trauma associated with prosecuting a rape, 210–212
USA Gymnastics suppressing evidence of abuse, 149–151
LGBTQ individuals
date rape, 41–42
fear of intimacy after years of abuse, 84–85
sibling incest, 134–135
Limp Bizkit, 293
Lolita (Nabokov) and the Lolita complex, 48, 96, 153–154, 202
Lucky (Sebold), 208, 290
Lyne, Adrian, 48
male domination, adolescent girls and, 47
mandated reporters, 39–40, 263–264, 271–273, 286–287
marital rape, 205
marriage
survivors’ lives after abuse, 9, 297
survivors marrying abusers, 9–10
See also children; family; father-daughter incest; mothers
masturbation
cousin incest, 143
sibling incest, 134–136
touching sexual abuse, 20
uncles molesting their nieces, 284–285
McPherson, Donald G., 202
#MeToo, 6, 8, 12, 56, 203, 291, 293
memoirs, 197–198
memories
alcoholic blackouts, 206–207
blacking out as coping strategy, 185–186
date rape drugs, 207
false memory syndrome, 28–30
father-daughter incest obscuring memories of childhood, 100
memory loss as survivor trait, 37–38
persistence of, 191
PTSD in survivors, 36–37
revelation through hypnosis and EMDR, 30–31
suppressing, 65
writing about rape, 197–198
mentors and coaches, 148(quote)
abuse of children, 139
as “affair,” 166–169
emotions surrounding, 164–165
encouragement versus abuse, 152–153
exploitation of power, 158–159
incest and, 154
media exposure of, 148–149
the myth of girls’ attraction to older men, 169–170
prostitution and, 246
survivors’ ambivalence over, 165–166
USA Gymnastics, 149–151
Michigan State University, 149, 151
misogyny, pervasiveness of, 202–203
misoprostol, 41
The Morning After (Roiphe), 203
mothers
clergy abuse survivors, 162–163
complicity in father-daughter incest, 114, 333–334
cousin-incest survivors, 141–144
daughters’ fear of disclosing to, 333–336
fathers blaming incest on, 104
forgiving their daughters’ abusers, 270
guilt over father-daughter incest, 345
as incest survivors, 313
lack of support for incest survivors, 138–144, 146, 162–163, 315
mental illness, abandonment and, 252–253
mentor abuse and, 167
protecting girls from abusive fathers, 280–283
protecting stepfathers from rape accusations, 316–317
rescuing a daughter from sex trafficking, 312–313
supporting daughters abused by their fathers, 335–338
multiple personality disorder (MPD), 34–35
music
challenging rape culture through, 292–294
describing a rape experience, 197
prostitutes leaving the life, 257
sexualization of adolescent girls, 47–48
surviving father-daughter rape, 112
survivors’ education and careers, 98
survivors’ fantasies, 87–88
Nabokov, Vladimir, 96
Nafisi, Azar, 97
narcissism, father-daughter incest and, 99, 105
Nassar, Larry, 149–152, 267
National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 14, 19, 60
nausea and vomiting
eating disorders, 228–230
from oral sex, 23–25, 174, 190
neighbors, 137, 139. See also acquaintance abuse and acquaintance rape
networking: workshops and survivors’ groups, 11–13
nightmares
clergy assault, 159–160
date rape, 10–11
father-daughter incest, 98, 119, 122
memories of acquaintance abuse, 182
overcoming shame, 66
survivor traits, 37–38
survivors’ group disclosures, 12
non-touching sexual abuse
defining, 19–20, 26
verbal, physical, and emotional abuse by siblings, 214–215, 220–221
verbal abuse by coaches, 153
Norway: prostitute-protection laws, 243
nudity
creating a climate of abuse, 26, 106–107
parents setting boundaries to protect their children, 54
sexting, 47
numbness
about sex work, 241
alcohol and drug use to numb pain of rape memories, 200–201
cutting, 118
during date rape, 217–218
drugs and alcohol as escape from abuse, 119–120
father-daughter incest and, 107
girls’ confusion over emerging sex appeal, 175–176
incest survivors, 142
overcoming guilt and shame, 64–66
during sex after abuse, 68–69
Obama, Barack, 196, 222
Ophelia Speaks (Shandler), 8
oral sex
acquaintance rape, 181
cousin incest, 143
date rape, 23–24, 217–218
during father-daughter incest, 102
molestation by male relatives, 86–87
myths about adolescent girls’ sexuality, 174
repeated assault by brothers of friends, 190–191
survivors’ confusion over enjoyment of, 22–23
survivors’ guilt over acquaintance abuse, 187–188
touching sexual abuse, 20
uncles molesting their nieces, 284–285
orders of protection, 264–266, 343
Pandora’s Project, 8
panic attacks: PTSD in survivors, 36–37
parents
abusive mentors filling the role of, 169–170
adolescent girls’ move towards independence from, 47
challenging the rape culture, 294
extended family’s response to disclosure of incest, 287–288
failing to protect their children from incest, 52–53
failing to support survivors, 149–150, 193–194, 224–225
failure to see signs of abuse, 183–184, 186–187
ignoring sibling abuse, 137–138
sibling incest, 130–131, 138–139
stuffed animals as substitute for loving parents, 319–320
support for reporting and pressing charges, 264
supporting and defending incest survivors, 275–276, 284–289
unawareness of children’s abuse, 189–190
See also father-daughter incest; mothers
pedophilia
clergy, 155–157
criminalization of prostitutes, 242–243
curability of, 32–34
defining, 20–22
father-daughter rape of young girls, 118–119
fears of passing abuse onto children, 27–28
genetic predisposition, 28
girls’ awareness of, 145
peer education programs, 196–197
pelvic exams, 157–158
penetration
touching sexual abuse, 20
virginity after molestation, 42–43
physical abuse
during acquaintance rape/gang rape, 226
dissociation resulting from, 35–36
by mentally ill parents, 253–254
by mothers, 326
by pimps and johns towards prostitutes, 244–245
by siblin
gs, 130, 214–215
pig roast (frat house violence), 248
pimp culture, 238–239, 244, 248
Plass, Richard, 148
playing doctor, 42
police
choosing to report abuse to, 263
inadequate enforcement of rape laws, 233
inappropriate responses to reporting, 315
mandated reporting, 39–40, 263–264, 287
preserving evidence of rape, 40–41
procedure for pressing charges of rape, 211–212
prostitutes leaving the life, 256–257
reporting incest to, 287
soliciting prostitutes, 256
survivors’ guilt over reporting abuse, 31–32
pornography
father-daughter incest and, 108–109
non-touching sexual abuse, 20
pornographization of young women, 233
posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), 36–37, 75–76
power and control
characteristics of pedophiles, 21
coach abuse as exploitation of, 158–159
defining incest, 94
dissociation as healing process, 74–75
fantasy worlds giving survivors power, 87–89
father-daughter incest as patriarchal control, 97, 100–101, 108–110
reclaiming triggered emotions, 62–63
sexual abuse as misuse of, 153–154
sexual promiscuity after abuse, 68
suppressing disclosure as form of, 80
precognition, 29
pregnancy, 41, 304–306
prevention programs, 196–197
priests, abuse by. See clergy abuse
prisoners of war, 75–76
privacy
non-touching sexual abuse, 20
parents’ manipulation of adolescent girls, 106–107
setting boundaries during disclosure, 57–59
promiscuity after abuse, 37–38, 68, 327
prostitution
as “empowerment” of women and girls, 239–241
feminist attitudes towards, 237–238
frat house culture and, 247–248
incest and, 242–243, 245–247, 249, 256
myths and truths, 243–245
rescuing boys and girls from, 248–251, 312–313
as sexual abuse, 241–242, 245
survivors’ lives after abuse, 299
survivors’ stories, 251–258
Prostitution, Trafficking, and Traumatic Stress (Farley), 241
Prout, Chessy, 198
punk culture, 104
rabbis, abuse by. See clergy abuse
Raine, Nancy Venable, 197
RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) hotline, 38, 197, 206, 292–293
Ramsey, Martha, 197
rape, defining, 204–205
rape crisis centers, 195–196
rape culture, 201–203, 247–248
rape kit, 41, 209–212, 233
Reading Lolita (Nafisi), 97
Red Hot Chili Peppers, 293
relatives. See family; father-daughter incest; mothers; siblings
religious beliefs and practices
affecting views of sex and abuse, 86
father-daughter incest, 113–114
forgiving the abuser, 269
See also clergy abuse
reporting
deciding whether to report, 262–266
gang rape, 231–232
legal ramifications, 206
mandated reporters, 39–40, 263–264, 271–273, 286–287
rape kit, 209–212
statistics on underreporting of rapes, 206
resilience in survivors, 13–15, 17, 312–313
Righteous Babe Records, 292
Roiphe, Katie, 203
roofies, 207, 247–248
Roth, Tim, 293
RU-486 (Mifepristone), 41
Russell, Diana, 7
safe environments, 17
breaking down after leaving the situation, 84
families’ failure to protect their children, 50–51
finding outlets for feelings, 60–61
mothers’ complicity in father-daughter incest, 110
overcoming fear, 63–64
safety from father-daughter incest, 101–102
setting boundaries during disclosure, 57–59
survivors’ unwillingness to disclose to parents, 23
Safe Harbor for Exploited Youth Act, 241–242
SAGE Project (Standing Against Global Exploitation), 249
Sanday, Peggy Reeves, 247–248
saying no, 203–204, 206, 325, 329
seasonal triggers, 61–62
Sebold, Alice, 208, 290
seduction theory, Freud’s, 6–7, 27
self-defense, 81, 196–197, 235–236
serial abusers, 149–151
sex trafficking and sex work, 237–239. See also prostitution
sexism, 47
sexting, 46–47
sexual abuse, defining and characterizing, 19–20
sexual appetite, 172–174
sexual harassment, defining, 25–26
sexuality, commodification of, 6, 46–47
shame, 4–5
acquaintance rape and, 327
clergy assault, 162
as common feeling of survivors, 163–164
dissociation as survival tactic, 75–76
girls relating to other girls’ stories, 339
overcoming, 66–67
sibling incest, 130
stranger rape and date rape, 208
survivors reading other survivors’ stories, 310–311
survivors’ shame over incest, 286–287
Shandler, Sara, 8
Sibling Abuse (Wiehe), 129–130
siblings
abuse by brothers of friends, 188–192
brother-sister incest, 128–131, 137–141, 302–304, 308
counseling for sisters of abused girls, 337
defining sibling sexual abuse, 129–130
father-daughter rape and, 120
mentally ill parents, 252–253
protecting younger siblings from abuse, 38–39, 263–264, 285–288
survivors’ lives after abuse, 297–298
verbal, physical, and emotional abuse by, 214–215, 220–221
Sipe, A. W., 156
sleep issues: PTSD in survivors, 36–37
Sleeping with a Stranger (Wiklund), 21–22
Smolenski, Carol, 238
social justice lawyer, survivor as, 297
social media
power and trust in adolescent girls, 46–47
publication of girls’ stories, 8
pushback against abuse of girls and women, 56
setting boundaries during disclosure, 57–59
sexualization of girls, 49
sodomy: touching sexual abuse, 20
Solange, 292–293
Spears, Britney, 48, 233
Spitzer, Elliot, 242–243
statistics and demographics
date rape and acquaintance rape, 25, 199, 203
history of sexual abuse, 27
sex-trafficked women and girls, 237–238, 241–242
on survivors and reporting, 14
underreporting, 18–19
statute of limitations, 39–40, 264
STDs (sexually transmitted diseases)
doctor exams, 157
father-daughter incest and, 98, 109
rape kit, 41
through oral sex, 25
Steinem, Gloria, 237
Stephens, Kyle, 150
stranger rape
comparing to date rape, 207–209
defining, 204–205
disclosing and challenging, 197–198
mothers’ reaction to, 290
pointers for avoiding, 235
stuffed animals, 319–320
suicide and suicidal thoughts
of abusive
fathers, 336–337
father-daughter incest survivors, 343
fighting back against abuse, 87
prostitutes’ feelings of inadequacy, 247
rape by a friend’s father, 277–279
as result of long-term abuse, 79
sibling abuse, 131–132, 136–137
Sulkowicz, Emma, 196–197
superheroes, 85–90, 297
support, resources for, 16–17
survival strategies. See coping mechanisms and survival strategies
survivor traits, 37–38
survivors’ groups, 121, 187
beginning self-forgiveness, 183
challenging cultural entrenchment of sexual abuse, 292
global availability of, 316–317
prostitution and incest survivors, 250–251
sibling incest, 137–138
survivors as role models for, 193
therapeutic techniques, 11–13
Sweden: prostitute-protection laws, 243
Take Back the Night demonstrations, 248–249
teachers, abuse by, 148–149, 158, 168–169
teachers, survivors as, 297
therapy
accompanying a survivor to, 38
alternative methods for healing, 272
“curing” the abuser, 32–34
for family members after disclosure, 32
father-daughter incest survivors, 343–344
finding a therapist, 273–274
hypnosis and EMDR, 30–31
importance in the healing process, 270–272
for mothers of daughters abused by fathers, 336
prostitutes leaving the life, 257
for PTSD, 36–37
sex trafficking and, 240, 257
sibling incest, 137–138
trauma after date rape, 220–221
Tolbert, Mary A., 155–156
touching sexual abuse, defining, 19–20
Trauma and Recovery (Herman), 75–76
triggers for emotions and memories
father-daughter incest, 108–109, 112, 122
fear causing immobility in subsequent assaults, 314–315
incest survivors, 285–286
seasonal, 61–63
summer experiences as, 185
survivor traits, 37–38
survivors of long-term abuse, 78
touch as a trigger, 192
trust
after father-daughter rape, 111–112
families failing to protect their children, 50–51
feelings of falling through the floor, 94–95
finding a therapist, 271, 273
finding your support posse, 291–292, 294–295
in incest survivors, 35–36
mentor abuse as violation of, 154, 169
mistrust as common feeling of survivors, 163–164
mothers’ complicity in father-daughter rape, 113, 120–121
in pre-adolescent and adolescent girls, 45–46
survivor traits, 37–38
survivors’ fear of hypnosis, 30–31
“Try” (music and video), 292
Unbreakable (blog project), 8
uncles, assault by, 20–21, 85–90, 94, 137, 284–285
Invisible Girls Page 35