“I didn’t mean to...it’s just that I worry about you being alone. I mean now that the kids are grown, maybe you and Justin...”
I was staring at Greg wide eyed, he was definitely loosing his marbles. I wanted to start screaming like a banshee, but knowing Greg, he would have me committed.
“You can never let it go, can you? After more than twenty years and two kids you still don’t get it! I loved you Greg, and of course, I love Justin, he’s my best friend. Do you still not realize what my own parents did to me? I was only fifteen years old!”
“He loves you Lane, he loves you more than you know. I could always feel it. He gave you up because he wanted you to be happy, to have the children he could never give you...”
“Stop it Greg!” I cried. My heart was pounding and I was suddenly struggling to breathe. I was biting my lower lip and clenching my fists in an effort to suppress the tears that were threatening to come bursting from my eyes. He was using my past against me again, as if any of that had effected our marriage over the last twenty years.
“Call me selfish if you want, but I want someone who only loves me. Jill adores me, she wants to be with me, and only me. With you, I’m always last. The kids were always first, I was okay with that, but now that they’re out of the house, you’ve changed. You’ve thrown yourself into your work and you never even have a moment for me anymore,” said Greg.
“When we’re home together, all you ever do is sleep and watch TV, I hate to watch TV!” I cried.
“See Lane, we’re just not compatible any more. Now that the kids are gone, you have all this nervous energy and you can’t sit still, it’s driving me crazy!” said Greg.
I was staring at him in shock. “You’re divorcing me because I won’t lounge around on the couch and watch TV with you?”
“It’s more than that,” snapped Greg.
“I’m listening,” I said, trying uselessly to disguise the sarcasm that was sneaking into my voice.
“Regardless, it’s over for me. There’s really no point in arguing about it, we’ll just go on all day placing the blame on each other,” said Greg, giving me an arrogant glare. I made a face at him and resisted the urge to roll my eyes.
“Fine, but you’re telling the kids.” I snapped.
Baylee and Ramsey were both away at college, but I knew it would be a big shock to both of them. I figured it would be the biggest shock to Ramsey, he and Greg were close, they hunted together, they liked a lot of the same things. Greg had never really bonded with Baylee it seemed, the two of them always clashed and I was almost certain that she would not be shedding a tear over the news of our divorce.
My mind was still spinning uncontrollably, it seemed inconceivable to me, that Greg could throw away the last, more than twenty year of our lives, as if it were nothing but a bad dream. He felt like I had abandoned him, he was jealous of my skaters, he wanted a caretaker.
I bit my lower lip trying to suppress the tears that wanted to come rushing to my eyes. I didn’t want to believe it was over, there had to be something I could do! I swallowed convulsively as my mind struggled to process my whirlwind of emotions.
Somehow, I managed to finish my awkward lunch with Greg, though the conversation between the two of us had pretty much ceased once I had come to the realization that it was over for him. There was no use making small talk after I realized that Greg no longer wanted me in his life. Greg picked up the check, then we parted ways, without so much as a kiss goodbye.
Greg headed back to his office, and I headed back to our empty house, which he had pretty much already vacated. It seemed surreal that this was probably the last time that Greg and I would have lunch at our favorite restaurant, that Greg wouldn’t be coming home to our bed tonight.
Greg promised he would call both the kids and tell them what was going on. My heart felt heavy as I walked quickly against the cold wind in the parking lot. I barely noticed the icy fingers of the cold wind, I was already shaking. I climbed numbly into to my SUV, started the engine, and blasted the heat in a lame attempt to stop my shaking. It was only then, that I finally allowed myself to cry.
Chapter 3
More than two weeks had passed since the day that Greg told me he wanted a divorce. Time seemed to march determinedly on without me. I wanted to climb into bed and let life pass me by, but realistically, that wasn’t an option.
I battled sadness and regret, Greg had a new life, with a new love, while I spent Thanksgiving alone. Ramsey and Baylee couldn’t get away for the short holiday, but I was happy that the kids would both be coming home for Christmas, at least that, made me feel a little bit better.
For the most part, I felt as if my life had ended and I had been thrust into hell. The sun continued to rise and set, of course, and I had no choice but to haul my butt out of bed every day and keep plugging along. I still couldn’t believe this was actually happening to me, it seemed like a horrible nightmare that my body refused to wake up from.
I kept busy enough at the ice rink, luckily, I was able to throw myself into my work. Though later, when I came home, my house was empty. It felt cold and lonely. It seemed so lonely, I wasn’t sure if I could keep the house after the divorce was final. I guess I was still holding out hope that somehow, Greg would change his mind.
I hated to sell the house, as a family, we had so many good memories there. I could remember all the Christmases we celebrated with the tall tree in the family room and a fire crackling in the fireplace, both the kid’s Graduation celebrations with a barbecue on the patio. It seemed like a cruel slap in the face that Greg wanted to take all of that away from me.
It seemed so selfish, after all I had given him, after I had given so much to our family. Now it seemed, it wasn’t good enough. Now Greg wanted to spend his life with someone else. Someone who was younger and sexier, someone who promised to take care of him as if he were a five year child, and actually needed a full time caretaker.
I sighed miserably just thinking about it, how could I possibly compete with a twenty seven year old? Everyone always told me I looked good, young for my age. I was fit and I barely had any lines on my face, most people were amazed when they found out I had two kids in college. Maybe I didn’t look forty two, but even I, knew I couldn’t compete with someone in their twenties.
Unfortunately, my troubles didn’t end with the news of my upcoming divorce. Months had passed and it was late in February, the World Championships were coming up in less than a month. The only thing that had kept me going recently, was my star pairs team, Kyle and Lucie.
They had qualified once again to go to the World Championships and this year, I knew they were going to win! I was excited for them, they seemed to get better every day and the new long program I had designed was going to blow everyone away.
It was just after six a.m., I was standing at the edge of the ice, sipping a cup of coffee when Kyle skated up to me.
“Hey Lane, can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked, as he glided to a stop in front of me.
“Sure,” I said, dragging my eyes away from Lucie, who was across the ice, spinning gracefully.
“I wanted you to be the first to know, Callie and I are getting married,” said Kyle, giving me a big smile.
“That’s fabulous!” I cried, throwing my arms around him and hugging him. I was happy for him, he had met Callie at the end of last season, at the World Championships. She was also a pairs skater who skated with a partner out of L.A. The two of them had hit it off immediately, they began dating and eventually they had fallen in love. Recently, they had been struggling to keep up their long distance relationship!
“Um, the bad news is that I’m leaving,” said Kyle, his voice was suddenly breaking uncomfortably.
“You’re leaving?” I cried, I was staring at him in shock, as what he was saying began to slowly sink in.
“Callie and I are going to be partners on the ice too, I’m moving to L.A. so we can work with her coach and choreographer,” said Kyle, giving m
e a wry smile.
I was staring at him in shock. I loved Callie, she was a sweet girl, but he and Lucie were pure magic on the ice. Callie and her partner Will, were good skaters, but nowhere near the caliber he and Lucie were. I winced at the thought of him breaking up our team...it was a huge mistake!
“But...you and Lucie...you’re going to win the Worlds this year,” I was fumbling for the words, my head was spinning. I suddenly felt like I might pass out. This couldn’t possibly be happening, I felt as if, my entire life was suddenly falling apart.
“I really wanted to wait until after this season was over, but I can’t. Callie and I need to be together, I’m leaving for L.A. next week. I haven’t even told Lucie yet,” said Kyle, giving me an uncomfortable smile.
“You haven’t told Lucie yet?” I whispered. I couldn’t believe it! Were all men completely dense? Lucie was going to totally freak out! She had been working her ass off thinking that her and Kyle were going to be top contenders at Worlds this year, suddenly her partner was going to abandon her for someone else. My heart was suddenly aching for her, as I knew exactly how she would feel.
“I couldn’t tell her, she’s so excited about this season and how well we’ve been doing. I thought that maybe you could help me...you know, to tell her,” said Kyle, looking at me earnestly.
I stared at him as if he were a lunatic, there was no way I could tell Lucie, I was already about to come unglued. My own life was spiraling out of control, there was no way I could be in on it, when Lucie is told that hers is about to do the same!
“Kyle I can’t,” I told him, tears were already coming to my eyes, I couldn’t bare the thought of Kyle and Lucie giving up everything they’d worked so hard for this season.
“Please Lane, I don’t know what to say to her,” begged Kyle.
“What could you possibly say to her? She’s going to be completely crushed!” I cried, I was totally on the verge of hyperventilating. Much like myself, Lucie was being completely blindsided. It was horrible...I could only imagine Lucie’s reaction when she heard.
“I know...please Lane..”
“I’m sorry, I can’t help you Kyle. When I came home from China, my own husband dropped the bomb on me that he wanted a divorce. Emotionally, I’m a complete wreck, you’re going to have to do this without me,” I told him. Then I ran into the changing room, so that Lucie wouldn’t see my tears.
I secretly hoped that I wasn’t around when he told Lucie. It was cowardly of me, but I wasn’t strong enough to deal with Lucie’s grief and mine. I really didn’t feel strong enough to deal with anything right now!
Chapter 4
Just when you think you can’t go on in life, the sun keeps rising every morning and, of course, the rest of the world goes on around you. I knew I could succumb to the overwhelming sadness that seemed to be surrounding my heart, or I could buck up, and get on with my life.
It still seemed surreal that the spot next to me in the bed, which Greg had occupied nearly every night for more than twenty years was now cold and empty. I was miserably alone, for the first time in my life!
When I got up in the mornings, I only had to make enough coffee for me. I didn’t even have a dog to take care of. Our faithful golden retriever had died last year at the age of fifteen. Neither Greg, nor I had the heart to replace him. I wished I had a dog now, though it really wouldn’t be fair to the dog, I was rarely home anymore, it was really just a selfish thought! I wanted unconditional love, a tail that would wag every time I walked in the door.
Kyle had broke the news to Lucie, she had cried and cried and finally decided that she was going to live with her older sister in Connecticut. I had told her that maybe we could find her another partner, even though I knew the chances were slim. Fortunately, she wasn’t interested right now. She was going through all the same emotions I was going through. She was too hurt to look for a partner. Her professional partner had left her and was skating with another. It was as emotional as the end of a marriage!
Weeks passed, one like the next. I was going through the motions, but I had fallen into a worthless existence. I felt like everyone I loved had abandoned me. My kids were both really supportive, they told me what a jerk their dad was for walking out on me, but there was really nothing they could do. It was over, there was nothing anyone could do. I just had to deal with it.
I was slowly starting to hate my life, in April I traveled to Paris for an invitational competition with one of my, up and coming pairs. When I came home, my house was echoing and dark, just like my life had become. I was falling into a deep depression and it was not like me at all. I had always been an eternal optimist, but my heart had been painfully broken. I feared at this point in my life, I might never recover.
My best friend Justin was trying to talk me into coming back to Chicago to stay with him for a little while. He hated it when I was sad, and he wanted to cheer me up.
Justin Melbourne had been my skating partner years ago and we’d been best friends since I was twelve. Greg had always been jealous of my close relationship with Justin, so I didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to go stay with him just now. It might bring more bang to my divorce proceedings than I was willing to deal with. I wouldn’t put it past Greg to accuse the two of us of having an affair.
I tried to throw myself into my work but my two most promising skaters were gone. I had another promising pair, but the female half was turning into quite a princess and I was pretty much done with her. I was sure she would never make it to the top with her attitude. At this point, I didn’t have a lot of hope for the future, at least, not with the skaters I was coaching now.
It was a chilly April evening, I was at home, vegging on the couch. I had a fire in the fireplace and I was on the couch wrapped in a fleece throw and I still couldn’t get warm. I had the TV remote and was flipping through the channels, restlessly trying to find something to watch.
I rolled my eyes as I scrolled though the titles. I had to admit, I was a bit surprised, I had access to more than 500 channels, and still, there was nothing to watch. Watching TV was not really my cup of tea anyway, it was kind of Greg’s thing, he loved the sports channels and the movie channels. I would rather read or surf the net.
I was completely lost, now that I had the house to myself I really didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t even need to clean the house, it didn’t really get that messy with just me there, it was kind of amazing. I was startled when the phone started ringing. I figured it was probably one of the kids.
“Hello?”
“Hey Lane, it’s me,” it was Justin.
“Hey bud, what’s up?” I asked, smiling at the sound of his voice. Justin was my one true friend in the whole world.
“Hey I just got the word on a job that would be perfect for you, if you’re up for it,” said Justin.
“What kind of job?” I asked. I was leery. Justin had his own company. He did ice shows all over the world, he always had some sort of kooky job lined up for me. In the past, I had never really been free to move, when the kids were at home and I was married, now that it was just me, maybe I could finally take him up on one of his kooky job offers.
“Well I think you are going to be intrigued, it’s maybe a little bit out of your comfort zone,” said Justin.
“What kind of job?” I repeated. At this point in my life, I was game for whatever. Really, what did I have to loose?
“Don’t laugh, but it’s a reality TV series. Here’s the deal...”
“I don’t think so Justin, I detest reality TV...it’s just so...”
“I know, I know, but this is going to be super cool. I think you’re going to like this idea. The network is going to take professional athletes and pair them with professional skaters and try to make pairs skaters out of them,” said Justin.
“Sure, kind of like that show they do in Canada, right?” I asked. I was already rolling my eyes miserably. This was definitely not something I was interested in.
; “Yeah, sort of like that, though I believe that show uses strictly hockey players. This show is going to use an assortment of athletes, both male and female. I think it will be quite interesting. Anyway, they asked me for my input on a few things and I suggested you as a coach and choreographer.
The producers didn’t think you would go for it, I mean you’ve been so busy. They didn’t realize that Kyle and Lucie had split up,” said Justin.
I sighed miserably. I hated to be reminded constantly how much my life sucked.
“Anyway, they were excited that you might be free now and they would be thrilled to bring you on,” said Justin.
“I don’t know Justin. It doesn’t really sound like something I would be interested in.” I whined.
“I know it doesn’t sound like the old you, but this is a huge opportunity to do something different with your life, meet new people, get out of town...you know,” pleaded Justin.
“What you’re saying is, I need to do something other than wither away here in Colorado Springs,” I told him.
“Exactly! I think you should at least talk to the producers,” said Justin.
“Okay, what do I need to do?” I asked, I had already resigned myself to at least hear about the opportunity. What could it hurt?
Laying Low In Hollywood Page 3