by Emmy Eugene
“Open mine first,” Kadence said, skipping back over to Janelle and Russ. She carried a bright green bag with elf legs on it, and she was so proud of it.
“She made that in school,” Janelle whispered, as if Russ needed coaching to be beautifully kind to Kadence. But she’d had to sometimes remind Henry that their girls were little and needed to be told the art projects they did were wonderful even when they were somewhat hideous.
“Oh, wow,” Russ said, stepping away from Janelle and taking the gift bag. “You made this?”
“Yep.” Kadence swayed on her feet, her face filled with only the joy a seven-year-old could muster. She was about to burst with the secret, and Janelle hoped Russ would open the gift quickly.
He pulled out the white tissue paper, his face full of a smile too. Janelle’s heart softened as she watched him, because he was just so…good. He was calm, and gentle, and wonderful.
“Wow,” he said, pulling out the snow globe. “You made this?”
“Yes,” Kadence said, bursting now. “And look, Russ! It’s the ranch. There’s the horses, and the dogs, and that’s your truck.” She kept pointing but the globe was small, and every poke was in the same spot.
“I see that.” Russ grinned at her and held up the globe, studying it. “This is so awesome, Kade. I love it.” He set it down on the table and picked up Kadence, hugging her tight and cradling her in his lap. Janelle could only watch, everything inside her turning soft.
This was right. This was good. This was perfect.
“My turn,” Kelly said, and she held a square package that Janelle had helped her wrap in blue paper with snowflakes on it. She handed it to Russ, who held her eye for several moments before he turned his attention to the gift.
“Feels heavy,” he said before peeling back the paper. “Oh, yes.” He started laughing. “I love this stuff. Love it. Thanks, Kelly.” He held up the two-pound box of fudge Kelly had wanted to get him. Janelle knew Russ had a real sweet tooth, and he opened the box and pinched off a chunk of fudge right then. “Mm. I love this stuff.”
“Merry Christmas,” Kelly said, stepping forward awkwardly and rocking back. Russ grabbed onto her and drew her into a hug too.
“Merry Christmas,” he said.
She stepped back, and Janelle could tell she was pleased.
“All right,” Russ said. “Who wants to go next? Should we go round and round?” He reached for one of the smaller presents wrapped in red and white checkered paper. “I only have one for your mom. That one should go last.”
“And I have one for you,” she said. “So let’s let the girls go back and forth.”
Russ handed the present to Kadence. “Yours are all red, Missy. Kelly, yours are green.”
“My favorite color,” she said, beaming at him, and if it was, that was news to Janelle. The girls opened their presents one by one, and Janelle was shocked at how thoughtful and perfect they were for each girl.
Jump ropes, art supplies, and movies for Kadence. Kitchen gear—including a very expensive mixer—and a couple of books for Kelly.
Finally, there was just the two of them left. “Open yours, Momma,” Kelly said. “I want to make something with this mixer.”
She smiled at her daughter, because this had been an amazing Christmas so far. “I want Russ to open his first.” She picked up the slim package, a tremor materializing in her chest. She almost wanted to hurry and get rid of it. Instead, she handed it to him. “Don’t be too disappointed.”
“Janelle.” He rarely said her name, and Janelle really liked hearing it. He took the present and started unwrapping it. Janelle’s heart beat faster and faster with every second it took him to peel back the paper. “Are these the McGavin gloves?” He looked at her, pure excitement in his eyes.
“You’re hard to shop for,” she said. “Especially now that I know how much money you have.”
“I’ve wanted these forever,” he said, unboxing the gloves. He put them on, flexing his fingers as joy emanated from him. “I love them. Thank you so much.” He leaned forward and kissed her, and Janelle didn’t even care that her girls were watching.
Russ put his gloved hands in her hair and kept her close. “I love you, Janelle.” Their eyes met, and pure love lived in his, plus a hint of nerves.
Nerves seemed to be all Janelle was made off, and she swallowed as Kadence said, “Momma, open yours.”
Russ leaned away from her and said, “I’ll take that, little lady.” He took the envelope from Kadence and held it toward Janelle. “Remember what I said about the money.”
She took the envelope, her heartbeat jumping and hammering and doing all kinds of other things to her body. She unclasped the envelope and took out a couple of pieces of paper. Behind them was a color photograph of a hot tub.
“Russ,” she said, sucking in a breath. “You didn’t.”
“Now you can relax after one of your hard days at work,” he said. “That’s the work order, but if you don’t like the style I picked out, the guys said you could choose any one you want.”
“I can’t…Russ.” She wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. “This is too much.” She pulled away just as quickly. “I mean, I can’t. This is too much.” She felt frantic and out of control.
“You can,” he said. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”
Janelle kissed him while Kelly said, “We’re getting a hot tub?” and then started cheering. Janelle felt like cheering too, and she wondered what on earth she’d done to deserve a man as good as Russ Johnson.
“Take the salad bowl, Kelly,” Janelle said as her daughter got out of the car. Janelle glanced up to the front stoop, where her daddy stood. He looked much older than Janelle remembered, and her heart squeezed.
She only lived an hour away. She really should get down to Johnson City more often.
“Kade, you grab the rolls. I’ll get the basket of gifts.” She got out of the car too and called up to the porch, “Hey, Daddy.”
“Need help?” he asked, but he didn’t look like he could traverse the steps, and he leaned against the pillar.
“No, stay there,” she said. “We’ve got it.” And they did. Her mother never let her bring very much to Christmas Eve dinner, and Janelle had put all the gifts into a single laundry basket for easy carrying.
She set the presents down on the porch when she arrived and hugged her dad. “Oh, it’s good to see you, baby,” he said.
Janelle pressed her eyes closed and smiled, the embrace of her father always welcome. “Thanks. Good to see you too. Is Jess here yet?”
“He just called,” Daddy said. “He’s going to be late.”
“As usual,” Janelle said dryly. It had been several years since all of her siblings had come for Christmas Eve dinner at their childhood home. Everyone was married, and they had in-laws to visit and their own family traditions to cement. Janelle had been coming for the past three years, and she’d seen all of her siblings over the years. They just hadn’t been all in one place at the same time in a while.
This year, only Janelle and her oldest brother, Jess, were coming. Jess had two kids too, boys instead of girls. Michael and Hudson got along great with Kadence and Kelly, and Janelle really liked Jess’s wife, Shelly.
So today should be fun.
Janelle entered the house to the scent of candied ham and butter. “Wow,” she said, glancing around the living room. “Something smells good.”
She found her mother in the kitchen, and Kelly and Kadence put their contributions to dinner on the counter before hurrying back into the living room with calls for their Grandpa to show them the rabbits out back.
“Can Daddy navigate the steps to get to the backyard?” Janelle asked.
“Oh, sure,” her mom said. “He’s just a bit slower than usual.” She kept her attention on the pot in front of her, stirring as the gravy thickened. “So tell me before Jess shows up…how are things going with Russ?”
Janelle drew in a long, deep breath. “I real
ly like him, Mom.”
She looked away from the gravy, interest in her eyes. “I can see you do.” She glanced around the kitchen too. “And?”
“And I don’t know.”
“Why not?” Her mother wouldn’t look away from her.
Janelle wrestled with what to tell her mom. Maybe she needed someone to talk everything out with. She’d been holding it all in, dealing with one piece of her life at a time.
“Henry’s been in Chestnut Springs,” Janelle said, and her mother’s eyes widened. “For the past few weeks. He picks the girls up after school and spends time with them in the evenings. We’re spending Christmas together tomorrow.”
Momma just blinked at her, and Janelle had literally never seen her speechless.
“Say something.”
“Janelle, I don’t know what to say.”
“That’s because you’ve always disliked Henry.”
“Now, that is not true,” Momma said.
Janelle looked out the window and saw her girls each holding one of Daddy’s hands, leading him to the rabbit pen. “The girls love Henry.” Which only made everything so confusing.
“Are you saying…What are you saying?”
“I don’t know,” Janelle said again, pure helplessness filling her. “I just need someone to tell me what to do.”
“I can’t tell you that, honey,” Momma said. “God maybe could.”
Janelle suppressed a sigh, though she’d already considered taking her problems to church and asking for an answer.
“Family is important,” Momma said. “But you know that, baby. You’ll do what’s right for you and the girls.”
“We’re here,” Jess called, and Janelle glanced toward the kitchen doorway.
“Don’t say anything, Mom, okay? He’ll do his psychotherapy on me, and I just want to eat a lot of mashed potatoes for my therapy.”
Momma laughed, and Janelle’s brother came into the kitchen. “What’s so funny?”
“You and that beard,” Janelle said, giggling as she stepped over to give her brother a hug. His boys came in behind him, chattering as they went up to Momma.
She laughed and hugged her grandsons as Shelly brought in a pumpkin pie and an apple cobbler.
“Hey, Shelly.” Janelle hugged her too, while Momma told her the girls were out back with Grandpa and the rabbits. Michael and Hudson went in that direction, and Janelle looked at her brother and his wife.
She remembered what it was like to be part of a couple. A happy couple. A married couple, who co-parented their children and spent holidays and weekends together.
Her doubts swelled, and Janelle had no idea what to do with her girls, with Russ, or with Henry. He’d asked for another chance, and the last couple of weeks with him at her house or taking care of the girls had been…nice. The girls definitely loved him, especially Kelly.
Janelle had struggled to file for divorce the first time, and maybe… No, she told herself. Henry would not be faithful to her. He had a temporary protective order that would get dismissed. He’d either go back to the woman who’d filed it, or he’d find another piece of arm candy to spend his nights with. She didn’t need to open herself up for that hurt again, just because she felt a little bit guilty right now.
So she’d enjoy dinner and singing Christmas carols with her family. And she’d endure Christmas Day with Henry tomorrow. And then she’d get back to Russ.
“Morning, Daddy,” Kelly said after Henry had walked through the front door without knocking. Janelle looked over to him from where she stood in the kitchen. She’d decided to go simple and non-traditional for their family Christmas dinner, and she was making the girls’ favorite food: spaghetti and meatballs.
The scent of garlic bread filled the air as Kelly and Kadence giggled in their daddy’s arms. Janelle stalled in her browning of the meatballs at the sight of Henry with both little girls. It was a picture-perfect scene, with stockings hung along the mantel and the Christmas tree lights glinting in his smiling eyes.
He laughed with them and wished them a Merry Christmas before he looked at Janelle. She quickly looked away and turned the meatballs that were starting to get a little too brown on one side. She felt like crying, and she didn’t even know why.
She’d managed to keep her new hot tub a secret from her parents, and the girls had enjoyed their origami cash that her father did for them every year. They’d gotten books and puzzles and water park passes for when they went to stay with Gramma and Grandpa in the summer.
“Let me go get the presents,” Henry said, and Kelly went with him.
“Momma, can I let in King?” Kadence asked.
“Yes, baby. Did you feed him like I asked?”
“Yes, Momma.” Kadence went out the garage and returned a few minutes later with the dog. He went straight to his food bowl and started eating, and Janelle felt a bit bad for him.
“We should’ve let him in earlier,” she said. She’d just gotten so busy with the food.
“I put out food and water for the other dogs,” Kadence said. “Did Russ say when the new dog enclosure would be done?”
“No,” Janelle said. “I haven’t heard about that for a while.” She’d texted Russ last night after she’d gotten home from her parents, but their conversation hadn’t deviated to dogs or the enclosure. She did like talking to him, but guilt ran through her as Henry walked through the door, a huge smile on his face, Kelly right behind him.
She was laughing, and Janelle wondered if she was doing the right thing by pushing Henry away.
“Meatballs,” he said, and she glanced up at him.
“Yeah,” she said. “Hope you weren’t expecting a turkey with all the trimmings.”
A brilliant smile filled his whole face. “Whatever is fine with me, sweetheart.” He beamed down at her. “The house looks great. Very Christmasy.”
“That’s all the girls,” Janelle said, focusing back on her last batch of meatballs.
“Have you thought about what we talked about a couple of weeks ago?”
Janelle didn’t dare look at him again. “I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”
“And?” Henry asked, his hand sliding down her arm to hers.
And Janelle still didn’t know what to do. But she knew she couldn’t have Christmas with two men and expect things to feel good. She didn’t feel good. The problem was, she didn’t know who to cut out of her life and who to keep.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Russ woke the day after Christmas to a string of texts, and he reached for his phone, his heart pounding in a bad way. The day his momma’s house had flooded had started out this same way, and he had visions of inches of water soaking the brand new floors and his parents moving back into the homestead.
But all of the texts were from Janelle.
Russ smiled and sat up as he tapped to get the string open. She’d texted a lot, in a very short amount of time, which meant she’d had these all planned out and ready to go.
And he didn’t like them. Not one little bit.
Her first text started with I’ve been thinking, and things quickly devolved from there. She’d sent five or six texts, and the gist was that she didn’t want to see him anymore.
“This can’t be happening,” he muttered to himself. He tapped the phone icon and lifted his phone to his ear. The line rang a couple of times, and his heartbeat accelerated with every passing moment.
“Hey,” Janelle said.
Russ didn’t know what to say, because the emotion in his throat made everything too tight. He finally asked, “You’re breaking up with me through a text? The day after Christmas?” He thought of all the gifts he’d bought for her and her girls. Foolishness filled him from top to bottom, and the wallpaper across the room started to blur.
“I just need some time to think,” she said. “With Henry back in town, he wants another chance, and I have the girls to think about…” Her voice trailed off, and Russ didn’t want to hear it anyway.
�
�Okay,” he said, because what was he supposed to say? “Talk to you later.”
“Russ,” she said, but he hung up anyway. He left his phone on the nightstand and went to get in the shower. He got dressed and went downstairs. He set coffee to brew, and he made breakfast. He didn’t know where Travis was, but he’d been spending more and more time out in the woodshop, so Russ went out to take care of the dogs alone.
He breathed as he cleaned out bowls and pens, refilled food and let the dogs into the yard. The work wasn’t hard, and Russ’s mind was free to roam. The only topic revolving through his brain was Janelle.
He was in love with her, and he knew it. He’d told her three blasted days ago. She hadn’t said it back, but Russ had felt confident in his feelings. He’d thought she was falling for him too.
Henry.
He’d known her ex was back in town, but he’d thought it was temporary. He’d thought Janelle had been telling him everything. He worked through his chores, finally returning to the homestead for lunch. Rex and Griffin were already there, eating leftovers from Christmas dinner at their parents’.
Russ kept his back to them as he poured himself more coffee. Thankfully, they were engaged in a conversation about the New Year’s First Night in town, and Russ didn’t have to talk. He’d already said he wouldn’t be going to that, and now he had a very good reason never to leave the ranch again.
He felt utterly confined to the ranch now, and while he loved the land and the work, he’d had some hope of having a wife he loved and a family filling the homestead with laughter.
Rex left first, and Griffin looked at Russ. “You okay?”
“Fine,” Russ said, as he didn’t feel like talking about anything right now. In fact, he just wanted to heat up the steak bites and go back to bed.
“Okay, well, I have to go check on the goats. They’ve been breaking their hay cradle every morning, and I’ve been giving them a stern talking-to.”
“Keep that up,” Russ said, as if the goats really cared what Griffin said to them.
He was alone in the homestead now, and he hated it. The silence pressed in around him, but he couldn’t get himself to get up and leave. Or even get something to eat. He pulled out his phone and looked at it again, almost expecting to see a text from Janelle. He didn’t.