Instead, he had an amazing pool built in our backyard. It ha
d gorgeous natural rock waterfalls, a hidden slide, and a huge spa. We spent so many weekends out there even as I grew into a teenager and I always thought of Daddy as my best friend. I could tell him absolutely anything and he never lectured me. He’d just listen and offer me helpful advice that I usually took.
A soft sob slips past my lips and I bury my face in my knees as the tears fall hard and fast. I can’t believe how much I miss him and knowing that I’ll never see him again, never hear his warm, booming laugh feels like a hot poker in my chest. There is still so much I need my father for in my life and I can’t fathom how I’m supposed to move on without him. Without my parents, I’m truly alone. My mind drifts back to Mercedes and I look up, wiping the tears from my face as I stare out at the water. I wish I could talk to her. She’s one of those people that has always been there for me but I have no clue what our relationship is like right now. Are we still friends? Did we lose touch after I moved to Miami?
“Food’s on the way up,” Gavin says behind me. My body jerks in surprise and I let out a little yelp before peeking over my shoulder at him. He arches a brow. “You okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, just scared me a little.”
“Sorry.”
I nod again, watching him as he walks into the living room in a pair of mesh shorts and a gray t-shirt. His wet hair falls in his face and it gives him this whole “bad boy” vibe that teenage me would have eaten up with a damn spoon. But that was before I found myself a boyfriend who rode a motorcycle and did drugs. One month with him was enough to scare me straight.
“Do you want to eat in the living room or at the island?” he asks, pointing to the gorgeous white marble island with a waterfall edge and three chairs in front of it. I shrug. It really makes no difference to me where we eat dinner… unless that’s usually something I get uptight about but I can’t see that. Then again, there are a lot of things about my new life that don’t make sense to me.
“Where do we usually eat dinner?”
He points to the island. “There. We save the dining table for special events.”
“Okay,” I answer with a nod as the elevator dings and a tall man in a suit steps out.
“Your dinner, Sir,” the man says to Gavin before handing him a couple of paper bags.
“Thanks, Carl.”
Carl turns to me and his face lights up. “Miss Shaw! So happy to see you back at home. How are you feeling?”
“Sore,” I answer as I plaster a smile on my face, thankful Gavin supplied me with his name so I wasn’t forced to have another awkward conversation with someone I don’t know. “But good. Thank you, Carl.”
“Excellent. Well, if you need anything at all, you just let me know.”
I nod. “I will.”
He beams, pride shining through his eyes and from just a glance, I can tell how much Carl loves his job - taking care of the residents of this building and it immediately endears him to me. Gavin hands Carl a little bit of money and he slips it in his pocket before wishing us a good night and disappearing back into the elevator. Gavin turns to me with a perplexed expression.
“Do you remember Carl?”
I shake my head. “No. I just didn’t want to explain that I can’t remember anything again.”
A look of understanding flashes across his face.
“Shall we?” he asks, holding his hand out to me and I take it as I stand up from the couch. He leads me over to the island and only releases my hand to pull a chair out for me. I smile up at him in thanks as I sit down.
“You want something to drink? We have water, wine, apple juice, or sweet tea.”
I eye the bag of food before meeting his gaze again. “Tea, please.”
“You sure? The wine might help you relax a little.”
“No,” I answer, shaking my head. “Better not with the pain meds.”
He nods as he pulls a pitcher of sweet tea out of the fridge. “Right.”
After grabbing a glass out of one of the upper cabinets, he fills it and sets it down in front of me. I watch him as he carries the pitcher back to the fridge and grabs a beer for himself before sitting down next to me. The past two weeks is starting to catch up to him and I’ll be surprised if he stays awake long enough to finish his dinner. He passes out our food and I groan loudly as I take my first bite. The burger is juicy and so full of flavor, a stark contrast from the bland, beige hospital food I’ve been eating for the past four days.
“Good?”
I nod and wipe my mouth with the napkin. “Oh my God, yes.”
“Good,” he answers with a grin. “I was starting to worry about you. You’ve barely been eating anything since you woke up.”
“Um, because it was terrible.”
He laughs and nods as he grabs his beer and takes a sip. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”
As we eat our dinner, I ask him about where he grew up and he tells me about his hometown in California. When he shares with me that both of his parents have passed away, my chest aches but I also feel a connection with him that wasn’t there before because I know exactly how he feels. He tells me more about the night of the charity event where we met and I can’t help but smile as he admits how hard his heart was beating in his chest when he approached me and hearing him describe the two of us dancing the night away sounds like something out of a dream. By the time we finish, I’m more relaxed than I’ve been since waking up in the hospital and his eyes are drooping more and more with each minute that passes.
“Can you point me in the direction of the shower? I want to wash the smell of the hospital off me.”
He nods and stands up from the island. “Of course. I’ll show you where everything is.”
Taking my hand in his, he leads me past the kitchen to a long hallway that opens up into a gorgeous master bedroom. Another wall of windows gives the space an ocean view and I suck in a breath as colors splash across the sky with the setting sun.
“Oh, that’s incredible.”
He smiles. “Isn’t it? I can’t wait for you to see how gorgeous it is in the morning.”
I nod, gazing out at the water for a moment before letting him lead me into a massive en-suite bathroom. It’s all white marble again but there are little pops of blue that remind me of the water below and it feels more like me than the living room or kitchen. I eye the giant tub in the corner before turning to the walk-in shower along the back wall. Gavin releases my hand and walks across the room to a cabinet. He pulls two towels out and hands them to me.
“Okay, I guess I’ll leave you to it. Just yell if you need anything.”
I nod, wishing I could usher him out of here without being rude. That shower looks too damn inviting and I didn’t realize how badly I needed one until he led me into the room. Finally, he turns and leaves me alone. I make sure the door is locked before stripping out of my clothes, my body aching but I fight through it. Once I’m naked, I walk across the room and set my towels on the bench next to the shower before changing my mind and turning toward the tub. With my aching muscles, a nice long hot bath sounds perfect. Besides, how in the hell could I pass up this amazing tub?
Turning the water on, I set it to the perfect temperature before grabbing a jar of what looks like bath salts. After prying the lid off, I bring it to my nose and moan as the scent surrounds me. It’s vanilla mixed with something fruity and I can’t resist the urge to dump a scoop or two into my bath. When the bath is halfway full, I step inside and sink into the water, letting out a loud sigh. The warm water washes over my muscles, relaxing me and if I laid my head back, I think I could fall asleep right here. Leaning forward, I turn off the water and lie back, closing my eyes.
As tension seeps out of my body, my mind begins working overtime, thinking about the past four days, about how much I miss Baton Rouge and Mercedes and how weird I feel living in a house with a man I don’t know. How is any of this supposed to help me? I just can’t understand. The doctors kept saying how being in my own home with my things would help me and relax m
e but the pressure to be who Gavin needs and wants me to be in immense and I don’t think I can handle it. Maybe I should just book a flight to an island and go relax in the sun until my memory returns… if it ever does. Even that doesn’t sound as appealing as it should, though. The only place I want to be, the only place that’s given me any kind of comfort in the last four days, is Baton Rouge.
Sighing, I pull the plug and stand up. My head spins and I grip the edge of the tub for a second, taking deep even breathes until it passes. When I’m feeling steady again, I grab my towel and wrap it around my body as I step out of the tub. The house is quiet as I unlock the bathroom door and peek out into the bedroom so I tiptoe over to the closet I saw on the way in before realizing how stupid that is. It’s my damn house. Why the hell am I tiptoeing like I’m a guest?
In the closet, I find a satin tank and short set that looks comfy and slip it on before venturing out into the living room in search of Gavin. As I step into the living room, I stop and smile. Gavin is splayed out on the couch, one hand thrown over his head and the other pressing against his chest as he snores quietly. Based on how hard he has been pushing himself these past four days, I’m surprised he didn’t pass out sooner. I know how badly he needs the sleep so I grab a blanket off the back of the couch and lay it over him before returning to the bedroom.
The sun is down now and the stars are starting to peek out over the water, shimmering off the surface as lazy waves roll toward the shore. It’s a peaceful night and a part of me wishes I could just go sit down there and let the water lap over my toes. With my luck, though, I’d probably get lost and not be able to get back home.
Sighing, I sit on the bed. I wish there were more personal touches in the apartment, something to help me piece together my life but it’s like all of it is hidden away. My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I look around the room. It’s got to be hiding around here, somewhere, right? I glance around the room again before landing on the closet. That’s the first logical place to look for clues, isn’t it? With a nod, I stand up and walk over to the closet as I listen for sounds of Gavin stirring in the living room. Once inside, I stand in the middle of the large room and look around at the various racks of clothes before turning to what is clearly my side. Half of the wall is divided into shelving for shoes, bags, and accessories and the other half has two bars for hangers. I drop my head back and smile when I see boxes up on a shelf above the clothes.