by K. G. Reuss
“I get that you’re following orders. And that you think you’re somehow avenging your mother’s death by staying away from her. I understand. I do. But Shadow, she’s your other half. You’re destined to be with her. How can you just sit back and not protect her? To know she’s suffering, and all those words you said to her were a lie? She calls your name out while she sleeps—which isn’t often since she’s terrified to close her eyes. I’ve been with her for weeks, watching, listening, as she searches for you. I don’t even think she knows she’s looking for you.”
“I can’t help her,” I whispered sadly. “I want to. God knows, I do.”
“Then just go to her!”
“No.” I shook my head, my vision blurring. “You don’t understand.”
“Then tell me because I want to. I want to know why my best friend who was clearly in love with this girl, now keeps his distance knowing how much she’s suffering.”
“The sigil has forbidden it.”
“Since when have you ever listened to your father?” Eric demanded, his blue eyes flashing angrily.
“Since he threatened to have her killed and me held back so I wouldn’t be able to save her,” I answered in a low whisper. “Since he reminded me she’s the reason my mother is dead.”
“What?” Eric sounded sick. “Your mom is dead because a vamp killed her. Not because of some scared twelve-year-old girl! And really, who would he send? We’re the best. Any other chapter sent to her would get decimated. You know that, man!”
Grinding my teeth, I looked away. I knew he was making a valid point, but I didn’t want to see it. Besides, attaching another Conexus group would basically be like attacking the Order. We’d be charged with treason.
“He’s worried she’ll control me. That my rule as the next sigil will be tainted because of her. He’s arranged my marriage to Amara,” I said the words sourly. Angrily. Bitterly. “He thinks if I’m married, bonded, I won’t go to Everly. That I’ll remain loyal to m-my wife,” I spat, hating the word. It was even hard to say.
“Jesus, Shadow! Why didn’t you say something? Does Amara know?”
“I don’t know if she knows. I’m assuming she doesn’t or she’d have said something to me about it already.”
“So, you’re just going to let Ever suffer?”
“What choice do I have?” I roared, angry at myself for being so weak against my father’s wishes. “Maybe you’ll slip and not be there, and she’ll finally get to rest in peace.” Those words were incredibly painful to say.
“The Shadow I knew wouldn’t stand for it. He wouldn’t let the girl he loved be hurt. He’d be there for her!” Eric countered heatedly. “He wouldn’t wish for her death!”
“I’m doing this, so she doesn’t get hurt!” I explained passionately. “I’d rather she hurt a little bit than die, but if she must die, then I have to let her go! I’ve promised to stay away from her. If I do, she gets to live. She might be able to have a semi-normal life once she’s brought to Dementon. If she and I don’t connect, nothing happens. Don’t you understand? You think I’ve stopped caring, man. But it’s just the opposite! I care too much! It’s killing me too! And it’s not just that!” I launched into telling him what my father had told me about a mole in our ranks. Eric visibly paled.
“Who would betray us like that?” he asked.
“We don’t know. I’ve been questioning every creature I capture. No one is talking.” I rubbed my eyes. “I wish I knew.”
We both fell silent, staring at one another. My head and heart were in turmoil for completely different reasons.
Finally, Eric spoke, “I don’t care about the mole right now. We’ll figure that out like we always do. Right now, she needs you, Shadow. No one will know if you show her hope by appearing and helping her every now and then. I have to work hard to stay hidden from her. I’ve been slaying wraiths left and right that try entering her house.”
“Why do you care so much about her?” I asked softly, voicing the fears buried inside of me.
He chuckled softly, sadly, his eyes downcast as he stared at his hands.
“I’m all she has left now that you’re gone,” he finally said, his words barely above a whisper. “I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try. It’s not in my nature to back down from anything. And I won’t start with this. I don’t care if the Order fears her. Or if your father does. Or if you do. I don’t even care if you hate her, however undeserved that hatred is. I know she’s a good person and deserves to be saved. If we help her, she may not become something we fear. She may be exactly what we need to end this war with the Cipher. And for that reason alone, I’ll fight for her.”
Chapter 28
Eric was right. Everly was the best hope we had for ending the war with the Cipher. At the very least, we needed to keep her out of their hands, because if they got her they’d try to get her to create an army to take over our world. If she was in as bad of shape as he said, I had to help her. I just wouldn’t tell my father, and I knew I could count on Eric, Damien, and the rest of my crew to keep it quiet.
On the other hand, I knew if I saw her, I’d break. She’d crack me open like an egg, my guts pouring out around me as I tried to keep my distance from her. A day later, I was still contemplating all of it, warring with myself just to pop in and check on her, when that familiar warmness rushed over me. She was in trouble. I rubbed my chest, my teeth clenched.
Why was I hesitating? Why was I leaving my best friend to take care of her? She wasn’t Eric’s responsibility. I was being an idiot. Letting out a frustrated growl and vowing I’d only do it this one time, I melded into the shadows and followed the pull in my gut to her.
Then I was standing outside her school. And there was Eric, fighting with five carrion on the front steps.
What the hell was happening?
I rushed forward and drew my sword, slashing through two of the carrion.
“She needs you! Go! I’ve got this!” he shouted out, his brow wet with sweat. I nodded, knowing I needed to hurry because there were more carrion ambling their way across the grounds toward him. I rushed into the building and went straight to where the attraction was coming from.
I drew in a sharp breath as I entered the cafeteria to find Everly on her butt pushed up against a table, her green eyes wide and terrified as an inkling, a dog-like creature from the void, lay ready to pounce on her. Rushing forward, I wielded my blade and plunged it through the creature, turning it to nothing but bits of dust and ash.
Our eyes locked on one another, and my heart lurched. She looked like she was falling apart. Gone was the girl from before. My Everly had lost so much weight. She was gaunt and thin, her hair limp, her once vibrant eyes now dull in comparison to how bright and beautiful they once were. She was tiny and vulnerable as she stared at me. I could almost hear everything she was thinking, and it broke my heart.
“I’m so sorry!” I screamed out in my head, fighting the urge to just go to her and take her into my arms and hold her forever. I’d let her down. She was breaking because of me. The argument still raged on in my head—I was doing this for her, not to her.
I stiffened as Dylan got to his feet and went to her, drawing her attention away from me. It didn’t last long. Her gaze found mine again, and I knew she had to be fighting the same war I was. She wanted to come to me just as badly as I wanted to go to her. In my mind that only proved how strong of a link we had to one another. Being near her was a very bad idea.
“We need to get you to the nurse’s office,” Dylan said gently to her.
“I-I,” she stammered looking to Dylan quickly before peering back at me. I stood unmoving, anger resonating out of me as Dylan placed his hands on her tenderly. He started tugging her away from me. I wanted to end that guy. He’d hurt her. And he still wanted her. She was vulnerable!
She’s not yours. You gave her up, remember?
I gave her a curt nod as Dylan pulled her away, confusion and unspoken words on her lips as she l
et him. Turning on my heel, I disappeared through the cafeteria wall.
I had some carrion to kill.
Chapter 29
“Is she safe?” Eric asked as I rushed outside and rammed my blade through a carrion at his back.
“For now,” I grunted, slashing through two more. Eric dispatched the final one with his knife, and we both stood panting on the steps.
“What’s ‘for now’ mean?” Eric asked, pushing his hair out of his eyes as he stuffed his sword back into his cloak.
“There.” I nodded as the doors opened. We both melded into the shadow of a nearby tree and watched as Dylan helped Everly out to his car. Her eyes were glassy with tears, her small body shaking. “She’s leaving with him.”
We watched as Dylan left the parking lot with her.
“I’ll go,” Eric said calmly. “I know your patience is thin. I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”
“Thank you,” I said, clearing my throat. He knew me well. He knew if I saw Dylan touch her I’d come alive and rip his head off. “Do what you have to do, no matter what. Promise?”
“You have my word, brother,” Eric answered solemnly.
“I know. And I’m sorry… About everything.”
Eric gave me a nod before disappearing. Sighing, I melded back to Dementon, once again sick with worry. When would that go away? I knew the answer to that. Once Everly was here where she could be watched. Where she could be safe.
Chapter 30
Something was wrong. Eric hadn’t come back. He hadn’t reported to me. Everly’s distress washed over me in waves, but I stayed away, knowing Eric would deal with it.
“What’s eating you?” Damien asked, biting into his sandwich as he flopped down on the couch in the commons room.
“Eric isn’t back yet.”
“You two kiss and make up?” Damien raised an inquisitive eyebrow at me.
“Yeah, douche.” I rolled my eyes at him and then told him the story about earlier.
“I’m glad. I was worried about you two.”
“Why?” I asked, leaning against the fireplace mantle.
“Because Eric was becoming a little too invested in this. I figured if he hadn’t already shown himself to her, he would soon. And if he did, there’d be a very good reason for it.”
“Like?” I frowned.
“I’m not saying shit.” Damien took another bite of his sandwich. “I just know you aren’t the only one who cares about her. I mean, how could he not? He’s been by her side for weeks now while you deal with your crap.”
I didn’t say anything, his words making my stomach roll. He was right. Eric was invested in this. I didn’t blame him. He was a good friend and soldier. He did it for both reasons. I knew he cared for her too. How could he not? She was strong and smart and beautiful… She was amazing. Damien was right. But I trusted Eric with my life. I knew he’d never make a move on Everly. He wasn’t that kind of guy. He knew what she meant to me. How I felt about her.
“It is weird he’s not back yet.” Damien stuffed the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth. “He’s been coming back around this time to grab dinner. We should probably go look for him.”
I nodded, going to grab my cloak. I was just reaching for it when the common room door burst open, and Adam entered half carrying Eric in.
“What the hell happened?” I demanded, rushing to help. Damien scrambled off the couch as Adam and I pulled Eric to it and laid him down. His eyes rolled back in his head, and his breathing was deep and labored. Sweat dampened his brow, and his skin was pale.
“He stitched,” Damien murmured, staring down at him.
“Get Brandon,” I commanded, going down to my knees and placing my hands on either side of Eric’s head. Adam rushed off to get Brandon, leaving me and Damien with Eric. He must have done a huge stitch. Whenever he stitched normally, he got very weak, leading him to have to sleep for days. This time was bigger than anything he’d ever done before. Hastily, I pushed my healing energy into him. He let out a groan, his body twitching.
“God.” I breathed out as Brandon rushed into the room.
“What happened?” he demanded, falling to his knees beside me.
“He must have done a huge stitch,” I answered, worrying over why. I had to get him back, so he could tell me what happened. I didn’t feel anything coming from Everly, so whatever he’d done, must have worked. She must be safe. For now.
“Damien?” I tore my eyes away from Eric.
“Yeah?”
“Go to her,” I whispered. He nodded and disappeared without a word.
I placed my hands over Eric’s chest, and Brandon put his on either side of his head. Together, we both pushed forward, sending as much healing as we could at Eric. When we’d drained ourselves, we stepped back and surveyed him.
His lashes fluttered for a moment before his eyes opened.
“Welcome back, man,” I murmured.
“Shit,” he groaned reaching out weakly to rub his head, his eyes heavy.
“You OK? What happened?” I asked.
Eric looked from Adam to Brandon then back to me. I nodded, understanding. I didn’t need to say anything. The guys took the hint and left the room.
“Her father. She contacted him. She wanted answers. Then he tried to convince her to kill herself. When she refused, he came at her with a knife. I-I showed myself to her, man. She knows me now… But I saved her. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I patted his arm. “You did what you had to do.”
“I didn’t know what else to do. I-I went into that diner as me. Not a shadow. Not a shade. Just me. She needs to know us. I don’t want to hide from her anymore.” He struggled to swallow, his breathing uneven. I frowned at my friend as a tear slid from his eye. He quickly wiped it away. In all the years I’d known Eric, I’d never seen him cry. “She needs you. She’s so scared. I wanted to follow her to make sure she made it. But I-I couldn’t. I was too weak. Go to her, man. Let her know you’re there.”
“I will,” I agreed, my throat tight. “Will you be OK?”
“Yeah.” He nodded weakly. “I’m just beat. I’ll stay here until I get more energy. Don’t worry about me. Just go see her.”
I rose to my feet and drew my cloak on.
“Thank you,” I said, before I melded.
Chapter 31
Damien was outside her bedroom door when I arrived.
“Thank God you’re here,” he said, his voice in my head as we both stood as shadows. “I sent a lost one to Xanan in my voidbox. It was in her dining room.”
“Was that all of them?”
“For now,” Damien answered tightly.
“Is she not well?” I asked, glancing at her closed door.
“She fought with her mom. She’s just upset. How’s Eric?”
“Tired, but alive.” I nodded.
“Good. He had me worried,” Damien sighed. “Can we just end this, man? Can’t you just go to the Order and get this over with? Get her to Dementon. Classes start soon. I’m sick of worrying.”
“You worry?” I looked at him in surprise.
“Believe it or not, I’ve been worrying about this chick since you brought me here. She’s a good girl, man. She deserves to be happy. So, let’s make it happen, OK?”
“OK.” I smiled stepping forward. But it left my lips as I felt the tug in my chest for her. She was so sad.
“I’ll wait here,” Damien said.
I nodded and entered her room.
She was sitting on her bed, her legs off the floor and tucked safely under her. Her dark hair spilled forward, and her body trembled as she sobbed softly. My heart broke watching her.
“What do you want from me?” she asked, lifting her head up, but keeping her eyes squeezed closed as if she was afraid to look at me. Without thought, I went to her, collapsing to my knees. I reached out for her and brushed her tears away, my heart beating madly in my chest as I touched her warm skin. She opened her eyes, eyes filled
with sadness, and stared at me. It unnerved me, this beautiful girl. My own tears fell as I gazed back at her. Oh, how I wanted to kiss those sweet, warm lips and hold her. To whisper that everything would be OK. I wanted her to know that she was mine and that I was hers.
“Why did you save me if I’m meant to die?” she choked out, more tears falling.
I couldn’t bear the thought of her thinking she was meant to die. The words gutted me, the same words I’d been thinking for ages now. Reaching forward, I pressed a finger to her soft lips, not wanting her to utter such things. They were ugly falling from her mouth. I shook my head at her.
No. No, you were not meant to die! I wanted to scream it as loudly as I could. Instead, I took her small hand in mine and placed it over my heart. Then I placed my hand over her heart. Our hearts nearly beat in time with one another. She looked at me curiously as my heart hammered beneath her warm fingers. Emotions flickered across her face as she worked through something. If only I could read her mind. But I imagined she was connecting the dots, remembering me from the night she almost died. She probably wanted to know why I had a heartbeat. Her eyes filled with wonder. I bet she thought I was one of them this entire time. I knew it. I longed to tell her everything. But I knew I couldn’t. But in my heart, I had this sense of peace that she at least understood I wasn’t like those that longed to harm her. It was a bittersweet moment.
“This doesn’t make any sense,” she murmured. Inching forward, I rested my forehead against hers and breathed out slowly. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t one of them. I needed her to understand that I wasn’t a monster who haunted her. That I was real. That I lived. I breathed. My heart beat. For her.
When I pulled away from her, it felt like I was leaving a part of me behind. I hoped she’d keep it dear to her heart. Reluctantly, I got to my feet and backed away. It was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do, and that included staying away from her.