A Baby of Convenience

by Lena Skye

  “Oh, Donald wants to take me ring shopping this weekend,” she said, “so I’ll have a ring on my finger by Monday.”

  Elena smiled tightly. “That’s great news Em, congratulations, I didn’t realize you were even seeing someone.”

  Her sister’s smile seemed to tighten, but she replied in the same tone, “Donald and I have been together for almost a year.”

  “Yes,” Bridget said delightedly, “such a wonderful boy, darling. You already know how Daddy and I feel about him. No doubt you will come to love him as much as we do, Elena.”

  “You never mentioned you were seeing anyone,” Elena said, ignoring her mother’s fluttering.

  This time, Elena was conscious of Emily’s forced smile. Her tone was slipping too.

  “Well, let’s be honest,” she said, “you were never very interested.”

  Elena willed herself to remain calm. “I just returned the favor.”

  “Meaning what?” Emily asked, dropping her smile altogether.

  “Meaning that none of you exactly supported my life choices,” Elena said, abandoning her efforts to remain unconcerned.

  “Really, Elena,” Bridget’s voice was annoyingly stoic, “there’s no need to take that tone, or to throw unwarranted accusations in our faces.”

  “They’re not exactly unwarranted, Mother,” Elena insisted. “You and Dad didn’t even attend my graduation.”

  “We were in Florida, Elena,” Louis said, as though that excuse was valid.

  “I don’t care where you were,” Elena spat, “you should have done whatever it took to be there. You made the effort for Emily’s graduation, but I get it, you were trying to send me a message. You’ve always been ashamed of me.”

  Bridget shook her head. “You’ve always been so dramatic.”

  Elena stood abruptly. She looked around at all three faces. There was no understanding there. She wondered how she could be so different from all of them.

  “Excuse me,” she said with exaggerated restraint, “I think I’m going to spend the rest of the evening in my room.”

  There were slight protests, but Elena ignored them. She walked out and upstairs, into her room. She lay flat on the bed, glaring up at the ceiling as though it had personally offended her. After a while, she closed her eyes and tried to think things through logically. She had a big decision to make and this trip to see her parents had been a part of the decision-making process.

  Her parents were not bad people. Elena knew that. They had been raised a certain way and that had shaped their thinking. They were people of habit and tradition. There were things they expected; foremost among them was the desire that their children grow up to live the lives they themselves had lived. Emily had complied with this desire, but Elena had been unable to conform.

  She had wanted a different life for herself and that meant independence from her parents. It might not have been, were it not for the fact that her parents were not capable of simply allowing her opinions to be different, allowing her choices to remain her own. They couldn’t help trying to change and mold her. They kept trying to make her see that her life would be so much easier if she simply agreed to follow the plan they had set out for her life.

  She looked at her sister’s life. Emily had a career her parents were proud of, in fact, they were the ones who had suggested it and given her the necessary contacts to make it a success. This man she was marrying was no doubt a member of their circle, there was no other way they could be so happy about it. Elena knew how it would go. Emily would get married in a year in a lavish and tasteful ceremony, she would work occasionally, simply so that she could talk about her career at dinner parties she would be invited to on a weekly basis, and after a few years, she would have a child who would one day inherit her fortune, and she would spend the rest of her life molding that child so that he or she would grow up to follow the same path as his parents before him.

  She knew the path her sister’s life would take, but she knew more than anything, that she did not want that for herself. She wanted her life to be a surprise. She wanted to be free and excited about things. She wanted to know different kinds of people, not just different variations of the same person. She wanted to travel, to backpack around the world. She wanted to create sculptures that she could one day exhibit in galleries.

  Elena knew that in order to achieve any one of those things, she needed to have financial independence, too. Her parents had made it clear that if she insisted on following her ‘own path’, as they called it, she would not have their help. Elena thought about what Neal had asked of her.

  She felt a wave of fear when she considering going through with it. Nine months of pregnancy. It was a huge favor to ask. Elena had never seen herself as a mother. She had never even seen herself married. When she saw her future, it included different countries, lots of different adventures and sporadic and temporary lovers. Elena reminded herself that she was not being asked to be a mother. She was being asked to ‘be an egg donor and a surrogate.’ The egg was hers, however, and that made all the difference.

  Elena sat in her room for the next few hours. She ignored the knocks on her door from her mother and her sister. They kept talking to her through her door, but she tuned them out and began humming to herself softly until they had given up and left her alone. She just lay on bed, watching as the light fled the room and was replaced with darkness, and the whole time, she thought and thought and thought.

  Her thoughts eventually moved from straight lines to erratic waves and her memory flexed and bent to include strange recollections from her childhood that she had long since forgotten. She remembered the parties she had been forced to attend, the boy she had loved in high school, the difference in the way her father looked at her compared with how he looked at Emily.

  At some point, she eventually started to drift off, exhausted from her incessant thinking. Just before she fell asleep, she remembered vaguely, the juice her mother had handed to her earlier that evening. She had really not been in the mood for juice, but she drank it anyway. That really was the only way to be left alone in this house.

  Chapter7

  “I’ll do it,” Elena said as soon as the door had opened.

  Neal stood opposite her, stunned into silence by her declaration. He realized that he had not expected her to say yes. Or at least, a large part of him had doubted that she would, but she stood there, her eyes strangely focused, her expression resolute.

  “You’ll do it?” Neal said, more than slightly shell shocked.

  She smiled at his expression and nodded again, slowly.

  “Well then,” he said, swallowing with huge relief, “you’d better come in.”

  Elena followed him inside. It was definitely a bachelor pad, she could tell right away. The kitchen was spacious and well designed, but the focal point of the room was the massive flat screen TV and the large cushy sofa that sat in front of it. To the side of the sofa was a large leather recliner, complete with a built in cup holder and a music-stereo combo. She could also spy a pool table peeking out from behind a half wall, set against the backdrop of an impressive system of shelves, but instead of holding books, they held DVDs. She wondered why men had such a complex with size.

  “Can I offer you something to drink?” Neal asked cautiously.

  He was conscious of her eyes studying his living room. He wondered if she was wondering who had paid for all the luxuries that surrounded him. For a moment, he felt ashamed, knowing that few things in this house had been bought with the money he had earned himself. Most of it had been his own money, but it was part of his inheritance. From his sporadic bouts of employment, he had earned enough money for an expensive dinner or a random splurge that he really did not want. He rarely saved what he earned from those jobs because he knew his safety net was secure.

  “Water, please,” Elena replied.

  “Take a seat,” Neal motioned her towards the sofa, but she followed him to the kitchen.

  Elena took a seat on one
of the bar stools that surrounded the center island as Neal poured her a glass of water and passed it over. She looked around the kitchen, admiring the clean surfaces. It looked like it was barely used.

  “I don’t really use it much,” Neal said, reading her thoughts.

  “I don’t cook much either,” Elena admitted, “but I wish I could, I just don’t have the patience.”

  Neal smiled politely, but he was really thinking of how the two of them were going to pull this off. This time, Elena was the one who read his mind.

  “How do we do this, Neal?” she said, businesslike all of a sudden.

  Neal poured himself a glass of water too and took a long sip before he replied.

  “We… need to get started immediately. I mean… truly speaking, you already need to be pregnant.”

  “And what are you going to tell the board?”

  “I’ve already mentioned, in passing, that George was seeing someone. I told them that you were distraught when you heard about the accident. As soon as you’re pregnant, we can make the announcement.”

  She bit her lower lip and thought for a moment. “Will they require a paternity test done?”

  “Yes, they will,” Neal answered. “I’ve got it covered.”

  “Meaning?”

  “The paternity test will cite George Hargrove as the father of your baby,” Neal said confidently.

  Elena understood. “How much money did that cost?”

  “A significant amount,” Neal admitted, “but if it helps me keep control of this company, then it’s worth it.”

  Elena took a deep breath.

  “I suppose we need to get started,” she said.

  Neal nodded, his confidence fleeing swiftly. Wordlessly, he led her to his bedroom. He realized with a start that he had not cleaned up. Elena had asked for three days, he had not expected her to come back with an answer so soon. He kicked himself internally for not being better prepared. He looked towards her cautiously, as she seemed to be panicking.

  “Elena –"

  “I… I don’t know if I can do this,” Elena replied shakily. “I want to, but…”

  Neal approached her slowly and put a hand on her shoulder.

  “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely, “this was the wrong way to go about it. Let’s go back outside and talk a little. Maybe watch a movie?”

  His tone was soothing. Elena felt herself relax a little. He smiled at her and she felt a little boost of confidence. He had kind eyes, she noticed suddenly. This thought was strangely comforting and she let him lead her back out to the living room.

  For the next five hours, Elena and Neal sat on the large, comfortable sofa, and talked. They spoke about generic things – music and movies, politics and architecture. They discussed what they had studied in college, their favorite lecturers and respective group of friends. Neal ordered some food and after it arrived, they moved to the kitchen island, simply for a change of scenery. They ate out of the containers and enjoyed the first bit of silence in almost five hours.

  “Who’d have ever thought we’d see each other again after that first meeting?” Neal said lightly, watching for Elena’s reaction.

  Elena smiled. “Not me. I hoped I’d never see you again.”

  “That was obvious.”

  Elena laughed.

  “But you know,” Neal said after a long pause, his tone turning serious, “you were right.”

  “About what?”

  Neal sighed. “A lot of things… maybe even everything. I don’t have any sense of what hard work means, and I do depend on my brother for everything.”

  Elena suddenly felt like she needed to justify her anger that night.

  “I’m sorry,” Elena replied. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I was just frustrated with my life, and I took it out on you. It really wasn’t about you at all.”

  “I think it was about me a little,” Neal said.

  Elena smiled and qualified, “Okay, maybe a little.”

  “Can I ask you a question?” Elena said cautiously.

  “Sure,” Neal replied, tensing a little.

  “Well… umm, I guess I’m just curious about why you live the way you do. Why not get involved with the business and help your brother?”

  “I told you –"

  “I know, I remember. You said you weren’t interested in the business… but that still doesn’t explain why you haven’t attempted to find a career that you are interested in.”

  Neal fell silent. He had never analyzed his decisions before. He did what he felt like, and didn’t dig any deeper than that. It was a comfortable way to live life, but today, with Elena sitting opposite him, he felt the need to want to explain, but the sad truth was, he knew he didn’t have a good enough explanation. It struck him suddenly, that he cared what she thought of him.

  “I’m sorry if I upset you,” Elena said, her voice soft.

  “I’m not upset,” Neal said quickly. “I’m just… I guess I’m just thinking.”

  He tried to collect his chaotic thoughts; they were going off in different directions. One thread pulled him towards his childhood, another one pulled towards memories of his father, another one pulled towards memories of George. There was a tiny voice in the back of his head that told Neal that they were all connected.

  “My mother died when I was twelve,” he said suddenly.

  Elena looked up in surprise. She had not expected that from him. She watched his face. He really was a good-looking man. He had good, strong features, but she noticed that his eyes were sad. She wondered if they had always been, or if she had only now paid enough attention to notice. She didn’t say anything, knowing how hollow anything she said would sound. Instead, she stayed silent and let him tell his story at his own pace.

  “My mother… she was a stay at home mom,” Neal started slowly, “and she was a brilliant one. She was like a child herself sometimes. George was four years older than me, so he outgrew me pretty fast, and when that happened, Mom sort of filled in for him. She used to call herself ‘my honorary big brother’. We were really close.”

  Elena smiled, but she was conscious of how sad a smile it was. She leaned over and placed her hand over Neal’s. Before he continued, he slowly changed its position so that they were holding hands. His voice was stronger when he started speaking again.

  “When my dad started his business, it felt like I lost him too, but again, Mom was always there for me. We were together always, I used to consider her my best friend, and she used to say I was hers.”

  “What happened?”

  “Car accident,” Neal replied bluntly. “She was picking me up from school. She was never late. I knew something was wrong before anyone told me…. she was never late.”

  Elena looked down at her hands because it suddenly got very hard to look at Neal.

  “I took her death badly,” Neal said, his voice suddenly clipped. “I had to take time away from school. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I could barely function. Dad and George looked after me. They did everything so that my life would be easy, so that I would never have to worry about anything. I think they felt that I had enough of a burden to carry around after Mom’s death.”

  He shook his head, as though he could clear it that way.

  “After a while, the pain sort of… blunted. I couldn’t feel it as acutely, and slowly, things went back to normal. I went back to school, then college, and I tried to find something I liked, something I could see myself doing in the future. But nothing ever stuck, and I guess there wasn’t any pressure. I’d already received my inheritance, and I had my brother’s backing, and by then I was used to the perks and the luxuries, without the responsibility.”

  He looked up tentatively at Elena, worried suddenly that he had just outed himself as a selfish, indolent fool who had just used his mother’s death to explain away his complete lack of drive.

  “It’s not a good reason,” he tacked on abashedly.

  “I don’t think that’s your reason at all,�
� Elena replied.

  Neal looked at her, taken back by her statement.

  “I think you adopted a shallow lifestyle to try and convince yourself that you were a shallow person,” Elena said bluntly.

  “Why would I do that?” he asked in surprise.

  “So that you wouldn’t have to analyze your life choices. So that you wouldn’t have to feel guilty about your lack of interest in the family business. So that you could numb the pain of your mother’s death.”

  Elena said what she had to with a straight face and no expression. She felt for Neal, but she didn’t want to sit there and pretend like she believed what he was telling her. Neal processed Elena’s words. He tried to see if there was any truth to them. He couldn’t feel anything but confusion.