He stared at her. “Crap?”
“I could call it worse.”
His lips thinned, but he shook his head. “No need. You’re right. I stumble over my pride occasionally.”
“With everyone?” She tipped her head. “Or is it just me?”
“With—” Damn, he had to be honest. “Mostly you,” he admitted.
“But...why?”
He’d either hurt her feelings or she was just flat-out perplexed. A burn under Will’s breastbone told him he needed to bare himself. God knows she’d trusted him enough times.
“Because you’ve gotten to me.” He sounded hoarse, and wanted really badly to look away from her wide, astonished eyes. “It’s hard to imagine a woman with your background and education would have any interest in an unemployed former soldier with a bum hip and leg.”
“That’s how you see yourself?” She stared at him in obvious bewilderment. “That’s ridiculous! Anyway, you said you plan to go to medical school.”
“I didn’t say plan,” he corrected her. “I said I’ll be applying. But you must know what the competition is like. I may not be accepted anywhere. Then I’ll get a job like any other grunt.”
Maddy’s expression changed. He didn’t like to think that was pity he saw.
“You expect to fail?”
He hesitated. Truth was, he’d always been a pretty cocky guy. Mostly, he did believe in himself. It was Maddy who scared him. She was class, he was—
Yeah, that wasn’t like him, and he didn’t enjoy the feeling.
“No,” he said. “I have top-notch grades. I’m hoping the on-the-job experience as a medic makes up for the fact that my degree isn’t from a blue-ribbon university. I’ve been studying hard, and I’m doing really well on the practice MCATs I’ve taken.”
The Medical College Admission Test was notoriously tough, so yeah, he was proud of himself.
Her expression warmed. “They’ll be impressed because getting a degree was a lot harder for you than for the typical kid who goes straight off to a four-year school with mommy and daddy paying the tuition.” Her forehead crinkled. “You won’t be able to start for another year, though.”
He rolled his shoulders. “Rehab took everything I had. Then there was the hit of being invalided out of the service. You know it can happen, but that doesn’t mean you’re prepared. I needed time to...reintegrate, too.”
She nodded.
The silence that followed wasn’t a comfortable one, even for her, Will thought. Maddy didn’t look at him, which had him feeling sick. She hadn’t reacted to what he’d said about his feelings for her. Somehow they’d ended up talking about his ambitions instead.
He needed to let it lie. She was stuck with him for the foreseeable future. Why put her on the spot and make their relationship awkward? He’d done enough damage by backing away.
He started to stand. “I’ll make sandwiches for lunch.”
Maddy laid her hand atop his on the arm of the Adirondack chair. “No, wait. I...have something to say first.”
* * *
MADDY DIDN’T EVEN know why she felt so shy, but she did. Maybe because Will wasn’t like any man she’d ever dated. She’d never felt like this, either. And yes, he’d hurt her each time he withdrew. But she couldn’t let this chance pass by. He’d told her how he felt, and she could do that much, too.
Of course, her cheeks were probably flaming red.
His eyes met hers. She knew he wasn’t calm only because the muscles in his forearms were rock hard, tendons and veins standing out as did the small bones on the backs of his hands.
“I knew you were attracted to me.” Maddy knew her smile was a flop. “I couldn’t understand why since I’ve looked pretty awful since we met with me holding you at gunpoint.” She lifted her fingertips to gingerly touch the side of her face that had been a mass of bruises and cuts. She was healing, but knew fading colors and scabs remained. Okay, quit procrastinating. “What you said, um, implies a lot more than that.”
“I meant to.”
Wincing at his flat tone, she gathered her courage. “Well, I’m interested in you, too, and that’s true whether you get into medical school or not. I just never thought you—” Words died as she watched his shifting expression.
“Why?” His puzzlement was plain.
“Oh, come on! I know I’ve been a burden. And do you have any idea how guilty I feel? You’ve risked your life for me, over and over. And even though you’ve been really nice about it, I assumed you’d be glad to unload me as soon as you could.”
He swallowed. “I’ve been dreading the day you leave. I keep telling myself I like being alone, but that’s a lie. You...brought me back to life.”
“Oh, Will.”
She started to rise. So fast she didn’t see it coming, Will scooped her up and sat back down with her in his arms. His mouth found hers, both of them made clumsy by need, but it didn’t matter. They bumped noses, clanked teeth, but finally found the right angle and the kiss became astonishing: urgent but tender, too; sweet even as need rose. Each time they needed to breathe, they’d look into each other’s eyes.
Eventually, a groan rumbled in his chest and she felt a tremor in the hands cradling her head.
“I want you so damn much, but we can’t do this. And please don’t get mad at me.”
Mad? Oh. He’d said the same another time, and she’d stupidly felt rejected.
“I really do feel a lot better overall. If that’s what you mean.”
Eyes as dark as charcoal searched her face. “You can’t tell me you don’t still hurt.”
No, she couldn’t, but today it had been mostly when she got careless in how she moved. “We could, well, find a way.” Now her face burned. “Except I’m not on birth control.”
“That I can take care of. But...you’re serious?”
Maddy squirmed a little for the pleasure of rubbing herself against his powerful thigh, not to mention the ridge against her hip. “I can’t think of anything in the world I’d rather do,” she confessed.
The sound he made inhuman, Will surged to his feet holding her as if she didn’t weigh a thing. He strode across the deck, shoved open the French door with one shoulder and carried her into the living room where he came to a stop.
“Damn. The sofa bed is miserable.”
It wasn’t so bad for her, probably because she did weigh a lot less than he did but also because she draped herself over him when they slept. Right this minute she didn’t think she’d so much as feel the bar that seemed to be right beneath their hips.
“I can climb up to the loft.”
“Do you need the bathroom?”
Maddy laughed at his chivalry, unromantic as it was. “No, I’m good.” Then she frowned at him. “You didn’t say whether you have condoms.”
“Picked ’em up when I shopped on Thursday.” He crossed the living room in two or three strides and set her on her feet halfway up the steep staircase to the loft. As she climbed, Will kept a hand on her butt, either to boost her or because he was gently squeezing and enjoying it.
He wasn’t the only one.
Under a pitched roof, the loft had the same wood floors that could use a refinishing, a queen-size mattress and springs that sat on the floor, a dresser, a small wood stool that obviously served as a bedside stand and a low bookcase.
Within moments Will had yanked the thin blanket and top sheet from the bed. “Maddy. Are you sure?”
She nodded shakily.
“Then lift your good arm.” As he had other times, he carefully removed her T-shirt, leaving her breasts bare. Staring, he cupped her breasts to gently rub until she moaned and arched. Still without looking away, Will ripped his shirt over his head and tossed it away before reaching for the button at her waist. He peeled her chinos and panties down her legs, Maddy stepping out of them and her
flip-flops at the same time.
Squatting, Will wrapped his hands around her ankles and slid them up. She shivered when he reached the sensitive skin behind her knees. Her breath hitched when calloused fingers stroked over the inside of her thighs. He leaned forward, breathing in her essence, kissed her and then exploded to his feet. Maddy vaguely heard the twin thuds as his shoes hit the floor or walls, who knew? His pants and stretch boxers were gone as fast.
Maddy reached for him and splayed her fingers on his chest. He was...spectacular, those long muscles well-defined, his belly flat and hard. While he stood completely still, she bent forward to rub her cheek against the soft hairs on his chest and explore his contours with her fingertips, finally licking the small hollow at the base of his throat, just because it was there and looked so vulnerable.
He tried to take over then, lifting her and laying her back on the bed before he came down beside her. Always so careful not to hurt her. Knowing he’d never forget made something squeeze hard in her chest. He kissed her breasts and drew each nipple in turn into his mouth, the suction compelling her hips to rise. She wanted his weight on her, to be able to wrap her legs around his waist, feel him deep inside her. Maddy struggled to remember why he still held himself separate.
Her wandering hand touched thick scar tissue. Will returned to kissing her, but she pushed him. “Wait! I need to see—”
“What?” He lifted away in confusion, but Maddy was focused entirely on the scars, some surgical, some from torn flesh, that covered his right hip and reached down his thigh.
She’d known, but seeing it was different. “Oh, Will,” she whispered. She stroked the damaged area before looking up in chagrin. “Does that hurt? When I touch you?”
“No.” He sounded ragged but cleared his throat. “To tell you the truth, the skin is mostly numb there.”
“Oh.” She lifted her hand.
He captured it and laid it back where it had been. “Touch me. Anywhere you want. I like it.”
“Me, too. I mean—”
Will grinned. “I know what you mean.”
Maddy loved what the smile did to that craggy, scarred face. She loved the way he touched her, too, and kissed her, and whispered how beautiful she was even as he had to work around her splinted arm, broken collarbone and gashes. She could hardly wait for the day when she didn’t look like she’d been in a plane crash.
She saw him grope beneath the stool and come up with a packet. Lost to sensation, she rubbed against him, hardly aware he was putting the condom on.
Will suddenly rolled to his back and displayed his upper body strength by picking her up again and turning her to straddle him. Eyes betraying desperation as great as what she felt, he said, “Let me know if you hurt.”
Hurt?
She took him in, riding him, grateful that he helped pace her with his grip on her hips. Sounds she didn’t even recognize kept escaping her. When pleasure seized Maddy, she cried out Will’s name—and heard her own as part of a groan when his body bucked as if he had no choice but to follow her.
Chapter Thirteen
The next day after dinner, Maddy sank onto the sofa and cuddled up to Will. “Happy?”
Closing his arm around her, he said, “I’m happy.” Which was a major understatement. “You?”
“Of course I am.” But her very stillness spoke of the black cloud that hung over them both. This was Wednesday. A week from now or less, she’d be testifying. “Except... I wish we didn’t have to do that thing tomorrow,” she added.
The thing. Drive almost a hundred miles to Bellevue, where the prosecutor would meet them at a borrowed house. Will would have liked it better if they’d planned to meet halfway in between Seattle and Concrete—Everett came to mind, since that was where Scott Rankin had intended to hide Maddy until the trial. But Cynthia Yates had claimed an extremely busy schedule that allowed no time for long drives. Admittedly, in a matter of days she would be starting jury selection for a major trial. She had also refused to do the witness prep over the phone, claiming she never went to trial with a witness she hadn’t met with, face-to-face. She sounded annoyed that Maddy had been yanked into hiding before they had a chance to talk.
Will didn’t get the feeling she took the danger to Maddy anywhere near seriously enough, but Maddy’s determination to do what was asked of her hadn’t faltered despite his frustration and fear. This was the first time she’d expressed any worry, although he had been well aware that she wasn’t either blithely certain of her safety or in complete denial. He’d awakened her from two or three nightmares a night. She was trying to hold in all her stress.
“If anyone knew where I am,” she said slowly, “we’d know.”
Translation: they’d be dead.
“So there’s no reason the drive should be a problem,” Maddy continued. “I don’t really see why we even need to switch cars.”
They had both been enjoying an interlude. It was time to lay out his biggest worry to her. If everything turned to shit, he needed to know she’d follow orders and react fast.
So he said, “I agree. I don’t think we’ll be followed. My real concern is that Yates will be. These guys knew she was prosecuting this case long before she walked into the courtroom today. I did some research on Torkelson. You know he was a prosecuting attorney himself before he was appointed to the bench? He knows how it works, how she thinks.”
Her muscles tightened. “They’re watching her. That’s what you’re saying.”
“Yeah.” Lay it out there, he told himself. “The judge in particular would know she always meets with witnesses before putting them on the stand. It’s unrealistic to believe she can get out of the building unseen. Even if there’s a parking garage, they could put people in it watching for her. Even in the building itself. I had the feeling Ruzinski didn’t like this plan, either, but felt we had to cooperate.”
Maddy pulled away from him, turning on the sofa and tucking one leg under her so she could see his face. “Really? I didn’t get that.”
“I didn’t have the impression you were paying much attention.”
Obviously chagrined, she said, “You’re right. I wasn’t offered a voice in making the arrangements, you know. Still, I should have listened.”
“You had a lot to think about.” He leaned forward to kiss her lightly, then smiled. “It’s also possible he was chafing at having to turn to another agency to do what he can’t.”
Maddy chuckled. “It can’t be comfortable for him to have to admit the marshal’s service needs help protecting a witness under their care.”
“Nope.”
He waited while she thought it over. “So we’re just going to walk—drive—into a potential ambush?”
“I’ll approach with great care. You need to be ready to jump when I say jump.”
“Haven’t I always?”
“Yeah,” Will said gruffly. “You have. I have the feeling you aren’t usually a docile woman, though, and the better you feel, the more likely you are to want to think for yourself.”
Maddy frowned at him. “Thinking for myself doesn’t make me stupid, you know.”
“That’s not what I—”
She cut him off. “I’d have died if it weren’t for you. You’ve kept me alive. I promise to jump when you say so.”
Will slid a hand around her nape and squeezed. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just, uh...”
“Worried.”
Scared out of his skull, actually, but he wasn’t going to say that. He wouldn’t quit being scared even if tomorrow’s expedition went like clockwork. The trial had to take place at the courthouse, and he had no doubt at all that they’d be ambushed there. It would be their last chance.
Of course, a second trial was scheduled to begin in late August, and Maddy had to testify in it, too. Will was less concerned about that one, because she’d already have desc
ribed in court what she saw and heard the day her client was gunned down. Shutting her up after that wouldn’t help Judge Torkelson.
Which didn’t mean Will intended to relax one iota until Torkelson was convicted and led away in cuffs.
“How about we put it out of our minds for the rest of the day,” he suggested.
A smile quivered on her mouth. “That’s a lot of hours to fill. I wonder what’s on Netflix?”
“Netflix isn’t quite what I had in mind.” Will traced the curve of her lips with his forefinger. When she nipped it, his body jolted. “You know, the fit is tight here if we don’t pull out the bed, but if I spoon you from behind...”
Just like that, he was painfully aroused. And even more so when he saw her eyes darken and her lips part.
“That sounds interesting,” she said huskily. “I’m betting you don’t have a condom handy, though.”
With a groan, he let his head fall back. Then he eased himself to his feet. There was no way around it. “Close your eyes, count to twenty and I’ll be back.”
Maddy’s chuckle followed him up to the loft.
* * *
IT WAS NOT a fun drive.
At least once they were on the freeway and Will was confident they weren’t being followed, he let Maddy sit up. Naturally, he’d consigned her to the backseat so that she could dive for cover beneath the familiar blue tarp if need be. She fastened her seat belt, glanced at the back of Will’s head and some of his stubborn jaw and angular cheekbone, all she could see, then looked out the window just as they drove over the Skagit River. It was more impressive than she’d have expected, broad and running high, deceptively placid except for the ripples of current.
She could only remember traveling this far north once, when she and Doug had gone to La Conner for a weekend getaway. They’d been chattering, and she hadn’t paid that much attention.
Doug. She hardly thought of him. They’d been seeing each other for nearly a year before she witnessed the shooting that changed everything, and yet Maddy could barely picture his face. How much had he been told about her disappearance? She wondered how quickly he’d moved on...because she felt sure he would have.
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