“I understand,” I say, pulling him down to me. “I want this, us, right now.”
Nothing is real or has been real since we met. For some crazy reason since I met this guy, I let him touch a part of myself that no one is allowed to see. I allow myself to be greedy and enjoy what he offers me.
He sucks on my nipples, his tongue circling around them with the same expertise as when he kissed me. One then the other. Tugging the tips of my tits while his skillful fingers tease along my thighs, parting them. He runs them all the way to my apex. My body tightens as his thumb caresses my slit.
“I love foreplay as much as you, but tonight, don’t make me wait,” I order. “I need you inside.”
His weight slides over me, his legs spread mine wider. My thoughts implode as I feel the pressure of him working slowly right outside my entrance.
“My sweet, June,” he says and enters me, sliding his thick length inch by inch. Hot, sweet, maddening sensations playing inside my body.
A loud moan stirs in my throat.
He places his hand on my hip, pulling me higher. Every thrust is a full-bodied embrace. The raw sensation between us, the sound of his heartbeat, and his kiss is consuming me.
We feed off each other’s lust, moving frantically. The ache I felt for the past few hours weighing down my heart finally dissolves when the waves of pleasure make my body jerk and tremble.
What’s going to happen tomorrow?
Sterling
I pull June’s sleepy body closer to me and kiss the top of her head.
What can I do to convince her to be mine?
In the big scheme of things, I am in charge of my life. Nothing is set in stone.
Why is it that I’m not bending my own rules?
I rebelled against my parents and anyone who tried to come between me and what I wanted.
For the past twenty years, I’ve fought for what I believe is my future and for what I love. I showed everyone that I’m capable of succeeding on my own. I’ve been making my mark through the world but today I realized that none of that matters.
They’re insignificant compared to June and our little ones.
I used to live under the illusion that I lived for me. This is a first. The day I come to realize that there’s more to what I’ve done in the past thirty-seven years. I used to control my emotions and June Spearman appeared into my life and proved me wrong—or showed me what’s right.
The woman who lives to control everything around her, taught me to release my heart and let it feel.
Looking at her, I smile. This is what I want. Having June between my arms every night. She is who I want, who I need. The life we can forge together. Ever since Kara, I told myself the same lie again and again, that I don’t deserve love and I can’t love. I closed myself up to the possibilities.
Earlier, I tried to keep the lie alive but the thought of not seeing June or my children stopped me. I found the courage to fight for her. I could sit on my ass and claim that love isn’t for me. It’d be so much easier to give up before anything serious starts.
Who am I kidding? We’ve been trying to fool ourselves. The attraction began the moment I spotted her.
If I have to ask when was the moment we reached the point of no return…that’d be our first kiss. I recall the intensity, the heat, and how I started to fall. I’m still falling. This thing we share is fragile. Forged by lust, in the middle of a wildfire. I don’t dare to give it a name because it’s too early.
She releases a throaty moan while still sleeping. I smile and brush away some strands of hair from her face. I then caress her flat belly, wondering how things will be when the babies arrive. They'll flip my life upside down.
Just like June.
She was unexpected, and yet, in weeks she changed everything. I’m yet to explain what exactly it is about her that made me fall for her. Maybe it’s the way she cares for me.
June makes me see myself in a different way. She cares for me in a way no one has ever cared. Fuck, how I wish it was love. Maybe it is and like me, she’s fighting it. Either way, I’ll try to win her over.
I can’t lose her.
My soul would die. I feel her sunshine fill my lungs each time we kiss. She’s more than air. She’s all I need to survive.
Am I ready to love her?
This feeling is so much different from what I’ve experienced.
I’ve never felt the magic I feel when I’m with June. She’s a gift.
June snuggles closer to me, molding her body perfectly with me. We’re imperfect, filled with flaws but she has everything I’m missing. She completes me. What is it that I have to do to prove to her that I’m not leaving?
“I love you,” I whisper before I close my eyes.
Maybe soon, I’ll have the courage to say it out loud.
June
I’m not surprised when I wake up and find myself alone in bed. The only witness to the best night of my life. It’s unlike any other night. I couldn’t call it sex. It was a delirious dance of tangled bodies, burning fires, and surrendering hearts.
My heart still throbs and all the emotions we let out continue flowing through my blood. What am I supposed to do with what I feel? What is he going to do? He can deny it, but I saw it in his eyes, the burning fire but also the affection.
Sterling Ahern cares about me, just not enough to stay.
Touching my belly, I send a prayer that these two are enough for him to let himself believe he’s capable of so much more than a birthday card.
The rest of this mess is on me. I’ll have to fix everything that broke, including my heart. Why did I let myself get tangled in his arms and his magical make believe?
It was a moment of weakness. I let the chaos take me over and gave him all—maybe even my heart. I don’t regret it. Not for a moment.
Now, it’s time to go back to the old June, the one who color codes every hour of the day. It was fun to color outside the lines. Order is what I know best.
“It’s going to be okay,” I say out loud.
I have some nice memories from Sterling, plenty of pictures to share from the short time we were together.
“He cares for you two,” I assure the babies. “He’s a loving person, I know, if only he believed so himself.”
Since Mom will be here later today and already knows I’m pregnant, I call Jeannette. Keeping her in the dark for this long has been killing me. It’s time to search for my other half.
“Hey,” Jeannette answers immediately. “Finally, are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?”
“Well, you’re a little feisty today,” I say defensively. “What is wrong with you?”
“Hmm, well, you’re selling your company, Jackson found you at the neighbor’s house—with an I-just-fucked face, you have a security detail, and I’m yet to learn what you’ve been hiding from me for the past year or so.”
“Nothing.”
“June, I’ve let it go long enough but I’m starting to feel left out.”
“I was puking, not fucking,” I clarify. “Though, I let them believe that because it was better than saying something like, I was puking my brains because I’m pregnant.”
“You’re what?”
“I’m pregnant,” I repeat. “Remember the guy I slept with during Thanksgiving week …”
Pacing around the large master bedroom, I tell her everything from beginning to end. She doesn’t interrupt me.
“Congratulations on the babies,” she says dryly.
“But?”
“You confided in other people and not me. I’m your sister. Not only that, your twin. Are you still upset because I didn’t tell you about the wedding?”
“I wouldn’t use the word upset, more like pissed and still not over it. I’m your fucking sister. Your twin,” I claim, my voice getting loud. “We promised to be each other’s maids of honor and you eloped. But that’s not why I didn’t tell you. You were too busy, and I didn’t want to suck you into my drama.”
>
“Teagan and I didn’t want a traditional wedding,” she says apologetically. “Sorry about it. I was caught up in the moment and … it happens you know. From everyone, I thought you’d get it. You’re still my other half, but Teagan is my better half.”
I’m jealous because she found love. Someone came into her life and she wasn’t even looking. This is why I gave up and, of course, now I have feelings for someone. Sterling.
“Come and live with us,” she offers.
“Thank you, but I have to work something out with him,” I sigh.
“But you said it’s over,” she says, pushing the knife deeper into my heart.
“Oh, but that’s between us. Not that we ever started anything,” I clarify. “Sterling wants to be a part of their lives. Also, after selling the company I have to make sure I invest the money wisely. I can’t just jump on a plane to Hawaii where it’s beautiful but so expensive.”
“In other words, you need to organize the next nineteen years of your life,” she concludes. “I’m here for anything, you know that?”
“Are you coming for the holidays?”
“Shit, let me talk to Teag. It’s supposed to be her family’s turn, but I might be able to work something out,” she says.
“I might forgive you for not inviting me to your wedding,” I say, and laugh because I know that won’t work. “I’m joking. It’s fine if you can’t be here.”
Jack and Jason always spend the holidays with us because their wives don’t have anywhere to go. It’s horrible that Emmeline and Eileen don’t get along with their families, but it’s good because my brothers don’t have to split the holidays.
Teagan loves her family, so she and Jeannette plan on splitting the holidays. Not being with Jeannette every holiday is going to be hard, but we’ll learn to cope.
My stomach growls and I decide to head to the kitchen, and that’s where I spot him. He’s shirtless. I stare at the swells of hard muscles along his back. It makes me want to trace the lines along his bare back with my mouth.
I suck in a breath because I realize there’re things I still want to do, and the desire hasn’t waned yet. My mouth craves his hard length. I want to wrap my lips around his cock. Capture his wandering hands and slide them down to my center.
How I wish we could continue exploring each other. He’s touched me in places I never thought I wanted to be touched and I only want him to be there.
Jeannette grounds me back into reality when she asks, “So now that things are over with the hot guy, are you planning on dating?”
Dating? Why is she asking that? I have children and … I stare at him.
“I’m not sure,” I mumble.
“But he left you hanging just a few hours ago,” she reminds me and I realize she’s taunting me.
“That’s what I thought,” I reply.
“Hey,” he says, turning around and giving me that cocky grin that takes my breath away. “I was going to bring you breakfast in bed.”
“So, he’s there,” Jeannette says.
“Mm-hmm,” I answer.
“Call me later,” she requests. “I’ll be there soon, okay?”
“You don’t have to, but think about the holidays, okay,” I whisper as Sterling marches to me.
“You need me, hang in there,” she finishes the call.
Sterling smiles wider as I approach him hesitantly.
“You look tired,” he murmurs. “I should’ve let you sleep.”
Sterling touches my face with one hand, and his thumb strokes my lip, I let out a low moan.
“You’re here,” I manage to say.
He eases me into a hug, molding me to his body. His arms secure me close to him. “Where else would I be?”
“I thought last night was goodbye.”
“And here I thought we had finally come to an agreement.”
He rubs my back, it’s nowhere erotic like last night, more like soothing and tender. Either way is delicious. His hands are magical, so perfect. I don’t want him to stop touching me. Ever.
“The question is, where do you want me to be, June?”
With me, I think, and those two words surprise me and yet make sense.
But I refuse to say anything because I don’t know where I stand, and I refuse to give him more. I rest my head on his chest, the thump-thump of his heartbeat relaxes me. My hands go around his waist and I close my eyes.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask him to stay—forever. Because last night was delicious and seeing him always makes me smile. That’s better than confessing how I’m having trouble breathing because I know we came to an impasse and there’s no way to move from it.
“Those wheels are turning. I can hear them,” he says. “Should we eat before you begin scheduling the next thirty years of our lives?”
Not sure what startles me more, ‘we’ or ‘thirty.’ What irritates me is him calling me out on how I schedule my life.
I stiffen and push myself away from him. “Are you patronizing me?”
Placing my hands on my waist I tell him off. “In case you haven’t heard, I’m going to be a new mother in a few months. Children need a routine. I do too. If I’m lucky they’ll wait until next August, but sometimes twins are born weeks before their due date. It’d be irresponsible of me to wait until they are here.
“So what if I’m trying to get my act together? There’s so much to do,” I say. “At least for the first couple of years, I want to stay with them. I need to choose the right buyer for my company and set the money aside so I can live comfortably for those two years.”
He shoves his hands in his pockets and stares at me attentively. I take that as a ‘continue with your plan’ kind of gesture. Maybe it’s not, perhaps he’s thinking, fuck there she goes planning the rest of her life. I’ll pretend to listen and leave once she’s done with her sermon.
“Not sure how you see this situation. We … I mean, I have to start thinking long-term about what I’m going to do. This is permanent. I was ready-ish to have one kid, two is a totally different game.”
He exhales and sighs. “Where am I in those plans?”
“Where do you want to be?” I ask.
He laughs. “I just asked you that, June. Where the fuck do you want me?”
“It’s not up to me,” I answer. “I won’t force you to do anything. You’re the one who decides.”
“Last night I thought I was clear. Maybe we have to start with some ground rules. If you need me to stop, let me know.”
“Ground rules?” I ask. “You hate rules.”
He rolls his eyes. “That’s right, woman, you’re rubbing off on me. Rule number one.” He shows me his index finger. “If you need to speak to me, you call me—no exceptions. Since day one I stop doing whatever I am doing whenever I see your phone number.” He smirks. “You had me since you said, I want your property.”
“I’m pretty sure I didn’t say that,” I argue.
“Rule number two,” he says, ignoring me. “When you make plans, you make me a part of them, no exceptions. I’m part of this family. If you have questions for me, just ask. Don’t assume. I came downstairs to prepare breakfast, I never left. I’m too old to play games, June. I want to be with you.”
“How would I know that?”
“Well, it’s time to settle things between us, sweetheart.”
His statement is bold, I’m not sure what to expect, until he’s taking me back into his arms. One hand curls around my neck, his long fingers grasping me gently. His lips find mine, his tongue demanding entrance into my mouth. I mold against his hard muscles, craving more.
He slides one hand to my ass, urging me against his hard length.
“Wait,” I say as I get lost in him. “We can’t do this.”
“Kiss?”
“You know that your kisses lead up to a lot more, Ahern,” I say between shallow breaths.
“Baby, this is just a taste. We’ll get to the best part later.” He bends and takes my mou
th again.
This time, there’s a deliberate grinding of bodies. The rhythm is fast.
“Sterling, I need answers, I can’t continue not knowing anymore.”
He stops.
“What do you want to know, Juniper Spearman?” he asks, exhaling loudly and holding me close to him; his chin resting on top of my shoulder. “If you want me to name the strong emotions I feel for you, I can’t yet. I’m still trying to solve the mystery of what’s happening inside me. You can live wherever you want, here, California … as long as you let me, I’ll follow you. I don’t need an address, I need you.”
I move away slightly just so I can see him because this isn’t making much sense.
“Look,” he says, his intense gaze penetrating mine, “I know this thing between us is new, fragile, and somewhat complicated. There’s an unexplained force pulling us together. I’ve only spent a few breathless moments with you, and I want more. A lifetime of them.
“Juniper Spearman, the only issue we have is that you don’t trust me. I understand. We just met, and I haven’t impressed you. My public record is shit and the way I talk about life sometimes sounds as if I don’t give a fuck about my future. I do.
“Planning isn’t my thing. My life is fucking chaos and some days I like to lose myself in my work. Since you came into my life, I spend my days working and thinking of you. What you need to know is that at the end of the day I belong to you. I don’t know how or when you claimed me but I’m yours and I pray to the higher power that you keep me and someday we can be more. I’m not asking you for much right now, just for you to give me a chance.”
“Sterling—”
He places his index finger on my lips. “No, I don’t want you to say anything. Let me prove myself to you. As for your finances, we have plenty of money to live comfortably for several lifetimes. This house is yours. But if you want us to move to San Francisco or Sacramento to be closer to your parents, we will.”
I look at him anxiously, wondering what just happened. My mind is trying to process everything he just said while my heart is beating at a billion miles per hour and threatening to jump out of my chest to join his heart.
Once Upon a Holiday Page 15