by J. A. Owenby
“Jaci isn’t your friend. He’s using you. He’s dangling you in front of me and laughing.”
This time she didn’t argue.
“Connor …” I blew out a shaky breath.
Agony flickered across Sutton’s features, but she remained silent and squeezed my hand. For the first time in my life, I realized I couldn’t protect her the way I wanted to … unless … unless I told her the truth.
“We don’t have to talk about him.” Her gaze dropped to the floor with the mention of his name.
“I don’t have a choice. If I’m going to keep you safe, I need to tell you what really happened that day.”
She frowned, not grasping what I meant yet.
“I had no intention of ever leaving. I left to protect you.” My gaze slowly traveled up to hers. My heart stuttered, beating wildly against my ribcage. There was so much agony in her. I’d caused so much damage. “Connor’s death was a warning.”
“A warning?” She shook her head in confusion. “For what? I don’t get what you’re trying to tell me.”
I could see the pulse in her neck, picking up pace. She was scared. The mere mention of Connor brought the horror back to both of us. I took her hand in both of mine. For just a moment longer, I wanted to touch her. Feel the warmth of her skin before she walked away from me for good. After this … after I told her the truth, any second chance I’d secretly hoped for with her would be over. Finalized.
“Connor and I were at the crosswalk on 33rd Avenue. We’d just gone to the store to pick up a can of tomato sauce for Mom. It was a normal trip like we’d made a million times together. I remember the sun was beating down on us that afternoon and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Connor and I were bullshitting about school, parents, and our upcoming graduation. He told me he’d enlisted in the Army, and I was stoked for him, but at the same time, he was one of us, and I didn't want him to leave. We were family, Sutton. You, ZW, Redd, Connor, and I … we were inseparable.”
Tears slowly streamed down Sutton’s face. I wanted to take her pain away, but I was about to make it worse. Clearing my throat, I reminded myself this was to keep her alive. If anything happened to her, it would end me. My fingertips traced her cheek.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, the weight of my guilt nearly smothering me.
“Please, tell me what’s going on.”
“Connor and I were laughing about the prank we had planned for the principal at the graduation ceremony. We stopped at the corner and waited for the traffic to slow so we could run across the street …” My voice trailed off, and I wiped the moisture from my eyes.
“You don’t have to do this. I know he was shot. We all do.”
I shook my head. “You don’t know it all. One moment we were standing there laughing, and the next thing I heard was a loud pop-pop. I glanced down the street, and Connor bumped into me. At the time I’d not realized he’d been hit since I was trying to identify where the shots came from. I was ready to grab him and run. But … when I turned and faced him …” I choked on my words. “The impact of the bullet had lifted him up off his feet … his head was partially blown off.”
Stunned, Sutton sank to the floor, crying.
“His … fuck, there was so much blood and brain matter … it was all over me, in my hair and all over my clothes.” I got out of my seat and pulled Sutton into my lap. “I’m so sorry,” unable to hold my own tears back. “I’m so sorry. It was my fault.”
My shoulders shook with my grief, and Sutton encircled her arms around me, nestling her forehead against my neck. Her tears spilled down my shirt and mine into her hair. We’d never grieved over Connor together. I’d shut her out along with everyone else. The shame of what had happened nearly buried me next to him in his grave. I couldn’t look at her and tell her I’d let her down. I’d failed Connor, his family, and our friends. I wasn’t worthy of them or their forgiveness.
Her crying slowed, and she peered up at me. “What do you mean it was your fault?”
This was it. The moment I’d hid from for years. And afterward, I was finished. I would walk away from her once again. I was about to finally share with her the real reason I’d stayed gone all of this time.
“I knew the Midnight Silence MC and the street gang’s war was out of control. At the beginning of our senior year, Lionel had given me an option to stay in Portland and join Midnight Silence or leave and never come back. I had no intention of leaving you and Mom. And at that point, I was still under Lionel’s protection, so no one could touch me unless they wanted their family’s home or car blown to smithereens or whatever else Lionel felt like doing that day.” I paused, my chest aching from the tortured memories.
“Sutton … You were next. Jaci Hernandez shot and killed Connor.”
“What?” her eyes widened. “He killed Connor?”
“I saw Jaci hanging out of a car’s passenger window with a Ruger .45 in his hand. Because of Lionel’s protection, Jaci couldn’t get to me, so he was going to start taking out everyone I loved. I was the one who put his drug dealing days out of business. Then I planted a seed to keep him occupied. You see, although it wasn’t true, I had made a call to his gang leader, Juan, and said I’d heard a rumor that Jaci was skimming money, and he needed to look into it. That shut Jaci down hard, and for a long time until they finally realized the information was false. Jaci was pissed, and if he touched me, Lionel would have killed his family and the gang. It would have been a massive bloodbath. So he came after Connor for revenge.” I stared at the floor, unwilling to look at her. It had taken me nine years to share this, and now that I had, I knew it was over between us. There was no going back.
“There was no doubt in my mind you were next. Later, after the cops showed up and I gave them the account concerning Connor, I hightailed my ass to Lionel. Of course, he’d already heard what had happened. He said they could deal with Jaci and his family, but I either joined the club that night, or I had to leave Portland. Either way, time had run out and I had to choose. It would have been full on war if I’d stayed, and if I didn’t leave … I left to keep you safe. Lionel promised you and Mom would be under his protection until the day he died.”
Sutton scrambled to her feet and gasped for air. I stood slowly and moved around the other side of my desk, allowing her some space.
“This is why I need you to stay away from Jaci. He’s not your friend. He never was. The connection you have with him is me, and it’s all about revenge. Will you please promise me your days of talking to him are over?”
Thick tension hung in the air while I waited for her to reply. Finally, she faced me, wiped her eyes, and nodded. “Yeah. I’m finished with him.”
I sighed heavily, a huge weight easing off my shoulders.
“I’m so sorry.” She hiccupped, hugging herself for composure.
My brows knitted together in confusion. Was she referring to drugging Redd or Connor?
“All of these years you’ve blamed yourself for evil actions you weren’t responsible for. Jaci hated you from the beginning, when his customers started buying drugs from you. Your product was better and not cut with a bunch of filler in it. Even if you did make the call about the money, you were trying to deal with him. Hell, I would have done the same. He was so busy trying to recover from the accusation and stay alive that he didn’t have time for us.”
She inhaled sharply and approached me, her eyes softening with understanding. “I didn’t realize Lionel had given you the ultimatum. If I’d known Jaci was Connor’s shooter, I would have gone after him, and it would have put us in more danger. Although I wish you’d told me, I understand you were trying to protect us. But all this time, I’d assumed you’d lost your mind and left because of what happened with Connor. I just couldn’t figure out why you left so fast with only a note that said you loved me, and this was goodbye. It was a few days later when your mom called me to let me know you were safe. It devastated me. You were my entire world.” She covered her mouth with her hand
and focused on the stark white ceiling.
“I don’t know what to do to fix it,” I confessed quietly. Regret burrowed a deep hole inside me as my mind scrambled for a way to make it up to her. Fix the shit storm I’d caused.
Sutton wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head on my chest. “You can’t change what happened to Connor. You can’t change what Jaci chose to do, but you just gave me the best gift I could have asked for. Now I finally know why you took off. I had no idea what you’d gone through with Connor. I mean, we knew he’d been shot, and you were with him, but not the details. Not Lionel’s terms and conditions, not that you blamed yourself. I don’t understand why Jaci wasn’t arrested, though.”
“I never told the police it was him. Keeping you, Mom, and my friends safe was all I cared about. If I’d snitched, Jaci would have taken revenge. And I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was in shock.”
She rubbed her arms and held my gaze. “Let it go, Pierce. It wasn’t your fault. You made the best decisions you could at the time. We were only eighteen. No one should ever have to deal with what you went through. Forgive yourself. I do. I forgive you, Pierce.”
All of my anger, all of the pain, and all of the blame I’d carried for years shattered into a million pieces with her words. Her forgiveness had been the one thing I’d never allowed myself to hope for.
“Thank you.” I leaned my forehead against hers. “There’s more. I have something else important to tell you.”
She attempted to pull back, but my arms tightened around her waist. Fear flickered across her face.
“It’s all right. I didn’t mean to scare you.” I brushed a strand of her blonde hair away from her cheek.
Her body relaxed against mine again. “Sorry, but today has been a lot, and I know we have more to talk about.”
“I, uh…” I paused, my palms growing sweaty. Just because I’d served in the Marines and as a bodyguard didn’t mean my nerves didn’t get the best of me sometimes. This was definitely one of those times.
“Yes?”
“I love you, Sutton. I’ve never stopped loving you. The time we’ve had together, even though it’s only been a few days … I can’t deny it anymore. I don’t expect you to say anything in return, but I needed to tell you.”
There, I’d said it. I’d told her the truth. I’d told myself the truth. But I also recognized there had been so much damage between us that she might not want to try again.
Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened and closed like she wanted to say something. Before I could talk myself out of it, I lifted her chin with my finger, and brushed my lips against hers.
Chapter 22
Her lips were even softer than I’d remembered. I pulled away and cupped the back of my neck.
“I’m not going to apologize for that. I just needed the goodbye kiss I should have had nine years ago.” With that, I hurried out of the office.
After everything Sutton and I’d just shared, I didn’t want to crowd her, but I’d wished like hell she’d not let me walk away. She’d admitted to Redd she still loved me, but it was different when the choice to try a relationship again was staring at you directly. I couldn’t blame her if she wasn’t willing to give me a second chance. God knew I didn’t deserve it, but it didn’t stop me from wanting it more than anything else in my life.
Reaching my bedroom, I closed the door behind me and removed my shirt. I tossed it on the bed, stepped out of my shoes and socks, and heaved a deep sigh. What now? I’d put it all on the table about Connor and my feelings. What in the hell would I do now? How would I turn all my feelings off for her and resume treating her like a client? Fuck. I shouldn’t have said anything. But I had to. The weight of all the secrets had nearly destroyed me, and somehow … somehow, I would figure this out and finally be able to move forward.
The bedroom door flung open and I immediately sank into an attack stance. The second I saw Sutton, I relaxed. Her gaze traveled over my face, my chest, and down my stomach. I stepped tentatively toward her. She grimaced as if in pain.
“What’s wrong?” In a few quick strides, I crossed the room and took her hands in mine. “Are your parents all right? Did something else happen?”
“I’m so sorry. I should have told you.”
Dammit. She was with someone. She’d held back on me, and I’d finally been honest with how I felt about her. I’d been stupid. Reckless. I’d allowed my heart to override my head.
“I love you,” she blurted. “I love you so fucking much.” She took my hand and placed it over her heart. It was pounding like crazy. “This is for you. It’s always been for you.”
Before either of us could say another word, my lips brushed against hers. My hand threaded through her thick hair, and I pulled her against me. “Thank you. Thank you for loving me,” I said against her ear. I wasn’t sure she realized what her words meant. I’d buried my feelings long ago. I’d refused to live my life to the fullest. The guilt had confined me in a cage I couldn’t break free from. But if this woman could forgive me, maybe … maybe I could finally let the pain of the past go.
My mouth crashed down on hers, and her lips parted, welcoming me. My tongue brushed hers, and she looped her arms around my waist. I deepened our kiss, longing for more.
Breaking our lip lock, I trailed my fingertips down her cheek. “I’ve never been able to avoid the way I love you, Sutton. After all my mistakes, you have to know that.”
“I do,” she replied and kissed me again. “I need you.”
I let go of her long enough to shut and lock the bedroom door, then I picked Sutton up, and placed her on my bed.
“If I make love to you, there’s no going back for me. You’re it. I don’t want anyone else. Before we do this, I need you to know that I’m not playing around. This is it for me. You’re it for me. If you don’t feel the same, and it’s only a trip down memory lane for you, then you need to tell me now.”
Her blue eyes teared up, and she blinked them away. “I’ve waited for you to come home for so damned long. I love you with every fiber in my being, and nothing in this world sounds better than belonging with you for the rest of our lives. Don’t you ever leave me again, Pierce Westbrook.”
I stared at her long and hard. This was it. This is what I’d been afraid to hope for, but here she was about to be mine again. “Never again. I promise.”
Sutton sat up and tugged her shirt over her head, revealing a bright blue lace bra. With one flick of her finger, she opened the front clasp and allowed the material to slowly slide away from her breasts.
“Jesus, Sutton.” My gaze hungrily assessed her gorgeous curves.
“I grew a little after you left.” Her hair fell over her shoulder and over her cheek. She tucked it behind her ear self-consciously.
“They’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.” My heart flooded with such a deep love for this woman it almost overwhelmed me. Although I’d lied to myself, no one could ever take her place. Ever.
Sutton moved the straps off her shoulders and tossed her bra on the floor. I remained standing at the edge of the bed as she lifted up and pulled her boyfriend jeans down her thighs and over her feet. The matching G-string was the only thing she had left on.
“I’m on the pill, don’t even think about a condom. I need to feel every inch of you inside me. Your turn.”
Thank God, I hated those things. She flashed me a wide smile and lay back on the bed ready for a show.
My eyes greedily scanned her body while I flipped open the button on my jeans, unzipped them, and pushed them down my legs. I swallowed hard, my attention never leaving her as I freed my shaft. A whimper broke free from her, and I sat down on the bed but didn’t touch her.
“I want to remember this forever,” I said. “You’re stunning. Everything about you takes my breath away.”
Sutton sat up slowly and traced her fingers around my jawline and lips. I leaned forward and kissed her, savoring each moment. Her arms encircled my neck, and she l
ay back, pulling me on top of her. My erection pressed against her stomach as our kiss grew more intense. I slowly stroked her sides, and she curved into me. With a quick turn, I rolled her on top of me, never breaking our lip lock. My fingers trailed down her back and massaged her ass. Adjusting my position to press my body into hers, I dug into her thighs and pulled them apart until she was straddling me. My hand made its way beneath her thong and my thumb circled her entrance. Soft. Wet. Mine. She sighed as I applied more pressure, but not entering her yet.
She was in my bed, something I’d never dared to dream about again.
“Nice and easy,” I whispered while I slowly moved a finger in her. Sutton arched upward, exposing her breasts, and my mouth immediately covered her taut nipple. She bucked against my finger, and I inserted a second one into her. Her eyes fluttered closed, her mouth opening slightly with pleasure. All I wanted to do was please her. We hadn’t even made love yet, and I was about to lose my mind. The moment I’d touched her, a burning desire had roared to life inside me again.
“Mm, I could come just watching you,” I murmured. There was no mistaking that I loved this woman with every part of me. She was my light in a world that almost destroyed me.
Sutton’s tongue darted across her lower lip and my cock ached with the thought of lips wrapped around me. I removed my fingers from her core and rolled her back over. I trailed hot kisses down her neck, over each breast, and down her stomach. I hooked my thumbs around the straps of her G-string and peeled it off. I peeked up, her gaze heated with desire. My dick throbbed as the tip of my nose brushed her hip bone, and I scooted down in the bed.
“You still shave.” I spread her folds apart carefully.
“Uh-huh,” she squeaked.
Her fingers bunched up the comforter while my lips caressed her thigh. I gave her a little nip with my teeth and she sucked in a sharp breath.
“Pierce,” she begged. “Please.”
A low chuckle rumbled through my chest.