by Dana Delamar
My eyes met the banked fire in his gaze and took in the tender, loving way he held me. No, my feelings for Carter went beyond the need for comfort, beyond mere attraction. I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him, with or without Riley.
But sex?
“Good question,” I said, finally.
He stroked a finger through the hair that clung to the side of my cheek. “That’s answer enough for me.”
“What about you? Would you be ready?”
“Physically?” He pushed his hips up, drawing my eye to the front of his jeans, which were definitely no longer flat. “Emotionally? Not so much.”
“You miss him.”
“I love him, and I’m worried. In retrospect, I realize now that before this trip, he’d really been struggling to write, and both psychologically and financially, it had been weighing on him. Not that he’d mentioned any of this to me until right before he left. But that’s no excuse; I should have seen it.” He pursed his lips, then shook his head. After a moment, he looked into my eyes and smiled. “But the last few days, he’s been so excited about his work. He can’t wait to sit at his laptop and write. Last night, I woke up to the clickety-clack of his keyboard. I watched him work for a while. He was so into it, laser-focused. Honestly, I’ve never seen him like that before, and I really don’t want to take that away from him.”
I looked down and flicked my nail against a rivet in the pocket of Carter’s jeans. “I don’t either, but, like I said earlier, I really can’t have him writing about me.”
“I know.” He cupped my cheek in his large, warm palm. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow. All three of us together.”
Releasing me, he rose. “Thank you for everything. Despite the circumstances, I had a great time.”
I followed him to the door. “Me too. Are you going back to your room?”
He grinned. “Yeah. I think I’ve given Riley enough time to stew.”
“You’re good for him, you know that?”
“You are too. For both of us.” Stepping closer to me, Carter kissed me once more. “Good night, Paige.”
“Good night.”
After watching his retreating back all the way to the elevator, I quietly closed the door. I leaned against it and pressed my hands to my flaming face. What was I doing? At first it had been Riley, a consummate star, passionate and commanding in any disguise, who’d enchanted me. Then Carter had shown up, and I’d been drawn in by his compassion and the warmth of his personality. A natural-born caretaker like me, he was easy to talk to and a pleasure to be around.
There was no question I was attracted to both men. Thank goodness this could never be more than a vacation fling. Here, it was easy to hide the fact that I was involved with the two of them, especially since everyone had caught on to Riley and Carter being a couple. But in the real world, this kind of thing just wasn’t possible.
Riley did it with Amber and Holden.
Yes, and look how that had turned out. Riley had been a rising star in the book world, a celebrity hunted by the paparazzi, with his photos published in entertainment magazines. And even then, the three-way relationship that had seemed so loving and solid in Amber’s Triumph, had crumbled under the pressure of public scrutiny. My investigations on the Internet had provided me ample evidence of that. Some of the photos of Riley after the breakup, looking so dejected and heartbroken, had literally brought me to tears.
I didn’t want him to be hurt like that again.
You mean you don’t want to be hurt like you were when Dylan left you and Emma.
Damn it all. Why did life have to be so complicated? Shoving off the door, I went to get ready for bed. When I slid under the covers, my phone rang. It was Ari.
“Hello, Arianna.”
Ari snickered, putting me immediately on alert. “I heard you had some fun at the house party.”
“W-what? What did you hear?”
“Oh, you know something about the tour guide getting a lot of attention from two rather hunky men.”
“Oh God.” I buried my face in my pillow.
“What was that?” Ari asked.
“Nothing.”
Arianna burst into laughter. “You’re my hero. Seriously, Paige, I didn’t think you had it in you.”
Hearing the double entendre, my entire body went up in flames. I kept my lips cemented shut, hoping Ari wouldn’t catch on.
No such luck.
“Oh! Oh my God. And Daniel always said I didn’t have a funny bone. Wait until I tell him about this.”
“No!” Realizing I’d just yelled at my boss, I took a deep breath and tried again. “Please, don’t tell anyone about this. Especially not Daniel or Javier.”
“Okay, okay. Calm down. I was only having some fun with you.” There was some rustling over the phone line followed by the crack and pop of a soft drink can being opened. “But seriously, I heard from the staff that the actors you hired had a hell of a good time.”
I groaned. “No kidding. Doors were opening and closing all night long.”
Ari laughed. “Yep, sounds about right. I swear people go on these tours for the sex rather than the sights.”
“I had no idea.”
“I did,” Ari said, and her meaning was instantly clear to me.
My boss, my friend, had sent me on this trip, knowing my chances of getting laid were extremely high. “Ari!” I scolded her.
“Don’t take that tone with me,” she teased. “I only gave you the opportunity. You’re the one who hopped on and rode it.”
“Oh God.” I buried my face in the pillow again.
“Come on, girl. Own it. Tell me, how are things going with Misters Hot-as-Fuck and Fucking-Hot?”
“Exactly as the caterer tattled,” I said, deadpan.
“Lucky bitch.”
I cracked up at that. I could always count on Ari to lighten the mood. “Seriously though, they’re both amazing. But”—my smile fell—“today, Carter discovered that Riley’s been writing about us.”
“What do you mean? About you and him?”
“No. About the three of us. According to Carter, Riley’s writing a story that involves three characters named Paige, Riley, and Carter. Oh yes. He used our names. And although the settings are different, the actions and dialogue are a little more than ‘inspired’ by actual events.” Simply saying it had my blood boiling.
“You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, but I am.”
“Well, first off, don’t jump to any conclusions. Talk to him. Maybe this is just part of his process. Or maybe it’s not his actual book. Maybe it’s like therapy. Either way, talk to him and find out what’s really going on.”
“It’s pretty clear. His Amber books were true to life. He told Carter that this is the only way he knows how to write.”
“Did he seem like he was using you? In the Amber books, Riley really did seem to fall for Amber and Holden.”
I sat up and used the pillows to cushion my back, then banged my head against the wall. Repeatedly. “I feel like I’m going crazy. I must have been lust-drunk. That’s what this is, right?”
“I don’t think you have to be crazy or lust-drunk to enjoy the attention of two gorgeous men. Women the world over would kill to be you right now.”
“Until this happened, I’d been having a fabulous time with them.” I thought back to my pleasant evening with Carter. Maybe I was a one-man kind of woman after all. An image of Riley popped into my mind, making my belly clench. Oh, who was I kidding? I didn’t want one without the other.
“I don’t know what to think about how I feel,” I said softly.
“Oh, honey. It’s simple. I can hear it in your voice all the way from Miami. You’re in love with both of them.”
I shook my head even though Ari couldn’t see me. “That’s impossible.”
“Is it?”
Ari was wrong. I wasn’t like that. I didn’t fall in love at first sight. “I’ve known Riley for two weeks. Carter for less than on
e.”
“Sometimes,” Ari began, “it’s that fast. Look at me and Daniel. We got married two weeks after we met.”
Brilliant example, I thought uncharitably. “And look how that turned out.”
“We were in love.”
“I think you still are.” Despite their divorce a year ago, I often caught Ari and Daniel sneaking glances at each other. The longing between them was palpable.
Ari huffed. “We’re not talking about me right now. We’re discussing you and your two hotties.”
I groaned. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Talk to Riley and see if you can get past what he’s done.”
“But a threesome? Or is it a triad?” I sighed in frustration. “Is that really me?”
“Look, you don’t have to put a label on it. See what develops. Just have fun.”
We said our goodbyes, her words echoing in my head. See what develops.
Sure, I could do that. Except something developing was exactly what I was afraid of. If I did fall for them, then when the trip ended in a week, and everyone went home, Riley and Carter would go together. I’d be left alone. And heartbroken.
You can’t be heartbroken if you aren’t already in love.
I silently screamed at the voice in my head and threw a pillow against the far wall. I was not in love with two men.
Definitely not.
Chapter 12
RILEY
How was I going to fix this? Carter and Paige had barely spoken to me all day, and even though Carter had come back to our room last night, he’d slept on the couch instead of sharing the bed with me, and when I had tried to talk to him about it, he’d said he wouldn’t discuss it without Paige being there.
We’d toured the cathedral at Canterbury in the morning, and with my gut in one big knot, I was barely able to follow a word of what the guide said. All I could think about was how I’d tried to give Carter a blow job after we’d woken up, but he’d brushed me off. “No more games,” he’d said.
Is that what Carter thought, what Paige thought? That this was all a game to me?
It wasn’t a game. It was my life. If I couldn’t write about it, what was I going to do? I’d tried to write something else. But that hadn’t worked. So now what?
I lay back on the bed in our room. We’d reached London around midafternoon and were back at the Grosvenor Hotel. We’d spent the afternoon at Covent Garden, and now Carter was having dinner with Paige at The Lamb and Flag pub, one of Charles Dickens’s favorite watering holes, and I hadn’t been invited.
Was I going to lose Paige and Carter to each other? Was this going to be Amber and Holden all over again?
Fuck that. That was not happening. I needed to fix this. And I needed to fix it now.
By the time I reached The Lamb and Flag, my heart was pounding. And when I looked in the front window and saw Paige and Carter laughing over their pints, I had to take a deep breath before I stormed in there and said something I shouldn’t.
But I had to say something. Do something. That much was clear. I opened the door and headed to their table. Paige saw me first, and she paused mid-sip and put her pint glass down, her face shifting from laughter to something far more somber.
I pulled out the chair beside her, sat without asking permission, and crossed my arms. “Enough with the bullshit. We need to talk. All three of us.”
Carter set his pint down with a thunk. “I don’t think you’re in a position to make demands.”
“I’m not? What about asking for you both to hear me out? Instead of pushing me away and turning your backs like we’re kids on the playground.”
“We’re not being childish—” Carter started, but Paige cut him off.
“We kind of are,” she said. “It’s okay for us to be upset, but the silent treatment is pretty passive-aggressive.”
Carter was silent for a second, then he smiled. “You’re right.” He dipped his head in acknowledgment. The smile faded when he looked at me though. “We’re listening.”
Thank God. My gut was still a mess, but I could breathe a little easier now. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about the consequences of what I was doing. I was so excited to be writing again. Really writing. I haven’t been this happy in a long time.” I shifted in my chair and uncrossed my arms, reaching for and taking their hands in mine. “I haven’t been this happy since Amber and Holden. And yesterday and today, all this tension, the two of you going off together, stirred up a lot of shit for me. A lot of fear.” My insides quivered as I looked from Carter to Paige.
She squeezed my hand. “Were you more upset about losing Amber or losing Holden?”
“Both. I wanted them both.”
Carter leaned forward, his face so stern I wasn’t sure what to think. “Is that what you want now?”
My heart started beating fast, my breathing going shallow. I swallowed hard. “Yes.” The words slipped out, my voice barely audible above the clamor of the lively pub.
“You can’t write about us, though,” Paige said, her voice soft but firm.
“I’m not. I’m really not. I know it seems like it, and I’m sorry. And if it’s making you so unhappy, I’ll write a different story. I just don’t know how to do that.”
Paige smiled, the first one she’d directed my way in what seemed like ages. “You’re at a writers’ retreat. There are lots of people you can ask for advice.”
“Who? Lori? She can barely put a kiss on the page without turning red.”
“What about Kenji?” Carter asked.
“God no.” I could imagine the look on Kenji’s face. His utter glee at my coming to him for help. No doubt he’d enjoy telling me “Hell no.” And I would deserve it.
“Kenji is a good choice. He knows your situation,” Carter said. “And I’ve read his work. He’s really, really good.”
“He is?” I asked.
“You haven’t read him? He won a Lambda last year.”
“He did?” How did I not know this?
Carter shook his head. “Now I understand why he’s so mad at you.”
I reddened. “Well, it’s not only that. He asked me for help finding an agent a few years ago. And I was too wound up in my own shit to help.”
Paige spoke up. “He really seems like a nice guy. I think he would help you if you asked.”
“He’s going to make me grovel.”
Carter chuckled. “That would be good for you.”
I took a deep breath. Fuck. I let the breath out. “You’re probably right. On both counts.” I looked at Carter, then at Paige. “So, can we continue as we are, at least for the rest of this trip?”
He nodded, and Paige leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “Thank you for listening to us.”
Carter still seemed a little unsettled though; I could see it in the stiff set of his shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
Carter’s jaw worked and he took a gulp from his pint, withdrawing his hand from my grasp. His eyes flicked to Paige, and she nodded.
Fuck. So there was something they were keeping from me. “Tell me.”
“Do you even remember what I do for a living?”
“You teach. Like I used to.”
“Yeah. And remember what happened when people found out about you and Amber?”
“I got fired. But she was my student. That’s not the situation we’re in.”
“But I teach young, especially vulnerable, kids. Not to mention I have a morality clause in my contract. And having my sex life—my unusual sex life—splashed all over the pages of a novel or the front page of the National Enquirer isn’t ‘proper and fitting’ behavior for a special-ed teacher.”
Oh. My cheeks flamed. “I’m sorry. That didn’t even cross my mind. We’re all adults here. We should be able to do what we want.”
“We should,” he said. “But I can’t.”
“I get it,” I said. “Message received.”
Staring at the table, Carter nodded, then he looked up at me. “I took a ris
k just being with you, Rye. Once I knew who you were, I thought about staying away. I really did.”
I stared at him openmouthed. “You did?”
“But I couldn’t.” His eyes misted. “I can’t.”
“Carter,” Paige said, and she reached over to take his hands.
I felt frozen. Carter had thought about leaving me? Because of who I was? He’d never said a thing.
Probably because he shouldn’t have had to. If I’d thought about it, for even a minute. “Christ,” I said, my voice sounding rusty. “I’m such a pig. It’s one thing for me not to keep up with Kenji’s life, but to not even think about what being with me would mean to your life, your job?” I shook my head. “You shouldn’t forgive me.”
Carter laughed but there wasn’t much joy in it. “I don’t think you’ve been listening to me. I don’t have any choice. I love you.”
“And I love you.” I glanced at Paige. She was smiling, her own eyes welling up. God, I wanted to say it to her too. But it felt too soon, like I’d be pressing her for a commitment.
I still had six days before we were due to part. And that meant I had six days to show her that what I felt for her was real. So that when I told her, she’d believe it. Carter too.
Because all three of us had to be together. Anything less was unacceptable. I leaned over and kissed Paige’s cheek. “What do you say we go back to the hotel?” I asked the two of them.
Paige and Carter looked at each other, then at me, before nodding. What was that look about? There was heat there, and something else. Another secret?
Well, I was getting to the bottom of that before the night was through.
This time we went back to my and Carter’s room instead of Paige’s. We’d barely shut the door before Carter was in my arms, kissing me roughly, then he turned to Paige and drew her close, kissing her deeply just inches from my own lips. When Carter released Paige’s mouth, he urged me to kiss her, and God, she tasted so sweet. My cock ground against her belly, and she whimpered into my mouth, that sound that got me rock hard in a second.