by Dana Delamar
“Chased after a dream, and got nothing but egg on my face for my troubles.”
“Oh dear.” Kenji touched his hand to his lips and frowned. “I can’t imagine anyone being stupid enough to abandon a handsome hunk like you.”
“That’s the trouble with people.” I leaned closer to Kenji. The whiskey was already relaxing me. Unfortunately, it was also loosening my tongue. Whatever. I was entitled to let off a little steam after that show Riley had put on. Kissing me like that, slow and deep, like he’d really meant it. Like he’d actually been happy to see me. Right before crushing my heart. “If you let them in, they hurt you. Doesn’t matter if you’re falling for them or not. They see someone better, and off they go. Without even so much as a backward glance.”
Ken’s hand pressed lightly along my spine, up from my waist to my neck, before rubbing in big soothing circles. “Hey, sweetie. It’s okay. Whoever made you feel like this doesn’t deserve you. Especially after you came all the way to see h—” Kenji stopped and raised a brow.
“Him,” I answered. It was fairly obvious that Kenji was gay, so there was no risk in being honest.
Kenji clucked his tongue. He returned his hand to my lower back, then raised his gaze to look over my shoulder. “Any man who’d leave you for someone else is clearly an idiot who doesn’t know he’s got someone worth keeping.”
A hand swooped between us, and suddenly Kenji was being shoved against the wall. “What the fuck is going on here?”
That voice. Riley.
I jumped to my feet, a little unsteadily, and tried to intervene. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Riley had Ken by the collar of his shirt, against the wall. His face was red, his eyes narrowed. Enraged. I had seen Riley lose his patience with some particularly persistent paparazzi, but I’d never seen him get violent.
Riley shook Kenji. “Why were you hitting on my boyfriend? Or were you filling his head with lies about me?”
“How the fuck was I supposed to know he was your boyfriend?” Kenji pushed against Riley’s chest with both hands. When Riley didn’t budge, Kenji flailed about half-heartedly with his fists. Even I could tell he wasn’t trying very hard. “You’ve never even mentioned having one, asshole. Or should I say Carter?” He scoffed, looking disgusted with Riley and the whole situation. “You say you’ve changed, but you haven’t. Not one fucking bit.”
Wait. Did they know each other? My gaze swung between them before settling on Riley. “Who is he?” I pointed to Ken.
“Someone I knew in college.”
“In the biblical sense, of course.” Ken smirked, and Riley winced.
“Of course.” I rolled my eyes. What did I expect? Given Riley’s past, there were probably ex-lovers scattered around the four corners of the globe. I grabbed hold of Riley’s wrist. “Let him go. We were only talking.”
“Yeah. Let me go,” Ken said. When Riley stepped back, Ken straightened his button-down shirt, then the fitted vest he wore over it. When he was apparently satisfied that all was in order again, he stepped in front of Riley. His eyebrows lowered, and even though I had just met the guy, I prepared for a load of some pretty hefty snark. “Isn’t it interesting that both your names are... Carter?” He popped his eyebrows. “That must get so very confusing in bed.”
“Jesus, Ken.” Riley ran a hand through his hair. “Knock it off with the fucking drama. He already knows.”
“I know what?” I asked. I was so fucking frustrated with the whole damn night, I couldn’t keep the conversation straight.
Ken sidled up to me and trailed his fingers along my arm. “That he’s been using your name, sugar. Hiding in plain sight as it were. The great Riley Kendrick.”
Riley smacked Kenji’s hand off my arm.
“Ow.” Ken drew his hand to his chest, rubbing at the redness that was already showing. “What’s your fucking problem?”
“Keep your paws off my boyfriend.”
My gaze snapped up. His boyfriend. Warmth flooded my chest. That was the second time Riley had called me that tonight. The second time ever.
Kenji’s brows furrowed in an exaggerated fashion. He pressed a long finger to his mouth. “Hmm... Does your boyfriend know you’ve been—”
Riley cut him off. “I swear to God, Kenji, stay out of this, or I’ll—”
“You’ll what?” Kenji got up in Riley’s face. “What are you going to do? Beat me? Kick my teeth in?”
Riley snorted. “Of course not.”
I put my hand on Kenji’s shoulder, trying to draw him back. “I wouldn’t let him anyway.”
“Carter.” Riley’s voice sounded broken, and it revived in me a desire to protect him. To take care of the one I loved. “Come on. Let’s get out of here and talk,” he pleaded.
Kenji stood and kissed my cheek. “I do hope I’ll see you around, handsome.”
I shrugged. “That depends on Riley.”
“I see.” Kenji leaned into Riley and stage whispered, “I guess I’ll go see how Paige is doing. I’m thinking she could use a friendly shoulder to… cry on.”
“No!” Riley shouted.
At the same time I found myself on my feet, my hand on Kenji’s arm. “No.”
Riley stared at me, his expression blank except for his eyes. Those brimmed with questions.
Kenji’s gaze bounced between Riley’s and mine. “Now this is a surprise.” He shrugged his arm out of my grip and placed his hands on his hips. “Want my advice?”
“No,” Riley said.
I had to agree. “No.”
“Well, you’re going to get it anyway. Riley, my friend, take this gorgeous man back to your room and do what comes naturally. A good fuck has a way of resolving any number of misunderstandings.” He rubbed his hand down my chest. “And he certainly looks like he’d be up for a really great fuck.”
“There’s no misunderstanding.” I ignored Riley and stared at Kenji. Why? I had no idea, except it seemed like the man had been on the receiving end of Riley’s shifting attentions himself. “Riley has a girlfriend now. He doesn’t want me anymore.”
Riley growled loud enough to surprise me into looking at him.
“Do you hear that?” Ken cupped his ear and swiveled his head around. “Sounds like my cue to leave. Goodbye, darlings. I’m outtie.”
And with that, he sashayed away to be swallowed up by the crowd. I dropped heavily onto my stool and finished off the rest of my whiskey, then washed it down with half my beer.
“Easy.” Riley put a restraining hand on mine.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and used the time to get a handle on my emotions. They were all over the fucking place. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to strangle Riley or kiss him. It had actually been hot as fuck seeing Riley push his way so possessively between me and Kenji. On the other hand, seeing him leave in Paige’s wake had nearly killed me. “Why shouldn’t I drown my sorrows? I came all this way for you—for us—and what did you do? You ran off in the opposite direction almost as soon as you laid eyes on me.”
Riley let out a long breath. “I’m sorry about that. Really. I just had to be sure she was all right.”
“You never did that for me.”
He swung his arm around my shoulders and brought his lips close enough to my ear that I felt his hot breath when he whispered, “That’s because I know you’ll be okay. You always are.”
I shook my head. “Not this time.” My voice cracked as tears welled in my eyes. “Not this time, Rye. You broke my fucking heart.” I swiped a palm across my wet cheeks. “I should have stayed home.”
“Fuck, man. No. I’m thrilled that you’re here.”
My jaw hardened as I remembered Paige’s expression. “Your girlfriend sure isn’t.”
Riley ground his teeth so hard I could hear it. “She’s not my girlfriend.”
“But you are sleeping with her.” I met his gaze. “Don’t bother lying. I know your tells.”
“I know yours too.” He shot me a penetrating gaze.
&nbs
p; I swallowed. Yes, I’d been coming on to her. Paige was attractive, funny, and intelligent. No wonder Riley was so into her. “I didn’t hear any denials.”
“Okay, yeah. All right. I’ve slept with her, but it—”
“Don’t try to tell me it didn’t mean anything. In the three months we’ve been together, you’ve never cared about anyone else’s feelings. Hell, you barely care about mine.”
“That’s not true, Carter.” He kissed me gently on the mouth, adding a swipe of his tongue against my hungry lips. I bit back a moan even as my cock twitched in my jeans. Christ, I was a needy bastard, letting him kiss me when I was still mad enough to eat iron.
“You’re special, Carter,” Riley continued. “I really care about you. More than anyone since...” He trailed off.
I cleared my throat. “Since Amber and Holden.”
“Yeah.”
This was killing me. Fucking killing me. Riley was saying everything I had been dying to hear. So why did it feel so hollow? Why wasn’t I ecstatic, my heart bursting with love and joy?
Because there’s more to it.
“I’m not the only one who’s special, am I?” I inhaled deeply before continuing. “She’s special to you too, this Paige.”
“Yes. No.” Riley’s hand balled into a fist on the tabletop.
I snorted. “Which is it, Rye? You can’t have it both ways.”
“Maybe?” He grabbed my beer and drained it. “Look, I don’t know what I need long-term. Hell, I don’t even know what I want. All I do know is that right now?” He gripped the back of my neck and his eyes held mine. “The one person I know, one-hundred percent, that I need in my life is you.” He pressed our foreheads together. “You, Carter. I need you and I want you. I’ve missed you so damn much.”
Riley put two fingers under my chin and tilted my head up until our gazes met again. “Will you have me, Carter? Will you give me the chance to show you how much I want you in my life?”
Fuck. My pulse pounding in my ears, I sank into those dark blazing pools. For once, all of Riley’s thoughts and emotions were clearly written on his face. Could I trust them? Could I trust that this connection between us was real? Lasting? I didn’t know if I could believe, but I really wanted to.
Threading my fingers through his thick hair, I brought our heads together. My mouth hovered within kissing distance of his, and as his soft pants tickled my lips, I made up my mind.
“Take me to your room, Riley. Show me what I need to know.”
Chapter 7
RILEY
Had Carter really forgiven me? I was about to find out.
Fumbling the key card and almost dropping it, I opened the door to my hotel room, Carter at my back. Christ. I was so aware of him, his every breath, his every movement.
How badly I’d hurt him.
I turned to Carter, who stood just inside the door, his duffel bag in hand. We’d collected it from the front desk. He wasn’t putting it down, wasn’t making himself comfortable. His eyes were darting from surface to surface, lingering on the laptop I’d left on the desk.
“You’re really writing again,” he said.
“Yeah. I am.”
Carter still made no move toward me, no move to settle into the room. He looked like he wanted to bolt.
“Come here,” I said. “Put your bag down.”
“You know, I think I should get my own room. I don’t want to disturb your writing. Whatever you have going with Paige, it’s obviously working.”
Fuck. “It is, and it isn’t. If you read what I wrote, you’ll see how much I’ve missed you. Yes, she got me started, but it hasn’t felt… complete to me.”
He shook his head. “You said I was your boyfriend, and you don’t know how happy that made me to hear it. But fuck, when you talk about her, there’s something in your tone, in your expression…” His voice cracked.
Goddammit. Maybe Kenji was right. Maybe we needed to stop talking and start fucking. I needed Carter to stop doubting. I needed to show him what he meant to me.
In two long strides, I was right in his face. I stripped the bag from his arms and tossed it on the floor with a thud. Then I pressed forward, taking his cheeks in my hands, his light stubble prickling my palms.
Tears welled in his eyes, and I felt my own start. I’d done this to him. I’d hurt him. “I’m so fucking sorry, Carter. I am. I’m a fucked up mess, I know it. But I’m trying not to be. I’m trying to get my shit together. I need you to bear with me while I sort all this out.”
“I should walk away,” he said in a ragged whisper. “I should, and I know it.”
My pulse pounded, my heart stuttering. No, no, no. “You can’t. You just… can’t.”
I brought our mouths together, and he groaned, whether out of passion or frustration or both, I couldn’t tell. I ran my tongue along the seam of his lips, but he wouldn’t let me in. He ripped his mouth away, his chest heaving.
“I can’t do this, Riley. I can’t. I can’t be some toy you play with and toss away when you’re done.”
He bent to pick up his bag, and my heart thrashed in my chest. If I let Carter go, that would be the end of it. And I didn’t want that, I didn’t want that at all.
I grabbed his arm, the one holding his bag, and I pulled the duffel out of his grasp and dropped it on the floor again. This time I kicked it away and pushed him back into the door.
His eyes widened. “What the fuck, Riley?”
“You’re not leaving. You’re not running away.”
“Me, run away? You should know—you ran off to fucking England!”
“I’m not running anymore.” I leaned in to kiss him, but he shoved me back.
“You think you can fuck me and make it all better?” His face was flushed, his cheeks bright red.
“I’m not letting you walk out the door. I’m not letting you walk out on us.” I stepped forward again, pressing my chest against his, pinning his wrists to the door. He could break away; we both knew it. He was stronger than I was, and I often let him manhandle me a bit. But tonight, that’s not what he needed. He needed me to take charge, to take control. To show him how I felt.
He eyed me, questions in his gaze. “I’m so fucking angry, Riley.” His voice had a tremor in it, his body shaking in my grasp.
“You have every right to be,” I whispered, bringing my lips right to his, but not kissing him, just hovering on the brink. “Now let me make it up to you.” I waited a second for him to pull away, but he stood there, trembling, his eyes glistening.
I closed the gap, and this time when our lips touched, he groaned in surrender and opened to me. I twined my tongue with his, and he tried to break my grip on his wrists. I held firm, pinning him more securely to the door. The wood creaked, and he sighed into my mouth, the fight flowing out of him.
I ground our hips together, my hard cock rubbing against his, making us both moan. I pivoted us away from the door, shifting my grip to his waist and walking him toward the bed. When his knees hit the mattress, he pushed back against me, and I finally broke our kiss and started pulling off his shirt.
I tossed my glasses on the nightstand, and Carter’s lips curved up. “You know, your sexy professor look really does it for me.”
I smiled, my hands cupping his pecs, the light hairs tickling my palms. “You want me to leave them on?”
He nodded, and I yanked off my own shirt, then put the glasses back on. I could see him better that way.
God, Carter was gorgeous. All lean muscle, his torso ripped to perfection. I ran my hands down his arms, the muscles like granite under my touch, his chest heaving like he’d been running. He was radiating heat, and I craved that warmth. I pressed our chests together, our cocks sliding against each other and reminding me we were both still too clothed for my liking. I tugged at his belt and kissed him again, plunging my tongue into his mouth. He grabbed me by the shoulders, pulling me closer, then spun me around and started to push me onto the bed. I resisted and pulled back, shakin
g my head. “This isn’t business as usual.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Okay.”
“Now strip.” I unbuckled my belt, and the two of us made quick work of the rest of our clothes. Once we were both naked, he looked at me, his eyes roving down my body, lingering on my cock. “On your knees,” I said, my voice coming out raw and demanding.
He lowered himself to the floor and took my cock in hand and looked up at me. “Go ahead. Suck it,” I said.
He shuddered out a breath, then he leaned forward and twirled his tongue around the head of my cock, and fuck, it was so perfect. I shivered all over and pressed forward, my hand going to his neck, and his mouth opened to let me in, swallowing me in one thrust, and I felt myself on the verge of coming already. “Slow down,” I murmured. “Don’t want this over before we get started.”
He eased back, his hands gripping my thighs, his tongue swirling along my shaft as he let me out of his mouth. He gazed up and I nodded, and then he engulfed me again, his lips touching my balls. I sighed with how good it felt to be this deep in his throat. He swallowed and I shivered, the sensation making my balls tighten. I was close, so close. But this wasn’t all I wanted from him.
I stepped back and looked down at Carter, who waited patiently, staring up at me. “What do you want me to do?” he asked, his voice a bit hoarse.
“Get on the bed. On your back.” I went to the nightstand and pulled out the condoms and lube I’d put there with Paige in mind. I rolled on a condom, my eyes on Carter, who was lying on the mattress, his big cock curving up toward his belly.
We were both breathing hard as I approached the bed, lube in hand. I dribbled some on my palms, then leaned over him, taking his cock in one hand, while the other slid down to his hole. He groaned when I stroked his cock, and he spread his legs to give me better access as I worked a thumb into his tight pucker. He shifted under my touch, pressing himself onto my thumb and helping me work it in and out. I swiveled my palm over the head of his cock, making him groan. “Fuck,” Carter moaned. He opened his eyes and looked up at me. “Fuck me,” he said, the vulnerability in his eyes making my throat tighten.