by Kim Fox
The man doesn’t answer so Tito kicks him in the ribs.
“R-r-right,” he says, stuttering. “We won’t come back.”
Tito grins as he straightens up. “He’s smarter than he looks.”
“That’s good,” Ronin says as he pulls a gun out of an unconscious man’s hand. “Because he looks pretty fucking dumb.”
My father looks like he’s shrinking as Kneecap and Lachlan surround him. When Maximus and Caleb join them, he looks like he’s about to pee his five thousand dollar pants.
“You threaten my mate?” Lachlan says as his hand shoots forward. My father’s eyes widen as he wraps strong fingers around his neck. Lachlan’s thick forearm is flexed. His eyes are tight. One squeeze and Chicago suddenly won’t have an organized crime problem anymore.
“Wait, Lachlan,” Maximus says. “This is not up to you.”
Lachlan turns to Jessie who turns to me. The anger is gone in her eyes. She’s a good person. Not one to murder a scared old man, no matter how pathetic he is.
Jessie steps up to our dad and clenches her jaw as Lachlan holds him in place.
“I’m not your property anymore,” she says in a firm confident voice. She’s so different from the fearful and immature sister I knew a few months ago. My chest swells with pride as I watch her.
“My will is my own,” she says. “Chicago may be your city, but Montana is mine. You so much as cross the border again and I won’t hold these guys back. Got it?”
Dad nods his head vigorously, staring at her with wide panicked eyes.
“Take your goons and leave,” Lachlan says, still holding on tight. “If you even stop for a piss before you get to North Dakota, I’ll be waiting behind the tree ready to finish you off.”
He finally releases my dad and the old man runs back to his car, slipping on the dirt as he goes. Without looking back, he jumps into the car that has Archie’s body still fused into the metal and reverses as fast as the car will allow. He spins in a half circle and then squeals out of the ranch, carrying Archie along for the ride.
“What do we do with these guys?” Caleb asks, looking at the pathetic mess of dazed goons. Some of them are starting to wake up, looking around in pain and confusion.
Maximus glances up at the sky, looking around nervously. “Let’s get them out of here,” he says. “I don’t feel like explaining this to the dragons.”
“Dragons?” I say, looking at him funny.
“It’s a… what we call the Sheriff’s department around here.”
He’s a bad liar. But I’m not about to question him after he saved my ass.
Kneecap walks over to me as the guys grab the most responsive guys and throw them behind the wheel. Anyone else gets tossed in the back seat, the passenger’s seat. One guy even gets thrown into the trunk.
It’s not long before the last of the cars drive away, leaving us in peace once again.
“Are you okay?” Kneecap asks, looking concerned as he looks down at me.
I swallow hard and nod. Now that the action is over, my nerves are playing havoc inside me and I start to cry.
He gently steps forward and wraps his thick arms around me in a warm hug. I hold him tight and cry into his new shirt, feeling comforted and protected. I don’t think there’s anything that can hurt me in these big arms.
His shirt is wet when I pull away, but he doesn’t care. He smiles at me and wipes away my tears with a gentle touch. I’m feeling much better after a good cry.
My chest is fluttering. My mouth is moist as I look up at him. He’s so gorgeous with his new look. The memory of him almost killing a man—maybe killing a man—probably killing a man—just to protect me and my sister is warming my insides with a heat that’s quickly settling between my legs.
I’m starting to see him less as a test case—as a psychological study—and more as the strong capable man that he is.
When he tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear, it’s settled.
I have a crush on Kneecap.
I’m quiet through the rest of dinner. The shock of my father appearing has worn off, and I’m not afraid of him returning. He’s not a stupid man and that would be incredibly stupid.
I just can’t stop thinking of the way I felt in Kneecap’s arms. I want to feel it again. I want to be there again in that safe warm place where I felt so protected and cherished.
This time, I made sure to sit across the table from him. I want to look at him. Watch him.
I try to be subtle, but it’s hard. He’s so damn hot and my eyes are drawn to him like magnets.
“What should we do with all of those guns?” Caleb asks. Abigail still looks shaken up as she sits beside him. The poor girl fled into the woods as soon as the guys came pouring out of the cars.
“One of you can bury them on the mountain,” Maximus says.
“Not me!” Caleb, Tito, Ronin, and Lachlan all shout at the same time.
“I said it first,” Caleb says.
“No, you didn’t,” Ronin shouts.
“All four of you can do it,” Maximus says.
Tito frowns. “One of us didn’t say ‘not me’” he says. He’s staring at his plate, not brave enough to look at Kneecap. “Shouldn’t he do it?”
“That someone also re-engineered a car engine using a man’s spine,” Maximus says with a raised eyebrow. “Are you sure you want to be on his bad side?”
“Good point,” Tito says. “The four of us will be pleased to do it.”
“Perfect,” Maximus says with a smile.
We joke around for the rest of dinner and as the boys start doing the dishes, Kneecap and I sneak away.
It’s another spectacular night and I feel like I’m in paradise as we walk back up to his favorite spot on the hill. He picks me another purple wildflower and tucks it behind my ear. This time his hand lingers as he softly strokes my cheek. This time I want it to last longer.
It’s a perfectly romantic night. Pink skies, warm breeze, and surrounded by a meadow of purple flowers. My heart is pounding as I look up at him, hoping he’ll kiss me.
He takes my hand instead and we walk up the hill, enjoying each other’s company and the peacefulness of the beautiful surroundings. The last of the birds are chirping in the trees as they get ready to sleep in their nests. Their songs mix with the soft gurgling sound of the river somewhere off in the distance.
I could stay here forever. Jessie is such a lucky girl.
We sit down on the soft moss and instead of watching the setting sun, I turn to Kneecap and gaze into his mesmerizing grey eyes.
“Thank you,” I say, licking my lips. “Jessie and I would be in the back of a car heading for Chicago right now if it wasn’t for you.”
“It’s nothing,” he says, brushing it off.
I touch his strong chin and turn his head until he’s looking at me again. “It’s not nothing,” I say. My hand moves onto his chest where I feel his heart beating. He smells so good. Like the forest mixed with the sun.
“It meant everything to me,” I whisper as my lips part and my mouth gets closer to his.
His chest starts to vibrate and rumble under my hand, but I’m too focused on his approaching lips to notice.
Just as my eyes are closing and as his mouth is about to fall onto mine, he violently jerks his head away and screams.
My eyes rip open as I yank my head back and gasp. What is happening?!?
His body is thrashing around like he’s fighting an invisible demon. A vicious feral snarl rips from his throat as his jaw clenches and his neck strains.
I stare in horror as his fingertips dig into the moss and gasp as he rips a chunk of it from the earth. I try to call to him—to ask what’s wrong, but my voice is gone. My mouth is open, but I can’t speak. I can’t breathe.
The shaking gets harder. Rougher. More violent with every second that drags by.
I reach out with a trembling hand to touch him—to let him know that I’m here. Whatever he’s going through I want
him to know that I’m here with him.
When my fingers graze his flexed forearm a horrible rip cuts through the night and I squeeze my eyes shut.
The torturous sounds stop.
But a new sound takes its place.
Heavy breathing that causes the tiny hairs on my neck to stand up straight. It sounds like a hungry predator is inches from my face.
With my heart thumping in my chest, I slowly open my eyes and see a monstrous grizzly bear standing in front of me.
And he looks pissed.
8
Kneecap
The exertion is excruciating. My body wrenches and tears as I grapple with my vicious bear, fighting him with everything I have.
He’s slashing me. Hacking me. Clawing and scratching to stay out. I grit my teeth as I jerk and pull him back in, the pressure and aching are going to kill us both.
It’s a tug of war. We’re in a constant battle, oscillating between furious bear and even more furious human.
I don’t even want to think about what we must look like to poor Nora. Half skin, half fur, constantly morphing before her terrified eyes.
Get the fuck back in!
He hisses back at me, snarling so viciously that it makes me that much madder. He ruins everything. I’ve finally found a girl who doesn’t run away screaming and what the fuck does he do? Make her run away screaming!
I can’t even look at Nora. Every ounce of concentration I have is focused on this battle with my tyrant of a bear. It’s taking everything I have to hold him, and even that’s not enough. We’re too evenly matched. We’re balancing on a fence between phasing into a human or into a bear.
We fall to the ground, rolling around in the dirt as he lets out a savage roar. I scream back at him. I don’t know what’s in my head and what’s coming out. All I know is the gorgeous night with the beautiful sunset and the even more beautiful girl is over.
My chances with Nora are over.
And he’s going to fucking pay for that.
I should jump off a cliff onto jagged rocks to rid the world of this feral beast. To rid myself of this hell. I would finally have peace.
But at this moment I don’t want peace. I want to make him suffer like he makes me suffer.
Years of torment and oppression come boiling over and I snarl back at him, wrestling him to submission with a new fiery intensity.
He roars in fury as I grip him and yank him back in. He resists. He always resists. But this time I’m not playing around.
With a fierce grunt, I grab his essence and yank him down again. He slips this time, but it’s still not enough. He rumbles back to the surface, snarling furiously.
I snarl back at him. I’m an animal anyway, might as well embrace it fully and start acting like it.
With one last jerk, I rip him from the surface, overpowering him completely as I stuff him back down into the depths of our being.
We’re both exhausted. Utterly spent.
He has no fight left in him and slinks back down where he fucking belongs, grumbling like a pissed off old man.
I’m breathing heavily as I come to. Lying on the cold dirt with my head pounding.
My new shirt is in shreds all around me. The soft moss ripped up in chunks.
I’m too afraid to look at her. I don’t want to see her looking at me the way everyone looks at me.
Even my cold heart can’t take that.
How could you do this to me?
My bear just grumbles back.
I knew he hated me, I just… I didn’t think he would take away the only slice of joy in my life.
“Kneecap?” Her voice is soft. Small.
There’s no hint of fear in it. Only worry.
“Are you okay?”
My eyes are wet. My cheeks burning with shame.
I turn around but I can’t meet her eyes.
Instead, I look at the clothes. In pieces all around us. My jeans are shredded. My new shoes split down the middle.
I’ve never felt more stupid. So naive and foolish.
Did I really think this would work? Me? Living as a human?
The clothes, the haircut—it was all a sham. A fantasy.
This is who I really am. This is where I belong.
Not at dinner tables and around campfires.
I’m an animal through and through.
Someone to be feared. Someone to be avoided.
The guys come running up the hill. I don’t blame them. If I heard a pretty girl screaming when she was with a monster like me, I would come running too.
They slow when they arrive, careful to only make cautious movements as they start to circle me. Their eyes are narrowed. Their expressions serious.
They keep their bears alert and ready. I can smell them, hovering below the surface.
I can’t blame them. They are approaching a monster after all.
Maximus glances down at a piece of my new jeans that’s lying in the dirt. The disappointment is clear on his face. It feels like a knife in my heart.
We had a good time picking them out. He shared how he hoped this was a turning point for me.
Another fantasy. Another delusion.
I’ll never be anything other than a disappointment. To myself. To Maximus. To Nora.
I look at Lachlan then Tito. The smiles and joking are gone. The teasing is over.
They’re circling me like I’m some sort of terrorist holding a hostage at gunpoint.
It’s time to go.
It’s time to disappear back into the wilderness where I belong. I’ve ruined their night enough already.
But I can’t leave without seeing her one last time.
Nora will be off soon and out of my life. The only thing I’ll have left of her is a few bittersweet memories that I’ll keep until I’m an old man or until my bear finally finds a way to finish me off.
With a deep breath and a quiver in my stomach, I turn to the only girl I’ve ever loved.
I know I haven’t known her long, but in this moment, I know that I love her.
And always will.
Her eyes are watering as she looks at me. She looks scared, confused, but there’s something else there. Affection? Sympathy? I don’t know.
She raises her hand and offers it to me. “Come with me,” she says softly. “Let’s go back.”
There’s nothing I want more than to take her hand and be with her.
But it’s the selfish thing to do. I’d be putting her in danger. I’d be strapping a ticking time bomb to her body.
Monsters like me don’t get to live in the real world. This is where we belong.
The cave is where I belong.
I love you.
I don’t have the courage to say it out loud, but I say it with my eyes. I want her to know.
Her chin quivers as I take a deep breath and turn away from her outstretched hand.
There’s no other option. No other way.
With my heart breaking, I walk away from her and disappear into the forest.
This time, I’m not coming back out.
It’s not long until we’re both raging at each other again.
I’m stomping around the cave as my asshole bear throws a temper tantrum. He wants to go see her. He wants to be around her. I can feel it.
“I can’t go back!” My screams echo off the cave. You fucking ruined it!
He roars back at me, as frustrated and angry as I am.
Well, that’s what happens when you try to fucking eat her!
He bellows and rumbles as he paces around inside me. Indignation is pouring off him in waves.
It’s only then that I consider…what were his intentions?
I had been thrown into a panic as soon as he leapt forward that I didn’t stop to think what he had planned to do. I assumed he was going to try and hurt her like he tries to hurt everyone else, but the more I look back on it, the more I’m not so sure.
There was no hate flowing through him when he came out. I was so frantic insi
de him that I didn’t notice at the time. His usual aggressive energy was absent. He was more curious than angry. More eager than enraged.
What were you trying to do? Why did you come out?
He rumbles in frustration. Waves of depression are rolling off him as he shuffles around.
It was almost as if he just wanted to be close to her. Like he was jealous that I got to spend all of the time with her.
He settles down with a depressed grunt. It’s all starting to make sense.
Why he was so quiet and calm since Nora came into our lives. Why he let me stay out when I was with her.
You fucking like her too.
He doesn’t answer.
I’d be less surprised to find out that he planned to eat her.
“You stupid furry fuck,” I say, shaking my head with frustration. What did you think? She was going to fall in love with a savage grizzly bear?
He grumbles back something that is probably the equivalent of ‘fuck you’ in bear language.
You should have let me handle it. Why don’t you ever want to work with me? We could have had her if you weren’t so goddamn stubborn.
He lets out a huff of breath. He fucking knows I’m right.
Not that it matters.
It’s over.
Tomorrow morning, Nora will probably be driving back to Kansas City and I’ll be stuck here thinking about her. Tormenting myself with the bittersweet memories I have of her.
I take a deep breath as I look around the messy cave. The deer carcass is still laying there, covered in flies. I may be more animal than man, but I don’t have to be a completely feral one.
With a heavy sigh, I pick up the carcass and carry it into the forest. A bird watches me as I drop it onto the ground where the animals and bugs will happily finish it off.
No more dead animals in the cave.
My bear grumbles, but I can tell he agrees. I may not be mate material, but we can do better than what we’re doing.
I make a quick torch to light the cave and clear the collection of bones scattered around the back wall. Next, I break off a branch of a tree, using it to sweep out the rest of the cave. It’s not much, but it’s better than it was before.