To Dorian, 8:31 A.M.
-Hey, sorry I didn’t call you back. Hope you have a safe trip. I’m looking forward to Friday, too ;)
No need to alarm him with my troubles. What would he do about it anyway? And would he even care?
Ding! Ding!
-I’ll be thinking of you until then.
It’s amazing what that man can do with a simple text message. I just wish it were enough to make me forget all that’s troubling me. Whoever is out there longing to kill me is getting closer. Could they have been at the bar too? I scan the familiar faces in my head, wondering if anything was suspicious or out of place. Nothing sticks out to me. Even if the Dark were there, what could I have done to save myself? Or save my friends? I’m powerless against any supernatural adversaries at least until I turn 21. Then what? Do I wave around a twig and say ‘Abracadabra’? Will I trade in my little Honda for a broomstick?
I look over at my mom’s book, sitting on my nightstand. So many unanswered questions and it seems to be the only thing, other than Chris and Donna, that sheds some light on my newfound destiny. I reach over to pick it up, and then recline comfortably on a mound of pillows. After flipping through the pages for a few moments, I come to the part where I left off. Oh right, my mother, the great Dark Hunter, comes face to face with the sadistic Shadow, and instead of slaying them, she decides to procreate with one. Way to stay strong, Mom!
I read on for the next hour or so about Natalia’s confusion at her choice to let the Shadow live. It was the first time she had ever been so close to one of them without it ending in bloodshed. She was curious. For nights, she had dreams about the mysterious Warlock; his cold, blue eyes burning into hers, his unfathomable, tortured expression, his compliant stance. She didn’t understand why he lied to his partner about seeing her. Did he think she couldn’t take them and took pity on her? It angered her to think that they saw her as a weaker adversary. She didn’t need rescuing. And for her choice to let them live, she was angry at herself. She was trained to fight her enemies and was exceptionally efficient at it. What was so different about him? It baffled her how she could allow herself to become influenced by the Dark One. He surely must’ve used powerful hypnotism to persuade her to let him live.
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I had no explanation for how the Dark One escaped with his head. I had trained and planned for their arrival, leaving a trail of clues that would lead them straight to me. Then once they were separated, searching for me, I would pluck them off with ease. But seeing that man, the Dark One, startled me. He had awoken something inside me that I didn’t even know existed. I hated to admit that it was desire. I wanted the Dark One. And I hated myself for feeling that way because I knew that we could never be. He despised me and would surely suck the life right out of me if given the chance. I buried myself in training for our next encounter. They would not escape me again.
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My poor mother, tortured by her carnal desires. Guess we share that trait. I read on about Natalia’s growing affections for the Dark One, and her self-loathing for not being able to shake the foreign feelings. She wanted to hate him, just like the rest of them. But in her dreams, she never killed him. He never killed her. Her dreams were full of passion. Lust. Love.
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I tracked the Shadow for thousands of miles, more determined than ever to bring them to their demise. Maybe even a bit reckless. I felt that if he was dead, my irrational feelings would die with him. Plus if anyone from the Light ever found out how I felt…. No good could come from it. He had to die.
On one particularly cold night, I catch their scent towards an old abandoned factory site. I stealthily approach the area, making virtually no noise in my pursuit. The scent grows stronger. They’re here. I can feel them. Everything inside me is telling me to turn back, it’s surely a trap. It’s just too easy. Something isn’t right. But I have to do this; I have to get it over with. It’s the only way I can get him out of my system and retain my sanity.
As if they could hear my internal struggle, the two from the Shadow ambush me, materializing out of thin air. They have paralyzed me with their magic, no doubt for easier slaughtering. They are both there, both viciously beautiful. I struggle unsuccessfully against their strong combined currents. They step into my line of vision, giving me a clear view of the object of my desire. I give up the hopeless fight as I lock eyes with him. I will die with his magnificent face being the last thing I see.
His partner murmurs something in their native language. He’s telling him to ‘Do It.’ I close my eyes and wait for my demise peacefully. Minutes pass but death never comes. My eyes flicker open and I see that he has dropped his hold on me, releasing me from my temporary paralysis. His partner stands in disbelief, shouting at him but he’s talking too fast for me to understand. They begin to argue and I have to ask myself why I haven’t taken this opportunity to kill them both while they’re distracted. But I know I can’t. I won’t. He spared my life once again. I have to find out why.
His name is Alexander. I eventually know him affectionately as Alex. He is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. But beyond that, he is different from anything I have ever learned about the Dark. He is kind, decent, and compassionate. And he has the ability to LOVE, something we, the Light, have been taught is impossible for them. We are told that they are nothing more than cold, hard shells. Devoid of humanity. But Alex is so full of life and passion. This caused me to question everything I was ever taught.
I know Alex has killed many times. His conscience had grown weary with the constant carnage. He wanted it all to end. The day in the woods, he had been hoping I would kill him. Put him out of his misery. For hundreds of years, he led a contrived life. He wanted to settle down, have a family one day. That is virtually unheard of for the elite Shadow. They have their pick of throngs of women, both supernatural and human. Alex had quenched his thirst for lustful flesh decades ago. He wanted something more. And he thought that I could help him.
The first time Alex appeared to me, I nearly killed him. He was not defensive. He let me attack him until I realized he had not come to harm me. He wanted to learn about love and family. He was interested as to what we, the Light, thought about the Dark. Of course, he suspected that we view them all as murderous, unfeeling villains. We met in secret for many nights like this, talking about our lives, and how we wanted more. I only knew how to be a Dark Hunter, to track and kill the enemies of the Light without mercy. Alex had been recruited into the Shadow when he was very young. His exceptional tracking and fighting skills had served him well and he easily moved up through the ranks. Plus he was known for being dreadfully brutal and torturous. Possessing those qualities will eventually weigh you down with guilt and regret.
Soon the time we spent together grew from sheer curiosity to something more. Much more. We would find ourselves longing for the other’s company, sneaking away from responsibilities, lying to our own loved ones so we could be together. We tried to fight the overwhelming emotions. We even walked away from our relationship several times, concluding that it could never work between us. We would surely be put to death for our association. In the end, love won out over our fear. We could not simply turn away from what we had.
But as you may know, nothing worth fighting for comes easy. Alex’s partner had grown suspicious of his constant disappearances and odd behavior. One night, he followed him and found us together. He was outraged; they had been like brothers for over a century and Alex had kept a staggering secret from him. At first, his instinct was to kill us. He would have been doing us a kindness, to say the least. If he told what he had found, we would have been ripped apart, limb from limb. But Alex pleaded with him, explaining his feelings for me…. And the child that grew within my womb. Your father’s partner was utterly disgusted, and turned away from Alex. We thought for sure he had gone to alert the Dark of our transgressions. We waited for death together, cherishing our last moments in this life. But his partner returned
alone. He vowed to help us and protect us. He did not fully understand but his devotion to Alex was unshakable. So he concealed our secret the best he could.
As the saying goes, everything done in the Dark must come to Light. As my belly grew, rumors began to fly amongst our kind. It wasn’t hard for them to find that I had consorted with a Dark One. Word traveled back to the Dark and Alex was immediately taken from me. I was beyond devastated. I knew that he would not survive this. The Dark are merciless and his death was imminent. His friend was also punished harshly for his treason. I will be forever thankful for his allegiance.
As for me, the Light felt they would show me a bit of mercy by giving me a choice. I could live but my unborn baby would be killed as soon as I gave birth. Should I choose to keep you alive, I would pay the ultimate price. Death.
I chose the latter.
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I close the journal gently and set it on my nightstand. Then I allow myself to do something that I’ve tried to avoid at every cost. Something any normal person would've done days ago.
I cry.
Chapter Eight
My head is aching when I waken to the bright sunlight streaming through the blinds. I must’ve cried myself into exhaustion and fallen asleep. I squint against the intensity and clumsily reach for my cell phone. Shit. 12:07. I have to be at work at 1 P.M. I sluggishly roll out of bed and trudge to the bathroom, thankful that my parents are nowhere in sight. Once in the shower, I let the hot water soothe my ragged body. The last few days have been eventful to say the least, and I haven’t allowed myself to process it all. I haven’t let myself feel, in fear that once I accept these emotions, allow these fears to come to life, they would take over. I can’t have that.
I shut the water off, vaguely wishing I could turn off my emotions just as easily. Just a flip of a switch or a turn of a knob and all feeling would cease. All crippling pain and frustration would just dissolve. I could go back to blissful ignorance and forget everything that I am, and what I was birthed to be.
Work is more of the same. I just don’t have it in me to deal with obnoxious teens and volunteer to stock a new shipment of tops. It is mindless work and I welcome the change from manufactured smiles and false courtesy. Now more than ever do I feel the need to make a decision about my future so I’m not stuck in this dead end job forever. A vibration in my back pocket indicates that I have a text message, breaking me from my forlorn thoughts.
From Jared, 4:56 P.M.
-Cops were here. U ok?
So I guess Cole actually put her detective skills to use. Useless trollop, I snicker to myself.
-Yeah, I’m good. At work.
-Ok. What I said last night… I meant it.
I smile at the tender memory and instantly perk up. Life is too short to wallow in self-pity. At least my life is. And here I have this amazing, totally gorgeous, kind, generous guy that genuinely likes me. He’s all I’ve ever wanted for years and now he wants me too! Why shouldn’t I take him up on his offer? Why do I even need to think about this? Jared could have any girl he wants yet he desires me. He wants to start a life together, he said so himself. I could be completely happy with him. It’d be the best of both worlds- best friends and lovers. A true fairytale ending. Yes! This could work!
But can it? Really?
Could we really build a future together based on a lie? I could never conceal what I truly am- half Light, half Dark. Both good and evil. And how would he feel about me having supernatural powers? He’d think I was a freak, like most of the population, surely. Could I hurt him accidentally? Could I hurt others?
The thought that I could be a potential danger to society stops me up short and I let the shirt I’m holding tumble to the ground. I don’t have anyone to help me in this, no one to guide me after I ascend. I won’t know how to use my powers. My mom said so herself- I am the first of my kind. Nothing my birth mother could write in a journal could prepare me for what to expect in 12 months. She didn’t even know. She was just hopeful that I would be something great. What if mixing the two forces is harmful to me? What if that much power kills me?
In all my mental turmoil, I have lost track of time and before I know it, it’s time to go home. I pack up the rest of the merchandise, grab my stuff and leave to drive the five minutes to Briargate.
“Just in time for dinner, Kiddo,” Chris says as I enter the kitchen. He’s setting the table.
“Cool, it smells good,” I remark washing my hands at the sink. “Need any help?”
“Um, could you check the dinner rolls, honey?” my mom asks, placing a bowl of tossed salad on the table. I grab a potholder and pull the bread out of the oven. By the time I turn with the bread basket, it’s time to eat our feast of honey baked ham, mashed potatoes, roasted brussel sprouts, fresh green salad, and buttery baked rolls. Sunday dinner: a reminder that no matter what, we’re still a family.
“So the cops went by Jared’s house,” I say, scooping out some potatoes onto my plate.
“And everything ok there?” Chris asks with a raised eyebrow, as he slices his ham.
I nod as I chew and swallow. “Yeah. Like I said, we had nothing to do with Summer’s death. Dad, when I tell you this girl was wasted… She was making a fool of herself. She tried to get Jared to go home with her but when he refused, she got irate. Tried to slap him and called us all kinds of names. I swear I just gave her a good shove. Just to get her to back off.” I pop a whole brussel sprout in my mouth. Chris nods, indicating that he believes me. Between him training me to box at the gym, 10 years of Karate instruction, and my overall distaste for dumb, slutty girls, he knows I could’ve seriously hurt the girl if I wanted to. The push was a warning shot.
“That poor girl,” Donna mumbles. “I wonder if she knew whoever it was that hurt her.” She looks somber, as if her own horrid memory of her attack has come back to haunt her.
“Well, I did overhear Morgan saying that she was crying on some guy’s shoulder afterwards.” A light bulb blinks to life in my head. “Maybe if Morgan could remember what he looked like, we could find out if he’s the Warlock that’s been killing all these girls.” I reach for my soda and take a sip. “And trying to kill me.”
“Honey, even if it is him, do you realize how easy it would be for him to change his appearance?” She’s been stabbing the same piece of lettuce with her fork for several minutes. “And to think, he was that close to you.”
“Well, let’s just hope he is too cocky to even think he needed to. Like you said, we are miniscule to them. They feel as if they are gods among mere mortals. Why waste magic on a bunch of dumb kids and risk a few wrinkles?” I chuckle at first but then dread washes over me, my eyes widening in horror.
“What?” Chris asks, alarmed at my sudden mood change. He looks around as if expecting an intruder and his fists clench tightly.
“How old will I be?” I mutter, my glossy eyes fixed on nothing in particular.
“What do you mean?” Donna asks, though I know she knows what I’m talking about. She puts her hand over mine.
“For the rest of my life? How old will I be forever?” I can’t even look at them.
“It all depends. If you use magic, it ages you. But you can draw from nature to replenish your powers and your youth. That takes longer than… you know. But you will be fine, I know you-”
“No!" I shriek, cutting her off. "You know what I mean! How old will I be? Tell me!” My outburst startles her and she looks to Chris for guidance.
“Twenty-one,” he answers somberly.
The only sounds Chris and Donna hear next are the scraping of my chair and the slamming of my bedroom door.
**********
For the next few days, I bury myself in schoolwork and my job at the mall. It’s hard to believe that just a week ago my biggest worry was getting to class on time. Now I’ve got my impending ascension in an unknown world of magic, an evil murderous stalker, the possible accusation of murder, and Jared’s proposition.
Oh,
Jared. No matter how many times I try to rationalize it, I can’t put him at risk. He is so innocent. So ridiculously genuine and good. Subjecting him to this life that is still a mystery to even me is unfair. I would never forgive myself if something happened to him. I know he’s waiting on an answer from me but I just can’t find the words to explain it to him. Guess I’ll have to go with the semi-truth.
“So I’ve really put some thought into what we talked about the other night,” I say as we’re sitting in the atrium on campus. It’s Thursday and both of us have been in a weird space since our talk. Time to get it over with so we can go back to being normal. I miss my friend. “Right now, where my life is at, there are just too many uncertainties. But the one thing I am completely certain about is you. You are more important to me than you will ever know. Sometimes seeing you here is the only reason I wake up to come to class at all!” I chuckle nervously.
“I feel the same way,” he breathes, taking my hand into his, making me more than a little uncomfortable in such a public place. I don’t have the heart to yank it away.
“I need to be my very best for you. I can’t weigh you down with my indecisiveness and personal struggles. You deserve someone who’s got her shit together. I wish I could be that for you, God knows I do. But I’m not. And I have no idea if I’ll ever get it right,” I say looking down. My heart constricts in anticipation of his reaction.
“So what are you saying?” Jared asks flatly. I look up at him with fresh tears brimming my hazel eyes and he immediately softens, stroking my hand. Of course, he would be consoling me when I’m the one rejecting him. He is too damn good for me!
“Gabriella, I don’t want you to be anything else for me than what you already are. You could never weigh me down. Ever. Let me help you through your problems like you helped me through mine.”
Dark Light (The Dark Light Series) Page 9