If only it were that simple, but nothing ever was, especially when it involved Trent and his family. He’d said once that we were doomed, and while I wasn’t willing to give up on us, I couldn’t help but think he might be right.
“No,” I said. “It’s too risky.”
He stiffened, and his expression hardened. “You haven’t even considered it, have you?”
“I have,” I said softly. “But if things were reversed and my life was linked to yours, would you still be willing to do this? Would you really be willing to risk my life like that?”
Trent rubbed the back of his neck. “No.”
“Then how can you ask me to do this?” My voice cracked with all the emotions I’d been keeping bottled up inside of me. “I love you, Trent. More than anything, but if my choices are to risk your life or stay bonded to your brother, then I’m going to spend every day for the rest of my life fighting this bond because I cannot lose you.”
My breath hitched, and I blinked against the tears pooling in my eyes. He closed the small distance between us and cradled my face in his hands. My eyelids fluttered closed as the first few tears slid down my cheeks.
“You’re not going to lose me,” he said, his voice soft but insistent.
I clutched his wrists and removed his hands from my face. “Ivy said whatever happens to me will happen to you. If I die, you die. What happens when you change me? Your heart will slow just like mine will. How can you finish changing me when you’re on the brink of death with me?”
He laced our fingers and squeezed my hands. “I don’t know. We’ll figure something out.”
Biting the inside of my cheek to stop from crying harder, I stared at him. The love and determination in his gaze was overwhelming. I knew staying bonded to Jax would hurt Trent, and it meant everything I wanted—for Trent to claim me, to change me so we could be together for eternity—was out of my reach.
“I don’t want you to have to fight this bond for the rest of your life,” he said.
“I don’t want that, either, but—”
Suddenly, things clicked into place, things I knew, things Macaih had said. Why hadn’t I thought of this before?
“Wait,” I said, pulling my hands from Trent’s. “Macaih said the only thing more potent than an eternal bond is vampire blood. You can’t change me because of the bond, but Jax can.”
“You want Jax to change you?” Trent’s tone was sharp.
“No, of course not. But Jax is the only one who can bite me, so he could start to change me, and then you can feed me your blood. The bond would be broken, and I’d have your blood in my veins, not his.”
Trent crossed his arms. “Absolutely not.”
Whatever spark of excitement I felt vanished. “Why not?”
“When we bite, we do it with intent. When Jax bit you, it was to feed. Nothing else. At least, that’s what was supposed to happen, but he clearly had different intentions. Whether he knew it or not, he did, and I don’t trust him not to let that happen again.”
Great, so we were right back to where we started. Frustrated, I walked to the bench and flopped down, the stone unforgiving beneath me. I rested my elbows on my knees and buried my face in my hands. Why did everything always have to be so complicated?
If we didn’t take Ivy’s deal, Trent could never change me. I’d have to remain human, fighting every day against the bond I had with Jax, until I finally got old and died. Leaving Trent behind to mourn me, to spent eternity without his soulmate.
But if we did take Ivy’s deal, Trent could die trying to change me. So could I. Because there was no way he could finish changing me when he was knocking on death’s door. The entire process was already dangerous enough. Add in a weakened vampire and it was suicidal.
Trent kneeled in front of me and gently pulled my hands from my face. “Chloe, honey, please look at me.”
I lifted my head, and my lips trembled. “What’re we supposed to do now?”
“Now, we call a truce. Temporarily, anyway, until we can figure out what to do,” he said.
I wiped the tears from my face. “A truce?”
He nodded. “These past few days have been hell, and I can’t stay away from you any longer, so yes. Let’s call a temporary truce because I don’t want to keep fighting with you.”
I smiled faintly. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore, either.”
Standing, he pulled me to my feet and straight into his arms. Peace settled over me, and I melted against him. Eventually, we’d have to talk about this again, but right now, all I wanted to do was feel his arms around me and let myself pretend, even if for only a moment, that there was a future for us.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN:
Bucket List
TRENT DROPPED ME OFF AT HOME with a promise to call later. While I still wasn’t feeling great about everything, I did feel better knowing we’d talked. Though, he hadn’t tried to kiss me today, so now I was obsessing over that, wondering why. I should’ve just kissed him.
After dinner was cleaned up, I headed to my room. I half expected Abby to follow me and ask a million questions about what happened with Trent, but she didn’t. Maybe she was too preoccupied with Isach. Or maybe my quiet mood at dinner told her I still wasn’t ready to talk. Either way, I was grateful that she chose to leave me alone.
I changed into an oversize T-shirt and my favorite pair of sweats and flopped down on my bed. For the first time ever, I wasn’t tired, but I didn’t have any homework to do. So, I scrolled through social media and waited for a call from Trent.
Hours later, well after Aunt Beth and Uncle Dean had gone to bed, Trent finally texted. The sight of his name on my screen made my heart jump into my throat, and I sat up.
Trent: I MISS YOU.
Me: I MISS YOU MORE.
I smiled as I hit send.
Trent: NOT POSSIBLE. He included the winking emoji.
Me: WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO TEXT? WHAT’RE YOU DOING?
Trent: STANDING OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW.
I laughed, but a small part of me wondered if he really was outside.
Me: LOL. YEAH RIGHT.
Trent: I’M SERIOUS. COME CHECK FOR YOURSELF.
Tossing my phone onto the nightstand, I scrambled out of bed and across the room. I opened my window and gasped. Sure enough, Trent was standing near the tree line. I moved away from the window so he could get in while I locked my bedroom door.
When I turned around, Trent was right behind me. He yanked me tight to his body, and his lips crashed down on mine in a kiss that curled my toes and fried my synapses. Moaning softly, I wrapped my arms around his neck and threaded my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck.
Everything about this moment, this kiss, was stark desperation mixed with heated perfection, and I never wanted it to end. I could get lost in Trent’s kisses, in the way he groaned so it rumbled through my body, with how he’d nip at my bottom lip so I’d give him more access, and how he’d flatten his hands on my back so he could press me closer.
“I’ve wanted to do that for days,” he whispered.
I fought to catch my breath. “Me too.”
He graced me with a smile that made my already rubbery knees even weaker, and it hit me hard right then just how much I wanted him. When I envisioned my life, he was always the one constant, the one person who was by my side. The person I could count on no matter what.
“Is that the reason you came over?” I asked.
He chuckled. “Seems like a pretty good reason to me.”
I rolled my eyes, but my smile was firmly in place. “So, are you going to leave now?”
Now that the shock had worn off, every nerve in my body was wound tight and on high-alert, ready to snap at the smallest sound.
“Do I have to?” he asked, the tiniest pout pulling at his mouth.
That look was lethal to my senses, and there was no way I could deny him, even though letting him stay increased the chances of getting caught with him in my room. But havin
g him here felt right, and he was so at ease, like he belonged.
“No,” I said.
Trent sat on my bed, back against the headboard, ankles crossed. He patted the spot next to him. “Come here.”
I crawled across the mattress and curled up against his side, sighing when he wrapped his arm around me. “You know you can’t stay too long, right?” I said.
“I know.” He kissed the top of my head, and I snuggled closer.
Despite the mountain of trouble I’d be in if I got caught with a guy in my room, I didn’t want him to leave. I needed him here with me, just for a little while, so we could reconnect, and so I could have something tangible to hang onto, to remember why I was fighting so hard.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be able to hear if anyone wakes up, and I’ll be out of your room before they can get the door open,” he said.
That knowledge offered some comfort, and I relaxed a little. “I’m glad you came over.”
“And I’m glad you didn’t kick me out,” he said.
“Yeah, well, it’s still early,” I teased.
He lifted my chin and brushed his lips over mine. My eyelids fluttered closed, and I leaned in to his kiss, savoring the taste and feel of him.
“I love you so much, Chloe,” he said, dragging the back of his hand down the side of my face. “I can’t imagine my life without you.”
“Then don’t,” I said, my voice thick with emotion. “Because no matter what happens, I’m yours. We’re in this together. Whether that’s forever or an eternity, it doesn’t change anything. My life is with you.”
“If we didn’t have this”—he shifted my hair away from my neck to reveal Jax’s bite mark—“to deal with, you’d really change and spend eternity with me?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation.
“Are you still dreaming about him?”
I didn’t miss the fact that he wouldn’t even say his brother’s name. I moved away from Trent, my hair falling back around my neck, and sat up. “No,” I said with more force than necessary.
“Please don’t do that, Chloe. Don’t pull away from me. Not now.” He reached for me.
I willingly moved closer, draping my arm across his stomach and resting my head on his shoulder. “Then can we please stop talking about this? We’re supposed to have a truce, remember?”
“I know. I’m sorry.” He tilted my chin and held my gaze. “It’s just… whenever I’m with you like this, all I want to do is claim you, and I can’t, and that drives me nuts.”
I couldn’t imagine what that was like for him, to have to fight his instincts. I inched up and pressed my lips to his.
He slid his hand along the side of my neck, his fingers curling into my hair, massaging and caressing as he kissed me languidly, like we had all the time in the world. He released my mouth, his thumb stroking my cheek.
“If you were free to change, when would you want to do it?” he asked.
“Does it really matter? I can’t change, so what’s the point of pretending I can?”
“C’mon, just play along. Please?”
“Fine.” I sighed, though playing along was only going to make the reality of our situation that much harder. “After high school, maybe? I really don’t know. I don’t know what to expect once I do change. Will I be able to be around people? Or will I have to go into hiding until I figure out how to be a vampire?”
Trent chuckled. “You don’t have to go into hiding. As long as you stay well fed, you’ll be able to control yourself. And I’ll be with you every step of the way. So will Whitney.”
I nodded, never realizing just how much there was to consider—my final year of school, my family, what I planned to do after high school. I adjusted so my head was on his shoulder again.
“There’s still plenty of time,” he said, but there was a sadness in his tone, and like me, he was probably struggling with the knowledge that all of this was nothing more than a fantasy.
“When would you want me to change?” I fidgeted with the front of his shirt.
“Whenever you’re ready.”
I scowled. “That doesn’t really answer my question.”
“I guess it depends. What things do you still want to do? As a human? Things you know will be different if you were to do them as a vampire.” He stroked his hand up and down my arm in a soothing, rhythmic motion.
I thought about that for a moment. There was so much I wanted to do, but did it really matter if I did them as a human or a vampire?
“Snow,” I said suddenly. “I’ve never seen the snow, and I want to. I want to go out and play in it, make snowmen and snow forts and have a snowball fight. Then, when I’m so cold I can’t stand it anymore, I want to go inside and curl up under a blanket with a mug of hot chocolate.”
That was something I couldn’t experience as a vampire—other than the sun bothering them, they didn’t have much reaction to the weather.
“What else?” he asked, amusement evident in his voice.
“I want to hike to the top of Roaring Brook Falls,” I said.
Sure, I could do that as a vampire, and it would be a heck of a lot easier and faster, but that waterfall held a special place in my heart—it’s where Trent had first fallen in love with me, human me. So, if it was something I ever did get the chance to do, I wanted to be human when it happened.
“All right. Keep going,” he said, his tone encouraging.
The longer we sat like this and talked, the easier it was to forget that this was nothing more than a game, a hopeless dream that would more than likely never come true. But for the moment, I was going to let myself get swept away in the fantasy of the life I could have had with Trent.
“Have sex,” I whispered, and almost immediately regretted saying that.
My face burned with embarrassment. Jeez, if I couldn’t even talk about it, how was I actually going to do it? I wanted to smack myself, but I also really wanted to experience this with Trent. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more tempted I was to finally do it.
He laughed softly. “I’m ready for that whenever you are.”
I eased my hand up his shirt, and he groaned when I ran my palm across his stomach. I loved how patient he was with me, how he let me decide when things in our relationship would progress further.
“Anything else?” he asked, still stroking my arm. If he kept that up, I might fall asleep.
“I want to be kissed under the mistletoe at Christmas, and at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve. Kisses that sweep me off my feet and steal my breath.”
“You’re a hopeless romantic,” he said, laughter lightening his accusation.
“And you’re not?” I twisted to look at him, brow raised.
“I’m the most hopeless romantic you’ll ever know. I just didn’t peg you as one.”
“Why?”
He lifted one shoulder in a lazy shrug. “You can be very closed off at times. It can be difficult to know what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling. Half the time, I don’t know if you like the things I say and do, or if you think I’m being cheesy.”
I grinned. “I’ll never think you’re cheesy. Promise.”
“Good to know.” His mouth twitched with an almost smile. “Back to your human bucket list. Is there anything else on it?”
“My human bucket list? That’s what you’re calling this?”
“Do you have a better name for it?” he asked.
“Nope.” I twisted back around and rested my head on his chest. “Hmm… what else?”
We fell silent, and my mind circled around the same thought, but I didn’t know if I should tell Trent. I didn’t want him to think I was rushing or pushing him into anything. After what happened this past weekend, I wasn’t even sure he still wanted this. I chewed on my bottom lip.
“I want to get married before I change,” I whispered.
He tensed beneath me. “You do?”
Nodding, I adjusted so I could see his face, which was frozen in
a mixture of shock and disbelief and some other emotion I couldn’t decipher.
“When humans fall in love and want to spend their lives together, they get married. It’s a very human thing to do, and even though I know I’ll probably never be a vampire, I—”
“Don’t say that.” He gave a hard shake of his head. “We are going to figure this out, and then I’m going to change you.”
“Okay.” I smiled at his optimism.
Hearing him talk like that, seeing the determination in his eyes, planning my human bucket list… all of it made me want to drive over to Ivy’s right now and let her break the eternal bond.
“For so long, I was terrified of becoming a vampire, and now it’s all I want,” I whispered, holding his gaze. “I want to be able to marry you so that I can devote my human life to you, and then, after I change, I want to devote my vampire life to you. And I am so sorry my actions ruined this for us.”
He stared at me, unblinking, and my stomach knotted. And then, before I could open my mouth to ask him to say something, he had me flat on my back, his body over mine, his kiss a possession I didn’t want to resist.
I ran my hands up the back of his shirt, lifting it as I went, obsessed with the need to feel his bare skin beneath my fingers. Then his hand was up my shirt, blazing a slow path across my stomach and up toward my ribs. I arched into his touch. His deep groan echoed around the room, and I cringed.
“We need to stop,” I said in between kisses. “When I said have sex, I didn’t mean right now.” I laughed nervously.
He let out a heavy breath and rested his forehead to mine, eyes closed. I fought to catch my breath, but I couldn’t stop touching him. It had become an insatiable craving.
“Chloe, honey, you didn’t do anything wrong.” His eyes popped open to reveal sharp blue pools full of torment and love and regret. “You were trying to save his life.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat, but I couldn’t force any words past my lips. My mother loved to tell me that the path to hell was paved with good intentions, and she’d never been more right about anything. My intentions may have been good, but the outcome was hellish.
“As for the marriage thing, you realize you’ll have to wait for me to propose, right?” he asked.
Eternal Love: (The Cursed Series, Book 4) Page 12