Heart-filled thanks and gratitude to Ludwig Shepherd, Ms. Doris Rowley, Ms. Lindsay Shea, Olivia Shea, Julia Shea, Bobye List, Louisa Farr, and B. J. and Bob Adler for their generous and unwavering support of Girlthrive, Inc. I thank all the donors who have kept Girlthrive alive and thriving.
Special thanks to Nicky, Raven, Victoria, Priscilla, Erika and all “my girls” for being such righteous girls who have made those fields of daises for themselves.
I thank my little doggie, Posey, for sitting with me constantly during the writing of this edition. I thank my husband, Mark, for being who he is, so solid, focused, strong, and loving, and the best man I know. I thank my daughter, Aviva, for finding the perfect cover photo and for being such an amazing daughter who is a deep source of love and pride. Being a mom to Aviva is my most precious honor.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Patti Feuereisen, PhD, a feminist psychologist in private practice in Brooklyn, New York, is a pioneer in the treatment of sexual abuse for adolescent girls and young women. She has worked for three decades helping girls find their voices and their healing. She continues to develop training programs for staffs, run workshops, and speak widely on this topic. “Dr. Patti” is the founder of Girlthrive, Inc. She holds a doctorate in psychology and lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her husband and her dog, Posey, and is the proud mother of a fabulous millennial daughter.
A portion of the proceeds from the sale of this book will benefit Girlthrive, Inc. (Girl Teens Healing Rape and Incest Victoriously Emerge), a 501(c)3 nonprofit charity established by Dr. Patti in 2004. Girlthrive, Inc., provides thriverships funding creative endeavors for incest survivors. Girlthrive also donates copies of Invisible Girls around the world to the girls who need it. At www.invisiblegirlsthrive.com you will find more stories, great links, a blog, and more support and resources as well as a link where you can write to Dr. Patti directly.
SELECTED CHORUS OF PRAISE FOR INVISIBLE GIRLS
“Until now we have not heard the voices of teen girls quite like this. In this work, the author offers us a glimpse into the worlds of teenaged girls and young women who are abuse survivors. These young women tell their stories of incest, date rape, acquaintance rape, and mentor abuse. The stories deserve to be heard. The truth hurts, but it also heals.”
—Canadian Women’s Health Network
“Sex trafficking is an epidemic of monumental proportions. Invisible Girls: Speaking the Truth About Sexual Abuse helps our culture and society look straight into the experience of sexual abuse through the souls of the girls who have so beautifully articulated their pain and their healing. We have not heard the depth of pain and recovery quite like this before. This book and Dr. Patti’s work gives us hope.”
—Carol Smolenski, executive director of ECPAT USA
“I love Dr. Patti’s message to the world! Sexual-abuse survivors heal and become victorious! In this battle zone field of sexual abuse with pain, hardship, and discomfort, these beautiful goddesses found their freedom and became victorious by walking in their honesty, truth and vulnerability. When we reveal our wounds, we heal and we help others heal. Owning your scars isn’t shameful at all; in fact wearing them is very liberating and freeing. That’s exactly what Invisible Girls did for one of my best friends, it saved her life. Invisible Girls: Speaking the Truth About Sexual Abuse is a form of art that makes the unseen visible, it is a tale of the refusal to be broken, the determination to become whole and victorious.”
—Madison Jaye, global media personality, spiritual journalist
“These voices of young abuse survivors and Dr. Patti’s compassionate insights make this the important book for anyone who wants to begin to understand the trauma of sexual abuse and how girls and young women survive and thrive after the crime.”
—Scott Berkowitz, president of RAINN
“As a provider to those most vulnerable, I opened Invisible Girls and it spoke to me… like it was written just for me, from my perspective. Not only as a feminist, or an advocate, or a health-care provider, but as a soul that needed to find asylum from the toxicities and trauma witnessed daily on those I care for. Sharing this resource with survivors gives strength and resilience to those arriving with feelings of defeat. When I need help understanding the violent world around me, the human need for forgiveness, and capacity for recovery, I pick this book up again… again… and again.”
—Cynthia Wathen, Center of Hope Forensics
“Invisible Girls is remarkable in featuring first-person accounts by girls who have survived incest, abuse, and rape like you have never heard before. Myths are debunked and survivors and their allies are guided toward a beautiful path of healing.”
—Girls Coalition of Greater Boston
“I highly recommend Invisible Girls if you are a survivor of sexual violence, or know someone who is. As a lawyer for survivors of sexual violence, this book is a fantastic resource.”
—Rachna Goel, Jane Doe Advocacy Center
“I give Invisible Girls: Speaking the Truth About Sexual Abuse credit for healing so many of my clients. I have purchased several copies for my staff and survivors as an invaluable resource. The feedback in my community is extraordinary.”
—Victims Crimes Assistance Program, Connecticut
“Invisible Girls speaks the truth of sexual abuse like no other book has dared. The voices of courageous adolescent girls and young women shed light on the darkest realities of pain so deep and wide that we feel the bottom drop out and find ourselves in the language and imagery of the unconscious. We experience the resilience of those who have lived through the unspeakable. Only by enfolding us in the realities of suffering can we know the rage and the hope necessary for recovery.”
—Lyn Mikel-Brown, author of Girlfighting, Raising Our Voices, Packaging Girlhood, Powered by Girl, coauthor of Meeting at the Crossroads
“I recommend Invisible Girls to everyone! This amazing book opened my eyes to the reality of sexual abuse and how girls actually get through it. I understood what girls in the book went through: silently shouting for help, living in households controlled by the feared abuser, being rejected by mothers who tried to keep their daughters from speaking out, and feeling as if they’d never be rid of the shame. But in it all I learned that girls do heal and thrive.”
—Natasha Santos, Youth Communications
“This book gives girls who have gone through the unspeakable their voices loud and clear, like we have never heard before. We are forced to listen to these extraordinary voices. Invisible Girls shows us the way to recovery.”
—Eva Vives, film writer, director of All About Nina
“Thanks to Feuereisen’s expertise, thoughtful advice, and ability to speak directly to the girls, Invisible Girls has created a space for girls to tell their stories and break through the walls of silence and begin to heal. More girls and young women will find the courage to come forward and no longer feel ‘invisible’ after reading this book.”
—Katie Feifer, Voices and Faces Project
“More than advocating one path or set of choices, Feuereisen applauds not just survival; she validates the difficulties of being a young woman today. From a practical perspective, Invisible Girls offers a lot of useful information for young survivors. Feuereisen believes that telling one’s own story as early as possible will lead to greater healing over a lifetime. She explains the ins and outs of recovering from abuse and puts the tools for healing in her readers’ hands. This is a groundbreaking book.”
—Britney Shoot, Rewire
“Feuereisen addresses myths about female sexuality and abuse, and offers advice on preventing, reporting, and recovering from abuse with personal voices as the strength reminding other victims that they are not alone and that healing is possible. An important book.”
—School Library Journal
“Invisible Girls taught me, whatever your age, you are the right age to be coming out and telling your truth. It’s time to let go of all the self-blame that we’ve carried.
After reading Invisible Girls I let go of a thirty-year secret.”
—Forty-year-old incest survivor
“This amazing book tells us we are not alone, and I can honestly say without Invisible Girls I would still be stuck in a hard place mentally and physically.”
—Twenty-five-year-old incest survivor
“After my daughter read Invisible Girls, she told me about her rape. This book gave her the courage to come forward. She testified in court today holding her copy.”
—Teen rape survivor’s mother
“I have finished your wonderful book Invisible Girls. I never thought I’d hear a story somewhat similar to mine. I am an incest survivor. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have found this book. I already feel that I am healing just by knowing I am not alone.”
—Eighteen-year-old incest survivor
“Invisible Girls offers hope, health, release, letting go, and a freeing lightness despite what we have been through. There is understanding of the deep and difficult emotions and aftereffects of abuse, while also knowing that girls who are sexually abused can be healthy, high-functioning, successful, thriving girls and women from all races, religions, and economic classes.”
—Twenty-three-year-old incest survivor,
“As a foster mother of two girls who suffered incest, I want you to know that this book has literally saved their lives. We sit at the dinner table reading together. Thank you and thank all the brave girls who told.”
—Foster mother of two teen incest survivors
“I read a lot of books, but the book that had the most positive impact on me and changed my life was Invisible Girls.”
—Sixteen-year-old rape survivor
“Invisible Girls literally taught me that my voice matters! Invisible Girls said that getting out your trauma any way you can is healing. I did a photo piece on incest which started a whole conversation and openness. Without this book I would still be alone in my dorm room. Thank you, Invisible Girls.”
—Nineteen-year-old incest survivor
“Simple. Invisible Girls saved my life.”
—Twenty-year-old incest survivor
RESOURCE CENTER
There are a lot of organizations that help teens and their families. In this Resource Center I give you my vetted resources, starting with hotlines in case you ever feel you need help right away, followed with a mix of novels, films, websites, blogs, and podcasts for you to explore. The books, blogs, podcasts, and websites are feminist leaning. Feminists continue to lead the way in making the voices of girls and women heard in all areas of life. Although some of these books are written quite a while ago, they are the classics and I believe the best. I want you to reach out and get the help you need. Often girls are ready to take serious steps to change after reading our book. Invisible girls are becoming visible every day!
Hotlines and Websites
If you feel you need to talk with someone right away, here are some hotline listings that are available 24/7. These organizations can give you guidance and advice, direct you to counseling and resources in your area, and in many cases provide you with concrete services.
National Hopeline Network
(800) SUICIDE (800-784-2433)
www.hopeline.com
National Office of Victim Assistance
(800) TRY-NOVA (800-879-6682)
www.trynova.org
National Runaway Switchboard
(800) 621-4000
www.1800runaway.org
National STD/HIV Hotline
hab.hrsa.gov/ get-care/state-hivaids-hotlines
National Sexual Assault Hotline
(800) 656-4673
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN)
(800) 656-HOPE (800-656-4673)
www.rainn.org
Professional Advocacy Organizations
End the Backlog
www.endthebacklog.org
An organization dedicated to ending the backlog of processing rape kits.
Generation Five
www.generationfive.org
A nonprofit organization that brings together diverse community leaders working to end child sexual abuse within five generations.
ECPAT USA
www.ecpatusa.org
ECPAT USA is an organization driven to end sexual violence against children and women. It is the leading anti-trafficking policy organization in the United States.
Legal Support
You may be ready to take legal action against your abuser. These listings are run by feminists.
Jane Doe Advocacy
janedoeadvocacy.wordpress.com
Wonderful young feminist lawyers founded this nonprofit legal service located in St. Louis, Missouri, to help girls and women who are survivors of sexual abuse.
Legal Momentum
www.legalmomentum.org
Legal Momentum advocates legally for girls and women, and it has a clearing house of resources.
Ultraviolet
www.weareultraviolet.org
An organization fighting against violence against women—they can help you to find legal representation.
Finding a Therapist
Healthgrades
www.healthgrades.com
Healthgrades is a nationwide clearinghouse of therapists. Therapists do not pay to be listed; thus, it is not advertising but patient reviews.
Women’s Health
Planned Parenthood
www.plannedparenthood.org
Planned Parenthood is the largest single provider of reproductive and health services. There are approximately 650 Planned Parenthood clinics in the United States. Teen girls and young women are provided with reproductive health services across the board.
Websites and Magazines
Girlthrive
www.invisiblegirlsthrive.com
This is the website I designed as a companion to Invisible Girls, for teen girls and young women. It includes the sex-abuse experiences of more than fifty girls, my responses, basic information, and excerpts from the book. I respond to girls through the website. Girlthrive is also the name of my nonprofit providing “thriverships” for female incest survivors.
Advocates for Youth
www.advocatesforyouth.org
Partners with organizations that serve youth with online resources for teens, parents, and professionals on adolescent sexual and reproductive health
Scarleteen
www.scarleteen.com
A comprehensive sex-education site for teens covering everything from STDs to sexual abuse. Scarleteen is owned by Scarlet Letters, an adult women’s sexuality journal, and is a companion to the book S.E.X. authored by Heather Corinna.
Sex, Etc.
www.sexetc.org
Launched in 1994, and still going strong with the help of two health educators and a professional journalist, Sex, Etc. is a sexuality and health newsletter written by teens for teens, covering issues from dating to STDs.
Bitch
www.bitchmedia.org
A feminist response to pop culture, Bitch is a print magazine and website that critiques TV, movies, magazines, and ads from a feminist perspective.
Teen Voices
www.womensenews.org/ teen-voices
The only online magazine written by teen girls and young women focusing on all areas of being female, going strong for more than twenty years.
Bust
www.bust.com
A website and print magazine, Bust offers an “uncensored view on the female experience.” Links to the girl wide web, shopping, discussions, chats, and more.
Feminist.com
www.feminist.com
Feminism 101, with loads of resources for girls, including sections on activism and anti-violence resources. This website covers the world.
Feminist Majority Foundation
www.feminist.org
This website gives information on feminist news and events, opportunities for activism, a feminist career center, and great links and products
.
Hardy Girls Healthy Women
www.hardygirlshealthywomen.org
Started by Lyn Mikel Brown and her partners to help young girls begin to find positive ways to grow and learn in “hardiness zones” located in Maine.
Ms.
www.msmagazine.com
Ms. magazine was “the first national magazine to make feminist voices audible, feminist journalism tenable, and a feminist worldview available to the public.” Visit the website for a wealth of resources, stories, and links.
National Organization for Women (NOW)
www.now.org
NOW is the largest organization of feminist activists in the United States.
For Teens
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens
An award-winning website sponsored by Planned Parenthood, providing information on sexual health, self-esteem, body image, drugs and alcohol, communication, and relationship advice. Also available in Spanish through the en Español section of the site.
Youth Connections/Youth Communication
youthcomm.org
YCteen, formerly New Youth Connections (or NYC), is a general-interest teen magazine written by and for New York City youth, covering topics from sex abuse and rape to adoption and family issues.
Rookie
www.rookiemag.com
A fun online magazine for teen girls created by fashion blogger Tavi Geyinson when she was a teen. There are stories and art about every topic in pop culture.
Clover
www.cloverletter.com
This is another fun teen girl website with stories about many topics, such as growing up gay, going on your first date, and how to say no.
Books
Strong Books on Teen Girl Image
Here are a few books on girls’ health and sexuality as well as teen girls talking about a variety of issues.
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