by Ellie Danes
“Hey,” Ian said, stepping in front of me defensively. I would have been flattered had he not been the reason I was so flustered to begin with. “Why don’t you shut the hell up and show the lady some respect?”
“It’s fine,” I murmured, just before I slapped at Ian’s bicep. I tried to pretend like I didn’t notice how hard it was, how perfectly defined. Just like I was trying to pretend like whatever was happening, wasn’t actually happening.
I wanted to get out of the spotlight. “I don’t blame him for being mad.”
“Yeah, see, your broad knows you guys are being assholes!” the man said with a mean chuckle, and immediately I rolled my eyes and turned back to face the barista behind the counter.
“We’re being assholes? You’re the one yelling at a lady!” I heard Ian say from behind me. The Starbucks kid’s eyes were wide, and I could tell that he was just ready to go home already. I had to wonder how many altercations he’d seen working here, and whether my stupid argument and hold-up was the worst.
I felt undignified. I was embarrassed beyond belief.
“I’ll just have a coffee,” I said in a whisper, as I looked up at the barista apologetically.
I didn’t even want to bother with my mocha latte anymore. It seemed too complicated to order. I just wanted to get the hell out of the line, and out of the way of the mob behind me.
I was the type of person that preferred to do everything in private. And I had clearly not been having a private discussion. Now, because I’d just been yelling in public, I was flustered. I didn’t know much about my dad’s business, but I did know the name John Cross and I knew what MTS was. I’d heard those names more times than I cared to remember.
From what I could tell, John Cross and Dad had some sort of professional falling out several years ago, and Dad had always accused John of stealing BioResearch’s technology. I just took it as the truth. Why wouldn’t I have? But by the way Ian was acting, I couldn’t help but wonder what really happened—if there wasn’t another side of the story. My dad was good at bending the truth the way he wanted it. I knew that better than anyone.
I felt like I was in a haze as I walked away from the ordering station and toward the other end of the counter.
Ian was still staring at me. He placed his order and came to stand at my side.
“I don’t know what to say to all of this, Ian,” I stammered.
“Well, that makes two of us.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve been going over this and over it in my head since yesterday when I realized it. And I don’t think we should see each other again.” His tone was rehearsed, but held a hint of remorse.
I almost started to protest, even though I wasn’t really even sure why. Why would I want to be with a guy who got me into a yelling match in the middle of a public coffee shop? Why would I want to be with a guy who cared about who my dad was more than he cared about me? Still, when I looked up and our eyes locked, something inside me knew I couldn’t simply let him go. I opened my mouth to say something, but he raised a hand to stop me and spoke, his voice louder than before.
“My father would roll over in his grave if he knew I’d spent so much time and energy on a Murphy.”
I felt my cheeks grow red hot. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It doesn't matter what I meant,” he said. “Or what I think or feel. Our relationship can’t fucking go anywhere.”
“Ian, this is ridiculous.” Then I realized what I was doing. I was arguing with someone so unreasonable, he couldn’t overlook a disagreement between our dads and continue to see me. If he couldn’t work this through with me, he’d make a shitty boyfriend. It hurt that I’d misjudged him, but to hell with it. I was through. “You know what? Never mind. Just go.”
Without a word, he turned on his heel and trudged out of the coffee shop.
“Good riddance, sweetheart,” an elderly woman said from behind me. “He’s proof that terrible things come wrapped up in pretty packages.”
“You’re exactly right.” I forced a smile for her benefit. “Good riddance,” I whispered under my breath.
Chapter 11
Ian
I didn’t know what was going on with me or why I was so on edge, but she had really gotten to me. It wasn’t even her fault. I knew, in all reality, that the reason I was so pissed off was because I didn’t want to end things with her—I just felt like I had to. For my sanity, for hers, and for the sake of my company.
The way she looked at me when I said what I did about spending time with a Murphy broke my heart. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw it. I’d hurt her; I’d caused her that pain. How the hell was I going to erase that from my mind?
The cold air rubbed my nose raw with its piercing stabs as I heatedly stomped through the crowds of people on the sidewalk. I didn’t want to think about Kate or what had just happened — or the fact that I’d been too pissed off to remember my damn coffee. I didn’t want to think about her or any of this ever again, really. Because I knew that if I had, it’d just be one more thing that I’d felt short-changed of since agreeing to come into the family business.
It was one more thing I’d grow to resent my father for.
I bundled my coat close. The air was frigid, harsh, and it stung every time I took a breath into my lungs, but maybe I needed this punishment, for how I’d treated Kate. I deserved whatever abuse Mother Nature could inflict on me.
Jerome was waiting for me in the office building, an accusatory look in his weasel eyes. “Where were you for so long?” he snapped, as I hurriedly walked toward my office door. “If you need lunch, eat it here! Your dad had that cafe made for a reason, you know.”
I tried to keep walking. I tried to ignore him.
He continued, “You have a company to run and it seems like you’re not taking it seriously.” He was basically running to catch up to my heated stride.
“Do you want to know what I’m taking seriously?” I asked.
“Uh, yeah, because it sure as hell isn’t this company!” he snapped.
“I’m taking your misconduct and blatant disregard of authority seriously,” I replied through gritted teeth. I couldn’t believe I’d said something so authoritative. I couldn’t believe I’d pulled that card. But I couldn’t stand Jerome.
I couldn’t stand the way that he continually snapped at me, the way that he acted like he was my boss, the way that he smugly thought he was smarter, better, and all around far superior to me in every single way.
I hated it all, and right now, I especially hated his fucking face.
I had no idea why my dad had kept him around so long. He was an asshole. Maybe if we looked at only his performance, there’d be reason enough to keep him, but taking everything into consideration, there were Jerome’s everywhere. Business sharks flooded New York City. A lot of them were just as competent as Jerome, and I was sure some had better attitudes and came without a major vendetta against me.
After I continued to ignore him, I heard his steps cease, and before I knew it, I left him in my dust.
I smirked, because leaving Jerome behind was the first good thing that had happened all day. Finally reaching my office, I passed Janice’s desk.
“Mr. Cross?” she said in a concerned tone, standing to greet me.
Trying not to take my mood out on her, I whispered, “Yes, Janice?”
“You have a lot of missed calls, and the board wants to have a meeting later today—”
I held up a hand to stop her. She was just doing her job, but it was a little too much for me at the moment. I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath. “I can’t handle anything else right now, Janice.”
Despite trying, I couldn’t keep the growl from my voice, and I watched her face go from slightly stressed to completely horrified. She cowered and sat back down, almost if she were a scolded animal or baby.
“Yes, sir,” she said quietly. “I’ll let them know your schedule is full.”
“I’m sorry, Jani
ce,” I said. “I’m having a rough day. I shouldn’t take it out on you.”
She nodded and gave me a brief smile before I stepped into my office.
I was being an idiot, but I really was upset. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I missed Kate. She already felt so far away. And why was she so far away? Because I’d pushed her away, verbally and emotionally.
I hated to admit it, but I liked her. I cared about her. No matter who her father was. I took a deep breath and walked over to my desk. I knew I needed to get some work done. Or, at the very least, try and get some done.
Before I’d been able to do anything, I saw Jerome’s smug face peer in at me as he passed by my office.
“Fuck off,” I mouthed before looking back to my computer, not bothering to see if he took offense or not.
I smirked. At least being a dick to Jerome made me feel a little better.
Chapter 12
Kate
After Ian left the café, I had stood there and gaped after him like an idiot. I couldn’t believe what he said. Not that he called my dad an asshole—that part I could believe. I actually agreed with him, there. What I couldn’t believe was the fact that he had completely ignored everything I’d ever said about my dad, myself. I knew my dad was an asshole. So why should his perception of my dad make him not want to see me anymore? How could he just break it all off without even giving it a chance?
Hell, had he not had a pretty shitty perception of my dad before he knew who he was? I mean, the whole time we’d been talking, had he not once thought, “Wow, that guy’s an asshole”?
If he hadn’t, then I wasn’t even sure about what to say to him at that point.
My dad was an asshole.
I just couldn’t believe that he was judging me because of that.
“Kate!” the barista called out, and I sighed. I knew there was only black coffee in that cup, so it wasn’t even enough to perk me up.
“Thanks,” I managed, accepting the drink and taking a sleeve to put over it.
Angry and flustered, I grabbed a handful of sugars, ripped them open and poured one after another, after another. I did the same with packages and packages of creamer. I couldn’t believe I’d ordered plain coffee.
“What a morning,” I whispered as I stirred the sugar and cream into my drink.
I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Just like I hadn’t liked the possibility of Ian stereotyping Claire, I couldn’t stand the fact that he wanted to judge me based on my dad. Based on BioResearch. I had nothing to do with that world. I had chosen to leave that world for a reason—I didn’t want any part of it.
The only thing I’d ever wanted was to be kind, to surround myself with people who were kind — and to leave the cutthroat business world behind me. Business had never been my calling.
Coming to get a coffee was supposed to be a little treat—something to get me out of the house and away from all of the conflict I was facing with Claire. It had done just the opposite, though—now there was a whole new conflict in my life, and apparently I was no longer seeing the guy who had been the one bit of happiness in the nightmare of yesterday.
My stomach growled as soon as the door of Starbucks closed behind me and immediately my nose was flooded with scents of restaurant foods all around. The aroma was intoxicating. When was the last time I’d eaten?
“Why the hell didn’t I get any food?” I moaned, glancing over my shoulder back at the Starbucks. But I didn’t want to go back in, not after the entire restaurant had just witnessed my argument and “break up” — if you could call it that — with Ian. I craned my neck to look around, desperate to find an easy meal nearby.
A little sandwich shop caught my eye. Tucked away, barely noticeable. I hugged my coat closer to me, and walked toward it. There was a huge window, where I could see in from the street. People were crowded in, packed tightly like sardines. I smiled. This place must be good.
I walked in. Immediately to my side, a hefty man was gulping down the best looking sandwich I’d ever seen. I looked at him — and the sandwich — and instantly started salivating. I wanted to ask him what kind of sandwich it was, but with the way that he was biting into it, devouring it without even taking a breath, I was a little scared.
“He’s eating a pastrami on wheat, with lettuce, tomato, sautéed onions, pickles, oil and vinegar drizzle, topped off with avocado chipotle mayonnaise,” a female voice whispered into my ear. A small-framed body nudged against my shoulder.
I jumped from the contact. People never got so close to me — and when they did, I questioned their motives. This was New York. If someone was that close, they were either about to mug you, pick your pocket, or turn on their creep factor to above ten.
I clutched my wallet and turned, slowly, to look over just enough to see who had leaned in so close. Only I wasn’t met with a stranger, exactly. It was a familiar blonde-haired woman, with gorgeous blue eyes and a warm smile.
“I wondered what he was eating, too. I made the mistake of asking, and almost got sprayed by food,” she winced a little at the thought. “You’re Kate Murphy, right?”
I squinted. I felt like I should know her from somewhere. I just couldn’t place it.
She smiled as if she understood my confusion, and said, “Amelia Markewicz. I’m part of the legal team working for your father, Michael Murphy.”
“Oh!” I said, still trying to recall when I might have met her. “I’m sorry. It’s just been a hell of a day.”
“Don’t worry about it,” she said, swiping at the air with her hand. “We haven’t actually officially met. I’ve seen the pictures in your dad’s office. He seems very proud of you,” she informed me.
I gave her a strange look. Surely, she couldn’t be talking about my father. If he were proud of me, he’d never said so. No doubt she was just being polite.
“Do you live on this side of town?”
“As I’m sure you know, my dad does,” I said simply. I didn’t want to go into the whole I-live-with-my-tyrannical-dad-and-absolutely-hate-it story. Especially since she knew the man and worked with him. She could infer what she wanted to. “What about you?”
“I happened to be on this side of town to talk with someone about one of the cases I’m working on.” she said. “I recall your dad saying you’d just finished your Master’s degree. How has the job hunt been for you?”
“I’m actually starting a job in special education on the West coast soon.”
“Wow, that’s pretty far from home!” she stated with a smile that told me she was a little surprised. “I’m not sure I could do it,” she continued. “I would miss being close to my family and friends too much.”
I nodded without saying anything. I didn’t really want to go into the fact that I didn’t have a lot of friends left after graduation, since everyone had pretty much moved on with their lives. Nor did I want to bring into play the fact that my family was absolutely dysfunctional. The biggest thing I wanted to keep to myself was that my prospect of a boyfriend had recently—minutes ago, in fact—dwindled down to non-existent.
I had no ties at all to New York City. None except Claire, and I knew that we’d make it work out somehow. She knew I cared and I’d still be with her, no matter how far apart we were. I just hoped more than anything that Dad would make sure she stayed in therapy. I didn’t even expect it to stay long-distance with us. She knew that I’d welcome her with open arms. Whether she graduated this year or not, whether she ever got her shit together or not— I’d welcome her always. If she asked to finish high school in California and live with me, I probably wouldn’t object.
As Amelia settled in front of me in line, I couldn’t help but look around and watch everyone in the crowded deli. My eyes scanned everyone, but they actually fell and hesitated on a beautiful man with rich chocolate brown hair. He had gorgeous, luminescent skin.
He walked toward a woman who looked equally perfect. She had chestnut hair that shone brightly against the light blaring in
from the large window to the shop, and wore a gorgeous long gray pea coat and oversized purple scarf. They looked like they were a match made in heaven.
He bent his arm and held his elbow out as he looked at her and smiled. He was gesturing for her to loop her arm inside his, in the most perfectly gentlemanly fashion that I’d ever seen. I couldn’t believe that sort of behavior existed at all — let alone in New York City.
She smiled back and I couldn’t help but wonder how far they were in their relationship. Was it young, passionate, puppy-love stage? Or had they been together for a while? Would it even be possible to be so happy after being together for so long?
She accepted his arm and leaned against his shoulder. I heard a faint giggle even through the crowd of people, as they walked in looped-arm-bliss.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and scowl. Not just because it was so cute it was disgusting, but also because the man was so damned gentlemanly as he walked her to the seat. They weren't in a five-star restaurant. They were in a sandwich shop, and yet he was still kind enough to pull a chair back for her and gesture for her sit down, but not before taking her coat and folding it gently over his arm. He didn’t even toss it over the back of her chair. After he helped scoot her in, he made his way around to the other side of the table.
“Serious gentleman alert,” Amelia said, clearly having followed my gaze over to the couple. With a scorned chuckle, she said, “It’s nearly impossible to find a man who will do stuff like that. I had one, but I let him get away. I’m working on remedying that, though.”
I smiled in response, but couldn’t take my eyes off the couple. The guy reminded me too much of Ian. Gentlemanly, with an aura of honesty. Hell, it almost made me wonder if this guy was as full of shit as Ian was — as full of shit as all men seemed to be.
I knew for sure it’s what my ex, Jonathan, was like. He was the biggest asshole ever. But Ian was starting to give him a run for his money, after today.
When I got up to the counter, just after Amber placed her order, I realized that what I really wanted was to eat away at my feelings. I excelled at this. It’d always resulted in weeks in the gym afterwards, but I didn’t mind. Both provided some sort of euphoric release away from my thoughts. So I just took it as one whole process — stuffing my face, gaining a few pounds, working out until I wanted to throw up, and then losing the weight that I’d put on.