by NB Baker
‘Holy shit, Sarah stop, just stop,’ I say to myself.
When I pull my attention back from trying to hide the, I’ve just worked hours with a bunch of rowdy football fans look. I realize that he is standing just inches away from me. Looking up into his eyes, my heart starts to race, my breathing is shallow, and goose bumps form on my skin. He starts to lean down like he’s going to kiss me. I don’t know what the fuck to do with myself. Everything seems to be moving in slow motion. Holy shit! Is he going to try to kiss me? What should I do? I want to kiss him so bad! I don’t even know him, but I know I want him.
That malicious voice inside my head barks, ’Sarah, pull your head out of your ass! Why would he want to kiss such a fucked up, worthless bitch? You stupid cunt!’
My heart sinks a little, alright a lot when I realize that he’s just bending down to pick up the chair I had knocked over. He gives me that smirk as he sets the chair back by the table.
“So, looks like there’s been one a hell of a party in there.” He motions his head towards inside, but his eyes never leave mine.
Tucking a strand of hair that has escaped the pen trap “Yeah, it’s like this when the Broncos play.”
“Oh, yeah, the Broncos. Great hockey team!”
I can only imagine the look I have on my face because he instantly starts laughing.
“Don’t worry, I know, its football. Just messing with ya.”
He moves toward the door holding it open for me to go inside first. Leila is behind the counter filling a pitcher of beer, the look on her face when she glances over her shoulder is absolutely priceless. In fact, she is so taken back that she doesn’t even notice that beer starts to flow over the edges of the pitcher. She says more than a few obscenities that would probably make a construction worker blush before grabbing a towel to try and catch some of her mess.
I can’t help but laugh at her as I start to walk behind the counter.
Taking my arm, he says, “Hey, where are you going?”
“Umm… Back to work.” Not sure where he’s going with this, “Why?”
“Can’t you sit and talk for a little while?”
Just as the words finish leaving his mouth someone yells. “Touchdown!” And the crowd booms with excitement.
He’s leaning down so close that I can smell him. My God, he smells of pure heaven. It’s a mix of a woodsy, fresh air, manly smell. Then add in the aroma that is coming from the leather of his jacket. Holy shit, I think I might just come right here right now.
“Ahh, that’s why. Well, can I get a beer then?”
“Sure thing, have a seat,” I tell him pointing to the open group of seats at the counter.
I feel a smile cross my face. The kind of smile that generates from deep down in your heart. Not one of those ‘I’m just smiling because it’s the right thing to do,’ smile. A genuine smile. Wow, that feels so good, I’d almost forgotten what it feels like.
I make my way around the counter, grabbing a frosted mug and head over to where Leila is still filling pitchers. I stand there silent while grinning like a goof, but I just can’t help myself. I can see Leila looking at me out of the corner of her eye. I try and force an irritated look that she’s taking so long. “Crap lady, you move like old people fuck.”
Leila starts howling with laughter. “My dear, exactly how would you know how old people fuck?”
“Well, if it’s anything like you pour beer then I have a pretty good idea.”
Leila gets an evil grin on her face and shakes her head. “Good one!”
“I see that Mr. Mystery Meat has returned. Where’d you find him?” She gives a sly look over her shoulder.
“When I was outside on the porch he just came out of nowhere. Scared the shit outta me, to be honest. Not like Chucky or Freddy kind of scared. More like I’m hearing voices in my head type of scared.”
“He just came out of nowhere? Don’t you think that’s kind of odd, Sarah? I mean, before a few weeks ago we had never seen him before. Then he disappears and now he just mysteriously appears again.”
“Christ Leila, no I don’t think that’s weird at all. I think it sounds perfectly legit. Besides, you see him. I’m sure there are worse ways to go.”
Shrugging her shoulder, she says, “Sarah, you just can’t be too careful these days. Stalkers, kidnappers, there are all kinds of sick fucks out there.”
I can’t help but roll my eyes. “Shit, if only I were lucky enough to have someone like him stalk or kidnap me.”
The guys start yelling at Leila, asking what’s taking her so long. Being the smartass that I am I holler out, “Give her a break guys, she’s old!”
I notice that my hand is shaking as I fill the mug and my heart is beating out of control. When I turn around, our eyes meet, he has this cute smirk on his face. Holy shit, I think I just melted.
His hand touches mine ever so slightly as he takes the mug from me, sending shivers down my spine. “I was hoping I would run into you.”
I can’t hide the excitement in my voice. “Into me?”
He nods his head, gesturing someone next to me. “Nope, her.”
Instantly, I whip my head around to see who is next to me and plotting bodily harm to whoever it is, but there’s no one there. He starts laughing. “Yeah, you.”
I feel it as the burn of embarrassment over takes over my face. “Smartass.”
“I’ve been called that before.”
The crowd starts the famous countdown indicating the end of the game. I hold up my finger because I know the volume of the countdown to zero will be deafening. He gives me a questioning look then shakes his head that he gets it.
Delish explodes with deafening cheers, whoops, and whistles. He tries to yell over the crowd, “I take it they won.”
Not being able to resist, I tease him, “Nope, but you should see it when they do!”
A slight look of confusion sweeps across his face. I see his eyes light up when he catches on to what I just said “Smartass.”
Resting my hip against the counter and shrugging my shoulders in a nonchalant way, I tell him, “Yeah, I’ve been called that before.”
He stands up and leans in toward me. The stubble from his strong jaw grazes my cheek as his lips reach my ear. “That’s fucking awesome, Kitten. He doesn’t pull back right away.
My pulse is racing even harder than it already was. I’m sure that he can hear my heart beating like a fucking marching band. I take a deep breath, inhaling his delectable smell. My eyes start to roll into the back of my head. My God, I have never in my life smelled anything so wonderful.
He stands here for a few moments more before he sits back down. I want to bury my face in his chest and simply breathe him in. I want to wrap myself in his smell, in those strong arms, and drown in his eyes. I bet there I’d be safe from all the horrors that taunt me. I snap back into the here and now when a customer lets out the longest most disgusting belch and slams his beer bottle down on the counter. We both just stare at each other. We try to hold back our laughter, but it’s an epic fail, and we both burst out sounding like hyenas!
The man smacks his oversized gut and looks at the two of us like we’ve lost our minds. “Good game, right kids?”
In unison, we both answer, “Yep.” Then just like nothing odd just happened the distended man turns around and leaves.
At the top of her lungs, Leila yells, “Don’t go away mad, just go away!”
Grabbing his coat from the back of his chair, he says, “Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you around.”
Holy shit, Leila’s timing couldn’t be worse. I want to fucking throttle her like there’s no tomorrow. I know I’m not hiding the disappointment that has rushed over me very well. That only pisses me off further. I hate feeling like I need someone. Even more, I hate the fact that everyone can see it.
Scratching at a rough spot on the counter top with my fingernail, I say, “Yeah, sure.”
He reaches over, placing his hand under my chin, lifting
my face so that he is looking directly into my eyes. “Don’t get that look, Kitten. I’ll see you soon. Promise.”
Before he steps through the door, he turns around and gives me a smile and a wink. Then he’s gone. Right along with my good mood.
I start collecting stray dishes as Leila herds the last of party goers out the door. Locking the door and flipping the switch on the open sign off, she starts skipping toward me like a little girl.
“Somebody got a boyfriend! Somebody got a boyfriend!”
“What the fuck ever! Jesus, Leila, you’re such a dumbass.”
With a look of hurt and disbelief on her face, she places her hand up to her mouth and bats her eyelashes. “Moi? A dumbass?”
I glare at her. “Yeah, you! And since when did you become French?”
“Sweetie, there are many, many things you don’t know about me. Now enough pussyfooting around. What was tall, dark and sexy doing here?”
Shrugging my shoulders. “I have no idea. It was too loud to talk really and then you had to go and kick everyone out. He promised that he would be seeing me again soon. But, I’m not willing to put money on that. Why would he? I mean, really? Why?”
With a loud bang that makes me jump almost out of my own skin, Leila slams the tub of dishes down on the counter. She has got one pissed off look on her face as she stares me down. “Now, why wouldn’t you put money on it? I swear, Sarah. If you say because you don’t have any I will kick your smart ass into next week!”
I know better than to open my mouth at this point let alone to say something sarcastic. I am willing to put money on this fact. She is not fucking around right now.
“Let me tell you a little story. It’s about this girl, who at a very early age was dealt a shitty fucking hand in life. Unfortunately, she didn’t realize that there was more. That she deserved more. That not every guy is like her douche bag, piece of shit father! Who I might add she owes nothing too.” She stops to take in a deep breath.
Shit just got serious and fast. Not being sure if she is done or not, I stand here looking at the floor. After a moment that feels like it lasts forever she continues. “I think what breaks my heart the most, is the fact that she listens to those evil fucking voices inside her head more than she does the people that are right here. Right here. Right here beside her!”
She picks up the tub and heads toward the back room.
Over my shoulder, I see Oscar standing in the kitchen window looking at me. There’s care and concern etched on his face. “She’s right, ya know?”
Shit! I love Leila’s no hold barred attitude, but I hate it when I’m the target of it. I seriously fucked up. I know better than to let anyone see the weakness that is me. Hearing the dishes being loaded, I quickly load up my arms with the last of the stray glasses and head back. I know that to lighten this situation I need to do a one hundred and eighty-degree turn. I need to focus on wearing that mask of happiness and only take it off when it’s safe. When I’m alone.
I push the door open, accidentally hitting it against the wall behind it. “Hey lady, did you hear that the Bronco’s won and the only place that they are willing to go to celebrate their victory is this mom and pop place called Delish? They heard that the little old lady that runs it makes some killer bread pudding!”
Leila’s shoulders drop, and she hangs her head. I set the glasses down. “Come on. I’m sorry, Okay?”
“That’s just it, Sarah! You don’t have to be sorry. What you need to do is see how wonderful and amazing you are. I don’t know that I have ever met a more spirited person. But it’s buried, you’ve buried it. It’s begging to be set free.”
I can feel my chest start to tighten, it’s getting harder to breathe, the ringing in my ears is deafening and the room is getting dark. I just want her to stop talking. ‘Please, just stop talking.’ I can’t deal with this. I look past Leila at a spot on the wall. ‘Push them mother fuckers down, don’t let those feelings win. Check out, Sarah! Just smile, if I hide the pain, she will stop talking. She’ll think I’m fine and stop talking. Just check out.’ I keep repeating all of this in my head.
Leila takes me by the shoulders making me look at her. “I understand that what you went through was horrific, and what your Dad has done and continues to do to you is even worse. He needs to have the holy fuck knocked out of him for that. What happened wasn’t your fault and in no way is it acceptable that he blames you and has let you carry that guilt around your entire life. That’s more fucked up than anything I can imagine. You have to change this. Start by getting out of that house! There’s nothing keeping you there anymore. You have to get away from that stupid fuck. It’s like you’re trying to self-destruct by staying. You’ve let the past consume you. You have to find some kind of peace with the past, with yourself.”
The tears won’t stop streaming down my face, Leila wraps her arms around me. “I’m sorry. Sweetie, I know this wasn’t what you wanted to hear, or the time you wanted to hear it. But you needed to. You need to start moving forward.”
I shake my head agreeing with her. In a minuscule voice, I say, “I know, you’re right. But...” I have to pause to try and regain some kind of composure. The tears have turned into sobs, and my body is shaking like I’m having some kind of seizure. Taking a deep breath, letting the air fill my lungs, I put my arms out like I’m balancing high on a tightrope with no safety net below me. Feeling like at any moment I’m going to fall to my death.
Leila rubs her hands up and down my arms like she is trying to warm up a child. Then she wraps her arms back around me rocking side to side while patting my back. “Shh, it’s going to be alright. Shh, shh, shh, it’s all going to be alright. I promise, Sweetie.”
I try to pull back. I learned how to deal with the whispers and the snide comments better than I can genuine heartfelt emotions. As Leila loosens her bear hug hold on me, she says, “Now, let’s talk about this ‘old lady and her bread pudding shit.' Really Sarah, bread pudding? Who eats that crap? Have you ever even tried it?” Leila scrunches up her face like she has just experienced the most disgusting thing in her life. “Damn girl, that shit is just nasty!”
The look on her face is the funniest damn thing I have seen in a while. I start laughing so hard that I end up shooting snot out my nose and at the same time letting out a loud snort. Which makes me laugh even harder.
Leila howls at the top of her lungs. “Holy shit, did you just blow snot out your nose?”
Slapping my hand over my nose to avoid doing it again. I shake my head yes. Leila grabs the side of the sink to help keep her balance as she howls even louder.
Oscar sticks his head out from around the corner. In a deep, gruff voice, he asks, “What in the hell is wrong with you two? You sound like a couple of coked out hens!”
We both instantaneously stand at attention as if we were in the military. Trying to maintain some kind of control but it only makes it worse.
As he walks away, we hear Oscar mumble, “Fucking coked out hens.”
Once we’ve regained composure, Leila looks at me. “Girl, let’s get the hell out of here and get something to eat. You know something that Oscar hasn’t fixed. Something edible. I’ll give you a ride home or back here if you’d like.”
Grabbing my coat from the hook, I tell her, “Ya don’t have to tell me twice. Let’s go.”
When we step outside my heart stops mid-beat, and my feet instantly freeze to the ground. Right there in front of me, sitting in the exact spot that I was earlier is my tattooed mystery God. Leila’s too busy digging through her purse to see him and runs right into me knocking me forward. He jumps out of his chair just in time to catch me before I fall flat on my face. “Whoa, Kitten. I’ve got you.”
My hands cling to his shirt trying to catch myself. His strong arms instantly wrap around me pulling me against him. My cheek lands against is chest, and holy hell, it’s like he’s made of fucking iron. Oh, Holy Mother of God there’s that magnificent smell again. I don’t know how long I
have my face buried in his chest, but it must be longer than would seem normal. Leila clears her throat, and my mystery man’s chest starts to bounce giving me the indication that he’s laughing.
I step away, attempting to act all cool and collected. “Wow, thank you! That could have been embarrassing.”
“Oh, shucks.” Leila slaps her hand to her leg making a loud pop. “I think I left the oven on. Sarah, I’m just going to back in and check. You don’t mind waiting, do you?” She turns around and heads back in.
Shrugging my shoulders, I tell him, “Now that was embarrassing. I can see why she got kicked out of acting school.”
Laughing, he shakes his head. “Yeah, pretty bad!”
“So, what are you doing sitting out here all by your lonesome?”
A slight look of embarrassment crosses his face. “I was waiting for you.”
Instantly that ‘zing’ shoots through my entire body again, like the first time I saw him. From the tips of my toes to the end of each hair on top of my head. I know if I looked in the mirror my hair would be standing on end. Like one of those glass globes with the streams of light reaching out. It’s an exhilarating, mind-blowing wave of energy and emotions. There’s desire, tenderness, excitement, and safety. A combination of every good feeling I have ever had and more wrapped into one. A feeling that with him I would be complete, like I belonged.
I try to hide my excitement. Chances are I’m failing miserably. “Waiting for me, huh? Why would that be?”
“I can’t seem to get you out of my head. I was hoping we could go somewhere and hang out. Maybe grab a bite to eat or a cup of coffee? Ya know, someplace we can talk without having to yell.”
I am just about to say yes. I seriously would love nothing more than to go with him. Then I hear Leila’s creeper words sounding off loud in my head. In all honesty, I have no idea who he is. I don’t think he looks at all creepy. Trust me, I have seen a wide verity of people that would fit that description. My mind scrambles trying to come up with a reasonable solution to my little dilemma. A solution that will avoid having Leila kick my ass.