“He isn’t any of those things, not really. I mean I thought that at first too but he’s not that way at all.” I think back to the past few weeks and how much I’ve enjoyed getting to know him. Maybe there’s an explanation for what I saw through the shop window. Maybe there’s something I’m missing. “You know, I didn’t really give him a chance to explain.”
“Explain what? You saw him alone with that jerk in the store. Kissing.”
“Well, it wasn’t like they were making out in Smurf Village. Maybe I overreacted?”
“I’m not saying you don’t have a reputation for overreacting or that you don’t have a history of blowing things out of proportion or being over-the-top dramatic...”
“Could you skip ahead to the part that makes me feel better?” I say, knowing Lizard only speaks honestly and isn’t always aware of the impact of her words. It’s why I trust her so much.
She leans in toward me changing her tone from flippant to concerned. “I know you think there is more to this guy than meets the eye but I have to tell you, I’m not so sure.”
Lizard may be right but this is still hard to accept. I keep picturing him just on the other side of the closed apartment door talking to Lizard wearing one of his tight blazers, his nose just a bit rosy from the cold air and his beautiful eyes wondering where I am. I keep thinking about the kiss at the bottom of the hill after falling off the sled. I keep thinking about the way it felt to believe we were beginning to really build a relationship together of trust and respect. It felt like we were at the beginning of something really important and exciting. Was what we had just fragile and temporary? I lie down on the couch, close my eyes and prepare to take another nap but I know my dreams will only be about Prescott.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Prescott
The sun has set and the streets are cold and lonely. Freezing temperatures have either kept the tourists home or inside near a source of heat. I should button my blazer but I don’t care. Let the bitter cold bite my skin and chap my face. At least the outside will match how I feel on the inside. I walk home with my head down.
I was really falling for Danny. He made me feel comfortable in my skin. It all felt different with him but I can’t be with a guy who thinks so little of me that he keeps hidden such a big part of who he is. It feels like an imbalance—a seesaw on the side of a cliff and I’m on the low end about to slide off. In so many ways it’s the small things that were more meaningful to me. Like when I had an idea for something to do in the store or what I thought about a meal we just ate. Danny made me feel like he wanted to hear whatever I had to say no matter how unimportant I thought it might be. He had this way of making the moment itself more meaningful than the content and that made me feel like anything I said was okay as long as it was real.
But none of that makes sense now. There I was, being all real and he was just lying his ass off to me the whole time.
I walk past the bank and the Yardley House and all I can do is think about that night under the Snow Moon and the kiss that started everything. It was so easy to talk with him that night, to share myself with him. I see the bench where I kissed him and if it weren’t bolted down I’d throw it into the river. I don’t open myself up to people like that. But Danny made me feel brave and confident. He made me feel like he really saw who I am and that made me feel like I could do anything.
I realize I’m standing on the very spot where we are supposed to be holding signs and protesting just two days from now. Together.
Then I think about the Cunningham tankard and Danny snapping it up like that without explanation. Throwing down money like I’m a charity case. Now, of course, the Christopher Cassiday relationship makes sense. I never really pushed it because I thought Danny had been so honest about everything. I could not have been more wrong.
I march away from the site of the future protest and head home. My hurt and disappointment grow with each step. I should have kept my distance. I should have stayed away. I’ve always been careful with people but a guy like Danny is like an unavoidable force of nature. Once I was in his orbit there wasn’t much of a choice.
I run up the stairs and throw off my coat and collapse on the couch. The red glow of the light from the pharmacy sign washes over me like a hypnotic trance. I think about just going to bed and hoping I can sleep without dreaming of Danny but instead I do the opposite.
I grab my laptop and decide to throw just a bit more salt in my open wound of a heart. I open my browser and search for the picture I can’t stop thinking about. Even though it will hurt I want to see it again.
I have to click through dozens of links and each one makes me ache more. Danny’s family may be loaded but they certainly know how to spend down their wealth. For every fancy party I find I also see contributions to international social justice causes, and not just vanity donations. They majorly fund some of the most important causes that serve BIPOC, queer and disabled people among many others. It’s easy to see that Danny inherited not only his family’s wealth but also their compassion and kindness. Seeing all their incredible work makes me more confused and sad knowing he hid this all from me but my next click brings me about as low as I can go.
I saw the link earlier and couldn’t get the picture out of my head. I click and hold my breath knowing seeing the image might push me over the edge. Danny is at some fancy party a few years ago with longer hair and a thicker beard. He looks so handsome in his suit but you can tell he isn’t that comfortable in it. He is smiling but it’s not his usual unapologetic grin that shoots a thousand bolts of sunlight across the room. It’s more a smirk and even that makes me laugh. I can’t help but focus on his light brown eyes and how they twinkle even in an old photo. I’m about to dive deep inside them but I immediately stop myself before any tears are able to form. I shut my laptop and push it away from me.
I should have kept my head down and stayed within my comfort zone. I feel like a failure. I couldn’t get Danny to be honest with me and I couldn’t save the buildings.
My phone rings and I’m so excited that it might be Danny that I leap up and answer it without looking at who the caller is. “Hello,” I say almost breathless.
“Well, hello to you.” Worth’s snake-like smoothness crawls out of the phone. “You sound out of breath. I hope you weren’t doing something naughty. Wait, strike that. Maybe I hope you were.”
“Worth, what do you want?” He’s the last person I want to speak to but I don’t even have the energy to hang up.
“I hate how we ended things in your little shop. I wanted to remind you of my offer. The olive branch is still on the tree if you wish to reconsider? I’d hate to see that building go down if it doesn’t have to and Mother would be so tickled to show you off.”
“You’re underestimating the power of the people of this community. You don’t know them. I do.” I think about all the people I’ve gotten to know since I’ve been here. I think about Serilda’s strong voice and Arthur’s sweet nature. I remember running into Vince, Tack and Jules on the sledding hill and mornings at the Honeysuckle when I thought I would catch up on work but wound up chatting casually with people. This town has changed me and if it can do that I have faith that it has a good shot at stopping Worth.
That said, he is a formidable opponent. And a sleazy one.
“They’ll never get enough people to stop a snowball from rolling downhill, let alone a few bulldozers.”
I’m bereaved at the thought of so much destruction in town. Then I remember what he said in the shop.
“Wait, you said you were able to save one of the buildings?” I ask to make sure I heard what I thought I heard.
“Changing your mind?” he asks slyly.
“Yes, I think I am. I do want to save one of the buildings.”
“I knew you would come to your senses. There’s just one teeny tiny little thing you need to do to sweeten the deal,” he
says and I brace myself.
“What’s that, Worth?”
“Have one tiny drink with me tomorrow tonight. I’m still near town staying at my mother’s estate. We can discuss the benefit. I can’t really enjoy an aperitif on my own. It will be so much more fun if you’re there.”
“No,” I say sharply. The thought of spending another second with this jackass makes my stomach turn.
“Look, I promise just a friendly drink to discuss the event, that’s all. Nothing else. It seems a small price to pay,” he says like a cat playing with its prey.
I don’t trust Worth to be telling the truth but on the other hand, I trusted that Danny was honest and look where that got me. I can deal with a fake as long as I know what I’m getting.
“What time?” I ask and I can feel the walls around my heart returning like they never left.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Danny
Lizard makes me burnt pancakes for breakfast to try to lift my spirits. Her blackened discs aren’t an accident. She likes the taste of char and syrup and thinks everyone else should too.
“I’m not hungry.” I push the plate away. It’s not that they aren’t disgusting, they are. It’s that I wouldn’t eat a bowl of Fruity Pebbles with chocolate milk right now and that’s my favorite breakfast in the world. I’m too depressed to eat.
“Looks like the roads are getting plowed,” Lizard says looking out the kitchen window. “Are you going to the store?”
“It’s Monday. We’re closed. Maybe I’ll walk around town later this evening to see how pretty everything looks. Get out of the house a bit. Just check on the store.”
“I don’t see Mr. Fancy Pants braving the aftermath of a blizzard very well.”
I want Lizard to stop bad-mouthing Prescott. She should have seen him on the sled with my arms around him and the adrenaline rush we shared. That’s who he is underneath those tight-fitting blazers. At least that’s who I thought he was. Now I have no idea who he is or what he wants. I just know he doesn’t want me. At least not in the way I want him. Wanted him? I push my plate away and stand up to look out the window. The newly fallen snow creates a blanket of freshness that temporarily covers up all the dirt. It’s like a new start for a few hours but the plows already reveal the black gravel that has been lying underneath. You can only cover up the truth for so long. The snow always melts.
After spending most of the day depressed and in my pajamas I finally get dressed and head out of the apartment just before dinner. As I step onto the sidewalk I exhale and my breath turns to thick clouds. I start walking to the store out of habit. I tell myself I’m going to just check on things and make sure that he’s not there but the closer I get the more my heart starts to race and I realize I’m hoping he is there. I just want to see him without him seeing me. I want to remember how sweet and soft his smile is. I want to watch him push his reading glasses up his nose. I want to see him tap the side of his forehead with his silly mechanical pencil. My heart starts racing and then I realize all of those details are memories that I have to shed immediately. We aren’t building a relationship. It was just a silly, casual fling and I have to stop believing he wanted anything more. I take a turn away from the store.
The sidewalk is slick and as I turn I stumble a bit but an arm comes from behind to help me.
“Careful there,” Arthur says. “I’m the senior citizen.”
“Uncle Arthur, what are you doing out? The sidewalk is too dangerous.”
“I assume you’re speaking from experience. Don’t worry about me. I’ve got my trusty cane. I have the balance of a yogi master. Too bad the shop is closed today. I used to love to just sit inside and watch the snow fall. Are you and Prescott opening tonight anyway?”
“I don’t know,” I say. My tone is full of anger and disappointment and Arthur doesn’t let it go unnoticed.
“Everything alright with you boys? I understand you were getting, shall we say, much closer.”
“We were and then we weren’t and now I don’t know.”
“What happened?”
“Let’s just say we want different things. I want to start something real and he wants to keep his options open.”
“Oh,” Arthur says raising his eyebrows.
“I did something I maybe should not have but he did something that he really should not have and that’s what’s really the problem and when I think about it I think he’s got to be the worst person I’ve ever met and I thought I ruined everything but really he ruined everything.” The words just tumble together and I don’t even know if anything I’m saying makes any sense.
“Danny, perhaps you’re being just a tad overdramatic.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you saw what I saw, or what I think I saw through the window.”
Arthur is too polite to ask for details but he’s also very wise.
“So you think he’s the worst person in the world because of something you think you saw? What did he say when you asked him about it?”
I’m silent.
“Danny?”
“It’s just that I can’t talk to him. If what I saw happened then it’s too humiliating. It means...” I trail off and then summon the courage to share my fear with Arthur. “Uncle Arthur, the truth is I never told Prescott about the money or my family.”
“Oh.”
“I was vague. He had no idea and I wanted it that way because I thought we were really building something solid,” I say staring at the ground.
“It looked like that from where I’ve been sitting. What if there’s an explanation?”
I swallow hard, ready to say out loud what I’ve been dreading. “What if the explanation is that I’m not enough. I’ve been working so hard to get the business going on my own and not rely on my family’s money in any way and it’s felt great. For once I’ve had this independence and I wasn’t losing myself in the relationship. I was finding myself, my true self. In the past I could always say that my family’s money got in the way. But this time that’s not possible, so what if the explanation is just that Prescott doesn’t want me? What if I’m not enough? Do you see why I can’t ask him for an explanation? I couldn’t bear to hear it.”
“Danny, I don’t believe for a second that Prescott would be like that. You have a big heart and it’s easy for you to be vulnerable. You need to be with someone who won’t take advantage of that. Someone who will love you for who you are, all of who you are. Why do you think I put him in the shop with you?”
“Excuse me?” I ask trying not to have my jaw drop into the frozen slush at my feet.
“Your heart is always open but it needs to be received by someone good who you can finally trust completely. Prescott is a good, trustworthy fellow but he needs someone to help him open his heart.”
“Uncle Arthur!” I say, shocked at his matchmaking confession.
“Opposite charges of a magnet are attracted to each other not because they are the same but rather, precisely, because they are different. It’s the difference that creates an irresistible force.”
I start thinking about Prescott and myself as a couple and that’s exactly what we are, two opposites that when they come together make something more. Maybe Arthur is right. Maybe I do need to at least talk to Prescott and find out if he really does want to build something with me. The thought of seeing him makes a silly smile grow across my lips.
“Oh, dear,” Arthur says. “Looks like you’ve got it bad.” He takes his walking stick and continues on.
“Got what?” I ask as he keeps walking.
Arthur pauses and turns back to me. “L’amour. L’amour. Toujours l’amour.” I know it’s a line from one of his favorite movies but for the life of me I can’t remember if it has a happy ending.
Prescott
I’m walking on Main Street but I take a turn on Ferry to avoid having to go by the shop.
I don’t want to see how sweet everything looks with the mounds of snow reflecting in the windows. The streets are finally clear but there are very few people out since the wind has made it bitterly cold and created an obstacle course of snowdrifts.
I walk with determination toward my meeting with Worth. I just want to get it over with. At least with Worth what you see is what you get. He may put on airs but at least I can count on him to not take them off, like Danny. My mind is still reeling over how hard Danny must have worked to keep the truth from me. It’s not like his family is simply well-off, they are wealthy beyond what anyone could imagine.
I’m not sure how I’ll ever be able to face him in the store. I think about splitting days with him so we don’t have to see each other, then I think maybe I should leave New Hope altogether. I thought I could have a life here but every time I imagine it I’m here with Danny. I don’t think I could ever do it alone. As much as it hurts to think about leaving, it would hurt more to stay.
I’m a few doors away from the restaurant where I’m meeting Worth when down the street coming toward me I see Danny. My heart immediately leaps to my throat and I take a quick step to run toward him but then my mind catches up to the rest of my body and shuts down whatever impulse I’m having. This guy lied to me and led me on for weeks. A sharp and overwhelming pain stabs me in the gut thinking about the future we are never going to have.
I keep walking straight ahead and decide it’s better not to let him see me run. There is also the small fact that something is drawing me toward him still. Making me want to snuggle my arms between his shirt and his sweater and feel the warmth of his strong body against mine. But instead of giving in to that temptation I put on my thickest armor and steel myself inside as best I can until we are standing in front of La Petite Fête and facing each other. I can see the sincerity in his deep brown eyes. How could those eyes lie to me?
The Beautiful Things Shoppe Page 19