by Sara Snow
Taking online classes meant I’d have to leave my room less, and I figured that would be best for everyone. I’ve now settled into the routine of waiting until everyone’s turned in for the night before making myself dinner.
I was accustomed to being alone, but living under these circumstances had me slowly losing my mind. How much of this would I have to endure? Weeks? Months?
Years?
I closed my laptop screen and reclined in the chair by my window as the sun began to set. The splash of colors above the green trees looked like picture-perfect computer wallpaper, and this has been my spot to sit and relax over the last couple of days.
Saying my new room was large was an understatement. I had my own living room, for crying out loud. And a bathroom that was larger than my old apartment. I hated to say it, but I was living comfortably for the most part, other than the isolation.
I hadn’t seen Natalie or Xavier since our chat in the kitchen, and I didn’t want to see either of them. Sure, Natalie hadn’t done anything, but I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle the pity in her eyes. As for Xavier, I wouldn’t mind never seeing him again.
Ever!
With leaving for work early in the morning and getting breakfast at the diner, I've only run into a few wolves at a distance. However, the looks that I’ve gotten would make anyone want to dig a hole and crawl into it. Getting home in the evening after work is even more daunting since there are more evil stares and whispers to endure.
I got up and stripped, ready to take my shower before bed. I wasn't hungry tonight. My appetite had left when I got home and ran into two female wolves standing by the door. I hadn't been scared when one of them flashed her fangs. I didn't even flinch, which impressed even me. But you can only take so much hatred being aimed at you.
I stood under the warm water and allowed it to roll down my body. I switched the shower off and roughly dried my hair with a towel.
The only good I was seeing in this situation so far was that I didn’t have to pay for rent or food. All I have to do is take my classes and go to work. So many people would kill for this, but would they be able to handle the price that comes with it?
The moment my head touched my pillow, Xavier’s face appeared within my mind. His hurtful words to me began to ring in my ears. I’ve never felt so ashamed, hurt, and debased in all my life. There isn't any love lost between Xavier and me. I can't stand being around the guy without feeling nauseous, and it has nothing to do with his good looks. Yes, I have invaded his home, but to say something like that just wasn't right.
I rolled onto my back, my arms spread wide on my king-sized bed, annoyed at myself because I could see how I'd come off as ungrateful. But my life has changed so much in such a short time! I've been given a lot to process and a lot to accept. I was given the choice to pick death or the only other available option. That wasn’t a choice in my eyes.
I was studying law, so the significance wasn’t lost on me that Mathieu was breaking werewolf law by keeping me alive and a secret. Now when, not if, my existence is discovered, what will happen to me? What will happen to him and his pack?
I can see it now – I’ll be blamed for that as well.
“I should have left you in that alleyway to be raped!”
I rolled onto my side and pulled the sheet up to my chin, a stinging within my eyes forcing me to squeeze them shut as tears began to soak my pillow.
I’m not ungrateful. What I am is trapped and dying slowly.
◆◆◆
Ruby
A nearby sound penetrated my sleep, but only enough for an eye to crack open and then immediately close again. I was exhausted after spending hours crying.
It was the first time I’ve cried, a true cry, since the start of the downward spiral my life has taken. There is a time for everyone when a cry that’s started by one thing becomes a cry about everything, things from your past and present. You let all your emotions out and leave yourself bare, but afterward you feel so numb, so light, the only thing left to do is sleep, a dead sleep.
The next time the sound came, however, it was enough to wake me completely. I sat straight up, my eyes darting around my room frantically.
Why did that howl sound so loud? So close?
I gripped the sheets at my sides as I listened. The night had returned to silence, but shortly after, another howl rang out. A horrible feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. Throughout my time here I hadn't seen a single wolf in wolf form. I hadn't even heard so much as a howl until now.
I had been expecting to see shirtless men walking around, and multiple brawls, or at least being forced to buy earplugs to drown out the howling at night. In reality, I've never slept so well in my entire life, whenever my thoughts allowed me to fall asleep.
Another howl penetrated the walls, but this one wasn’t as loud. It sounded more like a wounded animal, and I swung my legs over the side of my bed and got up.
Yes, going snooping right now was a bad idea, but was I still going to do it?
Damn skippy.
I peeped out my door and looked up and down the corridor before slipping out and closing my door as softly as possible. Outside my room, I could now hear more howls. Quieter ones, but they were there. The further I walked from my room, the louder they got, but I was certain they were coming from outside.
No, I wasn’t going to go outside. I’m not that stupid. But I was peering through every window I passed to see if I could catch a glimpse of anything outside.
Maybe a party was going on, I thought to myself. But with each window I passed I saw nothing. If a party was going on, I’d hear music. I’d see people.
I paused and puckered my lips. Why do I never see more than ten people around, including Natalie and Xavier? There must be others. So are there other houses within the woods that I haven't seen? It would make sense if that was the case, since this was the alpha's house. It should be separate from the pack, the community.
My brow arched as I realized there might be an entire little town here in the forest.
A piercing howl cut through my thoughts and my steps faltered. The sound reverberated into the house through a window just up ahead. I walked over slowly, my heart in my throat, wondering what I’d see. Oh boy, was I not prepared!
Forget what you’ve seen in the movies of men turning into actual wolves on four legs. It's bullshit.
In the back yard were two wolves… creatures… beasts… restraining a man with chains. And Xavier was there too. I couldn’t hear what was being said – they were too far away – but my eyes were glued to the two beasts.
There were tiki torches all around them, as if a ritual was being held, the flames from the fires at their tips illuminating the darkness. The wolves were standing on two legs, their bodies covered in thick fur, their mouths no longer mouths but snouts, although shorter than a normal wolf. Their ears were large, long, and pointy, but I was surprised at how much their physique still looked human. Their abs and bulging muscles were still visible through their smooth fur. They looked to be at least seven feet tall, maybe more, with their backs slightly hunched. As I watched, their long tails agitatedly swiped back and forth.
Jesus, they’re really real.
I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and moved to the side of the window, peeking around the frame. The last thing I wanted was to be caught snooping on something that was clearly private.
Was that man before Xavier human?
My eyes drifted back to the wolves as a sudden urge to be close to them, to touch their fur and feel the strength in their arms, overtook me. Yes, they're scary, but they're truly majestic beings as well. One of them shifted his weight from one leg to the other and the clear power as his muscles rippled had a smile forming on my lips. I bit down on my nail. I felt like I was going into shock the longer I stared at them. My breath caught as the man in chains lashed out at Xavier. Odd that my heart would skip a beat for Xavier’s safety, but he didn’t even flinch. I couldn’t see his
face clearly, just his profile cloaked in shadows.
I couldn’t tell if he was speaking, but the man in chains was becoming more furious, pulling and twisting until he fell to the ground. The wolves quickly yanked him back to his feet. Suddenly, a tail swiped at Xavier, the tail belonging to the man in chains. I guess he was a wolf after all, though he wasn't fully transformed. Xavier leaned back and avoided the blow, and my hand flew to my mouth as I gasped at what happened next. Xavier reached forward and his entire hand vanished inside the man's chest.
My body started shaking as he stepped toward the man and then yanked his hand out. I gagged, and although I wanted to step away from the window, I couldn’t look away as he dropped the heart that was in his hand while the wolves caught the lifeless body.
What did I just watch?
My heart was pounding so loud it was drowning out the growls from the wolves. I’d just watched Xavier take a life! I was in shock, no doubt, but what had I just watched? That man was a wolf, one of his kind, so why kill him like that?
The two wolves walked away with the body and Xavier watched them leave. Then his head lifted as if smelling the air. Before I could step away from the window, his eyes pierced into mine. The next thing I knew, my legs were taking me back to my room as if I was being chased.
◆◆◆
Ruby
Falling asleep again had been hard. I had lain in bed on my back with my sheets up to my chin, but my eyes were trained on my door, wondering if at any moment Xavier would burst in to confront me for snooping around last night. I had seen something I shouldn’t have, that was very clear.
My brain kept replaying him reaching into that man's chest as easily as if it was butter and his hand was a knife. He had seemed as indifferent as if he was doing a simple task, not taking a life.
I realized that while I'd been so busy isolating myself, I'd also been wasting the chance I'd been given to learn about the people I'd be spending an unknown amount of time with. Hiding away in my room was not the way to survive.
I rolled onto my side and scratched at my cheek as the morning sun began to warm my skin. I was thankful for having a window close to my bed, to be able to wake up to the feel of the sun. Much as I wasn’t into the mood to get out of bed, I decided it was time to get out of this room and explore the house I'm living in. Natalie seemed to be the only person willing to talk to me, so I’d hunt her down and get answers to all my questions.
I opened my eyes and had to bite down on my lip to stop the scream from escaping. Xavier’s black eyes calmly watched as I rolled to the other side of my bed and away from him.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked as I pulled the sheet up to cover my chest. How long had he been sitting by my bed and watching me sleep?
"Are you scared of me?"
I frowned. My irritation began to fade as I took in his appearance. He was wearing a black T-shirt and sat with his arms crossed over his broad chest, his massive size making me wonder if the chair would collapse.
He arched a brow and I looked away, blinking rapidly to rid myself of the image of him killing that man. The man sitting beside my bed didn’t look like a killer.
“He had lost his mate,” he said, and I looked over at him. “All werewolves have a mate, a partner. At their first meeting they instinctively know they’re meant for each other. The legends say the bond ensures each wolf meets another who complements them perfectly in order to strengthen their bloodlines. Not all mates end up together, however. But a wolf rejecting another is rare.” His jaws clenched tightly and he looked away. “When you meet your mate, it feels like a part of your life that you didn’t know was broken off glues itself back together.” He inhaled and unfolded his arms, both hands combing his hair back. The side of his mouth arched. “So when you lose that person, the pain unbearable.”
He pinned me with his eyes and I couldn’t look away. Why did he look so broken?
“He was a good man, but after losing his mate he made several attempts to take his own life.”
My eyes widened as my brows knit tightly and my mouth turned downward. I've never been in love before, but to love someone so much that if they die you wish to be dead as well seemed unreal to me. I looked away as my feelings of horror from watching that man die turned into pity. I remembered the way he had been lashing out at Xavier, the way he had been crying. And to know it was all because he had lost his mate made the situation so much worse. Xavier hadn’t murdered another person; he had saved a person from unimaginable emotional pain.
"Instead of allowing him to die like that, I gave him an honorable death." He leaned forward and I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. So, do you think we're monsters? That I'm a monster?"
"No." The word had escaped my mouth too quickly. "I mean, from seeing what you guys really look like you don’t look like angels but, no, you’re not monsters. You’ve explained what that was last night, and now I know that was an act of mercy.”
“What if it hadn’t been?”
She sighed. “Then I don’t know, Xavier. What I know is that I was permitted to live and you have saved my life twice. You’re not a monster for that. Even so, am I living, Xavier? I don’t mean to seem ungrateful about you saving me that night, but what is the purpose of me being here? Really? How long do you think this will last? It feels like my death is being drawn out and that just makes me feel worse. Get it over with.”
He didn’t look away, but he didn’t respond either. I hadn’t meant to say so much, but once I started talking, I couldn’t stop. Why should I stop anyway?
“And what you said that night in the kitchen was a real dick move. I’m going to punch you in the nuts one day for it.”
His brow arched, and to my surprise he began to smirk. It wasn't helping that he was freaking gorgeous right now, sitting there looking all cool and mysterious. Why was his smile growing?
He reclined, a full-blown smile on his face, but I made a face as that smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared.
“You’re bipolar, aren’t you?” I said. What had that smile meant?
“I’m sorry for what I said. I shouldn’t have said that to you. No one, werewolf or human, deserves what almost happened to you. Get dressed.”
I looked over at him as he got up and started walking towards the door. “What? Why?”
He opened the door before looking back at me and he sighed. “For once, Ruby, do as you’re told and get dressed. Be ready in the next hour. I’m leaving, with or without you.”
He slammed the door behind him as he left.
Chapter Six
Ruby
Now I understood how dogs feel when their owners decide to take them outside. I was out of the house! I was out of the house and it wasn’t for work. And while I didn’t know where I was going, I was excited. I had gotten dressed as Xavier had demanded and had found him outside just as he was getting into his car.
The asshole really was going to leave without me.
I could feel eyes on me as I got into the car, but there was no one outside that I could see. For a moment my excitement faltered, my imagination painting a picture of wolves hidden in the trees watching me with vengeful eyes.
I sat back as Xavier pulled out, his matte black Audi speeding toward the large iron gates that led to my freedom. No matter how temporary it would be. I knew I would have to return to this place at the end of the day, but I sighed and pushed that thought away. I decided to just be in the moment.
During the long drive to the gate I stared ahead at the towering trees that lined both sides of the driveway. I watched as the limbs swayed and a smile made its way onto my lips. I’d been trying to deny it, but being surrounded by nature is peaceful. I awaken every morning to a breathtaking view and the sound of birds. With the fast pace of the city left behind, I’m starting to appreciate nature's beauty a lot more.
“How many werewolves are in your pack? So far I’ve seen less than ten people.”
“Fifty-two.”
My eyes widened as I looked over at him. “Seriously? Wow. Where are they? Are there other houses here in the woods like yours?”
He held the steering wheel with one hand and my breath hitched as he reached over to me, his arm brushing against me. He grabbed my seatbelt and strapped me in without taking his eyes off the road.
I frowned, a churning in my gut. He smelled amazing.
"There are a few houses here in the woods, yes, but some wolves live in the city. Only a few though."
“Oh.”
He pressed a button on his keychain and the gate swung open. We drove in silence for a couple minutes before I was unable to hold it in any longer. “What’s it like? Changing into a wolf?”
He didn't answer right away, and I held my breath waiting to see if he would. Mathieu had said I would learn from them, so I was going to ask every question that came to mind. I had originally planned to find Natalie, but for whatever reason Xavier was being nice to me right now and I was going to take advantage of it.
“The first change is painful. It happens from a young age, between ten years old and thirteen. As we grow older it becomes easier and you don't notice the pain. Being a werewolf is like when you're sitting in an uncomfortable position and your leg falls asleep. You can feel your leg, but at the same time you can't really feel it. I can feel that side of me there, under my skin."
I turned in my seat to face him, my interest piqued. “And when it comes out?”
"It feels like I'm truly myself. My leg isn’t sleeping anymore and I can feel it, truly feel it." His mouth twisted into a smile. "We already have heightened senses, but in wolf form it becomes so much stronger. Everything becomes better."
“That sounds amazing.”
His brow arched and he threw a look my way. “Does it?”
“Isn’t it?” I countered. “To have such power and strength, it has to feel amazing.”
He slowed the car for a stoplight and turned to look at me. "It's not always so. Some wolves hate being wolves because they have to keep so many secrets. We go to work and school and live alongside humans, but we have to hide so much, hide who we are. Living in a world like this with the abilities we have is hard. One slipup and that’s it, we go viral on YouTube.” The light turned green and he drove off. “Yes, being a wolf is amazing, but it has its downsides.”