Because I’d been too twisted up. Too ashamed of not having control of a situation I wouldn’t have ever been a part of had I not been drugged out of my mind. I’d been weak and I’d hated that weakness.
It shouldn’t have made me push away the only thing that had still been pure and good in my world. I shouldn’t have told her to go. I shouldn’t have made her think that I didn’t need her as much as she needed me.
All those regrets had been eating at me, but until I realized Lucy hadn’t moved on, I hadn’t wanted to ask for another try. She deserved so much more and if she had moved on, I wouldn’t have even approached her again. But she hadn’t and now I wanted a second chance.
“You should have told me.” She was starting to lose steam now, but the glare was just as fierce as it had ever been even as tears filled her eyes. “I had a right to know.”
“Yeah,” I agreed with a grimace. “You’re right, Lu. I should’ve told you as soon as I knew it didn’t happen. But I thought you’d moved on. It killed me not to go after you when I knew the truth, but I didn’t want to mess up your life again.”
Two fat tears spilled over her lashes. “If you loved me, you would’ve done it whether I’d moved on or not.”
While her anger was burning out, my own was stroked by those words. My hold on her wrists tightened. I wanted to shake some sense into her. “Do you really think I didn’t love you, Lucy?”
“Right now, knowing what I know, yes.” Two more tears spilled over followed by a dozen more. “Maybe you thought you loved me, but when it really came down to it, that love fell pretty short. Instead of fighting for us, you sent me away. Then when the truth came out, you didn’t even try to set things right. If you loved me even half as much as you said you did I never would have left.”
I dropped her hands and stumbled back, needing to put space between us before I did something stupid. I would never touch her with violence. Never. But right then I wanted to knock some sense into her. She could have hit me until my body was black and blue, but it couldn’t possibly have hurt even a fraction as badly as what she’d just said to me.
“You don’t know shit, Lucy. I’ve loved you all my life. Not one day has gone by where I haven’t loved you. Not one. Letting you go was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The fucking hardest. But I did it because I loved you. My head was messed up from what had happened with Tessa and I didn’t want that to taint you. Fucking hell, girl, you deserved so much better than a guy who couldn’t even think straight.”
“I could have helped you. I wanted to help you,” she screamed at me.
“Don’t you think I know that?” I was screaming too, but right then I didn’t give a shit. Talking wasn’t working, maybe yelling would. “It took me weeks to figure that out, but once I did, it was too fucking late. You were gone. I thought I’d lost you and I was prepared to live with that mistake. It would have slowly killed me, but I would’ve done it. Everyone said you were okay so I stayed away because I loved you too much to pull you back into my fucked up world again.”
“Yeah, you were so fucked up you hopped into bed with the first piece of strange who came sniffing around.” She pushed off the desk, her eyes blazing up at me once more. “Then a new one the next week and every week that followed.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” She was giving me fucking whiplash with this new turn of topics. I couldn’t keep up with her.
“The blondes, Harris.” She spoke like I was completely dense and maybe I was because I had no idea what she was talking about. “The tabloids have been printing everything they can get their hands on about you and your long line of blondes. Two of which I passed on my way in here just now.”
“London and Genesis?” She had lost her mind. “For real? You’re going to accuse me of banging the Blonde Bombshells?”
A humorless laugh barked out of her. “Nice. I approve of their names. It fits them perfectly.”
I raked my hands through my hair. “That is their name. They’re the band I signed to take over for Jace and the guys. I’ve taken them out a few times to different music events to get them some publicity. That’s it. End of story. I’ve never touched them.”
“Whatever,” Lucy muttered. From her tone as she turned away from me and moved toward the door, I could tell she didn’t believe me. Fucking hell. This chick was going to kill me. “I shouldn’t have bothered coming. I don’t even know why I did.”
I knew that if she left right then that it would really be over between us and I wasn’t about to let that happen. No matter how insane she drove me, how pissed off she made me, I loved her and I wasn’t letting her go this time.
My hand slammed against the door before she could turn the knob and I moved so that my body was between her and the exit. “Not whatever. You’re mad. Okay. So be mad, but do not leave here thinking stupid shit, Lu.”
She opened her mouth to blast me with something cold and vicious again but I was quicker. I grasped her waist in both hands and pulled her up against my body. Lowering my head, I caught her lips in a kiss that shouldn’t have left her doubting how I felt about her. She struggled against me for half a second before I smothered her moan with my mouth and she melted against me.
I kissed her long after I’d lost all my breath and my lungs were demanding to be refilled. Pulling back, I pressed my forehead against hers. “There has only ever been you, sweetness. The chicks in my past are nothing but shadows to me now. Faceless shadows that mean nothing. The second I saw you upstairs that first night, was the moment everyone else disappeared. Until this morning I hadn’t had sex since before you came back into my life in September.”
“I-I don’t believe you,” she murmured, but there was no conviction in her voice and I knew she was only being her stubborn self.
That made me grin down at her. “Don’t believe me then, but give me the chance to prove to you how wrong you were about me not loving you. Because I do, Lucy. I love you so fucking much it hurts.”
“I-I…I don’t believe you,” was whispered against my lips as she pressed her mouth to mine in a slow, soft kiss.
“Liar,” I whispered back.
“Shut up, Harris. Just. Shut. Up.” Her arms went around my neck, her fingers thrusting into my hair roughly as she held me in place while she kissed me until we were both gasping for air.
Having her so willingly in my arms was quickly clouding my mind to anything but sliding between her legs. I wanted to tear her clothes off and fuck her on my desk, but a small piece of sanity prevailed and I was able to lift my head and take a half step back. Her body must have been sore after what we’d done that morning and I wasn’t about to cause her more pain. She deserved better and I wasn’t going to give her anything less.
“Will you go out with me tomorrow night?” I breathed against her ear.
She stiffened. “No,” she muttered, shaking her head. “I can’t.”
“Okay. Wednesday night, then.”
Lucy dropped her arms and stepped back. Reality was returning and I could see that she was trying to grasp on to her anger again. “I can’t. I promised my family I’d give them this week.”
Unreasonable jealousy burned through my chest, but I nodded. Family was important. I wanted her all to myself, but I could share her with her family. “Fine. Then next week.”
She shook her head again. “I’m leaving for Florida on Sunday.”
“What?” No. She couldn’t be leaving again. Not this soon. Not ever. “Wait, what? Florida?” Florida meant she wasn’t going back to school. I could work with that. Some of my tension faded.
“My parents are taking me and the twins on vacation to Panama City Beach,” she informed me with a little shrug. “Then we’re all going to Disney World for a week. Luca and Lyric have only ever been to Disneyland.”
“When will you be back?” I’d wait a few weeks if I had to. Fuck, I’d waited this long, I could wait a little longer.
She lower
ed her eyes to look at the carpet and I got a sick feeling in my stomach. “I’m not coming back. I’m going back to Georgetown for the summer semester.”
Chapter 11
Lucy
I wanted to stay mad at my family, but it was hard to when they loved me so much. I knew that they had only kept the news about Harris and Tessa from me because they cared. If the roles had been reversed then I was sure I would have done the exact same thing.
After working out most of my anger on Harris, I was able to see my mom’s reasons for not telling me herself more clearly. That didn’t mean I wasn’t still hurt that she—and everyone else—had kept something so important from me.
Once I’d left First Bass the night before, soon after telling Harris that I was returning to D.C. for the summer semester at Georgetown, I’d gotten in my Range Rover and driven around the city until late. It was weird being all by myself. That never happened. Ever. There was always someone watching over me, making me feel like I couldn’t completely relax.
By the time I’d gotten back to the house, all the lights had been off and I’d been thankful that I didn’t have to face Mom or Dad. I’d kept my phone off so I didn’t have to talk to anyone, and since I hadn’t taken Marcus with me, I knew they must have been worried about me. That I didn’t have to deal with them waiting for me at the front door to yell or lecture me had been a relief.
When I’d gone up to my room, trying to be as quiet as I could, it was to find my bed wasn’t empty. My mom had been asleep on top of my covers with one of my pillows cuddled against her chest. As I’d gotten closer to the bed, I had seen clearly from the dim lighting of the hall light that she had fallen asleep crying, and my heart had broken all over again.
I was close to my parents. We shared a bond that few families got to. We didn’t normally keep secrets. We trusted each other. We loved each other harder than any other family I knew. Maybe it was because we’d come together in such an unorthodox kind of way since Layla was really my sister and Jesse had pretty much adopted both Lana as well as me when he’d married Layla. We’d known how not to treat each other and we’d loved each other and been thankful for what we had.
Kicking off my shoes, I slid into bed beside her without bothering to change my clothes. Hating the sight of those tears and knowing that I’d caused them, I wrapped my arms around her and, before I’d known it, I was sound asleep. By the time I woke up the next morning, to the sound of my brothers running up and down the stairs, it was to find my bed empty.
With a tired sigh, I got out of bed and went into my bathroom to shower. The pain between my legs was a dull ache this morning, but my fists were bruised from having used them to hit Harris so many times the night before. Regret filled me at remembering the blood he’d spit out when I’d made him bite his tongue. I couldn’t believe I’d tried to kick his ass.
And he’d let me.
Grimacing, I washed my hair and then got out of the shower. I wanted to get the confrontation with my parents over with sooner rather than later, so I got dressed without drying my hair and went downstairs. The smell of sausage led me into the kitchen.
Luca and Lyric were already at the table eating plates loaded with pancakes, sausage and scrambled eggs. My dad was standing at the island, pouring three glasses of orange juice, while Mom finished up making the last of breakfast. Growing up, this would have been a typical Sunday morning for us. Today was Tuesday, though, so it had me pausing on the threshold.
Catching sight of me just standing there, Dad shot me a smile. “Morning, Lu. Sleep well?”
I wrapped my arms around my middle and bit my lip, but gave him a small nod.
His smile dimmed slightly and I could see the indecision swirling in his eyes, but he didn’t start lecturing me on staying out too late and worrying them. As I watched him watching me, I realized he must have been feeling just as guilty as Mom was.
“You missed the best party yesterday, Lucy,” Luca told me, talking with his mouth full, but too excited to care. “Cannon pushed Piper into the pool and Lyric beat the snot out of him.”
My eyes widened at that news and I found myself crossing to the table to sit next to the youngest twin, my own worries pushed to the back of my mind in light of my little brother’s news. Lyric was looking down at his food, his eyes just as stormy as our dad’s when he was pissed off about something. It wasn’t like Lyric to beat up on anyone. That was normally Luca’s MO.
“Why did Cannon push Piper?” I asked.
“He thought it was funny,” Luca answered for his twin. “He laughed about it even though she cried. Lyric jumped out of the pool and had him pinned down before anyone could stop him. Aunt Dallas had steam coming out of her ears when she found out what Cannon did. He got a black eye from Lyric and was grounded for two weeks.”
“Is Piper okay?”
“She skinned her knee on the bottom of the pool,” Lyric mumbled, speaking for the first time. “It was bleeding really bad.”
“Did you help her put on the Band-Aid?” I was trying to get him to look at me, but he kept his eyes focused on his plate. Ah, my poor Ric. His gentle heart was probably beating him up for what he’d done to Cannon, who was younger and a little smaller than the twins.
“Yeah.”
“Good job taking care of the girls, big guy.” I lifted a hand to rub across his short hair. “Cannon had it coming.”
That my parents weren’t commenting on it said all I needed to know about how they felt on the whole situation. Lyric hadn’t gotten into trouble with them. It had been drilled into the twins’ heads to protect not just girls, but anyone smaller than them. Of course, from the look on his face right then, I was pretty sure he was punishing himself for hurting his friend. I shook my head and offered him a small smile. “I’m sure Piper appreciates you taking up for her, Ric.”
“She wouldn’t stop following him around after that,” Luca said, jumping back into the conversation. “She’s in looove with him now.” He laughed and wiggled his brows at his twin, who clenched his jaw and balled his hands into fists but continued to remain silent.
“Oh, like Violet is in love with you?” I lifted a brow at him and his mouth snapped shut, brown eyes narrowing on me.
“I love Violet too,” he mumbled after a minute.
“Okay, boys, that’s enough,” Dad said as Mom started plating up the last of the sausage she was frying. “Go get cleaned up. Just because you’re on summer vacation doesn’t mean you get to skip brushing your teeth. When you’re done, stay in your room. Mom and I want to talk to Lucy.”
“Uh-oh.” Luca pushed back his chair and stood. He gave me a sympathetic look. “Whatever you did, deny it. If they don’t have proof, they can’t pin anything on you.”
Despite the dread making my stomach clench, I couldn’t help but smile at him. Luca had plenty of experience with getting into trouble. He was a pro now. “Thanks for the advice, dude.”
Lyric stood slowly, but gave me a grim smile as he followed after his brother. “Good luck,” he whispered as he moved past me.
No one else in the room moved until we heard the door to the twins’ room slam shut. Dad picked up the three glasses of orange juice and walked over to the table. Setting one down in front of me, he took the seat Lyric had just vacated. “You were out past curfew, Lu.”
“Yes,” I muttered.
“You had us all worried. Your phone was off, you didn’t have Marcus with you, and when we called Harris he said he hadn’t seen you in hours. He left work to go out looking for you.”
I lowered my gaze to my glass of juice. “He shouldn’t have done that. I was fine.”
“We didn’t know that, Lu.” Dad reached out and caught my right hand. I didn’t look up until I felt the slight tremor in his fingers. Seeing that haunted look in my dad’s eyes was like a kick to the stomach. I hadn’t seen that look since I was nine years old. “Mom told me everything that happened yesterday. You’re right, Marcus is our
security blanket, but it’s one I’m not ready to give up yet. Maybe not ever. Baby, for the sake of my sanity, don’t fight us on Marcus. I can’t… I can’t risk losing you again.”
My teeth sank into my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“I’ll make a deal with you. Marcus doesn’t have to go with us on vacation. You can have a break from him and have a good time with us in Florida. But when you go back to school, he has to go with you.”
“Okay.” I was still whispering, afraid if I spoke too loudly I would start crying and wouldn’t be able to stop.
Relief had Dad’s face relaxing. “Thanks, Lu. You don’t know how worried I was about us fighting over this.”
I knew exactly how worried he had been. My dad and I rarely argued, but when we did, it got ugly. I hated fighting with him and Mom.
A platter of pancakes, scrambled eggs and sausage was set on the table in front of me and I swallowed hard before lifting my eyes to look at her. Even though she was my adoptive mother, Layla Thornton was my biological half-sister, so we shared some of the same features and personality. We were both on the short side, had the same curves and even the same nose. She was one of the most beautiful women I’d ever met, inside and out.
That we had something that was standing between our normal easy relationship right then was tearing me apart.
Mom’s chin trembled as she took her seat at the table. Tears filled her eyes, but she gave a wobbly smile. “Thank you for coming back.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. She had every right to rip in to me. To scream and rant and rave at me for being so inconsiderate and irresponsible. I’d acted like an immature brat the day before.
“You had every right to be angry. I should have called you the second I got new information about that night.” She swallowed with difficulty and reached for my hands. I gave them to her willingly. “It’s a mistake I won’t ever make again, baby. I just… I didn’t want to hurt you with it.”
Un-Shattering Lucy (The Lucy & Harris Novella Series) (Volume 4) Page 8