by Nora Roberts
“So we’re good now?”
“It looks like. Um, you told her you were seeing someone. I mean me?”
“I didn’t have to. When you walked back out, she punched me in the arm. She said, ‘She’s taller than me, she’s thinner than me, and she’s got better hair.’ What is it about your breed and hair?”
“Never mind that. What else did she say?”
“That it was bad enough I was blowing her off, but it had to be over somebody who looked like you. I figured it for some sort of twisted girl compliment.”
“A nice one. Now I feel guilty. I bet I would like her, and that’s just a little bit irritating.” She brooded a minute, then beamed. “But I’ll get over it. I’m not going to apologize, exactly, because—hey, hands on your ass. But I’ll offer to cook you dinner.”
“Sold,” he said without hesitation.
“Got anything in mind?”
“Nothing. Surprise me. Us,” he corrected and scooped Lily up to hang her upside down. “I’ll get shortie here out of your hair. We have some havoc to wreak in the other room.”
And just like that, she thought, her life was back on level. With the sounds of growling from Harper, and wild giggles from Lily rolling out of the living room, Hayley opened the refrigerator to examine the contents.
Pitiful, she decided. A total guy assortment of beer, soft drinks, bottled water, what appeared to be an ancient fried chicken leg, two eggs, a stick of butter and a small, moldy hunk of cheese.
She opened the freezer, and hit the payload. Several carefully labeled containers of leftovers. David to the rescue. But it was a shame she couldn’t actually cook something, impress Harper.
Who’s pitiful? He flaunts another woman in your face and you grovel. Now cooking for him, like a servant. Women are nothing but servants to men. Their conveniences.
He lies as all men lie, and you believe because you’re weak and foolish.
Make him pay. They should all pay.
“No.” She said it softly when she found herself standing in front of the open freezer door. “No. Those weren’t my thoughts. And I won’t have them in my head.”
“You say something?” Harper called out.
“No. No,” she said more calmly.
There was nothing to say. Nothing to think. She would put a meal together and they’d eat. Like a couple. Or even, just a little bit, like a family.
The three of them. Only the three of them.
fourteen
FEELING SO SETTLED was just a little spooky to Harper’s mind. They’d taken to having dinner together in the evenings. Sitting together in the kitchen, Lily strapped in the highchair he’d carted over from the main house, he and Hayley at the table with a meal, and conversation seemed so easy it made him nervous.
They were drifting into something solid, like a boat sailing toward shore in a light wind. He wasn’t sure whether when they hit it, they’d end up bruised and battered or safe and sound.
Did she seem edgy, too, under the casual? he wondered. Or was he projecting his own jitters?
It was all so normal, this eating together at the end of the day, talking about work or Lily’s latest accomplishment. Yet twined through the respite was an intensity, a feeling. A here we are, and here we’ll stay—at least for the night.
How much did he, did both of them, want to keep the “at least” in the mix?
“I was thinking,” he began, “that if things are slow inside tomorrow, I could show you how to hybridize.”
“I know a little. Roz walked me through a snapdragon.”
“I was thinking a lily. They’re a good specimen for it, and we could try one. I was thinking we could try for a mini, something in a kind of candy pink. And name it for Lily.”
Her face switched on to glow. “Really? Like create a new specimen, for her? Oh, Harper, that would be so awesome.”
“I thought pink—but a strong pink—and we could try for a hint of red blushing the petals. Red’s your color, so it’d be like Hayley’s Lily. I was thinking.”
“You’re going to make me cry.”
“Spend some time hand-pollinating and you might just cry. It’s not an instant-gratification deal.”
“I’d really like to try.”
“Then we’ll work on it. What do you think of that, shortie?” he asked Lily. “Want your own flower?”
She picked up a green bean with two delicate fingers and dropped it with some care on the floor.
“I bet she likes the flower more than her vegetables. That’s her signal she’s done.” Hayley rose. “I’ll clean her up.”
“I could do it. Give her a bath.”
With a laugh, Hayley removed the highchair tray. “Ever given a toddler a bath?”
“No, but I’ve had a few. Just fill up the tub, dump her in, hand her the soap. Then go back and dry her off after I’ve had another beer. Just kidding,” he said when Hayley’s eyes bugged out. He unstrapped Lily, hitched her up. “Your mama thinks I’m a bath moron. We’ll show her.”
“Oh, but—”
“Stay with her at all times. Don’t even turn your back. Warm water, not hot. Blah, blah, blah,” he continued as he walked away. Over his shoulder, Lily happily waved bye-bye.
She checked on them three times, but tried to be subtle about it.
By the time she’d finished dealing with the kitchen, Lily was running around, all pink and powdered and wearing nothing but her Huggies. Some men, she decided, were natural with children. Harper seemed to be one of them.
“What’s next on her agenda?”
“I usually let her play for another hour or so, tires her out. Then maybe we’ll read a book—or part of one—if she’ll sit still long enough. Harper, don’t you want to get rid of us?”
“No. I’m hoping you’ll stay. I can set that portable deal up in the spare room. We’ll hear her if she wakes up. Then you could be with me.” He took Hayley’s hands, leaned in to take her lips. “I want you to be with me tonight.”
“Harper . . .” She eased away, then hurried after Lily. “Wait,” she said, and stopped in the living room when Lily made a beeline for a pile of plastic trucks and cars. “Where’d they come from?”
“They were mine. Some things you keep.”
She imagined Harper as a little boy, playing with his trucks and making engine noises, much as her baby was doing now. “Harper, this is so hard.”
“What’s hard?”
“Not falling dead stupid in love with you.”
He said nothing for a moment, then turned her around to face him. “What if you did?”
“That’s what I don’t know. See, that’s what I don’t know.” Her voice hitched, and she swallowed to even it out. “There’s a lot tangled up in this. We only started being with each other a few weeks ago, and there’s all this stuff happening. I don’t know what you want, what you’re looking for.”
“I’m still figuring it out.”
“That’s fine for you, Harper. I mean it really is, it’s just fine. But what if I love you? I love you, and you figure out what you want is a trip to Belize and six months bumming on the beach? I’ve got Lily to consider. I can’t—”
“Hayley, if I wanted to be a beach bum, I think I’d know it by now.”
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“Okay, yeah. What if I fall for you, what if I love you and you decide you want to go back to Little Rock with Lily and open your own nursery?”
“I couldn’t—”
He held up a hand. “Sure you could. It’s the kind of risk people take when they get involved this way. Maybe you’ll fall, and maybe the other person won’t want what you’re looking for.”
“So we’re sensible? Take it a day at a time.”
“We could. We could do that.”
“What if I don’t want to be sensible?” she fired back. “What if I want to stand here right now and tell you I’m in love with you? What are you going to do about it?”
“I’m no
t sure since it’s pissing you off.”
“Of course I’m pissed off.” She threw up her arms. “I’m in love with you, damn it, Harper, and you want to be sensible, take it a day at a time. And from where I’m standing your way just sucks sideways.”
He considered himself a fairly laid-back sort of man, albeit one with a dangerous temper, which he was careful to control most of the time. How, he wondered, had he fallen so completely for a women whose moods tended to bounce around like a pinball?
Proved, he supposed, that there was no logic in love.
“Instead of going off, you should listen. I said we could be sensible. We could take it a day at a time. But since I’m in love with you right back, I’m not so crazy about that idea either.”
“You go around doing romantic stuff, movie-time romantic stuff. And then the sweet things like giving my little girl a bath, and I’m supposed to stay sensible? I mean, what do you expect, Harper, what do you expect when you . . .”
She caught her breath, then took a long one while he just looked at her, that lazy half smile on his face. “What was that part after how I should listen?”
“I said I was in love with you right back.”
“Oh. Oh.” She crouched when Lily brought her one of the trucks. “That’s nice, honey. Why don’t you go get it?” She rolled the truck across the room, got back up. “You’re not saying that because I’m being bitchy?”
“Generally, my policy doesn’t include telling a woman I’m in love with her when she’s being bitchy. Fact is, I haven’t said it to anyone before, because it’s the kind of thing that has weight. Should have weight. So you’re the first.”
“It’s not because you’re so stuck on Lily?”
He cast his eyes to heaven. “For Christ’s sake.”
“I’m picking it apart.” She held her hands up, wagged them. “I hear myself. I’m just breathless. You make me so happy I’ve been miserable.”
“Yeah, I can see how that works. Completely not.”
“I’ve been so scared.” On a laugh, she threw her arms around him. “I was so scared that I’d fall for you, then we’d end up being friends like that woman who came into the nursery the other day. I’m not going to be friends with you, Harper, if this doesn’t work out.” She reared back, then pressed her mouth hard to his. “I’m going to hate you forever.”
“Good. I think.”
She sighed, long and deep, as she laid her cheek to his. “What do we do now?”
“Since it’s a first for me, I’d like to ride on it awhile. It’s some pretty heady stuff. More immediately, I’d say we’ll play with Lily. Tire her out good, so that after you put her to bed I can take you to mine.”
“I like that plan.”
BY THE TIME she’d settled Lily down, Harper had music on. She knew he was rarely without it. Though it was just dusk, he had candles flickering in his bedroom. And flowers—a touch she’d rarely seen in another man, but had come to expect from him.
“She okay?” he asked her.
“Fine. She goes down pretty easy, doesn’t always stay that way through the night though.”
“Then we should take advantage of the quiet.” He slid his hands down her arms, then back up the sides of her body. “I love making love with you. Touching you. Watching you when I touch you. The way your body moves with mine.”
“Maybe we’re just in lust.”
“I’ve been in lust.” His lips cruised over her jaw. “Is that what this feels like to you?”
“No.” She turned her head so their lips could meet. “Not just.”
“I think about you. How you look, how you sound, how you feel. And here we are.”
She linked her arms around his neck as he lowered her to the bed. His hands glided down, up, then palmed over her breast.
“You are perfect. Perfect, perfect.” He nibbled his way down, then nipped lightly at her nipple through her shirt until she quivered under him.
Then he tugged her shirt down, and took flesh.
More than arousal, she thought even as her body bowed up in response. There was joy fizzing through the excitement, like the bubbles in champagne. He loved her. Harper with the patient hands and ripping temper loved her.
Whatever happened, she was loved. And the love that rose so full and strong inside her was welcomed. There was no gift she treasured more.
To show him, and how she needed to show him, she poured herself into a kiss on a flood of that love.
She surrounded him with it so he felt his heart ache from the brilliance. He loved. It had never come to him before, this stunning surge of emotion that filled heart and soul, gut and mind. This woman, the one who moved with him, merged with him, was the one who sparked it.
He savored the scent and flavor of her skin as the sky deepened to night and a whippoorwill began to sing in the apple tree outside his window.
Inside, the air went soft and thick, throbbing with the sounds of sighs. He felt her rise, tremble, and tremble on the peak, then float down on a moan that was his name. Her skin quivered where he touched and his own warmed as her hands glided over him.
Her lips. He could sink into them until pleasure swirled and shimmered in his mind like mists.
When she rolled over him, rose over him, he could see her face in the candlelight. The glow of it framed by her dark hair, the delicate blue of her eyes deepened with passion.
Her lips reclaimed his, soft, soft even as the kiss deepened. Then the throaty hum as she took him into her. He closed his eyes, riding the sensation as she closed around him.
“This is what you want,” she whispered. “What you all want.”
The change was like a finger snap, the cold like a sheath of ice. He looked at her, and everything inside him stilled.
“No.”
“To penetrate. To bury yourself.”
“Stop.” Even as she rocked, arousal mixing with horror, he gripped her hips to hold her still.
“Tell her anything. Love. Promises. Lies. As long as you get between her legs.” Her thighs clamped him, long, lean vises. Hayley’s body, he knew, but not Hayley. Revulsion rose in his throat.
“Stop.” He reached up, and what was inside her laughed.
“Shall I make you come? Shall I ride you like a pony until you—”
He shoved her back, and she continued to laugh, sprawled naked in the flickering light.
“Leave her alone.” He hauled her back. “You’ve got no right to her.”
“As much as you. More. We’re the same, she and I. The same.”
“No. You’re not. She doesn’t look for the easy way. She’s warm and strong and honest.”
“I could have been.” Something else came into her eyes then. Regret, grief, need. “I can be. And I know better than she does what can be done with this body.” She pressed it to his, began to whisper erotic suggestions in his ear.
With sick panic burning in his belly, he shook her. “Hayley. Damn it, Hayley. You’re stronger than her. Don’t let her do this.” And though it was still something else that looked at him, though her lips were cold, so cold, he kissed her. Gently. “I love you. Hayley, I love you. Come back to me.”
He knew when she did, the instant. And gathered her hard and close while she shivered. “Harper.”
“Ssh. It’s okay.”
“She was—Oh God. It wasn’t me. I didn’t mean those things. Harper—”
Comfort, he thought, wasn’t the answer, not here, not now. “It’s you I want.” His lips skimmed over her face, and his hands began to stroke her warm once more. “Just you, just me. We won’t let her touch this. Look at me.”
He gripped her hands in his, and plunged into her. “Look at me,” he repeated. “Stay with me.”
The cold became heat, the horror became joy. She stayed with him. Linked.
SHE COULDN’T SPEAK, even when his head was pillowed on her belly and the whippoorwill had given way to the cicadas. So much churned inside her she couldn’t separate the shock fro
m the fear, the fear from the shame.
He brushed a kiss over her flesh, then rose.
“I’m going to get us some water, and I’ll look in on Lily.”
She had to choke back words now. Pleas that he not leave her alone, even for a moment. But that was foolish, and impossible. She couldn’t be watched every minute. More, she couldn’t bear the idea that he might feel he had to watch her, waiting for Amelia to use her again.
She sat up, drawing her knees up to rest her brow on them.
She stayed that way when he came back, sat on the bed beside her.
“Harper. I don’t know what to say.”
“It wasn’t your fault, let’s just get that out of the way. And you pushed her out, or pushed through her, whatever the hell.”
“I don’t know how you could stand to touch me after.”
“You think I’d let her win? You think I’d let her beat us?”
The barely restrained fury in his voice had her lifting her head. “You . . . you were inside me when she—It’s so creepy.”
“Here.” He nudged the water on her. “Creepy for both of us,” he agreed. “And a little incestuous for me. Jesus. Nothing like getting really close to your great-great-grandmother.”
“She wasn’t thinking of you that way. I don’t know if that helps.” Fighting off a shudder, she handed the water back to him. “She was . . . I felt like she was seeing him. Reginald. She was—I was—all turned on, you know, then it was like this spit of rage spewing up through that. But the kind that makes it more, sort of more exciting. Darker. Then it was all blurred together. Her and me, him and you. And I was so wound up I couldn’t get a grip on anything. Then you said you loved me, you kissed me and I could hold on to that.”
“She tried to use us. We didn’t let her.” He set the water aside before easing her back so he could lie beside her and draw her close. “It’s going to be okay.”
But even lying beside him, held firm and safe in his arms, she couldn’t quite believe it.
IT WAS AWKWARD, but Harper felt Mitch should know about any incident involving Amelia. Even if that incident had happened in bed with Hayley.