by A. M Martin
Nick scoffs, “How much help could Dean be? He’s in the rage. Been there for who knows how long."
"It has to be enough." Jeff states.
Yes, it will. I won’t lose her.
"I’m going for a run." I scoff walking towards the door, Nick's voice stopping me.
"You want company?"
I nod and leads the way.
As soon as my feet touch the grass. I shift, welcoming the warming of my blood. My bones are breaking and reforming. It’s like stretching in the mornings.
My large paws touch the ground. A howl heats the air as I run off towards the trees. A slightly smaller brown wolf at my side.
I needed this. The forest smells fill my snout. The ground beneath my paws. The stretch and pull of my muscles.
A yip has my head slightly turning; Rabbit Nick growls the thought into my mind and my mouth waters.
I take off in the same direction as Nick has gone, nipping at my brothers’ tail. It feels good to run with Nick.
I finally feel somewhat calm. The pack bond is doing its job.
A flash of black moves through the trees as Dean's thoughts fills the two brothers head.
Hunt. Feed.
More wolf than man. The black wolf joins in on the hunt.
I growl and snap my teeth. I know I’m more dominant than the black wolf. I have nothing to fear from him in this form. They’re pack. Pack means everything. A wolf is nothing without his pack.
Eventually, I will make peace with Avery being Deans empath. My lips curl into a wolfish smile.
I howl causing the other two wolves to join in as they hunt as a unit.
Avery
"Ah. This isn’t working." Camron screeches, throwing his hands in the air, walking back and forth in the yard.
“Ya think.” Cammie pops her gum from the lawn chair.
Cam turns sticking his tongue out at her.
I roll my eyes and stand up stretching out my legs. We’ve been at this for two hours. Camron has been trying to figure out how to unlock my emotions, and nothing has worked so far.
Frustration slowly fills up my body. I turn to the side, where the trees meet the yard. Laying there, sunbathing is the midnight black wolf. I snap my figures out at him earning me a wolf-like grunt.
“It’s weird how he just lays there watching you,” Cammie says foot bouncing.
I look at her, “What’s not weird about me Cammie?”
She winks, “True.”
I shake out my shoulders, hoping to shake out the emotion and catch Kayden’s eyes on me. A small frown on his heart-shaped lips.
We’re bonded. Not halfway mated. I still can’t get past that he did that to us without me knowing. Or that I’m doing all of this for him.
I don’t care. I don’t want to unblock my emotions, and yet I’m doing just that for him. Why?
"Okay, okay." Camron claps his hands together, coming to stand in front of me.
"Explain it to me again. How do you block?"
I sigh, “It’s like this huge steel impenetrable wall inside my mind. It wraps everything up. It keeps everything from me." I cross my arms.
"So. Is there another wall behind that one? Let’s say, for your emotions." He says looking lost in thought.
I just shake my head. I don’t know. I’ve never been behind the wall. Never had a reason to.
"This is what you are going to do. Listen. Go in your mind. Bypass the first wall. Your emotions should be passed that, in a cage maybe." He nods his head and smiles.
Cammie giggles, “Shut it.” Cam snaps.
“Go ahead and try it.” Cam nods his head at me.
My eyes shut, and I focus on my wall. Slowly I walk through a fog not really moving. The mist starts to thin out. It's beautifully perfect. My steel walls. It’s a deep black, smooth and cold to the touch. I start walking along it, my fingers dragging across the cool metal, looking for a door. A window. Anything to let me pass. I find nothing.
"Walk through it."
I jerk at the husky whisper in my ear. Kayden. I didn’t know he had moved so close to me. His muscular chest up against my back. I can feel his muscles flex.
He smells good, like fresh cut grass.
Shaking my head, I block him out along with his body heat at my back and his strong hands resting on my hips.
Laying both hands on the wall, I slowly start to push. It feels hard at first like a wall should be. The more I push, the more it feels like it gives. Slowly I watch my hands start to sink in. It’s cold and thick like clay. My hands disappear, cut off at my wrist. It looks like I have no hands. Just my wrists are lying against the wall. To say it’s weird is an understatement. Alright. I take a deep breath and kind of do a jump run number into the rest of the wall.
I feel weightless. Floating. Until I’m not. I come through the other side stumbling. Falling on my knees.
Looking around first thing, I notice is the bland gray light. It’s not dark nor is it light. Just a stale gray. In the middle of all the gray is a huge willow tree. Branches are swiping across the gray floor. This must be my cage?
My head cocks as I move closer to the Willow. It’s a beautiful tree even though it’s not in bloom. My breath catches when I spot the small heart carved in the center of the tree.
This isn’t just any old willow. It’s my Willow, the one in our backyard. The one where my father took his last breath. Why would this be the thing that holds my emotions? And how do I unlock them? I walk around the willow in a slow circle coming back to the craving.
I stare at the tree looking for a sign about what to do. And nothing happens. I should have been expecting that I mean how is a tree supposed to tell me what to do. This is my mind I should know. Right?
I sit down, leaning my back against the rough bark of the trunk. My fingers reach out and toy with the bare thin branch. It’s so brittle it breaks apart at the touch of my fingers. The broken pieces fall onto the gray ground and crumble to dust. The tree is dead. I lean my head back looking up into the dead branches. A memory catches me off guard...
"Av." The lyrical voice of my father floats to my ears, and I bring my head back down. A soft smile stretches across his tired face. Dads, not that old being thirty-two but you couldn’t tell it by looking at his face. It’s withered and wrinkles or stress lines however you want to call it mar his face. Dark circles set heavily under his ice blue eyes.
"Sorry." I smile sheepishly and shrug my shoulders.
He chuckles, “Try again rainbow girl."
That brings a bright smile to my face as I close my eyes and time my breathing. Rainbow girl. It always makes me smile and lightens my heart. Dad says I’m so colorful and full of life that I’m his own personal rainbow.
I shake my head as I feel the bright green leaves of the willow sweep across my face. Back to breathing. I’m supposed to be meditating. Becoming one with myself and nature. Still, don’t know what it means but dad doesn’t make me do it very often, so I at least try to please him.
My hand comes up and swipes across my nose as I feel a tickle of leaves. Again, at my ear and on my cheek. Wait a minute; the wind isn’t blowing.
A smile tries to form on my face, but I stop it. I hear movement to my left and launch myself that way. Eyes are opening to see dads surprise expression as I tackle him. We fall to the ground both laughing. I punch his shoulder and roll off him. I stare up at the blue sky watching the clouds slowly dance across the surface.
"I thought we were supposed to be meditating."
I can hear the smile in his voice, “With you rainbow girl it’s about impossible you’re so full of life. Just can’t sit still."
I giggle knowing he’s right, that I’m a perky ball of energy.
"It’s good for dance." I smile.
It’s quiet. The only noise is our breathing and the wind moving through the tree branches creating its own melody. It starts to lull me to sleep.
"Avery."
"Hum mm."
"Avery." The to
ne of his voice has me sitting up. A nervous feeling is pulling on my insides.
A frown covers his face.
"Yeah." I’m uneasy. He went from playful to severe so fast. Too fast.
“I want you to remember this." A sad smile covers the frown as he holds his arms out.
"Remember how happy you are. Remember the good times and the love. Avery never forget the love I have for you and what makes you my rainbow girl." He leans over and kisses my forehead.
Tears streak down my face. "I remember. I’m so-so sorry I forgot." My voice is a cried filled whisper.
A soft breeze tickles across my face, prompting me to open my eyes.
My breath catches as my tears flow faster. There is no longer any gray here.
A bright blue sky with a shining sun shines all around me. Lighting up the green grass. I stand up and face the Willow. The once dead tree is now full of life. Bright, healthy leaves fill the branches with little flowers of every color of the rainbow fill the tree.
"I love you, daddy." With a smile on my face, tears streaming down my cheeks I start walking back to my steel wall. Back to the real world to remember.
Avery
"Is she okay?" Kayden’s deep husky voice causes a chorus of shivers to run through my body. The right kind the has my bare toes curling into the grass.
A tiny smile still plays on my lips as tears roll down my cheeks. My eyes open and I jerk back a little at the sight of the wolf. Fear churns in my belly.
I’m accustomed to the sight of the wolf, but now I have nothing blocking my fear from blazing in my body. Making me shake and sweat.
Having something as big as a black bear a couple of feet in front of you would scare anybody. Except for the three guys to the side of me and Cammie who’s still popping her gum.
Camron smiles a soft smile and moves forward. His skinny arms wrap around me in a hug. I soak up the feeling of another’s touch. The happy bubbling feeling in my body. I mentally check my steel walls. I’m safe at least for now. I know this was only the first step in the many more to come to control my powers and I can’t help to gulp at that. Am I strong enough to handle this?
Cam releases me but doesn’t leave my side. Hovering like a mother hen. It makes me happy and eases some of my nervousness. I take a deep breath and look up. My belly in a different kind of knot.
Kayden is looking at me, now standing in front of me instead of behind. I can still feel the ghost of his wide hands on my hips. The heat of them still there. Kayden's eyes are full of caution and uncertainty. My breath catches. He really is gorgeous. His muscles are locked up tight. By the look in his bright green eyes, he wants to be the one by my side, but I’m just not ready for that.
I don’t even know what, how I feel about this connection between us. I need time to myself. Time to think. Even though I now feel this pull towards him. This need to hold him and not let go. I keep my ground, push the needs away for the time being.
“I can hug you, now right?” Cammie asks a ball of energy, “I mean Cam did. So, can I?”
I smile and nod.
Cammie squeals wrapping her arms around me and swaying us back and forth. I laugh. A real laugh for the first time in so long and it feels pleasant.
Cammie let's go, stepping back, “You should laugh more often.” She smiles.
Yeah, I really should.
"Is Jeff back yet?" I ask in a hoarse whisper, emotions thick in my voice.
There's so many of them. Hurt. Joy. Anger. Sadness. Desire. Hate. They all roll around on me like thundering waves. Making my breathing stiff and hard.
"We can check,” Cam answers moving me towards the back door. "Avery if it gets too hard. Siphon them to Kay and Dean alright."
I nod. I don’t know how to do what Cam said. Siphon, but I can manage for now. At least I hope so.
I stumble a little as a wave of hurt lashes at me; I glance behind me seeing the black wolf sitting there. He’s so sad. And lonely. I turn back and just kept walking as his hurt becomes mine breaking my heart. It will take some time, but I will help him as much as possible. After I speak with Jeff, hopefully, Cam and I can work on bringing the black wolf out of the Rage.
I take a seat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. My fingernails tap-tap the granite counter top. I’m frustrated with myself for being afraid and nervous around everyone. I know these people but can’t help the uneasiness of being near them or continuously searching for Kayden.
"Here."
A plate lays in front of me with a sandwich and chips. I follow the hand with my eyes. I never noticed how huge Kayden’s arms are nor did I know how attracted seeing veins and muscles pulses in a forearm could be. A blush blazes on my face and down my neck as butterfly’s swarm my belly. I’ve missed that feeling. That exciting, gushing feeling when you’re around a crush. He really isn’t a crush, though, he’s my mate. I should find out what exactly that means.
"Thanks." I squeaked making me even redder. Could I be even weirder?
"Avery,” His hand on my arm has me biting back a groan as the tingles he always produces attacks my body. My heart pounds and heat pools in my gut. "Don’t be embarrassed OK."
Yeah. Sure, if that’s even possible. I nod slowly taking in his square jaw, lush lips, and high cheekbones. He’s a god and supposedly all mine.
A small whine escapes me, and I try to cover it up by taking a bite of the sandwich. I don’t think I fooled anyone and my face is red again.
Smoked turkey and baby Swiss cheese. I gobble it down in a minute and finish off the handle full of salty chips. I go to lick the salt off my fingers and pause halfway towards my mouth remembering I’m not alone. I look up and turn beet red once more. I have a feeling this is going to be my standard look for a while.
"Well, you’re a different person,” Aden says.
My eyes narrow at him. I still don’t like him there’s just something about him that causes my hackles to rise.
“Don’t say that.” Cammie snaps, “She’s still the same person. She just feels now.” She pops her gum.
My eyes widen when Aden’s face softens as he looks at Cammie. Something is going on between them.
"I think it’s a good thing." Nick chuckles.
I look around the kitchen for Kayden. My heart pounds. I spot him in the corner arms crossed just watching and just seeing him calms me.
"Hey." Cam smiles as he pops back into the kitchen, “Jeff still isn’t back yet." He takes a seat on the bar stool beside me, “How are you doing? "
That’s a load question. "Good I guess, considering." I shrug and drink from the glass of water that Kayden sat in front of me.
I zone out and wring my fingers together. There's so much stuff I need to do, but one thing takes priority. I shake my head, angry at myself. It should have been the first thing I did when Jeff bailed me out of the mental institution. Me not feeling anything made that problematic. I just didn’t care at the time. I feel immensity guilty and feel my eyes start to water up. No more tears.
I clear my throat, “Um." God, I’m so nervous, and I feel sick to my belly.
Why is this so hard?
"What is it?" Kayden’s voice has me almost gasping, feeling the tingles all the way through my body. How long will these last?
"Dad's grave,” I mumble, feeling ashamed, tracing the lines in the black and gray marble counter top.
I looked up when no one answered me. There’s confusion written on everyone’s faces has me pausing my world wind of thoughts. A blush quickly takes up my face when I realize I didn’t even ask a question.
"Will someone take me to my dad’s grave?" I mumble again.
"You do know Max really isn’t your Dad right.?" Aden sneers.
“Aden God, quit being such an ass.” Cammie barks at him.
I flinch as my heart breaks. Yeah, I know Max, and I don’t share any DNA like a father and daughter does but being a Dad isn’t about DNA, it’s about everything else. He raised me from an infant until I lost him. He
will always be my dad. He will always have my love.
"Aden!" Cam snaps at the same time Kayden smacks Aden on the back of the head. Aden growls but does nothing else, looking up at the wall with a clenched jaw.
"Avery." I jerk when Kayden takes my hand and tugs slightly, “Come on. I’ll take you." He says softly with a small smile on his face.
I let Kayden lead me out of the house my much smaller hand still in his hand. I like the feel of Kayden’s much larger calloused hand wrapped around mine. I blush again at the thoughts and feelings I have for him. Then the guilt hits me like a Mack truck. I loosen my grip and pull my hand away.
He gives me a sad look, but I can’t help the guilt. I shouldn’t be thinking about him, his hands touching me when I’m going to visit my father’s grave for the first time.
Avery
I follow Kayden through the trees outside of the house. Is the graveyard this close? Isn’t that kind of creepy?
"Careful,” Kayden says softly, catching me from falling on my face.
Stupid rock.
"Yeah,” I say weakly, with his strong arms wrapped around me.
Our eyes lock, and my heart thumps fast. His twinkle and a soft smile pull at his lips. He lets me go moving ahead, and I can breathe. Big gulps of forest air. Whoa, he is something else.
We’ve walked a couple of minutes through the trees and over a tiny stream my eyes locked onto Kayden’s board back as he moves. I can see the muscles shift underneath his black shirt causing me to bite my lip, holding my groan. And his butt. My God who knew a guy’s butt would be something worth watching as he walks through the woods or that it could get my breathing a little harsh.
"So. This doesn’t need to be awkward between us." Kayden says looking over his shoulder. A smirk lights up his face when he sees where I’ve been looking.
Kill me now. I look anywhere but at him. Which is hard to do. My eyes keep wanting to go back to him.
"It kind of does, though,” I mumble biting my lip.
He chuckles, running his fingers through his hair, “Yeah maybe."