The Sacrifices of Life

by Humphreys, K. L.

  “No doubt, Cher, I’ll be here for you.” His soft voice is like a blanket over me, protecting me.

  “You love me?” I ask quietly and watch his lips turn up in a smile. “You told my mum you love me,” I say with a smile.

  I can’t believe he said that, but he did, and it made me so happy. Even though I’m still upset that he never mentioned anything about his past, I understand why he never did. He’s right, our relationship so far hasn’t been really deep. That really needs to change for me to move forward. I need to know more and that’s not on him, that’s on me. I should have asked personal questions, well even more so than I had, and I should have been open with him. I should have told him about Mickey. If I had done so, then he might have told me about the gang and prison.

  “Cher, I love you, and I’m sorry I told your mum before I told you, but I think your mum needed to know that I wouldn’t hurt you, that I want only the best for you.” His hand on my neck adds pressure, and he pulls my head closer towards him. “I think I loved you from the first time we spoke. Your eyes were so sad, but your beauty shone through like a beacon. That along with that mouth of yours.”

  “You haven’t seen what it can do yet,” I whisper, and I enjoy the heat that flashes across his face. His head comes to rest against mine as he groans. “You’ll be doing a lot more than that,” I continue whispering, making sure that he’s the only one that can hear me.

  “Cher, you’re playing with fire. I’m so close to throwing you over my shoulder and walking out of this flat.”

  I smirk at his words and raise my brow.

  “Don’t push it,” he warns.

  “Owen, will you be staying for dinner? We’ll be watching a film too. I’m thinking of ordering a pizza in,” Mum says loudly, interrupting us, I blush knowing that Mum probably feels awkward right now.

  He instantly lets go of me and moves so he’s standing to the side of me. “I’d love to stay for dinner. What film are we watching?” His eyes narrow as he glances at me.

  “Don’t you worry, neither Katy nor Molly will be choosing the film, I’ve had enough of Clueless, Pitch Perfect, and God knows what else they watch continuously. We’ll watch Mickey’s favourite.” Mum nods, that’s her mind made up.

  Both Molly and I smile at each other. “That’s fine by us. Transporter is a great film,” I tell Mum, and she smiles. She’s getting better, her smiles are becoming more genuine. She’s spending more and more time out of her bedroom, and she’s even started going to bingo with Lynn. “Mum, what about Dad? I thought you were going out for dinner with him?”

  She gets a funny look in her eyes and I frown, what the hell has happened?

  “Katy...” She begins, and I groan, no she hasn’t, she wouldn’t. “He’s your father, this is his home.”

  “Oh Kim, you didn’t?” Molly says horrified.

  “He’ll be here within the next hour,” Mum says with a hard look on her face, “Katy, you will be nice,” she warns me, and I walk past her and grab my jacket, I need to get out of here, I need some fresh air. I open the front door and walk outside.

  “I’ll go,” says Molly from inside the flat. And her footsteps follow me outside. “Come on, let’s go downstairs, we can sit on the wall and talk, out of earshot of your mum.” She links her arm through mine and we make our way downstairs. “Since when have your mum and dad been in contact? I thought he was out of the picture.”

  “God knows. Here I was thinking she was stuck indoors all day. I thought she was lonely, but I guess I was wrong.” I groan, this isn’t what I needed tonight; I’ve had enough shit to deal with today without adding Dad to the list.

  “You can’t catch a bloody break today, can you?” We go and sit on the wall and I look up at the flats. I can see Owen’s shadow making its way down the stairs. I should have known he’d follow me down. “He really does love you, it’s clear to see. You two make a really great couple. I know you’re hurting but you’re also happy. That’s something I never thought I’d see again. I’m happy for you, Katy. You deserve this, you deserve him.”

  I hold my finger up. “Don’t, I’ve cried enough today, don’t you dare try to make me cry!” I warn her, but she laughs at me. “I love him, too.” I confess with a smile.

  “Well duh I told you that earlier on. Are you two going to be okay? It was intense, watching you lose it.” She’s worried about me. I feel bad. I can only imagine how it looked to others looking on.

  “I’m sorry, Mol. I don’t know what came over me.”

  She squeezes my hand. “Don’t apologise. I’d have done a lot worse if it were me. I’d have probably knocked him out. He shouldn’t have kept it from you, but he’s promised no more lies and secrets, and we can only pray that he keeps that promise. I really think you’re making the right decision. After seeing you collapse with grief to watching you smile with love, Katy that proved it to me, you’re doing the right thing. You’d only regret it otherwise and be miserable.”

  I nudge her with my elbow. “You’re the best you know that?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Of course I am,”

  “So modest too. Love you, Mol. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “You’ll never have to find out. Just don’t forget about me now that you’re all loved up,” she says jokingly, but I can hear the slight worry in her voice.

  “That’s never going to happen, you’re stuck with me forever; hoes before bros and all that.” I smile as I see Owen approaching us, hesitancy written on his face, clearly unsure if he should interrupt.

  “Yep, misters before sisters and all that. Come and join the party.” Mol—God I love her—is making Owen feel welcome and that’s all I want.

  “Are you sure?” He sounds so uncertain, it’s so not like him, he’s usually so confident.

  “Get over here,” she yells at him. “Do you want me to go?” she whispers to me as Owen makes his way over to us.

  “God no, and Owen wouldn’t want you to leave either,” I tell her firmly, and if he did then he’s not the man I would want to spend my time with. Molly is closer to me than family; she’s someone I couldn’t not have in my life.

  “Okay good, because I really don’t want to be up there with your mum right now, I think she’s bang out of order.” I’m glad that she thinks the same as I do, Molly would tell me if she thought I was in the wrong, but I don’t think I am. “After everything you’ve done to make sure your family stayed in that house after that coward left, no she has no right to force him on you.” She’s shaking with anger and I pull her to me. “It’s not fair, Katy. You’ve been through so much.”

  “It’s okay, Mol, look around. I have people around me who care, you included. We’re all going to be fine, you said so yourself.” I try to get her to calm down. Owen’s sitting beside me, his arm on my thigh. I look up at him and see that he’s staring at Molly and me with curiosity.

  “Wow, look what the cat dragged in,” Molly says, and I groan. Shit, Dad’s here early. I look up and I’m shocked to see that it’s Laura standing there, shock written all over her face.

  “Katy, Molly... what are you doing here?” She stutters while looking around.

  “I live here.” I give her a dirty look; she hasn’t bothered with me at all since Mickey died.

  “I know, but I heard about what happened with Harley.” Now it’s her turn to give me a dirty look. “He’s pissed off, you know.”

  “She doesn’t give a fuck, see him there?” She points to Owen. “That’s her boyfriend, she doesn’t want nor need your sloppy seconds, so why don’t you go back to whatever hole it is you crawled out of?” Molly gets up off the wall and walks over to her, but Laura doesn’t stand around to see what Molly’s about to do, she starts walking away, it’s like she’s practically speed walking. “Katy, I’m going to go home. I can’t be around your dad tonight, or I’ll end up saying something I’ll regret. Call me tomorrow, okay?”

  I get up off the wall and run over to her, p
ulling her into my arms when I reach her. “Text me when you’re home. Love you Mol.”

  She kisses my cheek. “Love you too Katy.”

  She walks away, and I watch her leave.

  Owen comes to stand by me as she disappears up the street. “Will she be okay?”

  I lean my head against him. “Yeah, she’ll be home in a minute.” And not even a minute later I get a message and show it to Owen.

  Molly: Just home, be good and don’t do anything I wouldn’t!

  Chapter Seventeen

  “What’s happened with your dad? Your mum looked as though she was about to cry when you walked out of the flat.” He’s not judging me. I think he just wants to get the full picture before saying anything.

  I take his hand and lead him towards the alley. Chills run through me as we get nearer. “You heard about Mickey dying? What did you hear?” I’m curious to know what the word on the street is.

  He looks at me with so much worry. “Cher, we don’t need to do this.”

  I turn and look towards the alley, not wanting him to see the vulnerability on my face when I say what’s on my mind. “I know, but it’s time for me to be honest with what’s happened, and I trust you to catch me if I fall.”

  “There’s no doubt about it, Cher. I’ll be here to catch you. No more hiding shit until you can’t. Something’s bothering you, and you let it out. I’m here to listen.” His tone is hard and I can only assume that he’s thinking about what happened earlier when I lost it completely.

  “I’m sorry.” I feel so bad about it; I can’t believe I hit him.

  “Cher, don’t even think about it. You didn’t hurt me, and you needed an outlet. I’m happy to be that outlet. Just don’t bottle things up so much. What happened has happened, and it’s over okay?”

  “Okay, so what do you know about Mickey dying?” I ask just as we reach the entrance to the alley.

  “Honestly, not much. I heard that a sixteen-year-old was stabbed to death but not who it was. Have the police found out who did it?” He’s holding my hand in a tight grip. It’s not painful at all. In fact it feels like a comfort; his grip lets me know that he’s here. “What makes you think it was the Bluds?”

  I shrug. “We don’t know for sure it was the Bluds, but it’s the only thing that makes sense. Mickey wasn’t the type to go and look for trouble. He’d do anything to avoid an argument, and he’d do anything to try to stop one. Believe me, everyone loved Mickey, he was the life and soul of the party. Everyone wanted to be friends with him.” Tears slowly roll down my cheek. It hurts talking about him, but it’s also nice to tell Owen what my brother was like. “He’d have liked you.”

  “By the sounds of it, I’d have liked him too.” He brings my hand to his lips and plants a soft kiss on it.

  I come to a stop at the point where Mickey’s body was found not even five months ago. “I woke up to a shriek, I had no idea what it was, but it was loud enough to wake me. I looked at my phone and saw that I had a missed call from Mickey and it was four in the morning. I went to go and check on Mickey, but I heard screams again, so I ran out here and I found Mum lying over Mickey’s body.” I begin to shake as I sob quietly.

  “Cher...” He pulls me into him and kisses the top of my head.

  “Her screams… God, Owen, I’ll never be able to forget them. They invade my sleep every night.”

  His hands tighten around me, giving me comfort. “Katy, I’m so sorry.” His voice is soft and quiet, almost as if he’s unsure of what to say.

  “Me too.” We stand in this alleyway, Owen holding me tightly, and I tell him everything. “Before Mickey went out that night, he asked me a few times if I was going out too. I wasn’t sure, but I hated that he was a part of that gang, I hated that he was mixed up with drugs and all that other shit. Mickey never told us what went on, but we weren’t stupid.” Even though he did stupid shit, I still love him, he’s my baby brother and I miss him so much.

  “Sometimes boys do things and they’ll regret them later in life.” Owen murmurs against my head.

  “Yeah, I wish I’d gone out that night. If I had, he’d still be alive.” It’s been eating away at me silently every day, knowing that I could have stopped this.

  “Oh Cher, you can’t think that.” His hand comes to rest against my cheek, his thumb stroking my face. “You could have been killed too.”

  “Or we’d both be alive now. He called me that night, and I missed it. He left a voicemail for me. I’ve listened to it every night before I go to bed.” Listening to it makes me feel closer to him.”

  “What did he say?” His thumb continues caressing my face.

  I take my phone out of my jacket pocket and call my voicemail then wait and let the voicemail play.

  “Katy….” He’s breathing hard, but I can hear that he has that cheeky smile on his face. I can just picture him saying my name. “I love you, sis, you’re the best person I know. Without you I wouldn’t be who I am today. Anyone who asks me who my best friend is, I always lie. They’d think I’m weird if I told them my best friend was my sister.” There’s a moment while he’s chuckling to himself. “I know you don’t approve of the Crew and neither do Mum and Dad, and I’m sorry for all the arguments and stress I’ve caused.” He pauses for a second. “We all make mistakes,” he whispers before coughing. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I love you Katy. I’m so fucking proud of you and I’m lucky to have you as my sister. I hope that you’re happy, you deserve it. I’ll see you soon, bye. Love you.” He hangs up.

  Every night I listen to that voicemail, and every time I do, I cry.

  I begin to sob against Owen’s chest, my hands clinging to his shirt. “I think he knew that he was dying. I don’t understand. He was so close to home, why didn’t he call out? Why didn’t he scream?”

  “Katy…” He sounds as though he’s choked up, and he swallows before talking again. “I don’t know why he didn’t call out for help. I wish I could take this pain away from you.”

  “I didn’t hear my phone ringing…” My body bucks as sobs shudder through me. “If I had, I would have answered it, I would have helped him.” I should have been here for him “The coroner said that he was dead three hours before someone found him. He lay on the cold ground for three hours!” That’s what hurts the most, he lay dead there by himself. He shouldn’t have faced that alone.

  “Christ!” Owen says, his tone clipped. “Fuck, Cher, I never knew.” He bends down and kisses my cheek. “I’m so sorry. No one deserves that.”

  “No, he didn’t, he doesn’t deserve to be dead. He was way too young. he had so much to learn, so much to do.” I’m still crying, it’s like the gates on my emotional dam have opened, and there’s no way to close them. My breath catches on every sob, my hands grip Owen’s shirt tighter as he holds me. Without his support, I would have crumpled to the floor again.

  “So, what happened with your dad?” he asks once I’ve managed to compose myself.

  “After Mickey died, Mum and Dad organised the funeral, and then they both fell apart. Mum hid in her room, she didn’t come up for weeks, not until the day of the funeral and even after that she went back and hid. Those days were hell, especially those days before the funeral. I was all alone. Molly wasn’t here, I had no one.” I look up at him and see that he’s gazing at me with so much love in his eyes, I feel cherished, something that I never felt before. It’s not something that I thought about either. I never thought I’d need to have someone cherish me, but I do, I want that.

  “My dad left as soon as the funeral was arranged. He packed his bags and left. I saw him at the funeral and I haven’t seen him since.” I try to act as though it doesn’t hurt, but it does.

  “Fucking hell!” Owen says angrily. “Christ Katy, and your mum invites him to dinner as though nothing’s happened?”

  I shrug. “I know that he was hurting. He still is. I guess it was his way of coping.”

  “Fuck that, Katy, what about you? Did neither
of them think of you? So, what, your dad left and you ended up working to pay the bills?” He’s so mad his face is cherry red. “It’s not fucking right.” He brings both of his hands to cup my cheeks, and his lips crash down on mine, a hard, punishing kiss. “You deserve better Cher,” he murmurs against my lips. “You deserve so fucking much more.”

  I draw back and smile at him, my hands coming to rest on his arms. “You really are sweet. I love you Owen.”

  He winks at me. “What’s not to love?” he quips, lightening the mood. “You ready to go back?”

  I nod, giving one last glance to the spot where Mickey died before we begin to walk away. “Yes, thank you for listening.”

  He pulls me to a stop. “Cher, you don’t even have to thank me. I love you, and whatever affects you, affects me.” He tilts my chin up so I’m looking at him. “Don’t hide your feelings from me. We’re together, and I’m not letting you go, Katy. You’re mine and I’m going to make sure that you’re happy.” His eyes darken and something passes through them. I can’t put my finger on what it is. “You broke, Katy. My girl broke, and I couldn’t do anything but stand and watch. I was helpless and that’s something I never want to feel again.”

  “Owen…” My eyes widen from his admission. “I never wanted to hurt anyone. I—”

  “You didn’t.” He shuts me down quickly. “You didn’t hurt anyone. It was hard to see, that’s all. You needed an outlet, and I’m grateful that I was there to be it.”

  My stomach begins to rumble, and heat rises through my cheeks as he looks at me, questions in his eyes. “When was the last time you ate?”

  I look away. “This morning?” I don’t know why I’m asking him a question.

  He shakes his head. “Come on, let’s get you home and get some food in you.” He takes my hand and we walk back to the flat.

  As we make our way up the stairs, Owen turns to me. “If your dad’s here, don’t let him upset you.”