It wasn’t about having fun for me. It was about drinking until I threw up and then drinking some more. Drinking away all the things swirling around in my head. Drinking away the pain that tried to consume me every second of every day. Drinking away the urge to find a damn razor blade.
As soon as Kin had unlocked her door I’d picked up the first bottle of alcohol I had found and started drinking it. Now the tequila was half gone, but the pain still remained. All the booze had done was make me giggly.
Fucking giggly.
The party had been going on for a few hours now, but I hadn’t joined in on it. I’d gone to the guest room where I would be sleeping that night and locked the door. Then I’d opened the door to the balcony and parked my ass in one of the lounge chairs. I’d been tossing back a shot as the sun had set over the Pacific, unable to enjoy the beauty because I’d heard Harris’s voice down in the parking lot as he and Jace had gotten out of the taxi that had brought them. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but I could pick out the deep timbre of Harris’s voice in a crowd of ten thousand.
Muttering a curse to myself, I lined up the shot glasses again and poured the tequila into each one. I spilled more than I actually got into the glasses, but I didn’t care. It was probably better that I was wasting some. Maybe I could avoid alcohol poisoning.
Setting the pretty skull bottle down on the little table beside my lounger, I reached for the shots and gulped them all down. There were several street lights shining down in the parking lot so I could see some of the party guests were down there. A few people were sitting on the beach, watching the waves hit the sand. A few of them were out there making out.
“Lucy?”
I didn’t bother to acknowledge the voice that called out to me from the other side of the guest bedroom door. I didn’t want company. Especially his company.
“Come on, Lu. Open up.”
Ignoring the shot glasses, I picked up the bottle of tequila and took several gulps, only stopping when the urge to cry faded.
I wondered if my dad knew I would be getting wasted. Probably. He’d been young at one point. Surely he wouldn’t begrudge me this time to be stupid. Hell, he was a rock legend. I was sure he’d done more than just get drunk a few times over the years.
My phone started buzzing on the little table where I’d tossed it earlier. I’d turned off the ringer, but it still vibrated with each text or call that I’d been ignoring all evening. Taking another swallow of tequila, I reached for it, deciding to turn the damn thing off.
Open the fucking door.
I blinked down at the message that was still lighting up my phone screen, thinking I’d read that wrong. Nope. It was still the same words with the same name right above it. Harris. I hadn’t seen his name on my phone in months. He hadn’t called or texted to see if I was okay. Hadn’t tried to find out how school was. Hadn’t done shit.
Fuck that.
Fuck him.
I frowned down at the phone for another moment, then shrugged and threw it over the balcony. I heard someone squeal and couldn’t help giggling. The phone must have landed near them.
“Lucy!” the squealer yelled. “What the hell are you doing?”
Shit. Kin. “I’m getting drunk,” I called back.
“Already there, babe. I’ve got your phone. Lucky for you Jace caught it.”
I shrugged, too drunk to comprehend that no one could see me. “Throw it in the ocean, Jace.”
“No,” Kin snapped back. “I’m holding on to it. You’ll want it in the morning.” There was a brief pause below, then Kin called back up to me. “Go to bed, Lucy. You need to sleep it off.”
“I’m good here,” I assured her and lifted the crystal skull to take another swallow.
The heat that followed this time didn’t set nearly as comforting. I got to my feet slowly and headed for the door. The guest room didn’t have a connecting bathroom so I had to use the one in Kin’s room. Stumbling through the bedroom, I fumbled with the locked door, holding back the bile that was trying to crawl up my throat.
With a triumphant cry I opened the door.
Opening my mouth had been a mistake. My stomach roiled and I couldn’t hold back the vomit any longer. Bending in half, I let nature work its magic and threw up right there.
Tequila hurt much worse coming back up than going down, especially if all you’ve eaten that day was an apple and a few breadsticks.
“Fuck,” I heard an all-too-familiar voice groan seconds before a warm, dark hand was pulling my hair away from my face. “How much did you drink?”
I was too busy throwing up to answer Harris. Another round gushed up and my eyes cracked open enough that I could see I’d blown chunks all over Harris’s shoes. If I hadn’t felt like death right then, I probably would have laughed.
You break my heart, I ruin your shoes. That makes us even, right?
“Lu…”
The pain I heard in his voice told me that I hadn’t just said that in my head, but out loud—and he’d heard me.
Fuck.
A few minutes passed where he just stood there holding my hair back while I was bent over, praying Death would be kind and just end me. When it appeared I was done—for the moment at least—Harris lifted me into his arms and carried me into Kin’s bedroom. Kicking the door closed behind him, he stopped long enough to lock it and then carried me into the bathroom.
He sat me on the closed toilet seat and opened the linen closet. Seconds later he put a washcloth under the sink’s tap and got it wet with cool water before using it to wipe my face.
It was too much. Between the stress of the day, the pain that had been building inside of me for so many months now, and the alcohol, I couldn’t hold back the tears a second longer. They poured over my lashes before I even realized I was crying, a sob choking me as I tried to pull away from his gentle touch.
“It’s okay, Lucy. I’ll take care of you, sweetness.” He spoke to me like he was talking to a scared animal, and maybe I was right then.
There was no denying I was scared. I was scared to let him get too close. Scared that one word from him would send me over the edge into the dark abyss I’d been fighting so hard to stay out of. Scared that I would always love him and I’d be alone for the rest of my life.
I was scared of all of those things, but what really terrified me was that he would never love me again.
Harris
Each tear that fell from Lucy’s dark eyes was like a stab directly to my heart.
From the moment I walked into Kin and Angie’s apartment I’d been trying to find a way into the guest room to talk to Lucy. At first I’d waited, hoping that she would want to come out and be around the people who had shown up to party with her. She hadn’t and I’d started tossing back one beer after another. On beer number six I’d started knocking on the bedroom door. She hadn’t answered it and she sure as hell hadn’t come to the door when I’d called out to her, so I’d sent a text.
The text was the beer talking. I hadn’t let myself text or call Lucy in months, but then I’d been sober. Tonight, I was bordering on drunk and I had zero willpower to stay away. Especially after seeing her eyes during her graduation ceremony. Even more so after the way she had reacted to being close to me in the picture Kin had set up afterward.
She had let Caleb Jacobson touch her, let him play around and even flirt with her. Yet the second I’d touched her she’d gone as stiff as a board. It was clear she was affected from being so close and hadn’t liked her reaction to me. It hadn’t all been anger, though. I’d seen the hurt and confusion in her brown eyes. I’d heard the pain in her voice as she’d viciously whispered ‘bite me’ and ‘fuck off’ when I’d stupidly said something about her and Caleb.
I’d planned on talking to her tonight. On trying to work this—whatever this was—out with her. It was obvious to me she hadn’t been able to move on any more than I had, and I was done fighting myself. I wanted her b
ack.
I fucking needed her back.
Now, with her face cleaned up, I had to get the rest of her clean too. She had vomit on her shirt and it smelled like a mixture of tequila and garlic butter mixed with gastric juices. She couldn’t sleep in that.
“Okay, sweetness. Let’s get these dirty things off you,” I murmured, trying to pretend I was taking care of Trinity and not the chick who got me hard by simply being in the same room with me.
Mentally warning my dick to be good, I started pulling her shirt over her head. Still silently crying, Lucy let me take her shirt off. Like any breathing man alive, my gaze went straight to her bra-covered tits. Ah, fuck. She was wearing a crazy sexy Victoria’s Secret pushup bra that made her perfect tits look like they wanted to burst free from their confines.
Math. Long division. What was the square root of pie? I couldn’t remember and my brain didn’t care because it was too busy memorizing every inch of alabaster skin exposed to me right then. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Without realizing what I was doing, my hand lifted and my index finger skimmed over the top of her left breast. She sucked in a shuddery breath and the tears seemed to dry up as she looked at me with glassy eyes. Fucking hell. I had no business touching her. She was drunk. Even thinking about the things my dick was aching to do with her right then was like taking advantage.
Clenching my hands into fists to keep from touching her again I sucked in a few deep breaths before unbuttoning my shirt. Shrugging out of it I quickly put it on Lucy and started to button it up, hiding her beautiful body from my hungry eyes. Once I had it buttoned to her neck I was able to breathe a little easier again.
“Okay, sweetness, let’s get those jeans off and then I’ll put you to bed. Okay?” I helped her stand because she was wobbly from being so drunk. With one hand holding her waist I reached for her zipper with my other.
If taking her shirt off had been a test of my willpower, it was nothing to taking off her jeans. Her panties matched her bra, but they were sheer and I could see everything.
Everything.
My dick pressed painfully into the zipper of my jeans and I had to adjust myself before I was permanently injured. A small giggle escaped Lucy as she watched me, her cheeks turning pink as she bit her lip. I found myself smiling back despite the pain I was in. “You still have the power to make me ache, sweetness.”
The pink in her cheeks deepened and she lowered her eyes to the fly of my jeans. “So I see.”
Drunk. She’s drunk. Don’t do something stupid.
Lucy swayed and I had to grab her waist with both hands to steady her, but I was too late. She fell against my chest. Instinctively her hands went out to protect herself, rubbed up my chest, and wrapped around my neck. This close I could feel every breath she took, could feel every inch of her skin plastered to my own.
Drunk, I reminded myself again. She’s drunk.
It took every single ounce of willpower I possessed to turn her around and help her rinse her mouth out. While she used the mouthwash, I combed my fingers through her thick curls, telling myself it was so she wouldn’t wake up with a bunch of tangles the next morning, but honestly only wanting a reason to keep touching her.
It had been too fucking long since I’d gotten to touch her this freely and I was starving to feel her skin under my fingers. For tonight I could pretend that nothing had changed and that I had every right to call her mine.
Lucy bent her head to spit out the mouthwash and then slumped back against me. “I’m sleepy,” she muttered, her eyes already closing.
Pressing a kiss to her forehead, I lifted her into my arms and carried her into the bedroom. Kin could either sleep in the guest room or go back to Jace’s apartment. I wanted Lucy to be close to the bathroom in case she got sick again.
Laying her down on the bed, I carefully pulled the covers down and then over Lucy’s bare legs. She turned onto her side and snuggled into the pillows. I turned away, kicking off my shoes so I could sleep with her. There wasn’t anything that was going to keep me away from Lucy that night. A fucking tsunami could have been about to hit the beach and I wouldn’t have left that room.
“Don’t go,” Lucy called out, lifting her hand out for me to take.
I took it and pressed a kiss to her palm before putting it carefully back on the bed. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetness. Just let me get comfortable and I’ll hold you. Okay?”
A sad little smile lifted at her lips but she nodded. “Okay.”
Getting rid of my jeans, I pulled my undershirt off, leaving only my boxers on as I climbed in behind her and pulled her back against my front. I couldn’t hold back the groan that escaped me when she fit so perfectly against me like that. Her tight little ass shifted, nestling against my dick like it was made to do just that.
Pressing a kiss against the back of her head, I breathed in the familiar scents of her lotion and shampoo. “I love you, Lu.”
She let out a small sigh and I lifted my head to find her already asleep. Shaking my head, I lay back down and tightened my arms around her. “I love you so fucking much,” I whispered into her hair. “I’ll fix this. I’ll fix us, I swear.”
Chapter 7
Lucy
Bright morning light was shining right in my eyes. Groaning, because even with my eyes closed it felt like the light was a freaking laser beam trying to dissect my brain, I shifted away from the agony inducer. Arms that I hadn’t realized were wrapped around me tightened and pulled me into a hard, hot body.
Oh, shit.
Where the fuck was I and what the hell did I do last night?
Slowly, so as not to incur more pain than necessary, I first cracked one eye and then the other open just enough to see what—or rather who—I’d done the night before. As soon as I saw the dark stubble darkening his jaw I clenched my eyes shut again.
No. No. No.
It was a dream. That was all this was. A really bad, very painful dream.
I opened my eyes again, this time a little wider and saw that the image in front of me hadn’t changed. Harris let out a small sigh in his sleep as he shifted, pulling me up against him to the point that a sheet of paper couldn’t have slid between us. I lifted my hands, made sure my bracelet was still covering the ink on my left wrist and then pressed them against his chest.
His bare chest.
Oh gods. Did we have sex last night?
I couldn’t remember past throwing up all over Harris’s shoes. The rest was a very dark blank in my throbbing head. I should probably never drink again. I wasn’t good at it, which was made blaringly obvious by waking up in bed with a guy who didn’t want me.
While my hands pressed into Harris’s chest, I tried to take stock of my body. If we’d had sex, then my body would be feeling it this morning. Right? My head felt like it was going to explode through my eyeballs, and my stomach had seen better days, but other than that I didn’t hurt anywhere else. Well, anywhere that counted.
Letting out a relieved breath I tried to push out of Harris’s hold, only for him to move closer. How the hell was that even possible? His leg spread over my own without much difficulty, his hair-roughened thigh pressing right against my suddenly drenched panties. My teeth sank into my bottom lip to keep from moaning at the exquisite, nearly blinding pleasure that small contact created deep inside of me.
“Mm,” Harris groaned, his eyes opening to half-mast. “Hey, sweetness.” His head started to shift on the pillow and before I could comprehend that he was going to kiss me, his lips were already skimming over my own.
I wanted to push him away. Wanted to jump up and run, to put as much distance as I possibly could between the two of us. Other parts of my body were vetoing that option, however, as I gave in and kissed him back.
His taste exploded on my tongue, and I realized I’d forgotten how good of a kisser he was. I’d forgotten that he’d taught me how to kiss. I’d fucking forgotten that he could make me lose all sense for time
or reason with just the barest touch of his mouth to my own. I’d forgotten, but he was quickly reminding me of everything.
Harris skimmed his tongue over my bottom lip, soothing the small wound I’d caused when I’d bitten it earlier. Without thinking, my hands moved from his chest to wrap around his neck, my fingers thrusting into his hair to hold him in place as I kissed him back, demanding he give me everything he had to offer.
A growl left him and he pulled back, only to shift us so that I was on my back and he was right between my legs. Through his boxers I could feel exactly how into the kiss he was and my panties only grew wetter as he pressed down in exactly the right spot to make me see stars. My hold on his hair tightened and I pulled him back down for another kiss that stole both our breath.
Big, hot hands weren’t idle. They skimmed down my sides until they reached the end of my shirt—his shirt. When had he put his shirt on me? The answer didn’t matter when his hands caressed up underneath it, scalding the skin on my stomach until he found my bra. I was mindless, so lost in the kiss that a bomb could have gone off outside and I wouldn’t have noticed. My aching head didn’t even register as he unsnapped my bra and then filled his hands with my aching breasts.
“Yes,” he groaned as he trailed kisses from my lips, down my jaw and to the collar of his shirt. “Fuck, yes.” His voice was almost animalistic as he released me to jerk the shirt open.
I didn’t try to stop him but didn’t move to help either, too afraid I’d get in his way when he was doing such a good job anyway. When the shirt was open, minus a few buttons that had gone flying across the room, he stopped. Stopped moving, stopped breathing. His aquamarine eyes ate up the sight of my exposed flesh, making me proud of my many assets in a way I’d never been before.
Then his dark head was lowering, his scruff rubbing over my sensitive flesh, making gooseflesh pop up all over my body before his lips even touched the globe of my left breast. I cried out as his lips caught my nipple and sucked on it long and hard. “Harris…” I moaned his name as he caught my other breast and massaged it roughly. My hips moved, seeming to have a will of their own, arching up against him in a desperate act to find the release that was building deep inside at the speed of a runaway train.
Un-Shattering Lucy (The Lucy & Harris Novella Series) (Volume 4) Page 5