by Sotia Lazu
We were back together less than a week. Too soon. We didn’t know if we were compatible. We’d been together longer as vampires, but the circumstances were different.
He opened the box. The box was open.
Oh thank fuck.
There was something shiny in it, but it wasn’t a ring. I gulped in air and willed my heartrate to return to normal. “A key?” I smiled with relief. “It’s a key for the house.”
“It was about time you had your own.” Alex held it out to me. The keyring was a bejeweled G. For Gerri.
I took it with shaking hands and burrowed in Alex’s arms. “Thank you.” The pressure in my chest was lighter but still there.
He kissed the crown of my head. “You’re very welcome, but this is your place too.”
I pulled him down for a deep kiss that soothed my nerves more. “It’s Key-Day for Cherry,” I said when we broke apart. “Got a set for the agency too.”
“Sounds like a day for celebration.” He winked.
“French press and handmade crostini will have to do for now, but I’ll get a bottle of wine for tonight, and maybe we can...” I waggled my eyebrows.
He glanced beneath my waist. “So we’re—”
“Cleared for landing.”
“Wanna skip coffee?”
“Tempting, but I want to take this baby for a ride.” I tilted my head toward the car.
He gave an exaggerated roll of the eyes. “If you haffta.”
I slid in behind the wheel and adjusted the seat and the mirrors while Alex got in next to me.
Now, I’m the first to admit I reversed a little faster than I should have, but there was no reason for him to yell. I didn’t hit anything, and the rest of the drive was smooth. Parking took a couple more tries than I’d like, but it was all coming back to me fast, which did wonders for my mood.
Until we were seated at the brasserie, and Alex asked, “Why did you freak out earlier?”
“Earlier?” I hid behind my menu.
“When you thought there was a ring in that box.” Alex took the plasticized card from me. “I’m a cop; I’m good at reading body language. Though I didn’t need my training in this case. You were like a deer caught in the headlights.”
“I was surprised.”
The waiter came for our order, and Alex asked for more time, before returning to me. “You were terrified.”
I gulped. “It’s too soon, Alex.” Possibly for everything.
He nodded. “Which is why I wasn’t proposing. But you’re open to the idea in the future.” He said it as a statement, but it was a question.
Saying I was would be the end of it, and we could enjoy our afternoon till he had to return to work, but I didn’t want to lie. “Maybe?”
“Are you asking me?”
“I don’t know, Alex. I love you. I’m sure about that. But I don’t see me getting married or having kids anytime soon. My priorities are different right now.” My phone rang, and I pulled it out to see Dr. King’s number flashing on the screen. “Sorry. I have to get this,” I said.
It was the doctor’s assistant, to confirm the date for the procedure and give me instructions not to eat or drink for hours beforehand.
I asked Alex for his pen and a page of the little notebook he always carried about, and jotted everything down.
When I ended the call, he was looking at me, brow furrowed.
Shit. I should have told him. “I’m getting cosmetic surgery in two weeks. I only booked it today. Literally just before I got home. Sally convinced the guy to see me when his assistant was out, so she called for the details.”
“I didn’t know you were considering it.”
“Sure you did.” I tried to sound playful, hoping to diffuse the situation. “I told you in the car, when I saw myself in the mirror.”
“I thought you were joking.” He clenched his jaw. So much for diffusing the situation. “I was kidding about the wrinkles. You know that.”
I waved him off. “Not touching the face, but I’ve always wanted a slimmer waist and maybe something more on the cleavage area.”
He pointed a finger at me. “You’re beautiful the way you are, Gerri. Belly and all. You have nothing to prove.”
I loved the part about being beautiful. The assumption that I’d alter my body to prove something, not so much. “I’m doing this for me,” I said slowly. “It’s my body.”
“I know it is, but you want to change it because you think it’ll make you more attractive. Do you realize you won’t be able to get pregnant for the next three or four years? What’ll you tell your parents and my mom when they ask why we’re waiting?”
Lipo isn’t a tummy tuck. They don’t tighten your muscles, and you don’t have to wait years to get pregnant, but that wasn’t the point. “I wasn’t planning on getting knocked up anytime soon, and I don’t generally base my decisions on how I’ll explain them to others.” My eyes burned. I wanted to be a vampire for ten seconds, so I could thrall this discussion to an end.
He glared. “You obviously don’t care what others have to say, but it’s not all about you anymore. You can’t do anything you please and damn the consequences. And when will you want to have kids? Neither of us is getting any younger.”
You know how sometimes you can’t tell the moment a relationship died? Well, that was when I realized ours had run its course, and it wasn’t ’cause of his jibe about my age.
What I felt when I saw him with the box wasn’t cold feet. It was a fucking full-on panic attack, and I felt it resurging inside, clouding my reason. My first instinct was to pick a fight—tell Alex I didn’t care about his opinion and he wouldn’t see the new boobs anyway, because we were over. But I wasn’t pissed off; I was sad. And Alex was the one who taught me not to translate all my feelings into anger just because it was easier to handle.
I threw the approaching waiter a death-glare that kept him at bay. “Alex, this isn’t working. We are not working.” The words burned my lips, but I didn’t want to take them back. Whether things between us were more broken than I thought when we got back together, or we simply weren’t at the same place, this wasn’t working.
“Because we’re disagreeing on liposuction?”
“It’s not this disagreement.” Hell, when I thought about it, I didn’t want the lipo anymore. I was no longer the girl who considered her value to be reversely proportional to the circumference of her waist. Becoming human again had confused me for a while, but I saw clearly now. The boobs I very much wanted, though. For me. Not to be more attractive.
I made a fist, digging my nails in my palm to keep from screaming. “When we met, I thought we couldn’t have a future because I was a vampire. Then you got turned, and the problem was that you weren’t used to your new reality. I believed with both of us human, we’d be good, but I was wrong. You want a serious girlfriend, someone you can marry, and I’m not that girl.”
He cupped my fist with both hands. “But you can be. If you’re set on doing this, let’s talk about it.”
I squeezed more tightly. There was nothing to talk about. “You’re not listening. I’m saying I don’t want to be the perfect woman you have in your head. I’m not ready for all this relationship entails, and I don’t know if I’ll ever—”
Alex glanced at the ceiling. When he zeroed in on me again, his expression was flat. “This is about Constantine, isn’t it?”
I withdrew from his grip so fast, I hit my hand on the wall. It hurt. “This is about you and me,” I whispered, frustration and pain choking me. Anything else, we could overcome, but we weren’t compatible in our core. “We’re not meant to be, Alex. I don’t want the picket fence and the family you always dreamed of.” Realization dawned, and I added, “Not now, not ever.”
“Gerri, I love you. We can work this out.” He didn’t say he didn’t care about anything but me.
“I love you too, but we’ll never see eye to eye, and this isn’t fixable.” I stood.
Alex got up to block
my way. He reached for me but didn’t touch me. “Come home with me. Stay the night.” His steel-grey eyes were mesmerizing, and I wanted to say yes.
It was tempting. I really did love him, and I’d never not be attracted to him, but another night together would only prolong our misery.
I leaned into him and pressed my lips to his. He tasted salty with the tears that ran down my cheeks. I handed him the key fob. “I’ll call Sheena to pick me up. Take my car to work. I’ll come pick it up and get my stuff tomorrow morning, and I’ll leave the house key.”
Leaving him behind looking like a lost pup hurt like hell, but I also felt liberated. No Constantine. No Alex. Just me, and time to figure out who I was and what I wanted.
I called Sheena and got a vampire lift to her place.
Chapter Nineteen
“AND YOU DON’T THINK you can patch things up?” Sally scrunched her adorable nose, as we landed at Sheena’s front door.
“No. It’s over.” I sniffled, though I’d exhausted my sobs on the flight here.
“It’s normal for a guy to want to be consulted when his girl is about to make a major change,” she said in a soft tone. “Haven’t met one who’d make a fuss over extra boobage, though.”
I’d glossed over the details when she picked me up, and I didn’t have the will or the stamina to explain now. “Can we talk in the morning?”
“Sure.” Still, she looked at me eagerly.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Nothing, my ass, but I didn’t care to find out what she wanted to say. I pointed at the door. “Do you have a key, or do I ring the bell or knock or something?”
“Does this mean you’ll become a vampire again?” Sally asked.
We weren’t done, then.
“I just need to be alone for a while.” I rang the doorbell anyway, praying someone on the other side of the door would save me.
“You could call Constantine. He’s alone too.” Sally grinned.
I groaned and knocked on the door. “Sheena? Somebody? Anybody?”
Sheena opened the door, and I rushed past her into the living room, away from Sally’s questions. Not that I escaped her.
“It wasn’t just a fight,” Sally told the room. “They broke up.”
Liza got up from the couch. “I’ll get wine.”
Carrie ran in the kitchen after her. “I’m making snacks.”
Sally sort of tackled me to the couch and wrapped a throw around my shoulders. “Get comfy and tell us all about it.”
I shrugged it off. “It’s a million degrees.”
She pouted and started to say something, but Sheena wedged herself between us and sat next to me. “What does the situation call for? Do we go with poor you, you can do better, or I never liked him anyway?”
I thought I was cried out, but Sheena’s question brought on a fresh bout.
“Now look what you’ve done,” Sally stage whispered.
“It was meant to be a joke,” Sheena said. “I swear, if that boy did anything to hurt you again, I’ll feed his balls to my dog.”
“You don’t have a dog,” I managed between sniffles.
“I’ll buy one if I have to. Do I have to?”
I shook my head. “He didn’t do anything.”
Liza returned, holding a bottle of white in one hand and a tray with glasses on the other. “You’re not covering for him, are you? I know abusers—”
“Alex is not an abuser.” I slapped the arm of the couch. The oof at impact was unsatisfying. “He’s back to his sweet self, and he wants us to get married and have kids. And I don’t.”
“He couldn’t wait?” Carrie asked, placing a platter of sandwiches on the coffee table. She took a throw pillow, put it on the floor, and sat on it cross legged. “Men.”
I slumped back and closed my eyes. “No reason for him to wait. I thought, if I were human, I’d want the same things. I certainly hated being denied the option when I was turned. But I can’t see myself as a wife and mom. I don’t want it. And if I don’t want it now that it’s a fucking miracle, I never will.”
“Woman, your timing sucks,” Sheena said. “Couldn’t you have thought of all that before becoming human again? But then you’d have missed out on that threesome, so...”
So the subject was changed to something marginally less uncomfortable, as questions and comments were thrown my way. I answered a few, dodged many others, and soon I was half-drunk and giggling and thanking the powers that be for having girlfriends.
Me and the vampettes, girlfriends. Sheena, who handed us all to Willoughby, my best friend. Things changed from one day to the next. Hell, within a week, I’d gone from sleeping with both the men I loved to talking to neither of them. I’d gone from vampire to human. Maybe I’d been too hasty to leave Alex. I might change my mind.
No. Breaking up with Alex was a good choice, and I shouldn’t let insecurities change my mind. Even now, I missed talking to Constantine—in my dreams, in my head, and in reality.
Going to work did me good. It took my mind off things. Sally had to fly me in to Cecilia’s photo shoot at the butt crack of dawn, because Sheena wouldn’t hear of waking up that early. Cecilia was a darling. She was cooperative and took direction like a pro.
“Thank you so much.” She wrapped me in a tight hug when the headshots were done.
Her hair was still long, but Sheena’s stylist had given it volume, and it flowed and swung with grace every time she bounced on the balls of her feet. Which was a lot.
As she tucked it behind her ear, I saw a faint bruise on the side of her neck.
She saw me looking and covered it with her hand. “My boyfriend got a little overzealous. I tried to cover it with makeup, but...” She grimaced.
We could edit it out if it showed on her pictures, but I advised her to avoid this much passion in the future.
Trent called for her to change into a bikini for her body shots, and I spent the better part of the next two hours telling myself I looked great for my age.
I arranged for Trent to send the photos to Sheena, hugged Cecilia goodbye, and Sally and I took a cab to the agency. It was too late in the morning for us to fly. Sheena drove in, and Carrie brought my car. She and Sheena picked it up together with my stuff.
Alex was home when they showed up, and he was surprised not to see me. He asked them to tell me to call if I needed anything. It was nice of him. Alex was always nice, and I was a bitch for stealing the last few months from him.
No.
We’d been in the relationship together, both made mistakes, and now we went on our separate ways. Like mature adults.
God. I hated these mood swings.
The vampettes stayed with Sheena and me throughout another short workday, and then joined us for lunch and shoe shopping. It felt very Sex and the City, but in L.A. and with several of the ladies preferring a high-hemoglobin lunch. I loved my time with them and their efforts to keep me from thinking too hard about my life.
Work picked up from Wednesday on, with more appointments to juggle and companies to contact for Sheena. I got the hang of the computerized system, but Carrie dropped by once a day anyway. As did Sally. Liza had a catwalk in New York, so we didn’t see much of her.
I stayed at Sheena’s a few nights, enjoying the camaraderie and coddling of the other women, but being around them twenty-four-seven made me crave some space.
Finding an apartment on South Park was shockingly easy when I said the words money is not an issue, and the realtor Sheena hired for me had me moved into my own place before the end of the week.
By the way, I loved not having a budget, but I was also aware of the unfairness—the council had unlimited funds, but new vamps got a tiny nest egg. I should talk to Constantine about that.
Or not.
Alex and I exchanged a few texts. He was tired but good. He hadn’t been sleeping well. We missed each other, but I said this was for the best, and he agreed. He reminded me I should get my final license plate
s, and I said I was on it. He said good. He insisted I should have the new stuff we bought for his place. Instead, I convinced him to buy off my share, and I spent the weekend shopping for my new sixth-floor apartment.
I had two large bedrooms, a kitchen, and a living room to furnish and decorate. And I had a nook—a bay window with a bench seat in my living room. I smothered it in pillows and lined the walls on either side with black-and-white photos of places I wanted to visit. I knew better than to think real plants would survive in my care, so I went with fake ones instead—all the beauty and none of the fuss. I wasn’t up for a deeper commitment.
By Sunday evening, I was mostly unpacked and settled in, but fully exhausted and happy. Truly happy, in my open spaces and surrounded by bright colors.
I opened the last suitcase Sheena got from Alex’s. Towels and sheets. No hurry to put those away; I’d bought new ones. I stuffed the suitcase in the back of my closet, to be dealt with another day.
I should have the girls over for drinks, to thank them properly for all their help, but not tonight. Tonight I’d enjoy my peace and quiet.
I poured myself a glass of white wine, put on some music, and picked up a book. An actual book. Romance, if you wanna know. The ceiling fan kept the room cool, but I opened the window and looked down at the lit street. I thought I saw movement to my right, and I swiveled my head, but there was nothing there.
If I’d never been a vampire, I’d say I imagined it, but my racing pulse hinted otherwise. I leaned out further, before I remembered I was no longer gravity resistant and would make a decent splatter if I lost my balance. I jumped back inside and closed the window, to be safe. If there was a vampire nearby, it’d be one of the vampettes, checking in on me. I should probably invite her in, but as I said—peace and quiet time.
I STARTED MY WEEK BEING all responsible and going by the auto dealership for my final license plates and the transfer of ownership. I think the salesman flirted with me, but I was in a hurry to get to work and really not interested.
Talent, old and new, paraded by the agency on a daily basis. My job was to log everything in, keep notes, and track their schedules. I also took it upon myself to take the arrogant, entitled ones down a peg or two. Most of them weren’t a horror to work with, but Cecilia was the only one to bring us cookies—organic, low carb, and gluten free—and stole a couple minutes to ask about my day. No surprise that she was my favorite.