by K. B. Wagers
“We give our lives for you because that is our choice. Stop treating it so thoughtlessly. Yes, it hurts. Love is knotted up into pain; we don’t get to have one without the other.”
“I can choose not to hurt you, though,” I whispered.
“Hail, that is exactly what I am saying,” he continued with a smile. “You know I am your friend, not the enemy. You can control what you have learned. You are smart enough to stop letting this rule you. Have some faith in yourself.”
He did not wait for my reply and instead reached out and tapped his fist to mine, then stepped back with a bow.
I responded automatically, bowing in return even as my brain scrambled to make sense of everything he’d just said.
Hadn’t I had a conversation like this already? I couldn’t pull the memory free, but it seemed familiar—choices and lives and how I should just accept that there were people who loved me enough to sacrifice themselves for me.
I just didn’t know if they all realized I would do it for them if the situation presented itself.
You know they do, Hail, that’s the whole point.
The voice in my head was as sharp as always, but the words seemed comforting somehow, and a piece of me that had been off-kilter slid into place.
Zin always started bouts with a testing strike. It was designed to set his opponent moving in the direction he wanted, driving them like a sacred cow toward the river.
I suddenly saw, as clear as sunlight through trees, the motion of the fight and moved with his punch rather than as a reaction to it. Time slowed; I saw the surprise cross his face and then the pain as I landed a punch to his back.
I danced out of the way, narrowly avoiding the kick I knew was coming, and dropped to the mat, swinging my own leg out.
It connected with Zin’s and he hit the mat hard.
Move in! the voice in my head screamed at me, but I knew better. The last thing I wanted was to get into a ground fight with Zin. I’d seen him at practice with the other BodyGuards, seen how he could even get Emmory wrapped up into a hold before you could finish an inhale.
“Get up,” I said.
He grinned at me and scrambled to his feet. “Neat trick, think you can do it again?”
“Probably,” I replied. “But you’re looking for it, so that’s no fun. Have you been training with Mia?”
Zin narrowly avoided the punch I threw on the heels of the question and hit me in the ribs with a strike of his own. I folded in on his hand, using the pain rolling through my body as a weapon, and heard his laughter cut off with a gasp.
I kept moving, slipping under his guard, using the momentum to slide behind him. I grabbed his chin and felt him tense as he braced for the inevitable death from a broken neck.
But I was here. I wasn’t lost to some battle madness. I was in control. Instead of breaking Zin’s neck, I kissed his cheek and let him go.
The applause echoed through the room and Zin smiled at me. I rubbed my palms against my thighs with a small smile.
“She was watching me practice one day shortly after we landed on Encubier,” he said in a low voice before I could walk away. “Said that I could help you if I let her teach me.”
“Did she?” I glanced across the gym where Mia and Aiz had their heads together.
“Seems like she was right.” Zin took the towels Emmory held out and passed one to me, then rubbed his face with the other. “You’ve always been in control, Hail, it’s important to you. For a little while you weren’t and it scared you. It scared us.” He smiled. “You’re back. How’d you do that?”
I wasn’t sure how to respond; I still didn’t quite understand what I’d done or how, only that it came to me when I most needed it.
Zin lifted a shoulder, his smile creasing his face. Emmory was silent, watching both of us, and I desperately wanted to ask what was going on in his head.
But Aiz and Mia joined us and I lost my chance.
“It was good,” Aiz said. “I would have followed through, but—” He broke off when Mia jammed her elbow into his side and grinned.
“She is not you.” Mia smiled at me and touched my side. “You left yourself open, Hail.”
“When?”
I saw the frown that flickered over Aiz’s face before he could hide it, but he didn’t say anything, just nodded to me and headed for the door. My heart had been slowing from the fight; now it sped up again.
“Majesty, I’m going to go clean up,” Zin said. Emmory simply smiled at us and followed his husband from the room.
“When you were here.” Mia moved closer to demonstrate. “He missed it. I would not have.”
I pretended that her hand pressing into my rib cage didn’t feel like it was burning straight through me. “Well, I guess that means we’ll have to spar so you can show me.”
“You know I will not,” Mia replied, but she was smiling at me.
I put my hand over hers before she could step away. “That’s fine, I didn’t necessarily mean here in public.”
“You don’t understand the power you’re holding, do you?” Her quiet question stopped my advance.
I shook my head. There wasn’t any reason to lie about it. I didn’t understand it and sometimes that scared me more than anything.
“This is life, Hail.” Mia took my hand and held it up, linking her fingers through mine. I felt the familiar tingle of her energy across my skin. “It heals, it kills. It powers everything and can end everything. You saw and felt what I did to that assassin. You’ve done it yourself—to Hamah, and just now to Zin.”
I nodded.
“I wish that we had more time, so that I could show you all this with your mind clearer.” She smiled softly. “But all I can tell you is that this—” The power surged again and I gasped. “This can save your life, don’t hesitate to use it. Especially where the Farian Hiervet are involved. It may be the only thing you have left to fight with when the time comes.”
There was an urgency in Mia’s voice I couldn’t deny, and I tugged her closer. “When this is over, will you teach me more?”
“I could be convinced.” I heard the lie even as I felt the shift, the way her energy warmed and my own surged up to meet it as I dipped my head to kiss her.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, Your Majesty.”
I stopped before my lips touched Mia’s and muttered a curse. “This had better be important, Indula.”
When I turned to look, he was grinning at me. “Sybil is here. She’s asking to speak with you.”
“You’re enjoying this,” I murmured to Mia, and saw the laughter in her eyes.
“Go talk to Sybil, Hail. I’ll see you later.” She leaned in and kissed me. I let her go with a great deal of reluctance and headed across the gym with the lingering feel of her rolling under my skin.
“I need to shower first. You say a word and I’ll kneecap you,” I warned Indula as I joined him at the door.
His grin was quick. “Emmory would beat you to it, ma’am. I will say, if it’s allowed, that it’s good to see you happy.”
I slipped my arm through his and smiled. “It’s allowed. You’re not concerned?”
“About what?” He blinked. “Oh. No, Majesty. Love is love. In this world, we should grab onto it whenever we can.”
I was surprised by the sudden lump in my throat that his words caused and changed the subject. “Did I ever apologize for biting you?”
Indula laughed. “You’ve been a little occupied. It’s not necessary, Your Majesty.”
“I’m sorry anyway, I was… I didn’t—” The words failed me. I frowned at the corridor in front of us.
“You thought we were all dead,” Indula finished softly.
“Yes.”
“I’ll be honest with you. I’m glad we’re not.”
It was my turn to laugh and I leaned into him, giggling like a schoolgirl as we made our way back to my quarters. My fear of accidentally hurting one of my people had been shaken loose and the relief was so strong it was
a bit like being drunk. I could handle this power and everything that came with it. I had to.
17
I showered, changed, and met Sybil in the captain’s ready room. I didn’t argue with Indula or Iza when they settled just inside the door.
“Mia was having trouble seeing any glimpse of the future until a few days ago. Did you? Are we in uncharted territory now?” I asked by way of greeting and sat in the empty chair next to Fasé.
“I did not, Hail. Mia’s issue was her fixation on the death of the gods. It was logical for her not to have seen anything past that point until she fully accepted they were not going to die,” Sybil replied with a small smile. “What I have seen encompasses far more. You heard Yadira say the breaking of the Pedalion was foretold.”
“Why didn’t the Pedalion listen?”
Sybil wiggled her head to the side with a sigh. “There was little agreement on it. The older members believed it was only one path—and they weren’t wrong about that—but they were unwilling to let go of the things that led them to this point.”
“So you told them this would happen and they did it anyway.”
“I have been responsible for the major prophecy, but all of us on the council have seen different pieces of possible futures. Over the years we have tried to put them together in a manner that makes sense. You know as well as I do we can’t make people believe.”
“Or make them make rational choices,” I murmured. “Do you know what Adora is going to do? Mia had a vision just before that happened—I could have killed Adora or let her go.” I didn’t mention that I’d seen my own death or Mia’s. Putting them into words felt too much like making them real.
Dark Mother, if I’m going to die, at least let me keep everyone safe with my death.
“I saw disaster when I blew up Adora’s ship, so I let her go. But I’m not going to be so generous next time.”
Sybil studied me for a moment. “You still made the best choice you could have with the information available to you, Your Majesty. As you always do. I know I have not shared much of the future with you and for good reason; but there are things you now need to know that will help you make the choices to see us through this. You understand, of course, that the number of options open to Adora is limitless.” She leaned forward and held out her hands. “However, there are three paths that are more likely than the others based on her history and her current state of mind.”
“Priam is feeding her paranoia, isn’t he?”
“It needs little feeding, but yes. He’s afraid of you, Hail. All our former gods are.”
It was the first time I’d noticed Sybil referring to the Farian Hiervet that way. Though my raised eyebrow had as much to do with the sheer ridiculousness that these beings would be scared of me.
“They wanted me here,” I protested. “The whole prophecy, everything they set in motion seemed to be designed to bring me to this place, this point in time. Why the fuck would they do that if they were scared of me?”
“They wanted a different version of you than they got. I saw you,” Sybil replied. “I told them of you and that your arrival was necessary to keep them safe. So Faria was set on a path to make that happen. We became friends with Indrana to ensure the outcome the gods wanted.”
That still gave me the fucking chills. The thought that a whole race of people had slid right into my empire with a purpose they’d shared with no one until now and all because of the Farian Hiervet.
What else are they hiding from me?
“They were afraid even then, not of you but of what they saw coming for them. Thyra questioned me relentlessly about the appearance of what we now know is the Hiervet. She would only say it was a great and terrible force of destruction and that you were the only one who could prevent it.”
Sybil shook her head. “The future shifts and changes, Hail. Adora tried to push you to the Farian side with such force that it backfired.”
I rubbed a hand over my face. “She thought killing my people and blaming the Shen would convince me to side with them?”
“Yes. Instead you ended up with the Cevallas, who also used the loss of your people against you.”
The realization hit me with all the force of a Karsikov railgun. It was a cold truth. The only difference between Adora, Aiz, and Mia was that the Cevallas had known my people were alive the whole time. “They didn’t try to kill me.”
“You’re correct. Neither side genuinely wanted you dead, Hail, but without a doubt the Shen have cared far more for you as a person than the Pedalion ever did, and that made all the difference.”
“Are you still angry that I haven’t turned out as you expected?” I asked Fasé, and she seemed surprised by the question.
“No, Your Majesty. I was fixated on my own outcome also, and it blinded me. I don’t think the revelation of what our gods truly were would have happened if you had been more inclined to trust the Pedalion rather than the Shen. I had unwittingly helped them because of our relationship. The break was necessary, as painful as it was.”
I tried to imagine a me who still believed the Farians had our best interests at heart, one who distrusted Aiz—and Mia—but I couldn’t do it.
“Not all choices are earth-shattering, and yet they change our lives,” Sybil said. “We all have other lives that run parallel to the ones we are living where the ending will be something similar no matter what we do.”
“How is this all going to turn out, Sybil?”
“That I can’t answer for you. Not yet.” Sybil wiggled her fingers at me. “I can show you the three options Adora may choose as I have seen them. You will still have to figure out on your own how to react.”
I dragged in a breath and took her hands.
The world spun around me.
I walked alone through the streets of Krishan. The destruction that greeted me was so much worse than what Wilson and his supporters had wreaked upon my capital. The flames that shot from the rubble of buildings should have burned me, but they didn’t. There was utter desolation as far as the eye could see and a terrifying silence I knew too well.
My home was lost. Shattered. If the rest of the empire had suffered the same fate, I had no way of knowing, but the destruction in front of me was bad enough.
“The dead walk here.”
I stiffened at the sound of Sybil’s voice at my side. She surveyed the wreckage with a grim expression.
“She will come for your empire, Hail, even though it will destroy her. The ships she took can level your capital. They will do great damage to your fleet, but they will fall. Adora will die on a pyre of her own making.”
“Alice and Ravalina? Taz?”
“They, too, will die if you do not take precautions. You cannot save everyone if you push Adora toward this path, but you could save some.” Sybil caught my arm as I turned around, stopping me before I could stride away. “This is not an immediate concern, Star of Indrana.”
“You want to let me go.”
“You will want to see the other choices before you break from me.” Sybil’s pale silver eyes glowed and the world spun again.
I was on the bridge of the Hailimi. The familiar cacophony of battle swirled around us, but no one seemed to notice Sybil and me as we leaned against the wall on the far side.
“Adora will run with the forces she has, but her path will take her straight to the greater threat,” she said, and pointed at the screen. I studied it for a moment, realizing that we were pursuing Adora’s tiny fleet toward a more massive force.
“Is that the Hiervet?” A heavy weight settled in my stomach at Sybil’s nod.
The blips of Adora’s fleet started to disappear, one by one.
“Your Majesty, I have an incoming com from Adora’s ship,” Captain Saito said.
“Put it through.” I hadn’t answered her, but it was my voice and I looked over my shoulder.
The future me stood at the railing, Emmory on one side and Thyra on the other, watching the battle take place on the scree
n.
“You have to help us!” The bridge of Adora’s ship was filled with smoke, and blood streaked down the side of her face. “They’ll kill us all.”
“They’ll kill you, maybe.” I heard myself reply. “Probably something you should have thought of, Adora, I gave you the choice to surrender.”
“Please, you don’t—”
The image cut off, as did the blip of Adora’s ship.
“Captain Saito, I’m getting multiple weapon locks. They’re firing on us.”
The ship shook.
“Isabelle, tell them we don’t want to fight them.” The words left my mouth at the same time they came from future me.
“Working on it, Your Majesty. Ensign Kohli, evasive maneuvers!”
“Aye, Captain.”
More orders flew back and forth through the air. I lunged for Sybil as the world around us exploded.
“Hail! Hey, it’s me.” It was Aiz who I grabbed by the shoulders, not Sybil, and I flailed for a moment before I settled.
The dim light of twilight blurred everything around us, but I could see the smudge of blood on his cheek, and the exhaustion around his eyes wasn’t like anything I’d ever seen. There was a gun slung over his back and one on the ground between us. I had a Hessian 45 in my hand that hadn’t been there a moment ago.
“You can see me?”
“Of course I can see you, what are you talking about?”
“What is—” I looked around. “Where’s Sybil?”
“She’s been dead for three days.” He frowned at me and touched a hand to my throat. “I know it’s been a rough week but keep it together for me.”
“What is going on?” I pressed both hands to my eyes. “It’s weird, bear with me, can you give me a quick refresher?”
Aiz took a breath, but then complied. “Adora’s forces took the capital yesterday, what was left of it after the initial attack anyway. She was far more fucking cunning than I gave her credit for and had her people on the ground spreading the rumor that you’d killed the other gods at the same time she took to the sky with Priam. With the Pedalion broken there wasn’t any unified voice to counter that.”