by Kristen Echo
When they were young, she wasn’t sure if it was her father’s military background or his dominant personality that forced all the rules on them. Every minute of their lives had to be accounted for without exception. No matter the reason, he and his rules would never change. She’d really set him off this time because he rarely yelled. Stern voice; often. Outright scream; never. His anger was directed at life and not her, she reminded herself.
“About that… we—”
“Hold the line. Your mother has a few words she’d like to say to you. Good day, Hailey.” His word was final and there would be no discussion. Given his mood, she didn’t argue. Every time she brought up their rules, they shut her down or changed the subject. She didn’t think they were ready to be empty nesters.
“Thank God you’re safe.” The worry in her mother’s voice came through loud and clear, making her feel like a sack of shit. “I was up most of the night watching out the window. Why didn’t you come home?”
Her intention hadn’t been to worry her mother. She rubbed the back of her neck and exhaled. “Mom, I am twenty-two years old. I’ve lived all over the world on various missions. We’ve been over this. I will not report or check in with you on a daily basis. While—”
“You don’t understand. One day, when you’re a parent, you’ll finally get it. The worry doesn’t stop because you’re an adult. It never ends. I am glad you called and that you’re okay. Will you be home for lunch? I’m making a casserole.”
Hailey huffed, trying to rein in her temper. Her mother cared and for that she was grateful but living under their roof and abiding by their ridiculous rules grew increasingly difficult. The time to leave had come. Past time, but she’d wanted to wait until after Easter, knowing how difficult the holidays would be on her folks.
“Thank you for caring. I love you, and I appreciate you more than you know,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “However, I’m not used to calling you every day and reporting my whereabouts. We haven’t lived together in a long time. I won’t go backwards to when I was a teenager.”
“Are you using drugs? Seriously, why else would you refuse to tell us what you’re doing?”
“I’m not on drugs and I’m not getting drunk either. I haven’t partied in over a month.” Had it been that long since she’d celebrated with Mellie and Richard? Her friends had reached out several times, but Hailey hadn’t returned their calls. She’d been closing herself off which wasn’t good. No wonder bumping into Joe had caused her body to react that way. Damn. She’d need to try to get out more and enjoy life like she used to. “I’ve been busy with the case. That’s all. I swear. I’m working and that’s it. You can stop worrying.”
“You’re supposed to be healing, not working. It’s just like you to do your own thing. You’ve always been pigheaded.” The exasperation in her mother’s voice pierced her ear and drove into her heart. “The boys used to talk you out of your harebrained ideas. Do you remember? Gosh, Denis and Ryan were the only people you listened to other than your commanding officer. I’ve never been able to talk sense into you.”
Her heart beat quickened, thundering like a jackhammer in her chest. She found it difficult to catch her breath. Why did hearing their names still hurt so much? She drew strength from them, but as their scents faded from memory, the pain increased. Hailey looked up at the light blue mid-day sky. There were no answers in the slow-moving clouds. No answers in the sliver of the moon that lingered. Unable to speak, her grip on the phone tightened. A few awkward moments of silence passed.
“Are you there? Don’t pull away, Hailey. Your therapist—”
“No, I’m not having this talk with you,” she snapped. “Accept life as it is and stop looking back. Denis and Ryan are dead, and I’m not. You can’t smother me to fill the void. And you sure as hell won’t control me. You did it to Meagan, and she took off. Learn from that before none of your living children return your calls.”
A sharp inhale followed. Hailey hadn’t meant to strike a low blow against her mother. She regretted her harsh words as soon as they left her mouth even though they were true. Her parents needed to deal with the reality that their kids were grown. Most of all, they all needed to accept that those boys were gone. They would never walk in a park again; never smile or laugh at the Colonel’s bad jokes; and never tell Hailey when she’d gone too far.
Her hands shook, and her body swayed like she was on a boat. The earth seemed to move beneath her feet though she knew it hadn’t. It was all in her head. Her father wasn’t the only hotheaded one in the family. Hailey took several deep breathes and let the anger go. She released the firm grip on her phone before she accidentally broke it. “I’m sorry,” she breathed.
“Apology accepted,” her mother replied.
Most of the time Hailey put one mangled foot in front of the other and moved forward with hope in her heart. Other times, she wanted to lash out at the world and the injustices that tore families apart. It wasn’t her mother’s fault the two people she cared about most in this world were gone. Playing the blame game would never yield a winner.
“This case will take up a lot of my time until we find those kids. Try to relax and trust me. I gotta go. Love you both.” Hailey disconnected the call. She took one step forward and continued her trek to the closest coffee shop to use their bathroom.
When she returned to the bench, the small group of five had doubled. More young faces, making her think running away from home was the new cool thing to do. These kids were too young to be out of school. Way too young to be throwing their lives away with drugs. As she chatted with them, it became clear the availability of drugs, the high and the escape from pressures had brought them together. The gang numbers were increasing tenfold.
As the hours past people came and went, but Hailey stuck with Renee. The girl was too blasted to safely be alone. The more she mingled and listened, the more it seemed the city had a massive gang problem. Way bigger than she’d ever imagined. They weren’t scared of the cops. They dealt and used in plain sight, never attempting to hide their illegal activities. Hailey never touched the stuff, but the group used plenty. There was no shortage of supplies either. She watched them use meth, fentanyl and other opiates. Bill made a small fortune dealing and his supply was running low.
“I’ve been saving the good shit. Hailey, you need to try this. It’s on the house.” Bill handed her a compact mirror.
Three lines of white greeted her. “Thanks,” she replied. To fit in, she’d faked popping a few pills and spent every dime she had. Bill knew she was tapped out. This was his way of making sure she owed him. She smiled and pretended to snort it, using her finger to push the powder off the tiny mirror.
“Good. Right?” Bill invaded her personal space and retrieved the mirror with two lines remaining. His hand pressed between her shoulder blades, bringing her chest flush against his.
She sniffled and wiped her nose. “On the house means free. Take your hand off me. If you touch me again, I’ll break it. Are we clear?”
Laughter followed from Bill and those within earshot. He removed his hand and stepped back. “You’re funny.” He snorted a line then handed it to Renee who didn’t hesitate to fill her nose. “Good girl. Enjoy and know there’s plenty more where that came from.”
“Where do you get it? I might want to cut out the middle man and get it cheaper. No offense, Bill.” She sat down on the curb and watched the cars drive by.
“I’m not the middle man. I’m—”
“You’re well connected is what I meant. So, can you get me in touch with Trevor?” She hadn’t seen him around, but figured he was someone who’d have information.
“Yeah, I know everybody. I can hook you up with T. He’s busy today, but maybe tomorrow.” He bent near her and his dirty fingers patted the top of her head. “Or whenever I feel like it. Fuck, it’s late, and that reminds me, I’ve got more important people to meet. Later bitches.”
She let his rudeness slide and didn’t reta
liate. “Look forward to seeing you again.”
The group continued to dwindle until only a handful remained as the evening faded to night. There would be no intelligent conversation to be had, yet she couldn’t take off. As much as she contemplated leaving, she couldn’t leave them in that state. Another night sleeping outside would be no worse than some places she’d stayed while overseas. Sleeping with one eye open wasn’t restful.
Renee slumped against her shoulder and yawned. “I’m tired and it’s getting cold. Colder than last night. A warm place to sleep would be better than here.”
“There’s a nearby shelter. If we hurry, I bet they’ll still have a few beds free.” Hailey looped arms with Renee and they walked a few blocks.
Once Renee checked in, Hailey said goodbye. She headed home so her parents wouldn’t worry tonight. She was no closer to finding the missing teens and Renee was safe. They made plans to meet up the following day in the same park. Renee gave her a hug before they parted ways.
After midnight, the buses were few. She walked several blocks hoping one would come by, but nothing passed. Her foot ached, but she pushed ahead. There wasn’t much traffic at that hour. Then a car came to a screeching halt beside her. It was quiet, and she hadn’t heard it approach. She quickened her steps while keeping an eye on the vehicle. The lack of light overhead meant she couldn’t make out the model of the car. She’d guess it was expensive, most likely a hybrid or electric given the lack of engine noise.
The door opened, and a large frame emerged. Out of the shadows, the man she’d been trying to forget stepped into view. His large body stalked towards her, eating up the small distance she’d gained. “That’s twice you’ve left when I asked you to meet me. What’s up with that?”
She stopped and faced him. “What the hell are you doing driving around the city at this hour? Don’t you have a curfew or something?” Seeing him sent a jolt of energy through her, erasing her fatigue.
“What the hell are you doing walking the streets at this hour? It’s not safe. Especially, in this neighborhood. Are you… you’re not a—”
“Fuck no! I’m not a prostitute,” she snapped.
“Good.” A look of relief washed over his face. He rubbed the stubble on his chin as he stared at her. “I want to help you. You know, I only wanted to talk the other night. I’m curious why a woman like you was—”
“That’s bullshit. You didn’t want to help me; you wanted to fuck me again.” She stepped closer until their feet touched. She tilted her chin up to maintain eye contact. “You didn’t even know my name before you thrust your cock inside me. Homeless, drug addict, gangbanger, you didn’t care if I was any of those things then, and you don’t care now. My situation matters little as long as my legs are spread open for you.”
“Hailey, you’re the one who said no names. Your rules remember. I’m not an asshole, though I’m sure my actions might lead you to believe otherwise. Fuck.” He ran a hand through his dark hair.
“You didn’t have to follow along. Don’t feel bad. I’m sure you’ve fucked plenty of women whose names you don’t know.”
“Dammit. I want to help if you need it. You don’t have to be on the streets. No one does.” He huffed when she didn’t respond. His mouth opened, but nothing came out. They continued to stare at each other, neither giving an inch. “Okay fine, you’re not wrong. I haven’t known all their names, but… you make me crazy.”
She smiled at his admission. “I don’t need or want your help. Thank you very much for the offer.”
“Fine. You don’t want my help, but I can tell you want me.” His hand wrapped around her bicep, drawing her closer, pressing their chests together. “The feelings are mutual. I’ll bet your nipples are hard, and it has nothing to do with the cold. I’m not the only one who wants to fuck.” His hand moved to the base of her neck.
“You’re not wrong,” she answered honestly.
He kissed her. Boy did he kiss her hard. Her knees went weak, and she clutched his arms for support. It had been weeks since her lips had tasted him last and they were thirsty for more of the sinful treats he could deliver. His tongue tangled with hers. He tasted of citrus; so refreshing, she couldn’t get enough. Their bodies meshed as the kiss took on a life of its own.
An internal war broke out as he gripped her ass. He wanted to be her savior, and that pissed her off. Yes, giving into the desires racing through her would be easy. Would it be a mistake? He chewed her lip, and she growled.
“Spend the night with me.” His lips traveled to her ear as his erection nudged her stomach.
It was distracting. His finger tip traced her bottom lip. He grabbed her hand. She didn’t pull away. Her steps matched his as they moved towards his car. Once they reached it, he opened the door and planted a tender kiss on her hand.
The promise of pleasure proved hard to ignore. She looked inside at the designer leather and then back at him as he rounded the car. His eyes fixed on her. The passion and heat in them overwhelmed her. She hadn’t been with any man more than once since Ryan. One time didn’t involve emotions or attachments, but twice could mean something more. She wasn’t ready for more.
All this was a distraction. Solving the case had to be her priority; her only focus. Too bad she couldn’t quench the cravings. She pushed Joe away, and they both panted for air. “Find someone else to save. Someone else to fuck. I… I can’t do this.”
She turned and ran.
CHAPTER FOUR
T he alarm sounded, and she silenced it. The few hours of sleep she’d managed had been filled with dreams. Only they weren’t her usual ones. There were no explosions, no flashes of light followed by screams, and no haunting blue eyes reaching for her from beyond the grave. Instead, there was a calm darkness to her slumber.
These dreams had involved a pair of dark, teasing eyes. Joe invaded her psyche. They’d connected in the ways she wouldn’t let herself do in reality. Her hands had gripped his thick messy hair, tugging on the ends. She’d rubbed her nose over the soft bristles on his jaw before capturing his mouth. She’d let loose on those luscious lips. Hailey hadn’t held back, moving his fingers so they’d press against her clit until her eyes crossed. She’d woken up panting more than once because dreams of that wicked mouth had been on repeat.
Hailey shifted under the covers, recalling the decadence of the dreams. Her eyes fluttered shut as she imagined living out her dreams. Wrapping her hand around Joe’s thick cock, pumping the base as she licked along the shaft. She’d stared into his eyes as she sucked him into her mouth. Giving pleasure shouldn’t have made her wake up wet. Her hands worked their way south between her legs, discovering her folds weren’t wet, they were soaked. She wished she could taste him, tease, lick and suck every inch of his manhood until his eyes rolled back in his head.
She imagined all those glorious hard inches stuffed in her mouth as two of her fingers pressed against her clit. Instincts took over, and she used her moisture to massage her pleasure center. Faster and faster while her mind finished the dream of making Joe Larson explode onto her tongue. When he pulled her hair and slammed into the back of her throat, the intensity of the moment sent her over and she came. Her body shook. A tear slipped down her cheek. She pulled her hand away from her legs and wiped her wet fingers on her camo green sheets.
Tears were pointless. Hailey hadn’t cried in months. Not since the injury. Yet, there she was lying in her bed sobbing. She rolled over and buried her face in the pillows. She’d had plenty of orgasms since Ryan died, but this was the first one she’d given herself where he hadn’t been the leading man. Her stomach roiled, and she felt ill. Guilt overwhelmed her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered into her empty room.
After wiping her eyes, she kicked off the covers and made the decision to put her plan into action. She showered, letting the tension ease from her shoulders. The uneasiness in her stomach subsided after several minutes under the hot water. Unfortunately, the sense of betrayal and guilt didn’t go away as quick
ly.
She stared at the dark circles in her reflection and applied concealer. Hiding the sadness was easier than dealing with it. She dressed in jeans, a long-sleeve army issued shirt and a sweater. Being outside in Spring meant layering properly. Spending the day with Renee could take her anywhere and she had to be prepared. She pulled on a pair of wool socks and grabbed her phone.
Hailey had an appointment with her therapist, but she canceled. Talking about her feelings was bullshit and didn’t help. She needed concrete tasks. Goals and accomplishments. Tangible things to keep her busy and stop her from focusing on the loss. She looked down at her mangled foot and cringed. She’d nearly perfected her walk, and no longer had a limp, but the missing two toes left a gap in her sock and a constant itch in the area. The scars went halfway up her calf, but she’d been lucky to keep her big toe.
Most days she didn’t feel lucky. That negative thinking had to stop. “You’re alive. Be grateful. Be active and make a difference.” She spoke her words out loud to give them more weight. Another one of her therapist’s suggestions. “You’re allowed to have fun.” It sounded hollow.
“You’re allowed to have fun. You’re allowed to live. This is so stupid,” she said and flopped onto her bed.
She stared at the ceiling and concentrated on her breathing. Deep breaths in and out. “You need to get out of bed and get out of this house. You need to find those missing teens. You need to get laid,” she added and then laughed. “You need to stop talking to yourself and roll with the punches.”
Another big breath and she climbed out of bed. Hailey packed her backpack and left it by the door. She sent a text to Caroline and Sylvie, her bosses, and let them know of her plans to follow a group of young homeless kids hoping to find the missing teens. Their responses were quick, advising against it. She assured them she had things covered. Her confidence wasn’t foolhardy, she was prepared for anything.