“I think so.”
“Good,” Clayton said. He ordered a fancy brandy for both of them, sniffed it when it came, then lifted his glass toward Corman. “Fuck ’em all,” he said with a smile.
Corman smiled back, drank, rolled his glass a little nervously between his hands and smiled again.
Clayton watched him for a moment, then nodded toward a man in a tan jacket who stood at the end of the bar. “He’s probably carrying three thousand dollars’ worth of cocaine in his left coat pocket.” He smiled. “Not exactly a Colombian with a buzz-saw, is he?”
“No.”
“Customers look different, too,” Clayton added.
Corman nodded.
“But they’re customers, all right,” Clayton said. “Do you know why? Because they need an up, a thrill.” He gave Corman a long, penetrating glance. “But why they need it, that’s a separate question.”
Corman felt obligated to bite the hook. “Why do they need it?”
“Because the deepest thing any of them have ever experienced is a dose of aggravation,” Clayton answered matter-of-factly.
Corman laughed.
“I’m serious,” Clayton insisted. “Listen, aggravation is the only really safe form of excitement left on the Upper East Side.”
Corman glanced about. Everywhere around him, people were laughing, talking, showing off their clothes. They looked no different than most people of means, and long ago Corman had come up with the simple nightmare truth that if a camera followed anyone around for twenty-four hours, that person would look ridiculous, no matter who he was. Pope. General. Average guy. All in the same boat. Ridiculous because no one ever fully appreciated how small he was. Only the camera appreciated that.
Clayton leaned over toward him. “Take it from someone who knows, Corman, these are the only really worthless people in the world. They don’t have power like the rich. They don’t run things. And they don’t have any purpose, like the working people do. They don’t make anything. Their whole lives, not so much as a goddamn doorknob.” He laughed. “You know what they produce, Corman? Self-esteem. It’s the basic goal of their whole productive process.”
Corman nodded silently.
Clayton turned away from him, watched the bar for a moment, then returned to him. “Were you in the war?”
“No.”
“Too young for it?” Clayton asked.
“I’m thirty-five.”
“Yeah,” Clayton said. “You just missed it.” He shook his head. “I did two tours as a combat reporter. What I saw every day, you can’t even imagine. Not in your worst nightmare. A real shit-storm.” He looked at the crowd and laughed under his breath. “Sometimes, I feel like calling down some NVA fire on a place like this. Just a little strafing run down Third Avenue on a Saturday night, give these people a taste of how little they’re made of.”
Corman allowed himself a quick, nervous little laugh.
Clayton’s eyes shot over to him. “Don’t suck up to me,” he snapped.
“Was I doing that?”
“You’ve been doing it all afternoon.”
Corman shook his head wearily. “Christ.”
Clayton smiled. “That’s what we all hate, right?” he said. “How much we have to swallow, just to get by.”
Corman said nothing.
Clayton eyed him intently. “What do you want from me?”
“I was hoping to do a good job.”
“Why?” Clayton said. “And hey, don’t tell me it’s because you love your goddamn craft.”
Corman looked at him squarely. “But I do.”
“Maybe the streets,” Clayton said. “But wedding receptions? Bullshit. It’s something else. What?”
“I need a job.”
“Groton’s job?”
“Yes.”
“What was wrong with Groton?” Clayton asked bluntly. “Is he finally wearing down?”
Corman decided not to lie. “He’s dying.”
Clayton didn’t seem to care one way or the other. He glanced about restlessly, his eyes shooting from one knot of people to the next. “That’s the real tragedy,” he said. “To think you know so fucking much, when you know absolutely nothing.” He looked back at Corman. “So, you’re tired of free-lancing?”
“I’m having a few problems,” Corman said.
“Like what?”
“Money.”
Clayton looked surprised. “Money? There’s just yourself, right?”
“I have a daughter.”
Clayton nodded. “Oh. Well, that puts a different spin on it.”
“Yeah.”
“With a kid, you need something steady.”
“It would help.”
They sat silently together for a few more minutes, then paid the check and walked out. The rain had stopped. Clayton kept his umbrella tightly beneath his arm as the two of them walked west, along the almost deserted crosstown streets.
“I’ll get a cab here,” Clayton said when they reached Fifth Avenue. “You need a lift?”
“I think I’ll walk,” Corman said.
Clayton stepped off the curb and lifted his arm as a wave of headlights rushed toward him from up the avenue. A taxi swerved out of the traffic, stopped and waited as Clayton got in. “Say hi to your kid,” he said quickly as he ducked inside.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FIVE
IT HAD BEGUN to rain again by the time Corman reached Seventh Avenue, only harder this time, with gusts of wind driving the thick gray drops against the lighted windows. At first, he tried to go on despite it, then gave up and ducked under the doorway of a small coffee shop to wait it out.
He’d expected it to trail off almost immediately, but for several minutes the rain continued to fall in long wet sheets. Across the street, he could see another small restaurant. It had a French name and a dark-blue awning. From time to time people moved in and out of it, huddled briefly under the awning, then either signaled for a cab or rushed down the street, shoulders hunched beneath their umbrellas.
Corman took out his camera, stepped back into the shadows slightly and began taking pictures. He was still taking them when a large, well-dressed man came out, a woman holding tightly to his arm. The man was laughing, his face was so bright and youthful that for an instant, Corman didn’t realize it was Edgar. When he did, he shrank back quickly, put away his camera and pulled his hat down over his face.
Edgar gave the woman a long, lingering kiss, then stepped out from under the awning and hailed a cab. The woman rushed over to it when it stopped, kissed Edgar again and got inside. Her hand shot out the window and waved back at him as the cab lurched forward and pulled away.
For a few seconds, Edgar lingered on the sidewalk, smiling sweetly as he watched the cab move away from him. Then he turned back toward Seventh Avenue, his eyes sweeping the opposite street until they stopped, hung like two frozen circles in the air.
Corman nodded but did not move toward him.
Edgar stood stiffly, his arms at his sides, the rain pelting him mercilessly. He seemed unable to move, as if his indiscretion had suddenly encased him solidly within a tomb of ice. For a few more seconds he stared into Corman’s face with a calculating intensity, then walked quickly across the street and joined him in the cramped doorway.
“No bullshit story, David,” he said determinedly. “You won’t get anything like that from me.”
Corman said nothing.
“I don’t know what shook me up there for a minute,” Edgar added. “I mean, it’s an old story, right?”
Corman waved his hand. “Forget it, Edgar.”
Edgar shook his head. “No, I don’t want to do that,” he said. “I don’t want to forget it.” He drew in a long, slow breath. “I’m tired of keeping everything to myself. It can kill you, doing that.” He paused a moment, as if to gather the whole story together in his mind, then went on. “I’ve known her for five years. It’s not just some little trinket on the side. It’s better than that.”
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“Edgar … ”
He put up his hand. “Love makes it better, that’s what I’m telling you.” He seemed embarrassed by his own statement. “I’m no philosopher, not like Victor, with big ideas to justify every fucking thing he does. I don’t know if love makes it okay. I’m not saying that. But I know it makes it better.”
“You don’t have to … ”
“I know, I know,” Edgar said. “Believe me, I know. But to tell you the truth, I want to talk about this.” He smiled. “I’m glad you’re here. I really am.” He took Corman’s arm and eased him toward the door of the coffee shop. “Come on, let me buy you a cup of coffee.”
They took a small table in the back and ordered two coffees. Edgar glanced at the bowl of pickled green tomatoes, the place setting on its white paper napkin, the speckled Formica surface of the table itself while he searched for the words. Finally, he seemed to find them. “She’s a little chunky,” he said happily. “I guess you could tell that.”
Corman nodded.
Edgar laughed. “When it hits her, her whole body trembles, and there’s this long thing that sweeps over her. I don’t know what you’d call it. A peace. You know what I mean? A calm.”
His eyes were very bright, cheerful, childishly amazed. “And she starts to laugh, David, right out loud. It just comes over her, this uncontrollable laugh.” He shook his head. “Jesus Christ, it brings tears to my eyes.”
Corman pulled out his cigarettes and offered one to Edgar.
Edgar hardly seemed to notice. “You know what she makes me feel?” he asked emphatically. “She makes me feel like I’m doing something good, comforting somebody, making her life better.” He lifted his hands upward. “How often do you get to do that in life? I mean, do it in a way that you see it right in front of you? How often does that happen?”
Corman didn’t answer, just let him talk.
Edgar stared him straight in the eye. “I can’t be with her on Christmas, you know? But, David, about once every two weeks or so with her, I’m goddamn Santa Claus.”
Corman smiled and lit his cigarette.
Edgar studied Corman’s face. “I hope you’re not laughing at me,” he said.
“I’m not.”
“Good,” Edgar said, a little doubtfully. “Because you’re not saying much.”
“Just listening,” Corman said.
The coffees came. Each of them took a quick sip and returned the cups to the table.
“Her name’s Patty,” Edgar said. “Patty Lister. She lives down in Tribeca. A little studio all done up in this sort of Victorian style, doilies everywhere, little framed pictures.”
Corman nodded again. He could see the place just as Edgar described it, a room out of time, from a lost age.
Edgar grabbed him by the wrists. “You know what it is, David?” he said. “This thing with Patty? I’ll tell you what it is. It’s fucking beautiful.” He laughed. “It’s fucking gorgeous. The sex? Let’s face it, strictly double-vanilla. But, Christ, it makes my heart sing.”
Corman tugged gently at his hands, but Edgar refused to release them. Instead, he tightened his grip. “Remember when we were kids? You know, before Dad made it in the ad game?”
“Yes.”
“We had some pretty lean times,” Edgar went on. “Chipped plates. That’s what I remember. All the time at dinner, these fucking chipped plates. You remember them?”
“I guess.”
“Well, I remember them very well,” Edgar said. “And when I was about fifteen, I said to myself, ‘When I get out of this goddamn place, I’m going to make sure I never have to eat off a chipped plate again.’” He sat back slightly, his eyes fixed rigidly on Corman. “And that’s what I’ve done, what I’ve achieved. My wife doesn’t have to eat off chipped plates. I don’t either. And Giselle? Christ, she’s never even seen one.” He stared at Corman hungrily. “That’s something, isn’t it?”
“It’s something,” Corman admitted quietly. “Yeah, it’s something, Edgar.”
“But there’re other things,” Edgar added quickly. “Things you forget.” He watched Corman silently for a moment, as if trying to find something more to say. Finally, he gave up, released Corman’s wrists and sat back in his chair. “So, as the saying goes, ‘What’s new with you?’”
“Nothing much.”
“Anything new on the money front?”
“Not yet.”
Edgar’s face turned grim. “You need something to break, what with Lexie on the prowl.”
Corman nodded.
“I’m supposed to call her tomorrow, set everything up. The meeting, I mean.”
“If you could delay it a little … ”
“I don’t think so,” Edgar said. “She’s not in the mood.”
“No, I guess not.”
Edgar looked at Corman very intently. “David, I hope you know, it’s not like you’re alone in the world.”
“I won’t take money, if that’s what you mean.”
“Call it a loan,” Edgar said. “For Lucy. A loan to her. She’ll pay me when she gets to be a rocket scientist.”
Corman shook his head. “Jeffrey offered. I said no to him, too.”
“Jeffrey?” Edgar said unbelievingly. “Offered what?”
“Lots of things. Money.”
“Money?”
“To pay for a different apartment,” Corman told him. “A school for Lucy. Stuff like that.”
“He offered to pay? Jeffrey? Himself?”
“Yeah.”
“Jesus,” Edgar groaned. “Lexie must be burning the bed.” He looked back at Corman awkwardly. “I mean … bad choice of words.”
“No, you’re right,” Corman said. “She probably is. She knows how.”
Edgar thought a moment, his eyes on the coffee cup. “Look, David, you have to face facts,” he said when he looked up again. “When you have your meeting with Lexie, you’re going to have to … ”
“I’m working on something,” Corman said quickly.
“But it’s not coming through,” Edgar said. “Something needs to come through.”
“It will,” Corman told him. “I hope.”
Edgar shook his head determinedly, wagged his finger. “Not hope. That’s your first mistake. Fuck hope. Hope and two bucks, that’s what bets the Lotto. We’re talking about keeping Lucy.”
“I’m doing the best I can.”
“Well, you have to do better,” Edgar said. “What about that other thing, that permanent thing you were talking about?”
“It’s shooting society.”
“So?”
“I don’t know, Edgar.”
“What? You don’t know what?”
Corman looked at him pointedly.
“A compromise?” Edgar asked. “Is that what you mean? That it’s a compromise? If that’s what you mean, say it.”
“It’s a compromise.”
Edgar glared at him fiercely. “It’s a fucking living,” he cried. “That’s what it is.”
“That much, yes.”
“As if it’s shit. What kind of attitude is that?”
“It’s my attitude.”
“It’s a living, for Christ’s sake,” Edgar said loudly. “Compromise? Let me tell you something. If you look at things a certain way, everything’s a compromise. Food’s a compromise. A roof over your head. Shirt, shoes. Everything.”
“Some are worse than others.”
Edgar shook his head. “No. That’s where you’re wrong. They’re all the same.”
“And that’s an argument to make one?”
“You’re goddamn right it is,” Edgar bawled. “Absolutely.”
“Come on, Edgar.”
“I mean it,” Edgar said. “Christ, David. Don’t be a kid. You can’t afford it.”
Corman leaned toward him and stared at him intently. “Why do you want me to keep Lucy?” He paused a moment, unsure. “Or do you?”
“I do.”
“Why? Is it just because I wan
t to, and you’re my brother, lawyer, whatever?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“You’re her father.”
“Lexie’s her mother.”
“Lexie’s a space cadet.”
“No, she’s not,” Corman said. “And you know it.”
“Jeffrey’s a twit.”
“That’s not true either,” Corman said. “But I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about me. Why should Lucy stay with me? Why would she be better off?”
Edgar shook his head, as if defeated. “I can’t answer that, David. I really can’t. Maybe you were right the first time. Maybe it’s because you’re my brother. I love you. When you love somebody, you want them to have what they want. You want Lucy. So, there. I want you to have Lucy. Maybe it’s just that simple.”
Corman slumped back into his seat. “That’s not good enough, Edgar. Not for me. Not for Lucy.”
“Well, what are you looking for?” Edgar asked. “A compliment? You want me to say what a great father you are?”
“No.”
“Good,” Edgar said bluntly. “Because there are problems.” He looked at Corman fervently. “We’re talking about very basic things here, David. Support. How basic can you get?”
“It always comes down to that.”
“Out of the dreamworld, yes, that’s what it comes down to,” Edgar said. “Support. Protection. How well you can provide these things.” He leaned toward him. “Listen, I see Patty, right? Okay, maybe to some people that’s wrong. But let me ask you a question. Does it take anything out of Giselle’s mouth? Does it mean the rain comes through the roof?” He shook his head. “No. So really, when it comes down to it, who gives a shit? It’s something anybody can understand. Nobody’s hungry. Nobody’s out in the … the …” He glanced toward the window. “Nobody’s out in the fucking rain.” He shrugged. “Out of the dreamworld, that’s the way it is.”
Corman remained silent for a moment, staring into Edgar’s exasperated face, then glanced away from him, toward the front of the restaurant. The rain had slackened. “I’d better go,” he said. “Before it starts up again.”
The City When It Rains Page 19