by John Lenahan
Brendan whispered like he was in a church. ‘Where is everyone?’
‘Probably off pillaging.’
‘Damn,’ Brendan said, ‘you mean it’s pillaging season and no one told me?’
I smiled and shouted a tentative, ‘Hello?’
‘So,’ Brendan said in a normal tone, now that it looked like we were alone in there, ‘where do they keep the AK-47s?’
‘I’m afraid if you want a long-range weapon, Brendan, it’ll have to be one of those.’
Brendan turned to where I had pointed; the entire wall was covered with both long and short bows mounted neatly in rows. They were all unstrung with their strings hanging slack from the top notch. There were hundreds of them.
‘Ah,’ Brendan said, ‘you may laugh, but I was a pretty good archer in my youth. My mother made me take lessons.’ Brendan walked over to the wall and reached up to take down a medium-sized bow.
I never heard the twang of the bow that fired the arrow at him, I didn’t even see it while it was in the air, I only heard the thwap of the arrow hitting its target and Brendan’s yelp as he realised his arm was pinned to the wall.
The arrow had tacked Brendan’s shirtsleeve to the wall, missing his skin by inches. I hit the ground, rolled to my left, upsetting a stand of bantas, and came up crouching with a stick in each hand. I poked my nose over the now-empty banta stick holder to see Brendan reaching to extract the arrow that stuck him to the wall. As his hand crossed his body another arrow pinned that sleeve as well. This time clothing wasn’t the only thing it pierced – he howled in pain.
‘I’m hit!’
Chapter Eight
Spideog
I ducked back down and reviewed my situation. The only thing I deduced was that I was in trouble and Brendan was screwed. What did Dahy tell me? ‘When in doubt, stay still and listen.’ So I did, but I couldn’t hear anything except Brendan’s heavy breathing.
‘Brendan,’ I said in a loud whisper, ‘can you see anything?’
‘Straight back at the other end of the room I saw a flash of something green.’ He strained his neck for a better look. ‘Nothing now.’
‘Are you OK?’
‘I think so.’
‘Keep watching. I’m coming to get you.’
I peered around the corner of the weapons stand and was just about to make a dash for Brendan when I heard a footfall behind me. I whirled to see a hooded man in a bright green tunic and brown leather leggings. In one hand he held a bow and in the other an arrow. I instantly attacked with both sticks – one high and one low. Like he was reading my mind he twisted his body vertical and kicked his foot at my fingers where I was holding the low banta. The stick flew out of my hand. My other weapon he blocked with the string of his bow. No one had ever done that to me before. My stick sprang back so far I completely lost form. My whole left side was exposed and my opponent didn’t hesitate in exploiting that fact. I’m not quite sure what he did next but I think it was a swipe to the kidneys with the bow and a kick to the back of the legs with his foot, maybe both feet. Whatever – I went down like a hippo on ice.
After bouncing my forehead off the deck I came to a stop with the green goblin kneeling on the backs of my arms and something very pointy sticking into the rear of my neck. My left cheek was pressed against the floor. Out of the corner of my right eye I could just make out an open-mouthed Brendan trying to escape his feathered clothespins. The sharp pain in my neck stopped and an arrow sizzled through the air, planting itself about two inches from Brendan’s nose.
‘Do not move, Druid,’ greeny shouted.
Brendan may not have answered but he certainly obeyed.
The pain in my neck resumed, forcing me to the conclusion that he had a cocked arrow pointing at the back of my collar. Even though he didn’t tell me not to move, I decided that not moving was a good idea.
‘I’ve been waiting for you, Druid,’ the green guy said as he pushed the point of the arrow hard into my neck.
‘Hey, buddy,’ I said, ‘you got the wrong guys. We’re not Druids.’
‘Do not insult me. There are still people in The Land who can recognise a Fili and I am one of them.’
‘The Fili have been exonerated. Haven’t you heard?’
‘The ones who own those bows will never be exonerated,’ he said.
This guy definitely had the drop on me and I figured it was only a matter of time before he garrotted me so I made, what turned out to be, a futile attempt to buck him off my back. It only resulted in my head getting bounced off the floor one more time.
‘Relax, Druid. I do not wish to hurt you before the Lord of Duir has a chance to question you.’
Up till then I figured, like I always do when somebody attacks me out of the blue, that this was probably some sort of assassin hired by Cialtie. Now I realised that this idiot worked here.
‘The Lord of Duir is incapacitated. Does that mean you will now take commands from his prince?’
The pressure from the arrowhead slacked. ‘Yes.’
‘Then I, Conor of Duir, command you to – get your butt off of me!’
It’s amazing what a royal title can do in the right situation. Greeny hopped directly off me. I groaned erect as fast as my not-quite broken limbs would allow.
My attacker’s hood was back. I was a bit surprised to see wrinkles around the piercing green eyes. This guy had been around for longer than probably anyone I had yet met in The Land. He wore a waxed moustache and a meticulously trimmed goatee that pointed directly to the bow and arrow that he still had levelled at my chest.
‘Lower your weapon,’ I said, trying very hard to sound like my father.
‘Yes, my lord,’ he said as he released the tension on his bow.
‘Who are you and why have you attacked my royal personage?’
As I have mentioned before, I’m not a big fan of all the regal bowing and curtseying people do around the castle but after a guy kicks you in the back of the legs, the sight of him grovelling is very satisfying.
‘I am Spideog, Master-at-Arms of Castle Duir. I am sorry, Your Highness.’
Behind me I heard Brendan trying to extricate himself. Greeny pulled back his bowstring and fired another arrow that planted itself about an inch from the previous one. I think if this guy wanted to, he could shoot fleas off a dog at fifty paces.
‘Conor, tell him to stop doing that,’ Brendan shouted.
‘Hey, stop doing that,’ I said.
Spideog had already notched another arrow from the quiver on his back. ‘Instruct the Druid to leave the yew bows alone.’
‘OK, first of all, he’s not a Druid and secondly we didn’t know they were yew. Brendan!’ I yelled over my shoulder. ‘Don’t touch the bows.’
‘If he stops shooting at me I’ll put my hands in my pockets and not touch another thing all day. Now will somebody unpin me? I feel like a wanted poster.’
‘You heard the man,’ I said to Spideog still using my dad voice. ‘Put your weapon away and help him down.’
The arrows were embedded so far into the wood that ad to snap them to unpin the detective. Brendan rolled up his left sleeve and examined the cut that the second arrow had inflicted. It wasn’t much more than a bad scratch but that didn’t stop Brendan from being very mad.
‘Why you son of a—’ He took a swing at the archer’s nose.
Without any seemingly quick movements, Spideog casually brought up his left hand, connecting the back of his palm with the side of Brendan’s advancing fist, and pushed the punch off target. His hand sailed harmlessly past Spideog’s ear and Brendan stumbled forward. Confused at what had just happened but still just as mad, Brendan took another swing to precisely the same effect.
‘Lord Conor, instruct your companion to stop attacking me.’
‘Stop attacking him, Brendan.’
He didn’t listen. I once heard that the definition of insanity is when you do the same things over and over but expect different results. Well, Brendan did th
e same thing and he did get a different result. This time Spideog’s hand parry was accompanied by a kick that dropped Brendan about as quickly as I had been earlier. It ended with Spideog kneeling on Brendan’s back and holding his wrist in what looked like a very painful position. The archer gave me a pleading look.
‘Brendan, are you going to knock it off?’
‘Yes,’ he groaned into the floor.
Spideog let go. I was expecting Brendan to get up furious, instead he came up wide-eyed and said, ‘How did you do that?’
‘Simple,’ greeny said, bouncing on his toes, ‘your attack was sloppy and I – well – I am very good.’
Brendan rubbed his sore shoulder and amazingly smiled. ‘Can you teach me that?’
‘Why, I would be delighted. First stand with your feet in a stance just wider than your shoulders, then—’
‘Ah, excuse me. Remember me, Prince of Duir?’
‘Oh yes, Your Highness. I will teach you as well,’ Spideog said. ‘You obviously need some combat training. Take today for instance. You were standing in an armoury with all manner of weapons and shields and when you came under attack from an arrow, you chose a stick. Who in The Land taught you defence?’
‘My father and Master Dahy,’ I announced defensively.
‘Dahy, of course – sticks and elbows. I’m surprised any of you are still alive.’
‘Now hold on a minute,’ I said, straightening up. ‘I’ll not have you badmouthing Master Dahy. Why, I ought to—’
‘Easy, Conor,’ Brendan said, coming between us. ‘You don’t want to take a swing at him, I tried that, it doesn’t work. Anyway didn’t we come in here for a reason?’
‘Yes,’ I said, giving Spideog one last dirty look. ‘Mom said the Sword of Duir is here.’
‘It is, my lord,’ the green man replied. ‘The Lawnmower is right over there.’
‘The Lawnmower. Your father had it renamed when he returned it to the armoury.’
Sure enough there she was, in the middle of the weapon racks in a gold-flecked clear crystal case – the family blade. At the base was a silver plaque that read, ‘Lawnmower – the Sword of Duir’. I couldn’t help but laugh.
‘Lawnmower?’ Brendan asked, confused.
‘It’s a long story.’
‘If I may ask, my lord, what is a lawnmower?’
‘What did my father tell you?’
‘Lord Oisin and I do not … eh … chat.’
‘I can’t imagine why not,’ I said sarcastically, ‘but to answer your question, it’s a machine used to keep grass short.’
‘What is wrong with sheep?’
Spideog removed an acorn-shaped gold medallion from around his neck and slid it into a slot at the base of the display. The gold embedded in the glass glowed, a seam appeared in the front panel and then it opened on invisible hinges like tiny church doors. I reached in and grabbed the Sword of Duir. It always surprises me how light and contoured to my hand the Lawnmower is. It felt like an extension of my arm. I once let Araf hold it and was amazed when he complained how uncomfortable the handle was. I mentioned what he said to Dad and he said, ‘It’s a Duir thing – the blade knows a Child of Oak.’
‘OK, now that we are all pals,’ Brendan said, ‘how come you attacked me when I reached for the bow?’
‘I did not attack you,’ Spideog corrected, ‘if I had attacked you, you would be dead. I merely stopped you.’
‘OK, why did you stop me then?’
‘He stopped you, Brendan,’ I answered, ‘because that bow is not yours.’
‘I wasn’t gonna steal it.’
‘Yew wood is special around here,’ I said. ‘Only a master archer can use a yew bow and if you want one you have to get the wood yourself. Only a person who has been deemed worthy by the tree can use that bow.’
‘Deemed worthy by a tree?’
‘It’s complicated, I’ll explain later.’
‘Oh, now I see,’ Spideog exclaimed, ‘you must be the voyager from the Real World.’
‘I am,’ Brendan replied.
‘Ah. I pay little attention to the gossip of the castle but I now remember hearing of you.’ Spideog turned to me. ‘If I may, my lord, all that you say is true but that is not why I fired on the voyager. The reason I stopped him was because he looks uncannily like a Fili.’
‘Why would you attack a Fili?’ I asked.
‘These bows belonged to Maeve’s Druid archers from the Fili war.’
‘Oh my gods,’ I said, ‘these are from the soldiers who were killed when Maeve’s massive Shadowspell backfired.’
‘That is correct.’
‘But why were they not buried with the dead?’
‘Who said they are dead?’
‘Ah – everybody.’
‘I was there, Prince, I saw no bodies.’
‘What?’
‘Everyone presumes the Fili died when Maeve performed her foul witchcraft but I saw no dead. I saw an amber wave, I saw the Fili scream and writhe in pain but then they vanished. Behind them they left their clothes and weapons, in fact all of their earthly possessions – but no bodies.’
‘No body, no murder,’ Brendan mumbled.
‘Gosh,’ I said, ‘where have I heard that before?’
‘Most think I’m mad,’ said Spideog, ‘but I live here in the armoury and guard against their return.’
‘He is a bit mad,’ Mom said later that night when I told her about my adventure in the armoury. (I left out the part where Spideog aimed an arrow at my neck. You know how Mom gets when somebody tries to hurt me.) ‘But there is no better fighter in The Land. He has even bested Dahy. While Cialtie was on the Oak Throne he lived deep in the Yewlands and reportedly waged a pretty effective one-man resistance war against Cialtie’s Banshee patrols.’
‘Apparently Dad doesn’t like him.’
‘Oh, he drives your father crazy. To be honest, that’s one of the things I like best about Spideog,’ Mom said with a mischievous grin that quickly changed into the frown that she seemed to always be wearing these days.
‘And he keeps that armoury so tidy.’
Chapter Nine
Mother Oak
I didn’t see much of Brendan for the next couple of days. He spent almost all of his time in the armoury with Spideog and I spent most of that time sitting with Dad. Mom said maybe he could hear us, so I read him stories from books I found in the library. Even if he couldn’t hear, it was good for me. Many of the tales were about Duir so it helped me bone up on family history and it also improved my ancient Gaelic reading skills. Mom said we were going to be doing a lot of research when we got to the Hazellands.
I read a chronicle of the Fili war. Fand’s mother Maeve really did lose it. She not only decimated much of the Rowan forest but took out a lot of alder trees as well – another reason why the Brownies shu everybody in The Land. I read nursery rhymes about not killing animals because they might be Pookas, not sleeping under alders and a story about a bunch of guys who sailed away from The Land and got old. I even tried to decipher Elven poetry. I needed a dictionary for that.
As I sat by his bed conjugating a verb I started to laugh. ‘Gosh, Pop,’ I said aloud, ‘I probably shouldn’t do this in front of you. The shock of me doing language homework, on my own, could kill you.’ I stared through the amber to see if I could detect the slightest of smiles. I thought I saw something move but maybe that was just the water welling up in my eyes.
When I wasn’t with Dad I spent the rest of my time in my room throwing a knife I found in the armoury. If this knife had once had a gold tip it was now well worn off. Let me tell you, without Dahy’s magic points, these suckers are hard to throw.
Aein came in while I was practising my knife-play. She gave me a dirty look and said, ‘Like father like son,’ then informed me that my mother and her entourage would leave at dawn. I went looking for Brendan to tell him. I found him in the armoury practising archery with Spideog. They already knew – Spideog was heading up t
he Queen’s guard.
Every time I go on a trip in this place the person who plans it says, ‘We leave at dawn.’ What is it with that? Why doesn’t someone say, ‘Let’s leave ten-ish,’ or ‘Whenever you get up will be fine.’ No. Dawn it always is. And leaving at dawn means just that, so you have to get up at least an hour before dawn! I’m not very good before noon, so getting up before dawn means the majority of my day is useless.
Brendan was awake and ready when I got to his room.
‘You’re late,’ he said.
‘So shoot me. Oh wait, you already tried that.’ I’m not only useless in the morning, I can also be a bit testy.
‘I was going to make my way to the stables by myself but I didn’t want your mother to ju-jitsu me into a wall when she saw me. What did she say when you told her I was coming?’
‘Eh – I haven’t quite told her yet.’
‘Oh great.’
‘You see, my motto is it’s always easier to apologise than it is to ask permission.’
‘That’s a fine philosophy if it’s not you flying butt over noggin in the air.’
‘Fair point,’ I said. ‘I’ll protect you – just don’t touch her.’
‘The thought of you protecting me fills me with so much confidence,’ Brendan said sarcastically. ‘Don’t worry. My hands won’t go near your momma.’
As is usual for these crack-of-dawn riding parties, everyone was pretty much saddled up and ready to go by the time I arrived. Being a royal personage means that most people don’t give me any verbal grief for tardiness but that doesn’t stop the dirty looks.
Mom of course is the exception to that rule. She was just about to chew my head off for being late when she saw Brendan.
‘What is he doing here?’
‘Chill, Mom, he’s with me.’
‘I most certainly will not chill, whatever that means – I will not have him coming with us.’
I took a deep breath and said, ‘I am a prince of Duir and this man is under my protection. He travels with me.’