She smiled, but her eyes remained closed. “Enjoying the scenery?”
“It’s by far the prettiest I’ve seen all day. You’re perfection personified.”
“Hmm, good line.”
“I think I heard it in a movie.”
“I’m sure you did.”
“Go to sleep, Charlie. I’ll stay; you don’t need to worry.”
“Thank you.”
The small bathing suit didn’t hide her scars, and I was proud of her for wearing it. For me, it was confirmation about the comfort level that she felt with her new group of friends. The raised lines were pinker, more sunburned than the rest of her body due to their first real exposure to the outside world. A thick scar ran from her belly button up to just below her ribcage, and then another one started what looked to be between her breasts and up to the bottom of her throat. There was also a scar from the tube they stuck into her neck. Her left arm, the one closest to me, sustained the most damage. It was the arm that kept her pinned into the car. There were several small scars, but the largest ran down the outside of her tricep. She tucked the other arm behind her head so I couldn’t see how much damage it suffered.
As if I held a piece of charcoal in my fingers ready to sketch, I reached over and traced one of the small scars near her shoulder. I imagined myself drawing her, battle scars and all.
The small raised lines were fascinating to me. They were a reminder of all she’d gone through before she walked back into my life three months before. She’d fought back and won, and added to all of the other amazing things about her, the scars made her more beautiful.
The more my fingers traced her skin, the faster my heart beat. Touching her in that way was euphoric. I’d hugged her close to me during her nightmares and held her hand briefly, but aside from earlier in the day, I’d never touched her like this. She lay there completely trusting and vulnerable.
“You better be careful, Riley Bennett,” she whispered while smiling out of the corner of her mouth. Her eyes were still closed.
“What?” I teased back. “I’m sketching; leave me alone.”
“Sketching?”
“In my head. I’m memorizing so I can recreate it later. If you don’t hush, I’ll have to start all over again.”
“Hmm.”
Without thinking, I bent down and softly kissed a scar on her shoulder. As soon as my lips touched her skin, my mind went blank.
“Riley.” She gave me a small warning. “You told me not to let you do anything like this. You’re playing with fire. ”
My lips were warm. “Tell me about it.”
I slowly kissed each scar while my left hand made its way to her stomach. As soon as my fingers touched her skin, she shivered, and feeling her respond to my touch in that way thrilled me. It was electrifying.
The fingertip of my ring finger slowly circled her belly button, and then, when it found the beginning of the scar, it traveled up her body. As my fingers explored, my lips made their way to her neck.
“Riley, you better stop.”
I ignored her.
My fingers left her skin and immediately felt cold but warmed again as soon as they found the skin just below her neck. My fingers and lips were close to concentrating on the same point on her body as my blood inched closer to its boiling point.
“Riley,” she said more sternly, “really, Riley, stop. You said yourself that we can’t do this.”
“Okay, I’ll stop,” I whispered into the curve of her neck but didn’t follow through. My fingers now followed the scar’s trail south, and just as my fingers felt like they were about to burst into flames, my palm accidentally grazed her chest.
“Riley!” she yelled while hitting my hand away and sitting up. “What are you doing?”
“Just playing a little, having some fun.” I tried to pull her back onto the ground.
“Don’t touch me.”
“What’s the big deal, Attie? You need to learn how to have some fun.”
“Fun? That kind of fun?” she asked.
I grinned and rubbed her shoulder. “Why not? I was enjoying it, and I think you were too.”
She pulled her shoulder away. “I knew it!” she yelled, sounding hurt.
“Knew what?”
“I would become another game. The true player just showed his cards.”
“Relax, Attie, it’s not like I was tearing your clothes off or anything. God, lighten up! I was touching you; that’s it.”
“Really?” she yelled as she pulled a pair of shorts on over her bathing suit. “If I would have let you continue, would you have, or would you have stopped on your own?” She threw on a shirt and glared over at me.
“I would have stopped.”
“You’re sure of that?” Her stare made me uncomfortable, so I looked away. “I’m such an idiot. I allowed you to sleep next to me for months, believing you cared about me. What? You were getting me right where you wanted me? Buttering me up, winning me over? Conquer the virgin?” The look on her face was one of betrayal. “Guess what? Game over, and I lost.”
Her words stung.
“Charlie,” I said softly.
“Don’t call me that. Don’t you dare call me that,” she exclaimed before crawling out of the tent.
My anger turned to grief as I realized I’d hurt her. I betrayed her trust, and worse, I tried to make her feel bad for not letting me have my way with her.
I looked toward the opening of the tent and saw her shoes sitting just inside the flap; she hadn’t taken them with her when she ran out. Crawling over, I grabbed them and then made my way out of the tent after her.
Tammy, Tess, and Anne turned to look at me.
“What did you do?” Anne asked in an accusatory tone.
“We had a little disagreement; that’s all.”
“It didn’t look little to me,” Tammy said.
Just then Chase came into view. “I didn’t see her. Are you sure she ran that way?”
The girls nodded.
“She couldn’t have gone far. I’ve got her shoes.” I knew it sounded stupid as soon as the words left my mouth.
“I doubt she was thinking about shoes,” Chase said bluntly. “Dude, she’s gone.”
Angry, I yelled her name and insisted that she return.
“Yeah, that’s gonna draw her back,” Tammy said as she walked my direction. “I wanna know what you did.”
All eyes were on me, and their knowing stares caused shame to overtake me. I slapped my hands over my eyes. “I hurt her.”
“What did you do?” Tammy yelled.
“I got a little carried away. I think I scared her.”
“Riley!” Anne screamed.
I lowered my hands and looked back at Tammy. “I was mean to her. I told her that she needed to lighten up and learn how to have fun.”
Tammy’s hand reached my face, and my cheek instantly stung.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing to me?” she screamed. “You need to apologize to Attie.”
She started to say more, but Anne stopped her. “That’s enough, Tammy.”
“I will, Tammy, I will apologize. I’ll never treat her like that again; I give you my word. I don’t know what came over me.”
“I have a few ideas,” she replied, her voice still cold.
“Tammy, please,” Tess said. “This isn’t helping; he feels horrible. Look at him.”
Tammy didn’t budge. “Oh, I am.”
“I’m sorry.” I wanted her to believe me. I was sorrier than she could ever know.
Her face softened. “You better go find her. It’s gonna get dark before long.” Turning, she marched toward her tent and duc
ked inside before I could say another word.
Chase was packing two backpacks with water, snacks, and a blanket. He threw Matt a walkie-talkie. “Matt, you and Curt stay here with the girls. Radio us if she comes back. Riley, put her shoes in this bag,” he said, throwing the pack at me and then turning to Tess. “Go get her jacket.”
She ran into the tent and quickly returned with Attie’s OU sweatshirt. Chase shoved it into the pack and zipped it up. Grabbing the compass and two flashlights, he looked at me. “Let’s go.”
(Attie)
My mind was void of thought. All I could do was watch my feet as they took each step. My pace was quick and frantic, and I realized I was trying to run, run away. I wanted to escape.
My feet froze just as my next step would have taken me off a ledge and several feet into the river. The water flowing below me was mesmerizing.
I spotted an insect as it fell into the water. It moved with the current as if it understood that the force propelling it forward was more powerful than it was. The bug had realized its fate and wasn’t trying to fight back. To fight the surge would have been useless and exhausting, more than something its size could muster.
I felt compassion for the insignificant creature.
But as quickly as it started, the struggle was over. The current had somehow carried the bug against a rock onto the bank of the river, and after a small rest, as if it realized that it was on a firm foundation, it went on with its journey.
Maybe it hadn’t been so insignificant after all.
Goose bumps covered my body as I felt someone walk up and stand next to me.
(Riley)
An hour rushed by, and the more we searched, the more frantic I became.
We called for Attie over and over again, but her voice never called back. Each time her name left my lips, I thought of the look on her face before she left the tent.
“Oh God,” I cried out, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please keep her safe. Please, please keep her safe.”
Of all people, I, the person she called her best friend, hurt her, and if my immaturity ended up causing her even more pain, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.
Chase grabbed my shoulder. “You need to calm down. It’s gonna be okay. We’ll find her, you’ll work it out, and everything will be fine.”
“I can’t believe I hurt her. I promised her that I wouldn’t hurt her again.”
“I know.” He turned to continue walking but then changed direction and walked directly up to me. “I’m your friend, Riley, but I’m telling you right now, you hurt her like that again and it won’t be Tammy hitting you. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“Let’s go.” He walked off again.
I’d been to the river dozens of times, but nothing that we passed looked familiar. Attie had never been here, and more than likely, she was terrified. She probably didn’t even think that I was looking for her.
Another hour passed, and we still hadn’t seen any sign of her. The forest grew darker, and with no city lights to illuminate the night sky, I realized the chances of finding her were miniscule.
“Did you hear that?” Chase whispered.
“What?”
“Shhh, listen.”
I stood still and concentrated on hearing the sounds around me, but other than grasshoppers chirping, there was no sound.
“I’m almost positive I heard a girl’s voice scream ‘stop.’”
Every hair on my body stood on end, and my bones rattled. My stomach seized just before I vomited.
I’d never been more fearful of the unknown in my life. What if someone was hurting her?
Chase pointed to our right. “It came from that direction.”
“Charlie!” I screamed while hunching over as my stomach continued to contract. “Charlie!”
“We have to keep walking.”
“I can’t move, Chase. I swear to God I can’t move.”
“You have to.” Kneeling down next to me, he squeezed my shoulder. “She needs you. You’ve got to pull yourself together.”
My body went numb, but I soon followed the sound of his footprints in front of me.
After several minutes, Chase stopped and grabbed me. I followed his gaze to the ground. There on a rock was a red footprint.
“Blood,” he announced. “Riley, she’s hurt.”
The dizziness became overpowering, my vision turned spotty, and my mouth watered. I was about to vomit again.
(Attie)
Jesus spoke from beside me. “Are we going to talk about this?”
Anger consumed my body, and I felt like being pigheaded. “About what?”
“About what happened with Riley?”
“He was being a jerk. Period, end of story. He isn’t any different than the rest of them.”
“Well, that’s a mighty big statement coming from someone who has no idea what they’re talking about.” Jesus’s words were sharp and crisp in my ears, but I pretended not to hear.
“It’s like nobody has morals anymore,” I yelled back. “Boys are all about getting laid.”
“Hey!” Jesus shouted, causing me to flinch. “You don’t get to make that judgment about people, and certainly not about Riley.”
My body stood still, but I turned my face away from His voice.
“Since when did I give you permission to judge others? To assume you know the condition of their heart?” His arms folded across his chest. “Tell me, Attie, who are you to judge?”
I started to defend myself. “I’m not judging Riley! I’m hurt by what he did, what he was thinking.”
“So you’re a mind reader now? You have no clue. You don’t know what Riley was thinking.”
“I can assume.” I sounded full of myself but didn’t care.
“No, you can’t.”
My jaw went firm; I turned my head and glared at the Lord.
“You can be angry with me all you want, but you don’t get to win this one. You’re not right.”
I looked away again and rolled my eyes.
Jesus continued, “Have you ever thought about what it is like to be Riley? To be a boy his age that’s trying to do the right thing, to make moral choices? To follow the demands that I’ve placed on him? He’s a boy who is trying his hardest to remain pure, but you know what, Attie? The odds are against him.”
I glanced at him out of the corner of my eyes and then looked away again.
“Society today has made it virtually impossible for him. Sex is everywhere. What was created to be something loving between a husband and wife has now become defiled and thrown in his face on a regular basis. It’s in almost every movie, television show, and commercial he sees. It is in almost every magazine advertisement or article, it is sung about in songs, made fun of and cheapened in jokes, and written about on practically every bathroom stall he enters. The Internet is a trap because access to pornography is at his fingertips, and he can’t even go to the mall without walking past Victoria’s Secret and the large posters of women in nothing but a bra and underwear.
“Have you ever been in a locker room with fifty other teenage boys, Attie? Had to sit and listen to everyone’s sex stories and wonder what you’re missing out on? Question whether or not it’s worth the struggle? To have your friends not only encourage you to have sex but badger you when you don’t? Have you walked in those shoes, Attie?”
“No,” I muttered.
There was more. “His behavior up to this point has been exemplary. I’ve been proud of his commitment. Then he plans this trip … for you. He wanted to show you a good time, give you a new experience, and relax and enjoy himself as well. But all of a sudden, the girl he’s passionate about, whom he’s been fighting
a physical desire for, walks into his arms barely dressed.”
I snapped my head around to look at Jesus. I was fuming. “So you’re telling me this is my fault?”
“No, Attie. Riley is responsible for his own thoughts and actions. I’m disappointed in him and am dealing with him about it right now. I’ll handle him, and he’s very open to my correction. But you didn’t help.”
I rolled my eyes and turned away from him again. “Spare me.”
“No, thank you, I don’t think I will,” he replied. “I won’t be sparing you at all.
“You’re so hopeful for your own Mr. Darcy, your fantasy life, that you can’t even handle reality when it slaps you in the face.
“How easy do you think it would have been for your Mr. Darcy to stay noble and pure if he lived today? If Elizabeth made suggestive and flirty jokes, touched him seductively, and dressed in clothes that left little to imagination?
“You don’t get to have it both ways, Attie. You can’t expect Riley, or anybody, to resist constant temptation like that. You’ve set your expectations at an impossible level, and you’re not being fair.”
“So what, I’m supposed to dress like a nun?”
“No. But if you care about him, about being a friend, you can stop judging him and try to make it a little easier for him. He’s helping you fight your battle; shouldn’t you return the favor?”
My shoulders slumped. “It isn’t my responsibility to help Riley through his lust issues.”
“No, it’s not,” Jesus agreed with me. “That’s my job. What I’m asking—no, telling you to do is have some grace. Let me deal with Riley and his demons. You’ve got plenty of your own demons to confront.”
“What?” I turned to face him. “My own demons? I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh really?” He became rigid, and the corners of his eyes tightened. “So you’re going to sit up there on your high horse and look down at everyone else and their issues? I don’t think so.
“People are screwed up, Attie. That’s why I came to save them, to save their souls. People are stubborn, prideful, envious, lustful, unloving, uncaring, self-serving … well, I could go on for hours, but I believe you get the point.
Salvaged: A Love Story Page 26