Or maybe work was the same, but I was observing it through a different lens. The surprise call from the night before kept me awake for hours as I stared at the ceiling and tried to imagine a reality that didn’t include the four walls of the gym that was my second home.
The filter I’d applied started cataloging things that I’d change, if I could.
I didn’t like the way that the weight and cardio machines had been set up, but Amy felt it was important to keep a separation from the bags. There was too much dead space around the center ring, and the front desk should be oriented differently. We’d repeatedly had requests for full showers, but the investment was never worth the payoff at the time.
More than once that day, I found myself staring at that side of the gym, mentally rearranging things.
We needed more employees, woefully apparently on days like the ones I was in the middle of, as I wrapped my hands for my third one-hour class of the day. My throat was paying the price as much as my body was because even though we had mics, it was still a solid hour of yelling over the music. And my body, well … suffice it to say, I was trying to go easy so that I could move the next day.
As I was chatting with clients, I stretched my arm over my chest and caught movement in Aiden’s office.
He’d made himself scarce all day, and for that, I was thankful.
If I’d started off with water coming out of my nose, falling on my face, tripping over ropes or something, I might have thought on Carl’s offer for too long.
His tall frame filled the doorway, and when his gaze locked onto mine, I felt my cheeks grow warm.
My reaction begged the question, one I didn’t want to think about. Could I leave simply because of my reaction to him?
I’d never run from a challenge in my entire life. Not any that mattered.
And if I took this other job, that was what I’d be doing. Even when I didn’t see him, I imagined his eyes on me.
I dropped my arms and my gaze because he was still far enough away from me that I should’ve been immune to his presence.
Should didn’t mean shit, though, not when he had me hooked up to some invisible power grid. Even with the few interactions we’d had so far, that man had all sorts of hidden parts of me lighting up.
Hooking the battery pack onto my leggings, I flipped on the microphone.
“Two minutes until we get rolling, everyone. Make sure you’re all stretched out, grab a drink, whatever you need to do. I don’t give water breaks in my class, so it’s up to you to stay hydrated, okay?”
I walked to the wall where the stereo system was mounted on large brackets and tapped the iPad in the holder on the wall, pulling up the playlist I wanted to use.
Along the edge of the gym, Aiden walked slowly, chatting with one of our longtime members. But I felt his eyes on me as I walked the class through the warmup. My blood hummed warm and fast underneath my skin, and I found myself more energized than I had been in my previous classes of the day.
As I walked around the bags, shouting combinations and directions to the thirty people present, it was the first time I felt a different type of energy coursing through my body while Aiden was around. It was something powerful, something that prowled and purred.
What I allowed myself next was stupid. So stupid. But as I taught, I let my mind race. A different scenario played out in my head to the heavy, pulsing beat of the music. While everyone kept working, while people filled the building, he motioned for me to come into his office. Without a word, he shut the door behind us, approaching me silently, sliding his hand against my hip to turn off the mic, and then I was against the door, his hands hard, his mouth demanding, and to the thumping bass, he took me that way. Hand over my mouth so no one heard.
But it wasn’t real.
By the time I finished class, walking everyone through a cool down and stretch, I was sweaty and disheveled, hair sticking to the back of my neck as my braid had started unraveling with my effort and my imagination. Clients thanked me for the class, and after wiping down their bags and picking up their stuff, the gym slowly emptied, save for a few people on the machines.
By then, my heart rate had slowed, and my mind had calmed.
One class member, a fresh-faced young woman, approached me with a tentative smile.
“Casey, right?” I asked.
She nodded. “I really like your classes. You always push me harder than the other instructors. I think it’s because you’re scarier.”
I laughed. “Thanks, I think.”
“Do you ever do self-defense training?”
I nodded. “Yeah, the setup of these classes is for cardio, but if you wanted something specific, I can get you hooked up with me or one of the other trainers.”
“I-I think I’d prefer a female trainer,” she said quietly.
“Absolutely.” I gentled my tone. “Feels good to know a few moves, doesn’t it?”
Casey’s eyes were wide in her face, and when she nodded slowly, I wanted to rip apart anyone or anything that made her feel like she needed to know how to defend herself.
“How much are the training sessions?” She winced. “College student budget, you know? I grabbed your punch card promo last month, but I don’t know if I can afford anything else.”
I looked over my shoulder and didn’t see Aiden. “Tell you what, do you have a few minutes now? I’d be happy to go over some basics.”
“Really?” she breathed.
“Yeah. Let me get rid of this mic and grab some water.”
As I hooked the battery pack up to the charger, I let out a slow breath. It wasn’t the first time we’d had a young woman ask for self-defense classes, but nevertheless, something about her big brown eyes and tentative nature had my wheels spinning.
Maybe a once-a-month class taught by me or Kelly with a few other trainers helping out with demonstrations. I’d have to ask Aiden if he’d be okay with something like that. Ideas of how we could connect with the University of Washington and other local colleges had ideas tumbling faster and faster in my head.
I walked back to where she was waiting, her arms folded over her stomach. “Ready?” I asked.
She nodded.
“Okay, drop your arms by your side and take a deep breath for me.” I nodded when she complied. “I’ll show you a couple right now, and they’re nothing that requires you to be stronger than an attacker, okay? The most basic self-defense moves won’t require you to stay and fight. The goal is to get away safely.”
Her chest rose and fell rapidly, but she was listening.
I pointed at the bags. “So everything we just did in class, that’s great for exercise. It’s great to know the basics of how to throw an effective punch and use your lower body to your advantage, but you’re not going to hit them with a jab, cross, and a roundhouse, right?”
Casey breathed out a laugh. “I hope not. I’ve always had really weak upper body strength anyway.”
“That’s okay,” I assured her. “If you feel comfortable with it, I’d like you to act as the aggressor right now, and I’ll show you a couple of things.”
“What should I do?”
From the corner of my eye, but out of Casey’s sightline, I saw Aiden lean his large frame up against one of the steel beams that held up all the bags. His face was curious, but he made no move to interrupt.
I swallowed, shifting her so that we were facing each other. “Let’s start as if someone walks up to you and tries to pull your arm toward them, so why don’t you grab my wrist.”
Her hands were still wrapped from class, and tentatively, she curled her fingers around my wrist.
“Good.” I held her eyes. “Now feel how I’m going to put my hand over yours. It’s not about yanking my arm out of your grip. It’s about taking back the control.”
I wrapped my hand over the top of hers and pushed down slightly, her body moved toward me, and I swung the arm she was holding down and around, so I could use that hand to grab her forearm. Once I’d do
ne that, her upper body was forced to turn away from me, and I pushed down gently. Almost immediately, she was down on one knee.
“Whoa.” She laughed.
“Now try to stand up,” I told her, hand still holding her arm in position.
She couldn’t.
“See? I’m not trying to overpower anyone. I just want to put myself in a position where I can disengage and escape. So now that you’re down like that, I’m going to let go and run.”
Casey stood, her eyes lit with excitement. “Can you show me again?”
A bit more slowly, I went through it two more times until she felt like she could try it on me.
We reversed spots, and after one correction of how she was gripping my hand, she had me down on one knee, body turned away from her.
“Excellent,” I told her. “Let’s do that one more time, and we’ll move on to another move.”
Casey did great, pushing me down and away from her with more ease, and her smile was broad when I stood back up.
“Okay, how do you feel about grabbing me by my braid? I can show you a really easy way to escape if someone grabs your hair.”
Immediately, her face went pale. “I … I don’t know.”
I held my hands up. “We won’t do anything that will make you feel uncomfortable, I promise.”
She crossed her arms over her stomach again. “I could grab yours fine, I think, I just … I can’t have that …” Her voice trailed off and she gestured vaguely to her own ponytail. Casey squeezed her eyes shut. “I wasn’t like … attacked or anything. It was just a drunk guy at a party, and he got a little handsy.”
My heart broke as she fumbled for words, and all that fiery rage I’d felt earlier came roaring back. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
Behind her, I saw Aiden drop his chin to his chest, which expanded on a deep inhale.
I took my own steadying breath. “Would you mind if I brought in someone who can show you how this works?”
Casey blinked, looking uncertain.
“He’ll only grab my hair,” I promised. “He won’t touch you at all, okay? Or we could do another move too.”
“No,” she said. “I can watch. Thank you, Isabel.”
I laid a hand on her arm and squeezed. My gaze found Aiden’s, and I lifted my chin. “Could you help me a second, please?”
He pushed from the beam and walked over, and I had to curl up my fingers into a fist when I felt the slightest tremor of nerves.
Casey gave him a quick, tight smile, and he answered with a small nod.
“Casey, this is Aiden. He’s our owner.”
She waved. “Hi. Sorry for being a chicken about this.”
He dipped his head down because she was so much shorter than him. “Don’t ever apologize, okay? It’s hard to let someone put their hands on you, even if it’s just to practice.”
I had to fight the urge not to think something unfair like, oh, screw him for saying something perfect. I didn’t want Aiden to say and do perfect things. I wanted him to screw up. Do something that made me mad. Do something that made me want to call Carl back and tell him I’d take his job offer.
And that was the thing. I didn’t want to take Carl’s job offer. I’d only do it if I had a really, really good reason. As Aiden faced me, green eyes locked onto my face, I had to make peace with the fact that him knocking my emotions off-kilter was not a good reason.
Imagining us together wasn’t a good reason.
Wondering if he had any room in his life, his heart, for someone new wasn’t enough either.
Acknowledging it was enough to calm something frantic inside me. Trusting that I knew it was right to stay, even if it took me time to move past this, had me breathing easier.
“Aiden is going to grab my hair, okay?” I said to Casey even though my gaze didn’t move from his. “And I want you to watch how I move my arm.”
He made no quick moves, nothing designed to surprise. As his arm lifted, shifting the muscles underneath the cotton of his shirt, it was just a little bit harder to breathe. Ribs squeezed in when the thick column of his throat moved on a heavy swallow. Because I’d just imagined us so clearly, there was a blurring in my head of what was real and what wasn’t.
Just before he touched me, he hesitated. Our gazes held like that, and I wondered what he saw in my face.
When his hand curled around my braid, his fingers brushed against the nape of my neck. It was so light, barely even there, but I shivered all the same.
And he noticed. His eyes narrowed just slightly.
To the side, Casey moved, and I blinked.
I moved my attention to her. “Don’t ever try to yank away or try to pull their hand off your hair.”
She’d wrapped her lips over her teeth, but she nodded. Two bright pink spots dotted her cheeks.
“Watch where I pull down, just by his elbow.”
I took a deep breath and swung the arm that was between us, hooking it around the top of his arm and yanking it forward in a big C shape. Aiden stumbled forward, and I caught sight of Casey’s huge smile.
Aiden quirked an eyebrow at me when he straightened to his full height, and at his expression, I exhaled a laugh.
“Again?” he asked. His tone was warm, and my toes curled in my shoes.
I nodded.
He grabbed my hair again, his grip a bit more firm. I motioned for him to wait. “Watch what I do at the end now. This is only if you feel like you need it.”
“Do I get a warning of what you’re going to do to me?” he asked.
“Nope.”
Casey laughed.
His hand tightened, my skin humming as it did, and I swung my arm around again—harder this time—and when he stumbled forward, I kicked my foot into the back of his already bent knee, and he immediately fell forward.
Casey clapped. “That was awesome.”
With a grin, I gave her a high five. “And I’m not bigger or stronger than him, right?”
She shook her head.
Aiden straightened again, pinning me with a look that almost, almost could’ve looked amused. Something light and bubbling hit my bloodstream, and I desperately wanted to grip his face in my hands and kiss him when he looked like that.
With all the control I was capable of, I pulled my focus away from him.
“It’s not about fighting them off, Casey. Disengage and escape. That’s all you ever need to worry about.”
“Thanks,” I told him.
“I think we’re even now,” he murmured, pointing at the steel beam where Anya had been perched.
I nodded jerkily.
He gave a quick nod to Casey. “Call tomorrow if you want to set up a free training session with either Isabel or Kelly, okay? It’s on me.”
“Thank you,” she said fervently. “You guys are awesome.”
He disappeared off the gym floor and back into his office, and slowly, my heart returned to a normal speed.
Casey set her hand on my arm. “Thank you. Seriously.”
“That’s my job,” I told her.
And it was.
She waved goodbye, and I sat on the edge of the center ring, leaning up against the ropes when I felt him approach.
Neither of us said anything, and I had to close my eyes to fight the urge to escape. The urge to stay. It was a constant battle when it came to him.
“Ward,” he said.
Slowly, I opened my eyes. I wanted to hear him whisper that in my ear.
He was staring at the parking lot, where Casey was pulling her car out of her spot. “Whatever you need to get some classes like that on the schedule, you make it happen.”
My throat was tight as I nodded.
“If you want,” he added quietly.
“I do.”
“Good.” He exhaled, eyes coming to rest on me for just a moment. But I felt like he’d just wrapped his hands around my hair again, like his fingers tightened in the strands and tugged my head back.
; For a moment, we were quiet.
“You taught a lot today,” he said.
I glanced up at him. “I don’t normally do that much.”
“How many more do you need?”
He’d seemingly plucked my earlier thought from my head, and after a deep breath, I said, “Two more would make things more comfortable.”
Aiden nodded. “What else?”
“What?”
“What else do you need?” he asked.
I blew out a breath. What a question.
Heavy eye contact. Loaded subtext. Sex vibes, wasn’t that what Emily had called it?
There was no way he was feeling what I was feeling, and even if he was, it had to be switched all the way to max in my stupid, never-been-unlocked virgin head. This was a man who’d had an entire marriage with someone good. And I was the silly girl spinning scenes in her mind.
“Nothing right now,” I answered.
If Aiden felt the need to push me on it, he didn’t. But he did watch me for another moment before nodding.
He walked away, and I had to close my eyes again, allowing the charged feeling to settle and then pass.
Eventually, it had to pass, I told myself. I’d go home that night and think about what had just happened, keep the scenario locked away safely where no one could see it. But before I did, I’d play it back over in my head and imagine it unfolding in another way. One where we were alone, and he was holding me in place to do something very, very different.
In that safe space in my head, I’d pretend he had fingers fisted in my hair and his breath hot on my neck while he came up behind me. My heart raced, sitting there in the middle of the gym, and I had a visceral image of Aiden holding my hip with the other hand. My fingers curled into fists, a helpless gesture I couldn’t control as I let it play out for just a few selfish seconds.
What had I thought only a handful of days earlier? Skin-to-skin contact might cause me to spontaneously orgasm. Well, apparently, I had pent-up sexual fantasies that had been lying dormant with Aiden Hennessy as the proverbial fucking key, ready to unlock them.
That small brush of his fingers along the nape of my neck was the most action I’d gotten in a couple of years, and I should not want to pretend what those fingers would feel like anywhere else on my body. I really, really shouldn’t.
Forbidden: A Ward Sisters Sisters Novel Page 8