by London Casey
The notebook. The notes.
The secret.
My father and Ellis had busted their way in my apartment. They attacked me. They attacked Leah. They attacked Jude.
I wanted to hate my father, but right then, I realized maybe he had no choice.
My father had been the one set up to lose in all this.
I rushed to the back door and met a white faced Noah.
“Noah…”
“Don’t go out there,” he said.
“Why?”
“I found your father.”
51.
(Noah)
It had the markings of a total idiot. He tried to bury the body but did a terrible job. Craig’s body wasn’t even completely covered. It was like a few shovels of dirt were thrown on him and that was it.
The second I saw him, I called Benito.
“Craig is here. He’s dead. I didn’t kill him. Bring my kid back to me now.”
That was all I had to say.
I ran to the cabin and met Ashlynn as she was coming out. She damn near jumped into my arms and when I told her I found her father, she did jump. To try and get over me. I caught her and put her down.
“Ellis did all this,” she said. “He came and used my father not only to get to me. He found out way too much. He knew things…”
“I know,” I said. “I’m seeing it now, sweetheart.”
“He wasn’t going to keep Jude. He was going to use the baby against me. For the jewel.”
“The jewel?”
Ashlynn looked beyond me. “Where is he?”
“Hey, answer my…”
“Where is my father?”
“Sweetheart, he’s dead.”
“I need to see.”
I wanted to argue against Ashlynn’s wish, but who was I to fight her on it? Her father had done so much bad stuff to her, maybe this would help her. It would be the ultimate end of it all.
I grabbed her hand and walked her to the shallow grave. The second she saw her father, she turned her head and groaned.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I’ve already called Benito.”
“He’s dressed in black,” Ashlynn whispered. “That’s what they wore when they broke into the apartment. They weren’t looking for cash, Noah.”
“Tell me about this jewel then.”
“My mother said something about it. A family heirloom. It’s worth a couple million dollars.”
“Jesus,” I said. “So this is all about money.”
“Yeah. Ellis probably came to my father thinking he could get to me. I’d bet my life there’s a notebook in that cabin of money he owed to Ellis. So Ellis used him to get to me and then found out about all this.”
“Why kill him then?” I asked.
“My father is a degenerate loser. He couldn’t find the jewel. He couldn’t get anymore money from my mother. And the second he showed Ellis where I was…”
It was like a punch to the gut. “He had no more use then.”
“Exactly,” she whispered. “And you know what desperate men do?”
“Anything they can to survive,” I said. “Your father probably ran his mouth and Ellis snapped.”
I grabbed Ashlynn and hugged her.
I turned her away from the scene and stared down at the body. There was something in his left hand. If I had to put money on it, I’d guess it was the picture he stole from Ashlynn’s apartment. Christ, maybe the guy really did love his wife that much. They were just hopeless… and they never gave a damn about their daughter.
But I did.
I loved Ashlynn.
“Come on,” I said. “That’s enough. We’re going to get our son back. It’s over.”
Ashlynn looked up at me. “I’m sorry, Noah. That I got angry…”
“No, you don’t have to apologize for anything. The only thing you did wrong was let me in.”
“That was the best mistake I ever made.” She flickered a quick smile.
I scooped her up and walked her to the front of the cabin.
There we stood, my arms wrapped around her, holding her tight.
And we waited for our son to come back.
~
I held Jude. My hands were big compared to his tiny body, but my hands didn’t feel big enough. I wanted to keep the kid safe for the rest of his life. Safe from bad days, bullies, and illness. I couldn’t do that though. No parent could do that for their child, yet it was the one thing every parent wanted.
My life changed each second I stared into the baby’s eyes.
He was a perfect mix of me and Ashlynn. He would never know the power he possessed by just existing.
I cradled him and kissed his forehead.
I turned and offered him to Ashlynn.
“You’re leaving?” she whispered.
“I have to meet with Benito.”
“I don’t like it.”
“It has to be done, sweetheart. We have to tie up loose ends.”
Ashlynn took Jude and then kissed me. “Answer me honestly, Noah. Do you think you’ll be back?”
In other words, will Benito kill me?
I thought about lying to Ashlynn, to protect her and Jude. Maybe a better man would have lied.
“I don’t know if I’ll be back,” I whispered. “That’s the truth.”
She looked at me. She nodded. She understood.
Then we kissed as though we’d never get to kiss again.
~
I sat across from Benito as he finished off a glass of scotch. A pretty blonde climbed out from under the desk and stood up. She fixed her dress and her hair.
“You want in?” Benito offered.
“No thanks,” I said. “I’m happy with what I have.”
“Okay.” He looked at Dante. “Yours?”
“I’ll show her the door,” Dante said.
I hurried to stand and grabbed for Dante. “Hey. Thank you for keeping Jude safe. That got real tense with everything. I mean, between us too. I meant what I said before. You were like a brother to me, Dante.”
Dante grabbed my shoulder. “It’s good. You were protecting your family. That fighter in you does have a heart and it does know how to love. Who would have fucking thought?”
“Thank you again,” I said. “That was really hard for Ashlynn…”
“No worries. I would have never let anything happen to your son, Noah. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go take this blondie and fuck her until she can’t remember who she is.”
“Sounds like a great night.”
“Better than yours,” Dante said and winked.
My night? If I got out of Benito’s office alive? There would be diaper changes, bottles, burps, spit up, rubber ducks in a tub… yeah, not a bad night at all.
The door shut behind Dante.
“Sit, Noah,” Benito said.
I stood behind the chair. “I’d rather stand.”
“Fair enough.” Benito cracked his knuckles. “I have to take a loss on this one. I’m at least happy both Craig and Ellis are dead.”
“Ellis was your son, right?”
Benito nodded. “Yeah. Irish pussy, Noah. I had a thing once. Christ, if my family found out about it… they’d have cut my head off. So I kept him hidden. Out of the way. Funneled him some money and he went off to invest and hustle on his own. Nobody can know about that though, okay?”
“Dante?”
“He doesn’t know. I told him to make the hit. That Ellis was in our way of an expansion project. It doesn’t matter the reason when I want someone dead.”
“So you trust me with this secret?”
“You tried to kill me, Noah.”
“Maybe. My mind knew one thing. Protecting my family.”
“You did a good job at it. I just wish I could have gotten that money back. But it’s done now. I have to take the loss and move on. Plenty of money to earn out there. Some big fights coming your way. Okay?”
“I want a big one next,” I said. “I have a debt t
o pay.”
Benito raised an eyebrow. “You have a debt? Is this something I should worry about?”
“No,” I said. “This is personal. Benito, are we good?”
“We’re a-fucking-okay, son.” He then slowly stood up. “But let me make one thing clear. If you ever try to set me up again, no matter what, I will kill you. I will kill your entire family.”
I nodded and backed up to the door. I turned the knob and then grinned. “Benito. A piece of advice? If you’re going to threaten someone and you want to be really scary… maybe you should zip up your fly first.”
Benito looked down at his open pants.
I left the office and didn’t look back.
My future was waiting for me.
My love and my son…
52.
(Ashlynn)
I dug my nails into the muscles of his back. I bit at his shoulder as my entire body quivered. I had to keep myself from screaming. My body came so violently hard, my hips rocked and thrust, like I couldn’t figure out what to do to seek complete relief.
“Fuck,” I whispered into Noah’s ear as the pressure and pleasure continued their never ending war. “It’s so good.”
It was the best sex of my life.
Hell, every time Noah touched me led to the best sex of my life.
He held my sides and thrust deep into me, pumping his amazing body in and out me. His lips touched my neck, sending shivers through my body. I arched my back, offering my chest to him. I was no longer worried about myself. I trusted Noah and he made me feel beautiful.
As the tip of his tongue touched my left nipple, I groaned. He engulfed my breast and sucked hard. He pulled back, his teeth grazing against my nipple. He pulled off with a pop sound and went right to my other breast. Repeating the same beautiful move and then he started to go down. He pulled back and out of me, leaving my sex throbbing and begging for more.
I grabbed at his hair, trying to catch my breath. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“I’m going to fucking devour you,” he growled at me.
I then watched as he kissed down my belly, inch by inch. He moved down between my legs, his tongue starting at the bottom of my pussy and licking to the top, collecting my wetness. His tongue thrust against my clit, pounding at me, making me jump each time. His hands found my hands and he interlocked our fingers together. He forced my hands to the bed and kept me there. I dug my heels into the bed and moved up and down, against the magic of his tongue.
Noah made me come again, stealing my breath, my mind, and my heart.
He then climbed back up my body and offered himself to me. By then, I was tired, every muscle in my body aching and wobbly, but my heart demanded more. I was his, not just in the tender moments of him fucking me, but every moment.
Good, bad, and in between.
~
I saw Noah in the doorway as he came back to bed. He had nothing but jeans on, and they weren’t buttoned. That was a sight to see. The cuts of perfect muscle racing down into his jeans, leaving the imagination and the lust run wild.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“He’s fine,” Noah said. “I think he was having a bad dream. I rubbed his back for a few minutes. He, uh, let one rip, and then was back to sleep.”
I laughed. “What a kid.”
Noah climbed back into bed and had his arms around me in a second. We fit together, like pieces of a puzzle.
“He’s amazing,” Noah whispered. “Thank you for giving him to me.”
“Thank you for putting him there.”
“It was my pleasure, trust me.”
I smiled. “Yeah, mine too.”
There was silence for a few seconds.
“Hey, you know I have to fight again, right?”
“I know,” I said. “We can deal with that when the time comes. I don’t want to leave this moment with you.”
“Okay then. Anything I can get you?”
I slowly reached back and found his stomach. My fingers bounced over the muscles of his stomach and my hand went right back into his jeans. I gripped him tight and tugged.
I found something I wanted and needed… right now…
53.
(Noah)
I washed the blood off my hands and then touched my right eye. The fucker got me good. He had a hell of a right, but that was all he had. My comeback tour was officially in swing. Which meant a lot of work and a lot of damn money. Benito was spreading the fights out though to keep the buzz high.
I didn’t give a shit. I just needed him to tell me where to be and who to fight.
I showered, changed into fresh clothes, and then met Benito, Dante, Ashlynn, and Jude.
“I can get him fitted,” Benito said to Ashlynn. “He would look great in a suit. And look at his hair coming in. It’s pretty dark. You sure he’s not full blood Italian, Ashlynn?” Benito winked at me. “I mean, if he is, he can be a member of the family.”
“No way,” I said. “That boy has Irish in his blood. It’s what’s going to keep him alive.”
Benito laughed. “Well, you’re here for your paycheck, right?”
“Normally I don’t care,” I said. “But I have something I have to do.”
“Your debt?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
Benito nodded. He opened his suit jacket and took out a wad of cash. He handed it to me. Then he grabbed me and kissed my cheek. He leaned down and kissed Jude’s head. He then kissed Ashlynn’s cheek. She stood up and Benito put a hand to her stomach.
“What about this one? Italian?” he asked.
“No,” Ashlynn said. “I have a thing for Irish fighters.”
“Just one Irish fighter,” I said. I moved Benito’s hand from Ashlynn’s belly and put my hand there. “This little boy is going to be a fighter too.”
“Might be a girl,” Ashlynn said.
She was just starting to show. Her belly was getting hard pressing out. I was beyond excited that she got pregnant again. Turns out she had been missing some of her pills with all the craziness going on. And we had been going at it so much, nothing could have stopped it from happening. That was good though. We were a family and we were going to be a bigger family. It was a little crazy to imagine, but nothing could have made me happier.
I took my son from Ashlynn and held her hand as we left the building.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
I had one personal debt to settle. “To settle up with Bo.”
~
I expected to get slapped, not hugged.
Sandra threw her arms around me and squealed. She was a big woman and I could see her with Bo. Like they fit together. It actually hurt to see her though.
Two boys then appeared. One kid looked like Bo. The other not so much.
“Little Bo and Benny,” I said.
“How the hell do you know us?” Little Bo said in tough kid voice.
“Bo!” Sandra yelled. “We don’t speak like that in this family. You apologize to Mr. Noah.”
“I’m sorry,” Little Bo said.
I crouched down and offered my fist. “Come on, kid. Give it up.”
Little Bo hit my fist.
I fell back and yelled. “Dang, kid. You’re strong.”
“My turn!” Benny yelled.
“Okay,” I said. “Just don’t hurt me.”
I put my fist out and winced. Benny wound up and smacked my fist. I flew back again and yelled again.
“Ouch,” I said.
Little Bo and Benny laughed.
“He’s weak, man,” Little Bo said to Benny. “Come on, bro, let’s go do something.”
I was grinning as I stood back up. Then I felt tears hit me. Christ, was I going to cry in front of Bo’s woman?
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “He was such a good man.”
“I know,” Sandra said. “I haven’t told the boys yet. I don’t know how. Sometimes it’s easier to pretend. And I know they’ll be afraid. Daddy protected his
boys…”
“Hey,” I said and touched her shoulder. “You’ll always have protection. You need anything, you call me. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Thank you, Noah.”
“I can’t bring him back. I feel responsible…”
“Don’t you dare,” Sandra said. “He’d get mad at you for saying that. He loved you, Noah. He told us that. He found a white boy he loves.” She laughed. “I looked at him like, ‘what the hell did you just say to me?’ and he laughed. He respected you. Trusted you. You shared everything with him.”
“And I’m not done yet,” I said. I reached into my back pocket. I put the stack of money into Sandra’s hand and squeezed. “This isn’t blood money. This isn’t to make up for his death. This is what he earned. What he wanted you to have for your boys. So you can get the hell out of here and do something. Whatever your dream has been, go do it. Get those boys in sports. Or instruments. Or books. Whatever they want. I never forget who I owe. I owe Bo my life.”
Sandra started to cry. “I can’t…”
“You’re not taking it, you’re getting it. This was Bo’s and it’s passed down to you now.”
I took my hand away and the money was now Sandra’s. Yeah, it would never bring Bo back. And I’m sure Sandra would trade any money and everything she had to bring Bo back. That’s what love did to people. I understood it.
“Remember,” I said. “You need anything, you call me.”
I left the apartment and went outside to my family.
My debts were paid… except the one I owed to Ashlynn, which was my life.
53.
(Ashlynn)
My mother died on a Tuesday, peacefully. I wasn’t there when it happened. It was right after I felt the baby kick for the first time. I hurried to grab Noah’s hand and I held it to my stomach. He couldn’t feel it though. Only I could. Like my baby and I were sharing a secret. Even still, Noah kept his hand on my stomach for over an hour, waiting.
The hospital called and gave me the news.
It took me a little while to cry, just because of everything we’d gone through.
My job then was to clean out her bedroom.
I thought all she left me was a mess and some anger… but then I found a box with some old pictures and magazines in it… she left me something else…