by A. M. Myers
My gaze flicks back to the water for a moment before I push myself off the bed and grab the blue satin robe hanging on the foot of the bed. It feels luxurious as I slip it onto my skin and I can’t help thinking about how much my life has changed in the five years I’ve lost. When I was living with Mercedes, I liked the finer things but I was still in college and I was concerned with making my trust fund last as long as I could so they were occasional splurges but as I look around this apartment, luxury and money is all I see. A dull throbbing pierces the back of my head and I sigh as I cinch the belt as I wander out of the bedroom and into the hallway.
“Morning,” Gavin says, looking up from his tablet as I stumble into the kitchen, yawning. He’s all dressed up in a dark blue suit that makes his eyes pop like crazy and his hair is combed back again, that reckless bad boy look giving way to a devastating man. He commands all my attention and I stop short next to the island, unable to take my eyes off of him. Even with no knowledge of him or our relationship, I have to admit there’s something about him that intrigues me.
“Morning.” I turn away to hide my blush and scan the countertop for a pot of coffee. The clean, minimalistic look carries into the kitchen and I can’t spot a single appliance in this place except for the refrigerator. “Is there coffee?”
I glance over my shoulder. Smirking, he points to a second cup sitting on the island next to him, steam rising from the rim and I sigh in relief before flashing him a thankful smile. He turns back to his tablet as I round the island and sit next to him. Warmth seeps into my skin as I wrap my hands around it and bring it to my lips, breathing in its rich aroma with a hum.
“How did you sleep?” I ask, glancing over at the couch and he laughs as I turn back to him and our eyes meet. He seems well rested and more carefree this morning.
“It’s surprisingly comfortable.” Reaching out, his eyes soften as he brushes a lock of dark hair out of my face and heat rises to my cheeks. “How did you sleep?”
I shrug. “Okay, I guess.”
“So what you mean is, you slept like shit.”
“I would ask you how you know that but you already seem to know everything about me,” I muse as I bring my cup to my lips and take a sip of my coffee. It’s exactly as I like it, reminding me again how unbalanced this relationship and my life is right now.
“That’s what happens when you live together, sweetheart.”
I nod, taking another sip of coffee. “I just wish I knew anything about you.”
“Baby,” he whispers, setting his cup down to turn to me and cup my cheek in his large hand. “You do know things about me and you’re going to start remembering more. Just be patient.”
“I don’t like being patient,” I mumble and he throws his head back with a laugh. Peeking up at him, I fight back a smile as the sound of his laughter washes over me. Maybe I don’t remember him and maybe I don’t remember anything about our life together but I can’t deny that there is something here.
“See, I learned that little tidbit on the very first night we met. I asked for your number, you gave it to me and told me that you had no patience. You said if I tried doing that stupid thing where I made you wait three days before I called you, you’d block my number and never speak to me again.”
I hide my face behind my coffee cup as I fight back a smile. “God, I sound like a terror.”
“No, baby. It was incredibly sexy. So sexy, in fact, that I could barely wait until the next morning to call,” he answers, his eyes sparkling as he turns toward me on his barstool and pulls me closer. “I think I started falling in love with you that first night.”
“I wish I could remember.”
He brushes his thumb over my cheek. “You will. Oh, and before I forget, I got you something.”
“You did?” I ask. He nods as he turns back toward the counter and grabs a phone.
“It’s not anything big but your phone was destroyed in the crash and I thought you’d like to be in touch with the real world again.”
He hands it to me and I stare down at it for a second, searching for a way to turn it on but nothing happens. I glance up at Gavin as he grins.
“Swipe up on the screen.”
I do as he says and a lock screen pops up on the phone, prompting me for my password. I look to him again.
“Your birthday.”
Nodding, I enter the code and smile when the phone unlocks, revealing a gorgeous photo of the view out of my bedroom windows at night. Scanning the home screen, I notice the eighteen unread texts and fifty missed calls before my gaze lands on the one hundred and fifty-three unread emails.
“Oi,” I whisper as I set it down on the counter. Gavin chuckles as he stands up from his barstool.
“I guess that’s what happens when the boss bails out on work for three weeks.”
I nod, eyeing my phone. “Guess so. Maybe I should get back to work.”
“Absolutely not,” he growls, stepping up next to me and wrapping his arms around me. “You need to rest and recover. Nico is handling business while you’re away so I don’t want you worrying about a thing.”
“Yes, sir,” I mumble, feeling relieved that I don’t need to focus on running a business I don’t know anything about. He leans down and presses his lips to the top of my head before taking a step back.
“I have to run into work for a little over half the day but then I’ll be back here with you.”
“Okay… um, what exactly do you do?”
He grins as he slips his phone into his pocket. “Investment banking. It’s very exciting.”
“Sounds like it.” I lean back on the barstool and take a sip of my coffee. His gaze drops to my lips for a second before he checks his watch and sighs.
“I’ve got to get going. You want me to bring anything home for dinner?”
Meeting his gaze, I shake my head. “Whatever you want is fine with me.”
“Okay.” He leans in and plants another kiss on my head. “I’ll see you later, baby. I love you.”
I watch him leave before turning back to the counter and sighing as I set my coffee cup down. My phone stares back at me for a second before I scoop it up and unlock it. I have no idea what I’m looking for but there has to be something that can help me remember on here. A couple dozen apps litter the screen and I scan over them before choosing the easiest option.
Facebook.
My hand shakes as I tap the button and the newsfeed loads on the screen in front of me. I suck in a breath as I begin scrolling through the statuses, my heart pounding in my chest. After everything, I need something familiar, something that brings me a little piece of comfort because I don’t know how much longer I can go feeling like I’m alone, living in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language. Fish out of water doesn’t even begin to describe this turmoil rolling through me each moment I spend in this apartment, trying desperately to grasp a memory from my past. There are a few people that I recognize from high school and college but for the most part, it’s just another sea of endless faces and my heart sinks.
Shaking my head, I pull up my own profile and begin scrolling through it. At the very least, I have to find something of myself that I recognize, right? My page is filled with photos of Gavin and me, dressed to the nines and out on the town. I look really happy in the photos so there is that but I don’t see very many photos with girlfriends or any of just me. I’m always with him. Do I not have friends here in Miami? No, that can’t be right. There were so many people in my newsfeed that I didn’t recognize. Surely some of them are friends of mine. Right? I go back to the newsfeed and scroll down, discovering name after name of people I’ve never met but none of them seem to really know me. Are they business acquaintances? I guess it’s possible… Nico did say the company is doing very well but it’s still overwhelming to see how much of my life has been wiped away. It’s only been five years since I moved to Miami but it feels like my life is in the process of being ripped in half. Which side do I belong on, though?
I toss the phone across the countertop with a sigh, watching as it skids to the edge before standing up and grabbing my empty coffee cup. Rounding the island, I grab my phone and slip the cup into the sink before walking back to my room. The sun is out in full force now, shining through the glass and heating my skin as I pass the windows and sit down on the edge of the bed. What do I do now? I could spend some time going through the house again, looking for anything that might help me reclaim my memories but if what I saw last night is any indication, I won’t find much. I’ve never been big on watching TV, not that I’ve even seen one since I’ve been here but like the rest of everything else, it’s probably hidden in plain sight.
Sighing, I scan the bedroom again before standing up and pulling my box of photos out from under the bed. After I find a comfy spot in the middle of the bed, I open the box and toss the lid next to me. The first photo is one of Mercedes and me on our first Halloween in our apartment. She was determined to throw the most kickass party ever and we went all out. She even hired professional costume designers to turn us into authentic flapper girls. Running my finger over the photo, I remember how much fun we had that night and smile. The next photo is our second Thanksgiving together. Mercedes tried to cook a big dinner for all our friends and ended up burning the turkey. Her pouty, tear stained face in the photo makes me laugh as I set it down on the bed and pick up the next one. It’s a photo I don’t recognize of the two of us in our apartment, surrounded by boxes. I study it for a second and gasp. This must have been the day I moved or the night before so it was right after I went to that little country bar with Mercedes but I don’t remember it at all.
Tears sting my eyes as I stare down at the photo, the magnitude of my confusion and loneliness crashing down on me. I feel like I can’t breathe. I’m drowning in everyone’s expectations of me, fear and this overwhelming feeling that I don’t belong here. I look down at the photo again and a sob bubbles out of me. I have never felt more confused or lost in my entire life and I don’t even have my best friend to talk to or guide me through this. But… why don’t I? I eye the phone Gavin gave me this morning and wonder if Mercedes’ number is still in there. I could call her, couldn’t I? Old me wouldn’t have given it a second thought but I have no clue what’s waiting for me on the other end of the line.
What if she and I don’t talk anymore?
Did my move put too much pressure on our friendship?
Just the thought breaks my heart and I chew on my bottom lip as I continue studying the phone. Should I really do this? Before I can talk myself out of it, I scoop up the phone and unlock it. So what if it’s been years since we last spoke and I make a total ass of myself? It’s worth a shot. I need something to tether me because right now, it feels like I’m floating through someone else’s life and I can’t do it anymore. I need a little piece of me back. My heart thunders in my chest and butterflies flap around in my belly as I open my contacts and scroll down to M. When I find her name, I release a breath and press call. The phone rings in my ear and my heart hammers out of control.
God, what am I doing?
What if it’s been years since we talked?
What if this whole thing is horribly awkward and I’m truly all alone in this strange world? What will I do then?
My hand trembles at my side and I consider hanging up.
Shit.
“Hello?”
My heart jumps into my throat. “Mercedes?”
“Hey, Jett,” she answers, using my old nickname from college and it settles a piece of my soul. I sag back against the headboard as relief rushes through me. “What’s up?”
I open my mouth to answer her but I don’t even know where to begin.
“Is everything okay?”
“No,” I answer, releasing a breath. “Not really… I need to ask you a weird question.”
“Shoot, babe. You know you can ask me anything.”
I nod, taking another deep breath as my pulse slowly returns to normal. “When was the last time we spoke?”
“Like two weeks ago, remember? You told me all about the wedding plans. God, I’m so excited to come down to Miami and see you again,” she practically squeals. “It’s been way too long.”
“How long has it been?”
“What?”
I grab a pillow and hug it as I stare out at the ocean. “How long has it been since we’ve seen each other?”
There’s a pause on the other end of the line and I hug my pillow tighter as I wait for her reply.
“What’s going on, Juliette?”
I want to answer her but I need to know how much she’s still involved in my life and if she can help me. “Just answer the question first. When was the last time we saw each other?”
“I came down there right after Christmas to celebrate your engagement. Why don’t you remember that?”
Closing my eyes, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and nod. Okay, three months ago so that means we’re still close.
“What the hell is going on, Juliette? And you better answer me because I’m one more awkward silence away from calling my pilot.”
“I missed you,” I say, fighting back a smile at her “take no shit” attitude. I may not remember this house or the man I’m engaged to but the woman on the other end of the phone is exactly the same as she was five years ago.
“Juliette,” she warns and I open my eyes as I gather the courage to tell her everything that has happened over the past two weeks.
“I was in a car accident…”
She gasps and something crashes in the background. “When?”
“Two weeks ago.”
“And you’re just now telling me? What the hell, woman? What happened?”
Tears well up in my eyes again as I stare out at the ocean. “Apparently, my dad and I were driving by his house and someone ran a stop sign and t-boned us.”
“Oh my God, are you guys okay?”
“No,” I answer, my lip wobbling as tears begin dripping down my face. All my defenses crumble, brick by brick. “He’s gone. My dad didn’t make it.”
“Oh, honey,” she whispers, her voice thick and it amplifies my own heartbreak. When we lived together, Mercedes kind of adopted my dad as a second father and they always had a special relationship. A soft sob hits my ear and her tears trigger my own as I think about my dad and the fact that I’ll never see him again. “You’re okay though, right?”
I shake my head. “Not really. I was in a coma for a week and when I woke up, I couldn’t remember the last five years.”
“What?” she gasps and I drop my head back as the tears fall faster, a barrage of pain slamming into me like waves crashing against the shore. Hearing the words out loud, saying them to someone else, makes them even more real. In this apartment, with just Gavin and me, it’s easy to get swept up and forget that my life is falling apart around me. Or maybe I’m just compartmentalizing so I don’t completely lose my mind. I don’t know. But I guess that is kind of the point - I don’t know anything. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
“I clearly remember going out to that country bar to celebrate my big move and then the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital four days ago.”
“Jett,” she breathes. “That was five years ago.”
I nod. “I know.”
“Jesus… I don’t know what to say, honey.”
“There is nothing to say,” I whisper as I look out at the ocean again and wipe the tears from my face. “It is what it is.”
“Wait… are you living in the apartment with Gavin?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“And you don’t remember him?”
“Nope,” I answer, sucking in a stuttered breath as my tears begin to slow. Closing my eyes, I remember waking up in the hospital four days ago and being told I had a fiancé. It still doesn’t feel real despite the fact that I have this massive rock on my finger and I’m living in the same apartment with the man.
&
nbsp; “Shit. Are you okay? How is Gavin handling all of this?”
My eyes snap open. “Why would you ask me that? Do you have any reason to believe that he wouldn’t be anything other than a gentleman?”
“No, of course not, Jett. I’m just worried sick about you. What can I do to help?”
“I don’t know.”
She sighs. “I think I could move a few things around and fly down there in a day or two.”
“You don’t have to do that, Mer,” I answer, fighting back the urge to beg her to hop on a plane right now. As much as I want that, I’m sure she has a life back in Baton Rouge. I can’t just expect her to drop everything and run to my side.
“No, you need me. Especially if you can’t remember anyone in your life there. You need to be around people that love you and can actually help you.”
The thought of her coming here makes my heart drop and as I stare out at the water, the apartment we shared pops into my mind again.
“No, wait.”
“What?”
I sigh and massage my temple. “I don’t want to be here in Miami.”
“So what are you going to do? Run away?”
“As you just mentioned, I don’t recognize any part of my life and I’m living with a man I don’t even know with no family or friends that I remember.”
“Okay…”
“I want to come home, Mer.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, a kind of peace settles over me and I know it’s exactly what I need to do. The doctor told me I can't drive for a while but I can pack a bag and head to the airport. My thoughts drift to Gavin and my chest aches. It really isn’t fair of me to run out on him but I can’t stay here anymore. Mercedes is right. I need to be in a place I recognize with people that love me and the longer I stay in this apartment, the more out of place I feel. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to catch a flight today but I’ll look into it and call you back.”
“Wait! Don't go buying anything just yet.”
I scowl as I stare out at the water. “Why not?”