Obersturmbannfuhrer Kramer stood in front of him, dangling a glass slide in front of Price. “I am glad to see you are awake. We were not sure about the dosage level and some suspected you would not survive. You have most unique blood, Herr Omega. The Third Reich will benefit greatly from your contribution to our research.”
Price looked over at where Amelie stood, dressed in a snug German uniform decorated with swastika patches. He muttered something unintelligible but the venom was clear in his intent. Amelie pinched his cheek and said, “Poor, poor Omega. All this time, thinking you were the only special one in the whole world. You and that old fool Donovan thought the Americans were so damn invincible.” She stuck out her bottom lip in an affected pout, “I am sorry to disappoint you. In terms of men possessed of great powers in this world, you are rather, shall we say, average?”
Louis Brevot squirmed against his restraints and Obersturmbannfuhrer Kramer walked over to him to remove his gag. “You have something to add?”
Brevot snapped, “Amelie! Have you lost your mind?”
Amelie walked across the platform at her brother and backhanded him across the face so fiercely it cracked the corner of his mouth. “Amelie Brevot died the day she tried to convince you and all the other cowards that Hitler was coming! I foresaw Nazis parading through the streets of Paris, but you and all the other Vichy mongrels ignored my warnings. You handed my country over without so much as a whimper. How ironic that it was der Fuhrer who appreciated my abilities and gave me new life as Deomai.”
Price finally got his mouth to work. He looked over at Aleister Crowley and said, “You must be the Antichrist. That’s a nice robe. Do they make one for men?”
Crowley pressed his hands together and smiled thinly. “I do not think you want to be my enemy, Mr. Price. You are of great interest to me and it may only be my intervention that allows you to survive just a few more days.” Crowley cupped Price’s chin in the palm of his hand and said, “Hopefully you will survive long enough to be my new pet.”
Price turned to Kramer, “On second thought, can I just go with you guys?”
Kramer snickered and wagged his finger, “Do not be so flippant. You will not enjoy our research methods, Herr Omega, I assure you.”
“Then I guess it’s lucky for me none of you will be alive that much longer,” Price said.
“This is not the time for what you would call tough-guy-talk!” Kramer held up one of the blue-tipped darts and said, “The American scientists studied you for years, ja? But it only took der Fuhrer’s scientists less than two days to unravel your secrets. Your powers, as I am sure you know by now, are completely neutralized. I know you have been trying.”
Price’s jaw quivered and he suddenly slumped in his chair, defeated. The Obersturmbannfuhrer laughed sharply, “Of course you have been trying, or else, you would have POOF! Vanished away by now. Can you admit the German superiority in this regard or must we earn your respect?”
Price stared down at the floor and said quietly, “How about you all just go to hell instead?”
“Nein. Nein, nein, nein,” Kramer said. “You are the one who will be going to hell, Herr Omega. Of that much I can assure you. First we do a complete physical on you, and then, I think, we begin with the blowtorches.”
Amelie folded her arms and huffed in disgust, “I do not think the American dog believes you, Herr Kramer. A test of our fortitude is required.”
Kramer turned to look at her, “What did you have in mind?”
Amelie grabbed the back of Louis Brevot’s chair and dragged it to the edge of the platform, rocking him back and forth over the precipice.
“What are you doing?” Louis said, peering over the ledge. “Amelie, stop!”
“I have given myself over completely to der Fuhrer, Agent Omega. I would sacrifice anything and everything for him. So tell me, what hope is there for you?” Amelie looked at her brother and said, “Au revoir, Louis.” She lifted her foot and kicked him in the center of the chest, sending him and the chair hurtling over the edge.
Louis Brevot’s howls of terror echoed throughout the building, then stopped suddenly right before the chair smashed to pieces on the floor.
Kramer’s eyebrows raised in surprise at Amelie and said, “Mein gott, you are enthusiastic.” He pinched her on the cheek, “I hope you save some of that enthusiasm for me, ja? So where were we, Herr Omega?” Kramer turned to look at his prisoner and felt the breath escape his lungs like someone had slammed a baseball bat into his gut. Price’s chair was empty.
Kramer ran to the edge of the platform, seeing nothing but pieces of broken chair and a white laboratory jacket laying in a puddle of clothing. He looked in anger to see Agent Omega running across the floor with a naked Louis Brevot over his shoulder. “Grab them!” Kramer bellowed.
A flock of researchers swarmed in on the men, diving just as Price and Brevot vanished.
“Where are they? Find them!” Kramer shouted.
The sonderkommandos poured down from the platform to get out of the building, running into the crowd of researchers and jamming their rifle butts into them to clear the way.
Amelie came to the Obersturmbannfuhrer’s side and said, “I do not understand. How could he have recovered his powers so quickly?”
Kramer turned and snatched her by the throat, squeezing viciously and snarling, “Better yet, how is it that you, who can supposedly see the future, did not know he would escape?”
“I did not know, I swear to you,” Amelie wheezed, trying to wrench his hands from her neck.
Aleister Crowley wrapped his hands around Kramer’s arm and said, “Obersturmbannfuhrer, please! Her powers are new and not always predictable. She can help us catch the American if we go now. The roads must be blocked off! The woods must be searched!”
***
The parking lot was full of sonderkommandos piling into vehicles. Amelie hurried out of the building, waving her arms for the Obersturmbannfuhrer’s car to stop. She ran past two uniformed SS men waiting on a Zundapp motorcycle for the cars in front of them to clear out. She did not look at either of them as she passed.
The Obersturmbannfuhrer’s driver stopped the car and Amelie pulled open the rear door and plopped down on the leather backseat beside Kramer. She grabbed his knee and said, “Do not look so sad, my love. You will find the American dog and my useless brother. Der Fuhrer will be most gratified when you deliver his most hated enemy.” She ran her hand up the inside of his thigh and said, “But not as much as I will.”
Kramer kissed her on the lips and said, “You are right. There is no place in Germany that I cannot find them.”
The Zundapp motorcycle pulled up beside the Obersturmbannfuhrer’s car. Both soldier’s faces were obscured by grime-covered goggles. Amelie looked through the window, locking eyes with the man driving the motorcycle, seeing the long scar along his cheek and said, “Where could anyone hide from the likes of you, Herr Kramer? It would be foolish to try.”
Room Service
Vampires are assholes. They’re not sparkly, reticent killers yearning for true love. They aren’t gothic romantics who read poetry. They aren’t even mysterious Romanians who turn into bats and terrorize the countryside. Really, they’re just douche bags.
Of course, I’ve only met one, so it might be unfair of me to characterize them all that way. For all I know, Blake was a dickhead before somebody thought it a good idea to give him enough power to push his fingertip through the center of a nickel.
His skin’s pallid. He must want to feed. I just smile and nod while he talks, hoping he is more hungry than he is smart. “It is not often that I receive visitors in my chambers,” he whispers. His breath stinks of rotting meat.
I look around the hotel room. This is some chambers, right? A second-story motel room with a pull-string lamp and clothes scattered on both sides of the bed. “Like I said, I’m room service.”
“Except that you desire to be both my waiter and my meal.”
“Can
we just get on with it?”
His eyes glitter in the darkness like a rat’s. He sniffs the air and says, “Please do not tell me you’ve bought into that old wives’ tale. Garlic would hardly save you from me if I chose you as my prey.”
“It’s what I like on pizza,” I explain. “Figured I’d enjoy my last meal.”
“Pizza,” he whispers, closing his eyes as he leans forward and takes a deep breath. “Another wonderful thing I was never fortunate enough to partake of before the end of my human life.”
“That’s tragic,” I say.
Blake hisses at me, revealing his long fangs, “I am beginning to think you are a liar and a bore, Robert. We have met before. I recognize your scent.”
“What’s the difference if we bumped into each other at some bar? Just get it over with. I’m ready.”
“Too ready, I think,” he says. “The night is young, and I am not nearly so thirsty as to recklessly feed on the first young man who comes walking into my chambers uninvited.”
“You could just kill me the old fashioned way. You’re strong enough to snap my neck and be done with it. But then you’d miss out on this sexy, pizza-flavored blood.”
“Sexy blood?” he says, grinning. “You are an unusual human.”
I get close to him and whisper, “Listen. I’m a guy, you’re a guy. An undead guy, but still…vampires don’t have sex, they drink blood.” I turn my head sideways to give him a good view of my jugular vein. “You want this? Come and take it.”
He sits down on the coffin and pats the lid, waving for me to sit beside him. I’m glad because the room is starting to spin and if I don’t get him to bite me within the next five minutes, I’m going into sepsis shock and dying on my own.
***
The first time I laid eyes on Sunshine was when she came circling around the pole at Dirty D’s Cabaret. Her long blonde hair whipped through the air as her humongous balloon-shaped boobs sloshed sideways. Everybody around the bar tossed crumpled dollar bills at her. When she landed on the stage in a perfect split, I crashed headfirst into love.
I sat on my barstool, waiting until her act was finished. She left the stage and took up a spot at the end of the bar, smoking and playing a video poker machine, not interested in anything else. I flagged down Glen the bartender and said, “Isn’t she coming around?”
“Sunshine! Get off your ass!” he barked.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I said, but Sunshine was already getting up from her stool. She worked her way toward me, stopping to flirt with every drunk that squeezed her ass and planted a kiss on her cheek. Finally, she landed in the seat next to mine and put her hand between my legs. “You want a lap dance, sugar?”
“How much are they?”
“If you need to ask, you don’t have the money, sweets,” she said, giving me a firm pinch on the cheek and getting up to leave.
I grabbed her wrist and said, “I’m ready. Let’s go.”
Sunshine smiled and led me by the hand toward the black curtains behind the DJ booth. We walked past an old man sitting on a stained couch. There was a tattooed brunette bouncing on his crotch to the blaring, bass-heavy music pumping from the booth.
Sunshine pushed me into the darkness and climbed on top of me. “Do you have a boyfriend?” I shouted.
She leaned backwards to grind on me. “Nope,” she said. “You know any good guys?”
“Just one. Me.”
She laughed and kept going until the song was finished. After I stood up, I said, “Do you want to get a drink when your shift is over?”
“I’m not done for another two hours.”
“I’ll wait.”
“Ok. If you don’t mind.”
“I’ll be at the bar in the same spot,” I said. “Right over there. Won’t move an inch. You won’t regret this.”
“That’s fifty for the dance.”
“Oh, right. Of course.” I dug into my pocket and handed her a hundred dollar bill. It was the money I was supposed to give my mom for rent. “Keep the change.”
Two hours later, she emerged rolling her suitcase behind her. She went to the other end of the bar and sat, just smoking and talking to Glen. She slid a few dollars into that damn video poker machine and started playing.
I was careful not to look in her direction as I finished my drink. I slid from my seat and headed for the door, dragging my feet like I hadn’t been picked for the playground basketball team. She stopped me before I got to the door. “Where you going, sexy? You give up that easily?”
“I figured you were bailing on me.”
“Hell no,” she said. “Sit your ass down over here and buy me that drink.”
Four drinks later, she was rubbing my leg. She told me dancing was just a way to save money for nursing school. “That sounds awesome. How long have you been saving for that?”
“On and off about five years,” she shrugged. “Things keep popping up. My damn car is always breaking down.”
“Maybe I could look at it for you? I’m pretty good with cars,” I said. This was a lie. I can’t even change a car’s oil. But this was my chance and I needed something better to tell her than I was a recovering junkie who still lived with his mom.
She nodded, but was looking at an old mat at the other end of the bar. “Hi sweetie!” she called out, waving to him. “That’s Bob. He’s my favorite customer. Such a sweetheart.”
Bob looked up at us, his red watery eyes fixed on me. I stared him down until he went back to looking at his drink. “You wait right here until I get back, sugar,” she said, giving my crotch a squeeze. “I have plans for you later.”
***
Three weeks after that first night, Sunshine and I were shooting pool in the back of Dirty D’s, and there was some dude watching her from across the bar. His black leather trench coat was cinched around his waist and he had on cowboy boots made of reptile skin. His long black hair was pulled back in a thick pony tail, framing a perfectly groomed goatee that drew to a point under his chin. He had that sweaty, sticky, getting-sick look junkies get when they need a fix. “See that guy?” I said to her. “Who does he think he’s looking at?”
“Just let him look. There’s only one man I’m going home with tonight.” She chalked the tip of her stick and puckered her lips, “It’s your shot, baby.”
***
Two nights later, I was waiting on my couch for Sunshine to finish her shift. I hated not being there when she was working, but Glenn was tired of me sitting around all night not buying any drinks or tipping any of the girls, and I was flat broke. The phone rang in the kitchen.
My mom brought it to me. “It’s that girl.”
I covered the mouthpiece and said, “She has a name.” I took the phone into my room. “Hey, honey. Where are you? I’m sitting here waiting.”
“Remember that guy who was watching me play pool the other night? He wants me to come to his place for a private dance. It’s big money.”
“But I was waiting for you.”
“Well, it’s not like you can pay my rent.”
I tried to keep the sulk out of my voice when I said, “What’s his name?”
“Blake something. Foreign, I think.”
“Does he know there’s no touching?”
“Yes,” she sighed. “He’s very nice. Totally harmless.”
I grabbed a pencil and piece of paper. “What’s the address?”
“Hotel Montreal. Half-hour to an hour, tops.”
“Your coming over afterwards, right?”
“Maybe. Let’s see how tired I am. I will definitely call you though.”
“Ok. I love you.”
“I gotta go. I’ll call you when I’m done.”
She didn’t.
By the next morning, I’d already filled up her voicemail. Still, I tried once more. No answer.
I borrowed Mom’s car and drove to Sunshine’s apartment. Her parking space was empty. I flew over to the Hotel Montreal and cruised the parking lot, checkin
g for Sunshine’s car. I even drove down the side streets, thinking maybe she’d tried to hide her car from me, but no luck.
That night I went to Dirty D’s and sat at the bar. Glenn came around and I asked him if he’d seen Sunshine. “Nope. I thought she was your girl, man. You lose her already?”
“Is she still on the schedule for tonight?”
He poured me a beer and set it down, then leaned on the bar to look me directly in the eye. “Listen. You’re a nice kid, so I’m going to tell you this straight up. Nobody comes into a place like this and finds love. These bitches are vipers. They will suck you dry and leave you for dead without a second thought. You should be glad you got away before you suffered any serious damage.”
Women and Other Monsters Page 6