He couldn’t think straight as he sprinted down the street and turned the corner. He could barely see more than a few feet of sidewalk in front of him as he pumped his arms and put more distance between himself and Ava. By the time he stopped, he was many blocks away from her. Crouching down on his haunches, forearms on knees, he heaved in gusts of air, sweeping his head from side to side until his vision returned.
Burying his head in his hands, he shuddered. Christ, what the hell did I do?
Chapter Twenty-Three
Oh. My. God. Puck rushed out of her home like a bat flying out of hell. Ava stared at his back as he stomped out of the kitchen. She followed him as he threw the door open and stormed out. Unbelievable. Reflexively, she closed the door behind him, pieces of her heart breaking off and falling to the ground as she stiffly made her way back into the kitchen.
The first real argument they had, and he walked out on her. Dumped her again. Yes, she had given him an ultimatum. He was correct in that assessment, and maybe that hadn’t been the right tactic to take, but her anger was justifiable. Who deserted someone after they got upset over something legitimately upsetting? He’d threatened to hurt the shop. The shop her father slaved over. Granted, her relationship with him wasn’t close, but that didn’t mean she’d step aside and let the Squad wreck it. Kat loved the shop with her entire fragile teen heart. They’d be devastated, and not only because of the financial cost, although that would surely be great. Did she not do enough to explain what that shop meant to her family?
No. She hardened her heart. She would’ve never put Puck in such a position. Ever. It was unconscionable. He hadn’t fought for her at Church. He wasn’t willing to go back and seek a compromise. He’d avoided her the entire day. The one text he’d sent came off as obligatory. Usually, he responded to her promptly. Sometimes it was immediate, as if he were checking his phone for her texts.
Ava picked up his half-eaten plate of food and walked numbly to the garbage can. The tip of her foot pressed on the pedal. Unseeing, she scrapped the uneaten food into the garbage. He’d ditched her, same as he had eight years ago. Fool me once, shame on him. Fool me twice, shame on me. Yup, that about summed it up. Ava deposited the dirty dish and silverware in the sink and pulled on her gloves. Twisting the faucet roughly, she scrubbed dishes mercilessly and then deposited them in the dishwasher even though they were clean.
Unlike the first breakup, there was no excuse for his behavior this time. She wasn’t a flighty party girl anymore. Staring down at her robe, Ava huffed out a little laugh of disbelief. If anything, she couldn’t be more boring if she tried. Her eyes welled up with tears, but she tightened her entire body to prevent them from falling. No, she refused to cry over that man, even if the chances of her having an orgasm with another human being had fallen to zero.
After cleaning up, she dragged herself to the bathroom. She was in the middle of brushing her teeth when she swore she heard the pipes of Puck’s bike. That couldn’t be right. She slammed her hands down on the sides of the sink and gripped tightly, fighting off the urge to check. Ultimately, she failed and hurried to the living room to look outside, but there was nothing outside her window. Great, now her mind was playing tricks on her. Overwrought, she ridiculously imagined that he’d come back to her on his hands and knees. She was such a fool. Disappointment morphed into cold fury. Fuck that, she wouldn’t take him back. Time to put this hellish day behind her.
Returning to the bathroom, she finished getting ready, but everywhere she looked, her gaze landed on Puck’s stuff. His toothbrush, his razor, his aftershave. Grabbing a tote from the hallway closet, she stuffed it with his clothing and personal belongings and dropped it near the front door.
Back in her bedroom, she paused as she lifted the covers back. Should she change the sheets? Ava looked up at the ceiling, considering. On one hand, it’d be the best thing to do. On the other hand, she could give herself a break tonight and revel in his scent one last time. Patchy hopped onto the bed, circled twice, and curled up on her pillow. That, on top of her emotional exhaustion and an oncoming wave of depression, settled it for her.
Scooting Patchy off to the side, Ava fell into bed. She tossed and turned for a while until she finally rolled over to Puck’s side of the bed. Pressing his pillow into her nose, she greedily drew in his scent. Plumping it up, she carefully laid her head down on top, inhaling deeply for several minutes until her eyelids drooped closed.
In the middle of the night, she woke abruptly. Jackknifing up, reality rushed in to dispel Ava’s dream of Puck and her entwined together, kissing passionately. Falling back on her back with an oomph, she twisted her face into his pillow, dragging her nose up and down, her breath hitching as she pinched her eyes shut to stop the tears from falling. She felt Patchy leap onto the bed and push her muzzle into Ava until she made space for the little kitten beside her chest. This time, it took a long time before she fell back asleep.
※※※
Puck pulled himself together and got off the pavement. In the darkness of the quiet suburban streets, it took him a moment to orient himself and find his way back to Ava’s house. A wind chime hanging from the awning of the porch let off little peals in the evening gusts. Standing near his bike, he stared up at her house, willing her to open the door for him as she had earlier that night before everything had gone to hell.
He’d fucked up.
He’d known it while it was happening, but he couldn’t do anything about it at the time. He was so used to being self-sufficient that he didn’t know how to be vulnerable. Be real, you don’t like to come off as anything but strong and in control. It was his way. Everything he did, he did with power and determination. That was the secret sauce to his success. Even with Ava, he’d come on strong. That was how he’d gotten her back. She was right when she said he didn’t share himself with her. He was pissed when he’d walked into the bar in the wake of disaster. The last thing he’d wanted to do was take out his cell and talk to her. Only once it was handled could he be around her. That behavior wasn’t good for a relationship, though. Especially one with Ava. She was all about communication. Hightailing it out of there was the worst thing he could’ve done.
Punching his balled fist into the palm of his hand, he blew out a breath. What are you waiting for, you fucking idiot? Waiting for her to open that door and invite you in with open arms? Not gonna happen. Wiping his sweat-lined brow, he plunked his helmet on his head, straddled his bike, and powered it up. He listened for any sign of life from the house as he let the motor roar to life. Nothing. There was no way she couldn’t hear him out there. His pipes were loud as fuck.
Turning his bike, he rode away wearily with a heart loaded with regret. He circled aimlessly for a while and then headed for his house. Jiggling the key in the lock, he pushed with his shoulder to force the door open. He hadn’t been there in weeks, and it showed.
Cold. It was cold as hell in the house. Checking the thermostat, he saw that some idiot had brought it down to forty degrees. He was surprised a pipe hadn’t burst and flooded the place. That would’ve been fitting, at least. But more than cold, it was bare and empty of people…of Ava. Her scent was nowhere to be found, unlike in her home, where she was everywhere. Even when she wasn’t home, he enjoyed her little house. It was comfy with her shit organized everywhere. She was a tidy little thing, and every nook and cranny of her place was perfectly arranged. Here, half of the space was empty since Sammi had permanently moved in with that asshole boyfriend of hers. After raising the thermostat, he roamed around the house, lost. Images of Sammi’s attack flooded his mind. He couldn’t stay here. Grabbing a duffel bag, he randomly stuffed clothing in it and left.
Ten minutes later, he was at Loki’s place, pressing his fingertip on the doorbell.
“The fuck,” Loki said as the door opened. Puck shoved past him without a word and dropped his duffle bag on the ground.
Shutting the door, Loki leaned back against it and crossed his arms over his massive ch
est. “She kick you out?”
“Worse. I left. She gave me an ultimatum, telling me that if I left, I shouldn’t come back. Since I’m a dumbass, I left.”
Loki made a waving motion, and Puck peered over his shoulder to find a half-dressed Abby scurrying behind the wall.
Shaking her head at Loki, she said, “Ava’s my friend, so I’m staying.”
“Yeah? Then, you better make sure you’re dressed, or you’ll find yourself face down on the bed with your pretty little ass up in the air.”
With a string of complaints, Abby disappeared. Puck heard a few stomps on the wooden floor, and a door slammed shut.
Loki made a sound in the back of his throat and then turned his attention back to Puck. “Why’d you leave, again?”
“’Cause I don’t do ultimatums.” He strategically refrained from mentioning the panic attack.
“You do now. Don’t know her that well, but from what I’ve seen of Ava, she’s not one to do shit without a reason.”
“She has a temper,” he replied defensively.
“Mmm-hmm,” Loki replied in disbelief.
“She does.” That much was true, although she had every right to be mad at him.
Loki walked past Puck and motioned him to follow him into the kitchen. Pointing at a chair, he ordered, “Sit, and start from the beginning.”
Puck slinked down into the chair. He was fucking exhausted after the day, the fight with Ava, and then having to battle a panic attack alone on some random empty street. Not that the last two weren’t his fault. He knew that; he wasn’t that much of an idiot. As best he could, he replayed the argument to Loki, including the panic attack.
“Hmm, guess she does have a little temper, but nothing you couldn’t handle. On a normal day. You would’ve done better if you’d admitted why you needed space before busting out of there.”
“What can I say, hindsight is a bitch.”
“You got that right,” muttered Loki, placing a drink of whiskey in front of Puck. “You know, Ava’s your future, brother. Sammi’s got a man. She’s bonded now.”
“Should’ve never let her watch that dumbass show, Sex and the City. Used to even watch a few episodes with her to connect with her, you know? Look where it got me. Losing my little sister to a rich bastard.”
Pulling out the chair next to Puck, Loki sat down with his own drink. “Sex and the City or not, she would’ve moved out eventually. You can’t make decisions like the one you made earlier without speaking to your woman, brother. Getting her feedback.”
He looked askance at Loki. “When do you ever do that?”
“When do you see me making a decision on the fly?” He paused for Puck’s response. Not receiving one, he went on, “You don’t. I wait to talk to Abby about anything that comes up, specially if it’s going to impact her. Including how I’m gonna vote.” They both took a long sip from their glasses. “It was something I learned the hard way, and apparently, you need to learn it that way, too. Your woman comes first. The Squad is a brotherhood, but no brother’s gonna warm up your bed like Ava will. And I’m not talking about sex. If she’s your old lady, then she’s your other half. Your better half. You don’t make a goddamn move without passing it by her.”
“That’s a ball and chain, man.”
“True, but it’s a ball and chain I can’t live without. It’s not like Abby hadn’t suffered before meeting me, what with the loss of her mother when she was just a kid. She’d already lived through heartache before me, yet I managed to hurt her like no one else. Vowed I’d never let that happen again. If that means involving her in my decision-making process, weighing her mental and physical health in everything I do, I’m good with that. My responsibility is toward her, first and foremost. Any club worth its colors understands that. It’s not any different for Kingdom and Cutter.”
Puck knew about what Abby had gone through and how it had torn Loki apart with guilt and remorse. The man had been a fucking wreck when she lost their baby in an attack by a rival club, a vengeful act meant to hurt him. What he hadn’t been aware of was the extent to which Loki went to watch over and protect Abby. Loki was a private, keep-to-yourself kind of brother, so he wasn’t surprised to be hearing this for the first time. But Kingdom? Cutter?
“What about the club? The Renegades?”
“Kingdom shifted the Squad away from the smuggling side of our business when he and Sage were trying for a baby.”
“Yeah, might’ve forgotten about that,” he admitted begrudgingly. Christ, he had. He really had forgotten how much they’d changed as a club. He was a solider who followed orders. Of course, he knew it was about Sage. Guess, it hadn’t crossed his mind that it might apply to him.
“The club’s got to fit the needs of its members, and its members need their women. You’ve done your part for the club. Allow the club to repay the favor. That’s what the term ‘having your back’ means. You don’t have to jump in and fix every problem that arises for the club or Sammi. Sammi, ’cause she’s got a man who’s usurped you—”
“Alright already,” Puck grumbled.
“And the club, ’cause we’re a unit of men who are there to protect and back one another up. The Squad Bar isn’t your bar; it’s the Squad’s bar. You may be in charge of it, but it’s our responsibility.”
“It’s because of me that it was trashed, though,” he reminded Loki, although the cinched belt around his chest was starting to loosen a bit. Plus, the alcohol was starting to kick in.
“That might be true, but it doesn’t negate the fact that you’re an integral part of the Squad. You’ve paid your dues tenfold, motherfucker. Why can’t you stand down for once and let the brothers take care of you? We’re a family, and we would’ve taken a different path if you’d told us what you needed.”
He appreciated the reminder. Forgetting about Kat, he’d underestimated how it would affect Ava, though she was more upset than he’d anticipated. She may not be close to her father, but she was loyal to a fault. That man had helped her on more than one occasion, and with her reticence to ask for help, she’d never forget anything he did for her. Puck was so used to putting Sammi and the club first, he’d automatically shoved Ava’s needs into second place. But Ava and he were one, so Ava’s needs were automatically his. A lesson he’d take to the grave.
Pulling in a long draught of his whiskey, his gaze cut to Loki. “What the fuck am I going to do?”
“You’re going to get Kingdom to call for Church, and we’ll figure this shit out. Then you’re gonna go and get your woman back.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ava’s eyes flew up as Abby swung the door of her office open so quickly it slapped and bounced off the wall. Flinging herself over the desk, she brought Ava in for a fierce embrace. “Ohmigod, what an asshole!” she cried out.
Ava’s stoic veneer toppled, and she deflated in her friend’s arms.
“What is it with these bikers? Seriously, they have nothing between their ears. They see a good woman. They say they want to be with that woman, and then they turn around and mess it up the first chance they get. It’s unbelievable,” Abby rattled on.
Drawing her strength around her like an old coat, Ava squeezed Abby one last time before releasing her. “I’m at a loss for words, Abby. Didn’t I do everything in my power to make it work between us?” Her eyes went to the far wall, her vision getting blurry with unshed tears. Pressing her lips together, she furrowed her brow in confusion. “How do you know that we broke up? It just happened last night.”
“Hold that thought,” she said as she pulled out her phone, dialed it, and put in on speaker.
The phone rang and Sammi got on. “What the fuck! My brother’s an idiot, Ava, and I’m tracking him down as we speak to do what, Abby? What am I going to do to him when I get hold of that moron?”
Abby rolled her eyes. “Kick his ass.”
“That’s right!” Sammi screeched. “He loves you, Ava. I’m telling you he loves you. He doesn’t deserve yo
u, but I know he loves you.”
Ava pressed her lips together to stop a hysterical giggle from escaping. This was so insane. Sammi was adorable and loving. Ava wished she was in her office as well, so that she could reach out and hug the girl.
“Don’t mean to interrupt, Sammi, but I was catching Ava up on how I found out about what he did,” said Abby.
“Go right ahead. Tell her what happened,” Sammi replied, with a dramatic huff.
“Well,” began Abby, “Puck came over to our house. Got drunk and stayed up half the night with Loki. Ended up crashing on our air mattress. You know, the one Loki fought me to buy because he said he didn’t want any of the brothers sleeping over. He ate those words up real fast. I mean, Puck would’ve ended up on the sofa, but Loki says it’s not comfortable,” she concluded with a shrug.
“Wait, Loki sleeps on the sofa? Like when you get mad at him?” asked Ava. This was a shocker. Their relationship seemed so solid.
“Oh, no,” Sammi piped up. “When they broke up, he bullied his way back into Abby’s life under the guise of protecting her after the attack. She told you about the attack, right?”
“Of course. I hadn’t heard that part of the story, though.”
“Oh, yes, he had to crawl his way back into her favor because he’d acted like a real ass right before her attack,” finished Sammi.
“Afterward, I wanted nothing to do with him. I was very strict on that point,” Abby tacked on with a somber nod.
Ava gave her a disbelieving look. “You’re the most forgiving person I know. I can’t imagine you being tough on him.”
She gave a tiny self-deprecating shrug. “I’d miscarried, and I don’t know, I was torn up inside. Struggling with a range of emotions and fluctuating hormones. I was a hot mess. Anyway,” she waved her hand, “we’re getting off topic. Luckily, they were talking loud enough that I didn’t have to eavesdrop. Loki gave Puck a dressing down. Called him an idiot for the way he treated you. Told him he was wrong on every front. On not talking to you before Church, on not figuring out a solution that protected you and your family, on not letting you know he was on the cusp of having a panic attack.”
Puck's Property: A Bad Boy Biker Romance (The Demon Squad MC Book 5) Page 19