by Emmy Eugene
“Alone?” Kelly asked, her eyes wide as a doe’s.
Janelle pressed a kiss to her daughter’s forehead and said, “You’ll be fine. Come get me if you need me.” She went down the hall and into her bedroom and closed the door. She dialed Henry and went toward the window.
“Hey,” he said, and music came through the line.
Janelle sighed, as all of her questions had just been answered. She asked, “Where are you?” anyway.
“The protective order got dismissed,” he said, as if that answered her question.
“Are you coming today? Kelly wanted to know.” She pressed her eyes shut, because that was a lie.
“Not today,” Henry hedged, and Janelle saw red behind her closed eyelids.
“Okay,” she said, far too brightly. “Talk later.” She hung up before he could hear how he affected her.
Foolishness raced through her. Humiliation joined in. Guilt paraded after both of those negative emotions.
And Janelle couldn’t hold back the tide this time. She broke, and tears tracked down her face, because she knew only one thing for certain at the moment: she’d broken up with Russ for absolutely no reason.
Henry didn’t return to Chestnut Springs until New Year’s Eve, and Janelle hadn’t seen him in almost a week. He’d texted and called a couple of times, saying he was really busy getting back into the swing of things at his law firm in Austin, and Janelle read between the lines.
He wasn’t going to return to Chestnut Springs, at least not permanently. Why she’d thought he would, she wasn’t sure. He’d only told her he wanted to have another chance with her; they’d done no talking about the finer details of what that would look like. Where they’d live, and where the girls would go to school, and what Janelle would do with her firm.
How had she been so stupid?
What did her feelings over the holidays mean?
“Daddy, look at that one.” Kadence pointed up to the sky, where a brilliant blue and red firework exploded.
Henry held one of the girl’s hands in each of his, and Janelle felt like an outsider in her own family. They’d watched a country music concert, and now the fireworks were happening. There was an afterparty at this First Night event, but Janelle wouldn’t be keeping the girls up until midnight.
She walked beside Kelly as they went back to Henry’s sports car, and they all piled into the tiny thing for the drive back to her house. He collapsed onto her couch while she set about putting the kids to bed, and she wanted to slip into her bedroom and leave Henry to himself.
She came out of the girls’ bedroom, and Henry stood at the mouth of the hallway, leaning against the wall. He folded his arms and smiled at her, and Janelle’s first reaction was to ask him to leave.
That spoke so much to her heart, and she wondered why she’d let the man back into her house. Back into her life. Back into the fleshy part of her heart, at the most vulnerable time of the year.
“I’m going to bed,” she said. “Thanks for spending the evening with us.” She shouldn’t have to thank him for spending time with his family. A family he claimed to want to have.
“Can we talk for a minute?” he asked.
Janelle padded down the hall toward him, a strange mixture of hope and dread beating through her body with her pulse. They sat on the couch together, and Henry reached over and picked up her hand.
“Sweetheart, I want us to be a family again.”
“Yeah, you said that,” Janelle said. “But you’re obviously going to keep working in Austin.”
“And your firm is here.”
“Yes.”
“Have you thought about relocating?”
“The firm?”
“The family,” he said. “Llano is halfway between here and Austin, and—”
“You want to move the girls to Llano?” Janelle would have to commute for forty minutes each way to work. Her already reduced-hours workday would get even slimmer.
They’d have to change schools, and Kadence had just started settling into her second grade class.
“The commute for me from here is impractical,” Henry said. “That’s why I’ve been up at my place this past week.”
“I need to think about it,” Janelle said.
“Really?” Henry asked. “Janelle, what is there to think about? We can’t stay here.”
“I like living here,” Janelle said. It was her safety zone, as she’d established her law firm here sixteen years ago. She and Henry had worked out of jack-and-jill offices until she’d filed for divorce, when he’d left and gotten his own house and a new job in Austin.
She had friends here. She had a support system that had seen her through some very difficult times. She didn’t want to move.
“Maybe you could come back to Bird,” she said.
He was already shaking his head before she’d even finished the suggestion. “I can’t do that,” he said. “I make a whole lot more in Austin.”
“I don’t think we’re hurting for money,” Janelle said.
“Yeah, but I have a new standard now,” Henry said.
“A new standard?” Janelle stood up, her head pounding. “I need to think about it.” She walked away, feeling the urge to run.
“Janelle,” Henry called after her, but she wouldn’t be bullied into discussing something when she wasn’t ready.
He’d always given her the space to think, and she wasn’t going to agree to move away from her firm and her friends because he was pressuring her to do so.
Not this time.
She made it to her bedroom, closed the door, and locked it behind her. Then she slid down the door and exhaled, because she felt like she’d done the wrong thing.
Again.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Russ did not leave the homestead for any New Year’s celebrations. He woke up on the first at the first light of dawn, the way he always did. “Just another day,” he told himself, though he knew it wasn’t true.
It was a holiday, and Darren had invited him over for a late breakfast. Russ had finally accepted an invitation to leave the homestead, even though he wouldn’t step foot off the property.
His heart wasn’t bleeding quite as badly now, but it still felt hollow in both ventricles. He found himself working throughout the day, pausing to text Janelle something funny one of the goats had done. Or to tell her about the litter of abandoned puppies that had been brought to Seth in the middle of the night, just like they’d found on one of their first dates.
He hadn’t contacted her, and he was mighty proud of himself because of that. He really didn’t want to be the first one to go back to her. And in all honesty, he wasn’t sure he’d simply accept her back into his life the way he had a month ago.
Sure, he’d been cautious. At least he’d told himself to be careful, go slow. But he knew in his heart of hearts that he’d simply welcomed her back into his life, his heart, and onto his ranch with open arms.
Flashes of Kelly and Kadence moved through his mind, and he wondered if they ever asked about him. “Not if their daddy is back,” he muttered.
He stepped into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. Russ was very good at operating on six hours of sleep without looking tired, but today, he looked absolutely exhausted. He had a long-standing tradition with himself to set goals for the year, and he always sat down first thing in the morning on New Year’s Day to do it.
Today, though, he had zero motivation to make a list of any kind, let alone goals to improve himself or things to accomplish that year.
He brushed his teeth and got in the shower. He got dressed and sat down at the desk in his bedroom. Just as he suspected, nothing came to mind as he stared at the blank page in front of him. He couldn’t write down something like get married, as that was completely out of his control. And Russ only set goals or listed accomplishments he could actively work toward and at least semi-control.
Get over Janelle Stokes.
He watched himself write the wor
ds, and he wondered if he’d be able to do that in a twelve-month timespan. At the moment, it didn’t feel like it.
Expand the goatherd to twenty.
That, he could do.
Finish the dog enclosure.
Maybe that one was a cop-out, as it would be done in a week, but he didn’t care. Constructing a huge building like that in only five weeks was impressive, and he wanted to start the New Year out right.
Remodel the back porch.
Now that he’d been to Jenna’s house, he knew the homestead needed a serious upgrade, and he didn’t mind the work. In fact, Russ craved having something to do to keep his hands and mind busy.
Hire another ranch hand.
He needed someone to replace Travis, who’d already pulled way back. If it hadn’t been for Darren and the rain, they’d be behind already.
Satisfied with his list for now, Russ got up and went to make coffee. He was surprised his mind could function as well as it had pre-caffeine. He cracked eggs into a hot pan, and they started sizzling right away.
He paused for a moment, looking around the kitchen. All he had to look forward to the next morning was this exact same scenario. Coffee for one. Eggs for one.
Travis’s footsteps sounded on the steps, and Russ actually turned toward the sound in surprise. “Do you want some eggs?” he asked, ready to serve his brother his own eggs and make some more.
“Sure,” he said. “But aren’t we going to Darren’s for breakfast?” He opened the cupboard and got down a mug. “You have to go, Russ. You haven’t left this house in too long.”
“I’m going,” Russ said, automatically annoyed. “It’s not until ten, and that’s hours from now.”
“Just a few,” Travis said, sugaring up his coffee and leaving hardly any in the pot for Russ. He didn’t care. He slid the eggs out of the pan and handed the plate to Travis.
“If you don’t want them, give them to the dogs. They’re begging.” Russ nodded to the three dogs that sat on the edge of the kitchen.
“I’m surprised Jenna and Seth didn’t take at least Cloudy. Jenna loves that dog.” Travis opened a drawer and pulled out a fork.
“They’re still getting settled in,” Russ said. “I’m sure I’ll lose Cloudy soon enough. Probably Winner too. She loves Seth.”
“She loves the closest person with food,” Travis said with a chuckle. He fed the dog part of the egg white, and Winner practically caught his finger in her jaws.
Russ put four eggs in the pan this time and noticed the coffee had dripped enough for him to have a cup.
“Are you going to try to talk to Janelle this year?” Travis didn’t even look at him, and Russ wasted one of his best death glares on the side of his brother’s face.
He turned back to the stove, his brain bubbling like the edges of his fried eggs. He put them on a plate for himself, and instead of sitting at the counter, he went over to the table.
“Come on,” Travis said.
“I’m not talking about her,” Russ said. “I never pressed you for a single detail about Millie. I never suggested you call her or do anything you didn’t want to do.” His chest heaved, and the thought of eating made his stomach turn.
“I know, I’m sorry.” Travis brought his plate over, accompanied by all three dogs. “I just know—I can tell you really like her.”
“I don’t just like her,” Russ said darkly. “But what can I do? She chose her ex-husband over me. I can’t compete with that.” He didn’t even know how to compete for a woman. He shook his head. “It’s fine. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“All right,” Travis said. “I just know you make goals on the first.”
“I wrote down a few things,” Russ said, slightly on the defensive.
Travis’s phone rang, and he turned his attention to it instead of hounding Russ with more questions. Thankfully. He wolfed down his eggs while Travis talked to a wood supplier out of Bourne and poured his coffee into a to-go cup so he could take it out onto the ranch with him.
He left through the back door without saying goodbye to Travis, and he went out to the goats and horses, leaving the chickens for Travis. He worked and fed and watered and fixed a fence in the dog yard before letting them out. At ten, he started toward Darren’s cabin, heading up the back steps like he’d done many times before.
He opened the door just as he heard someone say, “He’s coming in now. Move.”
Move?
Russ automatically paused, cocking his head toward the kitchen. People were definitely moving, and they’d stopped talking. Sheer annoyance filled him, and he turned back toward the door, ready to leave. The last thing he needed was people talking about him. And not just people. These cowboys he’d thought he knew and trusted.
As far as he knew, this breakfast was just for the men who worked the ranch, and those were his brothers and Darren, Tomas, and Brian.
“Russ?” Darren said, peering around the corner. “I thought I heard you come in. Hurry up, the French toast is hot right now.”
Russ couldn’t leave now, and he sighed as he followed Darren around the corner and into the kitchen. These cabins had one large room that served as kitchen, dining, and living room. Russ saw all the expected guests, but they were clustered oddly. As he scanned them, it became obvious that they were hiding someone.
His heart dropped to the soles of his boots, and he said, “I’m leaving.”
“Russ,” Travis said, stepping forward. Sure enough, Janelle’s dark hair peeked out from behind someone’s back, and Russ experienced a rush of panic unlike he’d ever felt before. He had to get out. Now.
“Give her a chance,” Travis said. “She came out here.”
“No,” Russ said, shaking his head as he backed away. He spun around as Janelle said, “It’s okay, guys. Let him go.”
Just her voice made every wound he carried on his heart open up, and he barely made it outside before he sucked in a breath that sounded like a sob. He couldn’t get the right air no matter how he tried, but he hurried down the back steps and away from the cabin.
He simply couldn’t face Janelle right now, even if she had come all this way.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Surprisingly, Janelle did not cry on the way home from Chestnut Ranch. Sharp disappointment cut through her, and she’d paid Audrey to stay with the girls until noon, so she drove to the diner and got a table in the corner to eat her bacon and egg special, with a cinnamon roll drenched in maple syrup.
She ate the dessert first, hoping the sugar would kick in and get her brain to work. Maybe she just needed some time to sort through things. But she was tired of thinking so much. For some people, they needed to slow down before making decisions.
For Janelle, she needed to get out of her head and act. As a lawyer, she was very good at this. The law made sense. She could look up a point of law, a subsection, an obscure subparagraph, interpret it, and made a quick decision, sometimes in front of a judge and jury.
But feelings of the heart?
She was completely lost.
What she knew was that Henry hadn’t changed hardly at all. He wanted to push her to make decisions she wasn’t ready to make, and he started to veil threats soon after that. Janelle hadn’t even gone to bed yet before Henry had said, We won’t make it if we stay in Chestnut Springs.
Janelle had slept on it, and she’d awakened in the morning with worry and panic deep in her soul. She didn’t want to move from Chestnut Springs. She loved this town, all the customs, and her short commute.
She’d questioned herself through her shower and makeup routine about her selfishness. Then she reminded herself that Henry had always thought of himself first. Almost always. Janelle hated absolutes, but she could say with absolute certainty that she was miserable.
And now Russ had practically run away from her. “No,” she said. “He did run away from you.”
Humiliation filled her, and she couldn’t get Travis’s mournful eyes out of her mind. Not only that, but
she’d embarrassed herself—and Russ—in front of all of his brothers and friends. Everyone would think of that every time they saw her, even if Russ did take her back.
“He’s not going to take you back,” she muttered to her plate of bacon, and the tears came then. She sucked them back, because she was in public and the last thing she needed was a witness to her sobbing in the corner of the diner.
She took a bite of her bacon and let her hair fall down between her and the rest of the diner. She focused on her phone as if the Queen of England had messaged her.
The next morning, Janelle woke but didn’t get out of bed right away. She didn’t hear anything down the hall or in the kitchen, and she was sure the girls were still in bed.
Keeping her eyes closed, she tried to identify how she felt.
She felt like she was in the right place, and her conviction to stay in Chestnut Springs solidified. Her phone buzzed, and she turned and picked it up from her nightstand.
Libby had texted a single picture. A screenshot, it looked like.
Janelle’s pulse pounded as she tapped on it and zoomed in, as her eyes weren’t as good as they used to be. It was a picture of Henry’s status, and it listed him as “in a relationship” with a woman named Tiffany Whitehead.
The life left her body, and she knew in that moment she’d been played. Again.
And she’d acted too soon with Russ. She never acted too soon, and yet she’d broken up with him out of guilt.
“Momma?”
“Yeah.” She flipped her phone upside down and turned toward the door. “Come on, baby.”
Kadence skipped across the room and climbed into bed with Janelle.
“What should we do today?” she asked her daughter.
“Aren’t we takin’ the dogs back to the ranch?”
Janelle’s stomach clenched. “I forgot about that,” she murmured. Seth had called last week, and Janelle had said she’d bring the dogs back today. Seth had dropped off a truck last night and everything.