“And?”
“We talked about our parents dying, a lot about Mr. M, obviously, and about our careers. But there was no mention of anything else. We managed to dance around personal stuff.”
She just looked at me for a bit, seemingly in awe. “It must have been weird to see him after all this time.”
“It felt like just yesterday. The way he makes me feel…it all came flooding back. And God, you should see him. If I thought he was handsome back then, he’s ten times more gorgeous. He’s got this chin scruff now…” I sighed. “He’s so beautiful, Marni.”
She looked confused. “I never understood why you broke up with him.”
I was bursting with the need to tell someone the truth. I’d kept it inside all these years, and it was eating away at my soul. With my mother gone and nothing to lose, I let out a long breath. It was time.
Over the next several minutes, I confessed my biggest secret to my best friend.
***
Marni nearly woke up the baby when she yelled, “Holy shit, Raven. Holy shit! How did you keep that from me all these years?”
“I’m sorry, but hopefully you can understand why I did?”
“Well, considering I might’ve beaten that woman’s ass for threatening you, maybe it was a good idea you didn’t tell me. I might be in jail right now.” She stared off. “I can’t believe you sacrificed your one true love. I always knew you were an amazing daughter to your mom—but this? This is a whole new level.”
“As much as I was in love with Gavin, there was no contest. I couldn’t risk my mother not being able to afford what she needed at the time.”
“This is all coming together now, why you haven’t been able to settle for anyone else.”
“Yep.”
She put her wine glass down and shot up from her seat. “You have to tell Gavin the truth. This is your shot at a second chance.”
“I don’t know if that’s the right decision.”
“Why the hell not? The witch is dead.”
“Gavin told me that in the years after we separated, his relationship with his mother really improved. He has a sense of peace knowing that when she died, they were on good terms. Pretty sure it would kill him to know what she did.”
“That’s too bad! He needs to know. He deserves the truth, even if it’s hard to take.”
“I wouldn’t even know how to tell him.”
“That’s easy. You say ‘Gavin, I’m sorry to inform you, but your mother was a cunt.’ Then you tell him the story.”
I laughed a little. “It’s not that simple.”
“Simple or not, you have to tell him.”
I felt so conflicted. “Maybe you’re right.”
“I know I’m right.” She sighed. “Look, I’m not saying you hit him with this tomorrow or the next day. But you said he’d be staying about a month? You have that long to figure it out.”
I thought back to how it felt when he held me tonight. I owed this to myself. If there was any chance I could have Gavin back, maybe I needed to take it. How many times in life do you have a chance to undo your biggest regret?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
* * *
GAVIN
The phone rang at 5AM. I squinted to see the name on the screen. Paige.
My voice was groggy as I answered. “Hello?”
“Hey, baby. How’s it going?” She sounded way too chipper for this time of the morning.
“Well, considering it’s 5AM, I was sleeping,” I teased.
“Oh shit. You’re right. I forgot about the time difference. I’m sorry. It’s been a busy day at the office, and I wasn’t thinking.”
“No worries.” I yawned. “How are you?”
“I’m good. I miss you.”
Rubbing my eyes, I said, “I miss you, too.”
“How is your dad?”
“That’s hard to answer. I mean, he’s physically okay. But mentally…it’s worse than I thought.”
“Gosh, I’m so sorry. I was worried you’d say that. It’s hard to even concentrate here when you’re going through that all alone.”
“It’s okay. I need this time with him. I wouldn’t be able to offer you much right now even if you were here.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything. I know it’s only been a couple of days, but it’s just tough being away from you. I was okay during the day, but I really missed you last night.”
“I’ll be back soon enough. What I don’t yet know is whether my father will be coming with me.”
“You’re not sure he’d be willing to move?”
“Oh I know he wouldn’t be willing to move. I just don’t know if I can force it. He’s got a pretty good setup here. But I can’t be in two places at once.”
“Well, hopefully the right answer will come to you while you’re there.”
I sighed. “That’s the hope.”
“I’m sorry again for waking you up.”
“It’s okay. I should probably be getting up soon anyway. I wanted to spend some time with Dad before his day nurse arrives.”
“Doesn’t he have 24-hour care?”
“Yeah, but he prefers the day nurse, so I didn’t want to interrupt his time with her. Figured I’d sneak in before she gets here, if he’s up.”
“So, the staff is good?”
“Yeah. I’m very pleased so far.”
“Well, that’s good, at least.” She sighed. “Okay, well, I just wanted to check in.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“Even if I woke you?” She laughed.
I grinned. “Even if you woke me.”
“I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.” I hung up and stared at the phone.
Paige and I had been together for a little less than a year. We’d met when she was hired for a marketing position at my company. I’d always sworn off mixing business with pleasure, but given that my job was my life, I eventually gave in.
My life in London with Paige was comfortable, and I hadn’t been happy in years until she came along. I’d never doubted whether I was ready to settle down with her—until this trip. My reaction to Raven, how quickly everything came back, really caught me off guard. I felt a little guilty, because even though I knew nothing would happen between Raven and me, I couldn’t help but wonder what those feelings meant as they related to my relationship with Paige.
Why was I having any feelings at all for someone else? I had to chalk it up to nostalgia. Things with Raven had ended so abruptly that maybe I never fully got over it. Seeing her again opened an old wound. Maybe this was a normal reaction, and I was overanalyzing it.
But I had neglected to mention Paige last night. And I didn’t fully understand why. Raven and I were talking about our lives. Wasn’t Paige a huge part of my life? It’s not something I’d planned to hide. If Raven had asked me, I would have told her.
I guess I didn’t really know how to bring it up. She hadn’t offered any information on her own relationships. I didn’t want to seem like I was throwing mine in her face. But for all I knew, Raven was married now.
***
After I got up and got dressed, I told the night nurse she could leave early. Dad and I ended up taking an early morning walk around the grounds.
The morning air was soupy with humidity. As we strolled, Dad asked me many of the same questions he’d asked when I first arrived. So I repeated a lot of stuff we’d already discussed. I guess at this point I was just grateful he still knew who I was.
“How long are you staying?” he asked.
Again, another question he’d asked me several times.
“About a month.”
“Good.”
As we continued to walk along, I said, “You know, Dad, I really wish I lived closer to you. My company is based in London, so I won’t be able to move back here. Would you ever consider letting me move you to England to be closer to me?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“You won’t even consider it, even if I bought you a nice house and got you anything you needed with 24-hour staff, just like here?”
He stopped walking and stared into my eyes with a look of awareness that had been fleeting since I’d arrived.
“I love this house,” he said. “I want to die here.”
“You’d rather stay here, being taken care of by strangers, than with your own family?”
“Renata is not a stranger.”
Renata.
“Okay...not Renata. But what happens when she has to leave or gets reassigned? I can’t take care of you from overseas, Dad.”
He once again looked me dead in the eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I nodded silently. Trying to convince him to move was a lost cause. In the end, he’d earned the right to live and die wherever he damn well pleased. And I was going to have to deal with it.
He looked stressed, and I hated that I’d caused that.
I placed my hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, Dad. We’ll figure it out. Maybe I can fly home more.”
At that moment, I noticed a red SUV pulling into the front driveway. Raven exited the vehicle. My father took one look at her and lit up.
“There she is,” he said.
“Yup. There she is,” I muttered as I followed him toward her.
Raven’s smile spread across her gorgeous face. “Did you guys go for a walk?”
“Yeah. It’s a beautiful morning,” I said. “Nice and cool.”
“I’m glad you’re getting to see your son, Mr. M. Actually, if you’re still up for being out and about today, I was thinking maybe later we could go check out the new organic food market they opened in the center of town.”
My father nodded. “I’d love to go.”
She turned to me. “Would you want to come with us?”
I blinked a few times, surprised by the offer. I guess she wasn’t avoiding me anymore?
“That’d be great.”
***
Later that morning, the three of us got into my rental car and drove to the new market.
On the way, I stopped at Starbucks, and it felt like old times. Raven ordered her macchiato. I got the same for the hell of it. Dad didn’t want anything. He sat next to me in the passenger seat while Raven was in the back. I stole glances at her in the rearview mirror, still in awe that she was here. Her familiar smell brought back memories I’d tried for a long time to suppress.
Things were pretty chill until “Hello” by Adele came on the radio.
Too much, universe. Too much.
I’d never switched a station faster.
***
Once we got to the market, I found that being out with my dad was bittersweet because it was just another reminder of how reliant he was on Raven. She knew mangoes were his favorite fruit and that he didn’t react well to citrus. He couldn’t make any decisions on his own or even remember what he liked.
It made me sad that I couldn’t be here to do things like this with him all the time. My mind raced as I tried to think about a solution for his long-term care, whether there was any way it could include me. My entire company was in London. I couldn’t move hundreds of employees. But this was my father. Maybe I could figure out a way to live here part of the year. My brain kept going in circles as we shopped.
There was an ice cream stand in the corner of the market. Dad announced that he wanted some and was going to walk over and get it. Raven and I waited with the cart while he stood in line.
“Sometimes I try to give him some space,” she said.
“That must be hard, considering he can’t really be alone.”
“Yeah, but if I’m nearby, I try to let him do his own thing. I don’t want to stifle him.”
“Not sure he really minds having you glued to his side. I feel like my dad is as smitten with you as I once was.”
The words escaped me before I could think better of saying them.
She blushed. “It’s innocent. Your dad has never insinuated anything, if that’s what you’re getting at.”
“I wasn’t suggesting he had. I was just pointing out the obvious: you make him happy.” I know how that feels.
Our conversation was interrupted when the clerk at the ice cream counter called out, “Is anyone with this man?”
We abandoned the cart and rushed over to the line.
“Dad, are you alright?”
“He seems disoriented,” the girl said.
“Thank you. We’ll handle it,” Raven said. “Do you still want some ice cream?”
“I…just…I want to go home,” Dad said as she ushered him away.
“Of course, Mr. M.” She nodded at me. “Gavin will take you outside, and I’ll pay for these groceries.”
My heart felt like it was breaking as I held my father’s arm. “Come on. Let’s get you back to the car.”
I felt like a fish out of water, but Raven was calm as could be. It was clear something like this had happened before. God, I was clueless about how to deal with my own father. Sometimes love can’t fix everything.
After I let Dad into the car, I settled in on the driver’s side and rested my head on the back of the seat. I couldn’t help the lone tear that escaped from my eye. I wiped it quickly. This was so much harder than I’d ever imagined.
After a few minutes, I got my shit together and turned to him. “You okay now, Dad?”
“Yes,” he said as he gazed out the window.
I knew he was looking for her, waiting impatiently for Raven to return as he always did. I looked down at the age spots on his knuckles. Reaching over, I placed my hand on top of his.
What am I gonna do with you?
Wheeling the cart, Raven finally approached. She’d leaned her arms against the handle to push it because her hands were occupied; she held two ice cream cones.
She flashed a smile, and suddenly everything was better. My father’s eyes glowed with happiness at the sight of her. He rolled down the window, and she handed him one of the cones.
“Is this what you wanted, Mr. M?”
“Yes.” He smiled.
“It’s your favorite, butter pecan.”
My father began devouring it. She came around and handed me the other cone.
“I thought you could use some cheering up, too.” She smiled.
She knew how devastating that scene in there had been for me.
The ice cream was cookies and cream—my favorite. She remembered.
This time the ache in my chest had nothing to do with my father.
***
After we returned home, Raven took Dad upstairs.
When she came down, I was sitting on the patio.
She noticed me and came outside, taking a seat next to me.
Squinting from the sunlight, she asked, “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I exhaled. “That was…just really hard to see.”
“I know.” Her long hair blew in the breeze. It had the same blue tones I remembered when the sun reflected on the black.
“You have amazing patience with him.”
“I’ve gotten used to things. That wasn’t always the case. So don’t feel bad for your feelings. They’re totally normal under the circumstances.”
“You know, earlier today, before you got here, I brought up the subject of him moving to London. He got upset and shot it right down. I know now that I can’t make him go. He broke his ass all of his life and deserves to live and die where he wants. I won’t force it.”
Raven looked relieved. “I think that’s wise. I’m glad you see it that way now.”
“I don’t know what I was even thinking.”
“You were thinking what anyone in your position would be. It would make your life a lot easier. You had to at least consider it, if he’d been willing.”
That put my mind at ease. I’d been feeling guilty that my wanting to move him was purely selfish. As strange as it was to have Raven here, I didn’t know what I’d do without her
.
“Today I had a thought that I’m too young to lose the only parent I have left,” I told her. “Then it occurred to me that you were a lot younger when you lost yours. It’s not easy.”
“No, it’s not.”
We sat quietly for a while, taking in the warm Florida breeze.
I finally asked, “How long do you see yourself doing this job? It must get tiring.”
“I don’t plan to leave.”
“How can you be so sure of that?”
“Because I don’t want to leave, and I owe your father a lot. It’s my honor to pay him back the only way I’ll ever be able to.”
“What if you get married and have kids? You can’t work these hours. It’s a long day.”
“I’d make it work.”
So she isn’t married with kids.
I thought maybe my question would spark her to talk about her relationship status, but she didn’t say anything else. I had to wonder why I was still so damn curious. Does it really matter?
Then she changed the subject. “What exactly is going on with Weldon? No one seems to know.”
“Ah. The question of the year.” Thinking about my brother always made me a little angry. “Well, while I started a tech company overseas, my lovely brother decided to give up his law degree for a life of surfing and drinking out in California. He’s making us proud.”
“Are you kidding? Weldon? He was such a goody two shoes, always trying to please your mother. Are you in touch with him?”
“Only to make sure he’s still alive. In his defense, he went off the rails after Mother died. He took it the hardest of everyone. So I’ve cut him some slack, perhaps too much. A trip out west to stage an intervention is next on my list when I can manage to break away from the job again.”
“It’s not easy for you, Gavin. You’re the glue that holds your family together.”
I chuckled. “I’m not sure anyone’s holding anything together around here, except you.”
***
Later that evening, when I looked at the clock it was about an hour before Raven’s shift would be over. She was upstairs in Dad’s room, and I heard her talking to him, so I knew he wasn’t sleeping.
The Day He Came Back Page 15