by Blair, E. K.
He laughs and says, “Not gonna lie, it’s a good gig. I’m gonna go check out a new band the label is showing interest in on Thursday. Wanna tag along?”
“Yeah,” I say as the bartender hands me my beer. Gavin has been working for Sub Pop Records for the past few years, so we hit up a lot of concerts.
He turns to a couple of girls that walk up and stand next to him as they wait to order drinks. Taking a quick look back at me, he shoots me a wink, and I laugh at him. When he turns back to them, he says, in tacky Gavin form, “Hey, ladies.”
I sit back and drink my beer. Mel and Zane are off talking to friends, but when Gavin nudges me and says, “I got one for you,” I turn around to see a tall, curvy redhead smiling at me.
Giving a slight nod, I say, “You go to college here?” Small talk—it’s almost annoying to me because if I do too much of it, it makes me feel like a dick for possibly giving girls the impression that I’m interested in more than just a fleeting hook-up.
“Uh huh. Education major,” she tells me with a thick Southern accent, and I can’t control the chuckle that slips out. “What about you?”
Is she kidding? “College was a few years back for me.”
As she nods her head, she says, “Oh.” Naïve. “So, what do you do . . .?” she trails off, not knowing my name.
“Ryan.”
“Right.”
God, this is painful. “I run a bar off campus,” I tell her.
“Cool.”
Looking over at Gavin, he’s staring at the redhead and shaking his head. Yeah, I got the ditz outta the two, that’s for sure.
“You need a drink?” I offer, and when she smiles and nods, I turn to get the bartender’s attention. “What do you like?”
“Vodka.”
“Shots?” I ask.
“Mmm hmm.”
I shoot her a smile, and I know I’m in when she smiles back, biting her lower lip. I order four shots, and we waste little time knocking them back. We sit there as time passes, and she talks my ear off about school and moving up here from Oklahoma. I half pay attention but make sure I nod to give her the impression that I’m keeping up.
Her hand grips my knee when she leans in and begins talking closely into my ear as the bar grows louder the later it gets. Brushing her hair behind her shoulder, I let my fingers graze along her neck, and she shifts to look at me, no longer talking, just staring. When her hand tightens on my knee, I lean in and kiss her, tasting the alcohol and willingness as she moves her lips with mine.
She’s not hesitant, but eager, so when I tug her hair, she moans into my mouth. Dragging her lips to my ear, she whispers, “Wanna get outta here?”
This one seems like she could be clingy. Not wanting to go to my place, and being tired after the drive back from Oregon, I lay it out there for her. “Car?”
She pulls back, looking at me with question in her eyes, and I explain, “I just got back in from being out of town. I’m tired.”
When she doesn’t respond, I ask, “That a problem?”
It takes a second, but eventually she shakes her head, and when I stand up, I see Gavin.
“You heading out?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’m gonna walk . . . umm . . .”
I look at the girl when she says, “Mary.”
“Huh?” I question.
“My name. It’s Mary.”
I’m an ass. I turn back to Gavin and quickly tell him, “I’m gonna walk Mary out.”
I take her hand and lead her out into the rainy night to my jeep. Not wanting to get my ass arrested, I go for the back seat, and she hops in behind me. She’s on me quick, kissing me and running her hands up my shirt. I return the gesture and grab her large tits when she begins undoing my pants. Tugging them down, she leans over and takes me in her mouth.
“Shit,” I exhale as I fist her hair and take control over her. Selfish? Yeah, I’m selfish. Escaping for my moment, not thinking. Enjoying. All thoughts vanishing from my mind. This is my vice. It used to be drugs. I rolled on X when I was in high school, but this, well this is just my version of a healthier release.
Zipping up my pants, she runs her fingers through my hair. This is the part I hate. I turn cold to make it clear that this wasn’t anything more than what it just was.
“Thanks.”
“Thanks?”
Opening the door, I step out and hold my hand out for her. “Like I said, I’m tired.”
She hops down and hesitantly says, “You wanna call me sometime?”
“I don’t do the whole girlfriend thing.”
She nods her head, and my guilt appears as she turns to walk back into the bar without saying anything else. I take a moment and enjoy the rain that’s falling, but when I hear my name being called, I turn around to see a familiar blonde walking my way from across the lot.
“Gina,” she says, answering my unspoken question, and I suddenly remember the girl I had in my office a few days ago. “What are you doing out here in the rain?” she asks as she leans up against my car.
“Nothing. About to head home.”
“Alone?”
“Alone.”
She takes me by surprise when she shoves her hand in my back pocket and finds my cell, pulling it out.
“What’re you doing?” I ask when she starts punching something into my phone.
“Storing my number,” she explains. She hands it to me when she’s done and says, “For when you don’t want to be alone,” before heading inside.
“Dude! You said help with some furniture, not a whole house full,” I complain to Max as we stand inside Traci’s home.
“You have something else going on today?”
“If I said yes, would you let me off?”
He looks over at me with a straight face and admonishes, “You want me kicking your ass?”
Shaking my head, I laugh and say, “That’s what I figured.”
Walking over to her large sectional couch, he starts pulling off the cushions. “Come on.”
We begin to load the furniture into the U-Haul when Max asks, “What are you doing later tonight?”
“No plans. I need to run up to the bar to see if Michael was able to get any bands booked,” I say as I jump down from the truck to go inside for another load.
“You wanna stop by later? We’re having a few friends over.”
“We’re?” I question.
Max just looks over at me and laughs. Although he and Traci have been together for a while, I know I’ll be seeing much less of him now that they’re living together. But hanging out with a house full of domesticated bliss isn’t my idea of fun, so I tell him, “I’m probably gonna call it an early night.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
We spend the next two hours loading everything up in the truck before driving it over to Max’s house. Once everything is moved, I head into the office to get some work done and to talk with Michael. He was able to book a few bands and hire Chase, Max’s buddy, to work the door. Since it looks like he has everything under control, I call it a night and go home.
Hopping out of the shower, I throw on a pair of pajama bottoms before going downstairs to watch some TV. I settle myself on the couch and flip on an old movie, one that I’ve seen countless times, but I watch it anyway.
An email notification lights up my phone, and I pick it up to see that it’s work stuff that Michael sent. Not wanting to hack into it tonight, I start mindlessly going through my phone, opening apps, and wasting time. I begin scrolling through my contacts and stop when I see Gina’s info scan by. I tap on her name and stare at her number.
“For when you don’t want to be alone.”
She’s one chick that didn’t make me feel bad after we hooked up. She got it. She accepted it for what it was, and clearly she’s on the same page as me.
Before I know it, the phone is ringing, and when she answers, I say, “Hey. It’s Ryan.”
“Hi. What’s going on?”
; “Nothing. You busy?” I ask, keeping the chitchat to a minimum.
“Not anymore.”
“Gotta pen?”
I give her my address, and when there’s a knock on my door about thirty minutes later, I drag myself off the couch to see her standing on my doorstep.
Long blonde hair, tall, and wearing clothes that makes her look like she’s trying a bit too hard for something that’s a guaranteed giveaway.
Her heels click against my hardwood floors when she walks in, smile-clad face as she gives me the lookover. At least I won’t feel guilty with her. I tell myself this a couple times before I take her hand and kiss her. She doesn’t stop me or even slow me down as we stumble across the room.
It isn’t long before she’s bent over my couch, ditching her self-respect just to moan my name in what is nothing more than another throw of diversion. But I’m no better. I’m far from respectable. So the both of us use each other for the mere minutes that we’re able to hold on before lust takes over, and we lose control of ourselves.
As I yank up my pants, she rights herself and turns to face me, sated.
“I’m glad you called.”
I nod my head and start walking over to my kitchen to grab a drink. “You thirsty?” I offer.
“Yeah. Umm, where’s your bathroom?” she asks, and I point down the hall.
“It’s on the right.”
“Thanks.”
When she returns, she situates herself close to me on the couch, getting more comfortable than she should, but I don’t say anything.
As she picks up her glass of water, she says, “So you have the night off?” before taking a sip.
“I don’t keep a schedule,” I tell her, and when she doesn’t respond, I clarify, “It’s my bar. I own it.”
“That’s right. I remember hearing that from Gavin.”
“How do you know Gavin?” I ask.
“He stops by my place every now and then.”
Giving her a confused look, she assures, “Not to see me. My roommate, Ashley, and him have known each other for a while.”
Nodding my head, she continues, “Bar must do pretty well.”
“Why do you say that?”
“This is a big space you have. It’s nice.” She takes another sip of water and sets the glass down on the coffee table.
I bought this loft with the money my father left behind. When he died, everything stayed locked up in an account, untouched for years. My mother wanted nothing to do with it for the longest time. She lived off of the interest, which was more than enough to support us.
My father dealt in acquisitions, making a name for himself until he no longer had a name to make. I was still living with Gavin in an apartment after I graduated college when I fell into my business deal with the bar. I had been wanting a place of my own, but with the money I was sinking into the buyout, I couldn’t afford anything. When I stumbled upon this place, it was perfect. The previous owner had done a full remodel, so it was turnkey ready. I couldn’t turn it down, especially with the housing market in the shitter. I tapped into my father’s money, bought it, and never looked back.
“It’s getting late,” I tell her.
“You don’t talk much, do you?” Her inquiry is laced with curiosity to get to know me.
“No.”
“Yeah,” she sighs. “I’ll see you later?”
Knowing that her offer is probably the one with the least repercussions, I say, “I’ll call you.” This chick is a no strings girl. Perfect.
She stands up, and I walk her to the door, giving her a chaste kiss before she leaves.
It wasn’t but a few days after I had Gina over that she called me. We’ve been getting together for the past couple of weeks. It beats having to go out all the time only to wind up back at square one. But the last time she came over, she wasn’t so quick to leave. I know my reputation; girls know it too. But if this one thinks that she’s gonna be the one to tie me down, she’s got it all wrong.
I know I’m only making it worse as I lie here, watching her pad out of the room to go grab me a bottle of water. But what she gives me is what I need. So I take.
When she walks back into the room, holding my camera, she says in a flirty voice, “What kind of pictures do you have stored on this?” She slips back into bed, still naked, and I take the camera from her that I left out earlier today when I was taking pictures of one of Mel’s friends. “You photograph people?”
“Mainly.”
“Really?” she responds with a hint of excitement.
“Really,” I say.
I’ve always loved art, and photography is something I started tinkering with while I was in college. I don’t do a whole lot of it, but what little I do, I enjoy. It’s nice to have something to focus on every now and then.
Rolling onto her stomach, she peers up at me and whispers, “Photograph me.”
I step out of the bed and find my boxers slung across the room. Pulling them on, I walk back to where she’s lying and focus on her back. She has a curvy figure, which enhances the sway of her spine. I zoom in and start shooting. She has no idea what I’m photographing when I stop snapping and look up to see her giving seductive looks into the camera. I don’t want her face, just the line of her back.
After I get my shots, I instruct, “Sit up and face away from me.”
She does, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. I swipe the hair off of her shoulder and bring it around to her other shoulder. I then get a few shots of the contour of her neck. I’m close, and when I move to the side of her, she shifts to kiss me. There’s something to it. Something I’m not feeling.
Quickly pulling back, I say, “You shouldn’t do that.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not that guy.”
“I don’t believe that,” she whispers, and it’s now that I see the shift. I see the strings. “You’ve had me in your bed for weeks now,” she says.
I don’t want to make her feel like crap, but I don’t want to lie either. “This isn’t my bed.”
When she shakes her head, confused, I clarify, “My bed is upstairs.”
“Oh.” Her brows dip slightly, and I can see the letdown.
Gavin warned me about Gina, but I blew it off. He found out from her friend, Ashley, that we were getting together regularly. He told me that Ashley said that she wasn’t interested in anything casual with me. I blew it off ‘cause Gina has never led me to believe otherwise. Until right now.
“I thought we were on the same page here,” I say.
“No. We are.”
“You sure? I’m not into hurting people, but I’m not into feeling either. So if that’s what you’re—”
“No,” she says, cutting me off. “I just misread you for a second, that’s all. No strings.”
Her words aren’t the least bit convincing. I see right through her, and wonder why she would put up with me for a hopeless shot at something more.
“I should probably go,” she says as she starts putting her clothes back on.
When she’s dressed, she makes her way out of the room, down the hall, and to the front door. Grabbing on to her arm, I turn her to face me. “Hey. I just need to be clear with you that this is all it will ever be.”
“It’s clear,” she responds.
“Good.”
After she leaves, I start to grow more uncomfortable with the situation. I shouldn’t have kept calling her. I thought I was upfront but wonder if I was just leading her on. I stew around, thinking about how to remedy this situation, when my phone buzzes with a text.
Can I see you tomorrow?
Shit. She couldn’t even wait an hour. Yeah, I’ve gotta cut this off. Looking at the time, I can’t believe it’s still so early. Not that our escapades last any longer than they have to. She likes it fast and rough, which works perfectly for me since that’s all I like. But shit has to come to a stop. Sooner than later. The last thing I need is a clinger.
It’s been a few da
ys since Gina was here last, but tonight she stopped by unannounced, saying she had a stressful day at work and just wanted to vent. She spent the whole time bitching about some chick she works with that’s friends with some other chick Gina used to be friends with. Shallow shit. Shit I couldn’t care less about. But the fact that she thinks coming over here and talking to me about this crap is okay is all I need to know. She’s getting attached, and it’s time to cut it off. The calls, the texting—it has to stop.
I grab my keys and decide to head up to the bar to get some work done and to get my mind off of the situation I’ve created with Gina. When I walk in, it’s packed. A good thing for a Monday night. Today was the first day of classes at UW, so business will pick up as it usually does after the summer. I look over to Mel, but she’s too tied up with customers to notice me. I make my way through the crowd to the back stairs.
I stop in Michael’s office to pick up some paperwork from him. When I go into my office, I look at the schedule he set up and start working on inventory orders. Time passes, and I’m deep into paperwork. We’re closed, and I can hear the bar girls downstairs, laughing loudly as they clean up.
“Bad news, man,” Max says as he walks into my office.
Looking up from my desk, I lean back in my chair, tired, and ask, “What is it?”
“The band that was scheduled for this Saturday night cancelled.”
Throwing my pen across the desk, irritated, I gripe, “What do you mean they cancelled? They’ve been on the books for weeks.”
“I don’t know. I didn’t take the call, but we’ve gotta fill that slot in the next couple of days. Classes at U-Dub started today, so this weekend is gonna be busy as hell.”
“Shit!” I pause for a second, frustrated as fuck. “It’s too late to do anything about it tonight. I’ll make some calls tomorrow and try to get another band booked. Oh, hey, if those fuckers call back, tell them to find another bar to play.”
“Right, boss. You heading out soon? It’s past midnight already.”
“Yeah, in a little bit. I need to finish this paperwork and I’ll be gone. Go ahead and go.”
“See you tomorrow, man.”