by Sienna Snow
He placed a finger over my lips. “Arya, the only way you’d lose me is if you did the leaving. I told you from the start, I’m here for good.”
I swallowed. “Where do we go from here?”
“We’ll take one day at a time. I won’t rush you, but there’s one thing you need to know. I won’t allow our relationship to remain a secret much longer.”
I stiffened as he gazed down at me. My hand went to the collar around my neck and his eyes followed the movement.
“You accepted the collar and everything it represents. Many would say it’s the equivalent of what you refuse to be for me in the vanilla world.”
I bit my lip. He was right. I’d committed myself to him last night. I now belonged to him, body, mind, and soul, and he was mine in return.
He kissed me and moved over me. My fingers threaded with his, as his lips and tongue worked their way down my neck and between my breasts. He took each peak into his mouth and suckled.
I arched into him. “I could get used to waking like this.”
“Good, since that’s the plan.” He released my hands and moved lower, running his palms down my stomach. “I love the feel of you, skin to skin. Soft and silky.”
He was right; the crisp tingle of his chest hair against my nipples went straight to my pussy.
Wait a second. Did he say skin to skin? Oh God, his hand was on my stomach.
“No! Stop.” I shoved Max off me and jerked the covers up, hugging my knees to my chest.”
“What’s wrong?” Max’s confusion was apparent.
“I’m naked.” I surveyed the room. We weren’t at the club. “How did I get here?”
“I told you I took care of you. After you’d gone into subspace, I brought you home. To my bedroom, not the one in the playroom. Then I undressed you and we went to bed.”
Undressed me? Oh no, he had to have seen the scars.
He tugged me toward him, but I resisted. “I don’t understand why you’re upset about me seeing you naked,” he said.
“You saw…the scars.” Tears burned my eyes.
“Yes, I saw them last night, and I’ve seen them many times since we reunited. Do you think I didn’t notice your reaction every time my hand strayed over you abdomen? Did you think I’d reject you for them?”
“I…yes.”
“Dammit, Arya, I love you. When are you going to get it through your thick skull?” I flinched at his outburst, and he released a groan of frustration. “Why won’t you tell me what happened?”
I jumped off the bed. “ This isn’t how I wanted to tell you. You don’t understand.”
“Then make me understand.”
“I can’t. I can’t. I nearly died. Don’t make me go there right now. I don’t want to relive it.” I stumbled toward the bedroom door. I had to get out of the house.
“Please, baby. Tell me. Let me in.” Max moved forward, but I stepped back.
“I’m sorry.” I ran from the room, grabbed my coat and shoes, and went for the front of the house.
I stopped abruptly. How would I get home? If I called James, it would take him at least an hour to get here.
When I reached the front door, I found Aaron waiting for me.
“Ms. Rey, Mr. Dane has informed me to take you anywhere you desire.”
Oh, Max.
“Could you please take me to my penthouse?”
He nodded and I followed him out the car. Before I got in, I turned back to look at the house. Max watched me from his bedroom window, and I fought the urge to go back inside and confess everything I’d been through. But would he still love me once he knew what I’d kept from him?
My phone rang, breaking into my thoughts as I climbed into the car.
“Hey, Arya. Where are you?” Milla’s chipper voice rang out.
“I’m on my way home from Max’s house.”
“What’s wrong? I know you were with him at his club last night. Did something happen?”
“No, nothing happened. Wait. How do you know I was there? I never mentioned where I was going.”
Milla sighed. “It doesn’t matter right now. Arya, you’re upset. I can hear it in your voice.”
I leaned my head back against the car seat and closed my eyes. “I let my frustrations about my feelings out on Max.”
“I heard about that.”
“From who? Never mind, there’s more. Then I accepted his collar without a fight—”
“What?” Milla interrupted again. “Sorry, go on.”
“Then I had my first experience with deep subspace and when I woke up, I was naked in bed with Max.”
“So where is the bad part in all of this, besides trying to top Max?”
“Mil, he saw me naked.”
She’s my best friend, she should understand.
“So what? Oh, he saw the scars. Did you tell him?”
“I couldn’t. I panicked and ran out of his place.” I combed my hand over my face. “What am I going to do?”
“First, take a deep breath. Then think about what scares you. From the way he cared for you last night, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
“You saw us?” Oh, man. How many people recognized me?
“Of course. Don’t worry, though. No one would think it was you, especially in the black corset, thigh-highs, and mask. You have a very conservative rep in the outside world.”
“Thanks a lot.”
“The reason I knew it was you was because you were with Max. People started talking the moment you two walked in. No one’s ever seen him with a submissive, let alone one he’d collared. Bella, you’re the talk of the town. The girl who captured the much-coveted Maxwell Dane.”
I fingered the collar around my neck. “You’re not helping.”
“Ari, he’s a good guy. Give him a chance. He deserves to know.”
Mumbling echoed in the background. It sounded like Lex’s Irish brogue but deeper.
“Who’re you with? Why does that voice sound familiar?” I asked.
“You know who I’m with.”
“I know you’re with your Dom. You wouldn’t visit the club without him. What I’m asking is who is your Dom?” Poor Lex.
“You’ll find out sooner or later.”
“If Lex didn’t have his own little subby, I’d have to kick your ass. For two people who love each other, you’re both such idiots.”
“So speaks the girl who ran away from the love of her life.”
“Whatever.”
“Seriously, bella. Talk to him.”
“I know you’re right. Before I do, I want to go see my girls. It’ll be five years in a couple days.”
“Promise you’ll talk to him when you get back.”
“I will, but don’t let anyone besides Lex know where I am. Give me a few days.”
Milla sighed. “Okay. I’ll hold down the fort and Jane will handle development. See you soon.”
“Love you, Mil.”
“Love you, too.”
I ended the call and then dialed James.
“Yes, Ms. Rey.”
“James, could you please get the plane ready? You should know the destination.”
“Already done. I had anticipated this trip. We will be ready when you are.”
I closed my phone, gazed out the window, and whispered, “Okay, my babies. Mommy’s on her way to see you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Three days after leaving Max’s house and forty-eight hours after arriving in South Africa, I forged the courage to visit my girls. As I crossed the threshold to their graves, I tightened my coat and let the beauty and sadness of the cemetery filled me. Even after five years, the moment my foot touched the soil in Cape Town, the pain of the past resurfaced, fresh and raw. My babies would have celebrated their fifth birthday today if life had taken a different journey.
Flowers filled the base of the headstone, and my heart swelled. I glanced behind me and caught James dabbing at his eyes. He’d made sure my babies were we
ll tended.
Tears streamed down my face and I traced my girls’ names.
Alyssa and Sasha.
“My babies, I wish you lived, but it wasn’t your time,” I whispered and leaned my head against the marker. “Your daddy and I are back together. Well, at this moment it’s debatable. He doesn’t know about you two.
“I know it isn’t fair, but I was afraid of letting him in and then having him leave me again. Now, I’ve pushed him to the point where he doesn’t see any hope for us.”
I placed a teddy bear at the top of the tombstone and closed my eyes. “I tried to call him, to let him know I wasn’t leaving him, that I needed to think. He hasn’t responded to any of my messages. I don’t know what to do.” I shuddered, and my pain cascaded in fat drops to the ground. “I did exactly what Ian warned me against. Every time your daddy wanted more or tried to give me more, I resisted or refused. Now he’s given up on me.
“Your aunt Milla was right as usual. I’m not a no-strings kind of girl. And you girls are the biggest tie that holds me to your father.”
I’d hurt Max the same way he’d hurt me many years ago. I’d rejected his love to protect my own heart.
The wind intensified and blew dust into my face, causing me to cough. As I cleared my throat, I understood what I had to do. I had to give him all of me, no more holding anything back. “Ms. Rey.”
I jumped and whirled toward James. “Y-yes, James.” My voice came out raspy from all the tears.
“An unexpected cold front is moving over New England, and we need to leave in the next few hours if we want to arrive in Boston before the snowstorm hits.”
“Give me five more minutes and I’ll meet you at the car.”
James inclined his head and left.
“Well, my babies, it’s time for me to go home, but when I get back, I promise to make it better. And next time I’ll bring your daddy to meet you.”
I rose and felt someone watching me. As I glanced to my left, I saw a reflection of light. I squinted my eyes and sighed. Just a tree’s shadow. All this crying must have been affecting my senses.
Shrugging my shoulders, I moved toward James, who waited for me outside the car. He took my hand as I approached him and held it tight. “Things will work out. Be honest with him and yourself.”
He released me and I wrapped my arms around James’s neck. “I love you, my grumpy Russian.”
He squeezed me back, kissed my head, and motioned for me to enter the car. “The plane is fueled and ready, Ms. Rey.”
I shook my head. “Enough with the Ms. Rey already.”
Both of us chuckled as he shut the door in my face.
Eighteen hours later, I peered over my terrace toward the snow-covered city. Exhaustion from the trip to Cape Town sat on my shoulders. My chest ached, and my head pounded. Lack of sleep and crying for hours had taken their toll. I thought standing outside would help, but the chill of Boston’s bitter late-winter storm had done nothing to numb the pain.
The doorbell rang, but I ignored it. My housekeeper would answer and let me know if I were needed.
I rubbed my temples, knowing what I had to do. It was time to tell Max about the past and see if we had a future together. I tilted my face to the sky, letting the snow and wind cool my cheeks.
Girls, please help your father understand. I sent my silent prayer to heaven and gazed back out into the night.
“You could catch a chill standing out here, even with your coat and scarf.”
Startled, I whirled around to find Max leaning against the terrace wall. Dressed in a winter trench coat, he looked every bit the corporate executive. His dark hair blew from the wind and his sea-green eyes, shadowed from lack of sleep, were unreadable as he stared at me.
A chill ran down my spine. Until that moment, I hadn’t sensed the cold, but now every muscle and bone was frozen. Max strode to me and cupped my face with his palm as he wiped away my tears.
“Who are Alyssa and Sasha?” he whispered. He stepped back, took out something from inside his coat pocket, and handed it to me.
They were pictures of me touching and resting my head against the girls’ headstone. I was right. Someone had been watching me.
I clutched the photos, not saying anything as fresh tears blurred my vision. “Who gave you these?”
“Does it matter? Was this what gave you all the nightmares?”
My lips trembled. “Not them, but what happened to them…to me.”
How do I explain keeping our girls from him?
Realization dawned on his face. “It was you. The one who was kidnapped,” he said softly. He traced the image of the headstone. “They were mine.”
I nodded. My empty hand moved over my stomach.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to tell you, but you threw me away. You didn’t want me anymore. How could I know you would want them?” A cry broke free and I slid to the ground and sobbed.
Max crouched down next to me and gathered me in his arms. “I’m so sorry, Ari. God, my stupidity cost us our babies.”
I tried pushing him away, but he wouldn’t let me go.
“I can’t do this.” I gulped for air, willing my crying to stop. I looked up, keeping my hand against his chest. “I don’t want to need you or lean on you.”
Sadness flashed over his face. “I need you, too. Why do you think I never gave up hope for us all these years? Or why I orchestrated the deal?”
He remained silent as I continued weeping. What I wouldn’t have given to receive this support years ago. Finally, when my crying slowed, Max carried me inside.
“Let me draw you a bath, and you can relax while we talk.”
I nodded, laying my head against his shoulder and directing him to my bathroom. I had resisted Max coming to my penthouse, but now he was here, and I was home.
He sat me down on the granite edge of the oversized tub and rotated the knob to start the water. “Want me to light a fire?” he asked, but didn’t wait for my response and walked over to the fireplace. I’d never used it before. The luxury of having such an over-the-top en suite had been lost on me until today.
Max motioned me forward. “Come, sit by the fire. It’ll be a few minutes before the bath is ready.”
I rose on unsteady legs and gingerly walked over, but remained standing. I blew out a deep breath and slowly unbuttoned my coat. My fingers were cold and numb, defying me as I worked the buttons.
Max’s hands stopped me, as he knelt down in front of me. “Let me do this.”
I said nothing and allowed him to open my coat. A sense of hopelessness washed over me. I would have to watch him see the scars in their entirety. What would he do when he understood how much damage lay under the visible wounds? My palms stilled his, and he waited for me to say something. I took another deep breath to calm my nerves.
“Please Arya, let me see.”
I shifted my arms to the side and he continued. Max removed my coat and folded it, then took off my shoes, one at a time, placing them over the coat. He stepped behind me and gently lowered the zipper on my dress. He nudged the fabric off my shoulders, but I held it up in front of me. I hiccuped from all the spent tears. He moved to face me and we stared at each other. I shook slightly as he placed his hands over mine.
“I’ve seen and touched every part of you. Show me what they did to you.”
“The scars are deeper than you know. They damaged me.” I prayed he understood what I meant.
“Let me help you heal.”
Gently, he moved my hands away from my dress and let it fall at my feet. I gazed into his eyes and searched for a clue as to what he thought. He stepped back and scanned me but did not say a word. I closed my eyes, willing myself to remain still as he inspected what I’d kept hidden for years. A tremor shook my body. No more hiding, no more secrets. I was completely exposed.
When I wiped away another tear, a feathered kiss grazed the raised scars near my belly button. Stunned, I opened my eyes a
nd peered down.
Max traced and kissed every stab wound, avoiding the one down the center of my stomach. Finally, when he finished tracing every other mark, he delicately ran his finger down the jagged line where our babies had been cut from me.
Max glanced up slightly and then lowered his head in shame. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” He pressed his face into my stomach, and I felt the warm wetness of his tears.
I touched his shoulders and rubbed, trying to convey what I couldn’t actually say. He held me tight as I gripped his back. All his grief washed over me. He loved our girls without knowing them.
I knelt down in front of him, cradling his face in my hands. I gazed into his red-rimmed eyes, seeing all the emotions I kept denying existed. I’d wasted so much time trying to keep Max at a distance.
But where would we go from here?
He rose without saying anything and helped me stand. Carefully, he unfastened my bra, removed my underwear, and then carried me to the tub. Pushing off his shoes, he stepped into the tub fully clothed.
“Max, your—”
He put a finger to my lips, silencing me. He gathered my hair on top of my head and clasped it with a clip he’d grabbed from the tub ledge, then sat me in the middle of the giant tub. I sank into the water, hugging my knees as I allowed the heat and the scent of the bath to seep into my pores.
Max stepped out of the tub, and I couldn’t help but reach out. “Where are you going?”
“It’s okay, baby. I’m just getting a little more comfortable.”
His words calmed me and I relaxed back into the bubbles. Max discarded his wet clothes, leaving them in a soaked pile, and climbed back into the water behind me. His palms slid over my stomach and drew me against his chest.
We both remained quiet, letting the steaming water soothe us. Our bodies slowly settled into each other’s embrace.
I placed my hand over his as it lay across my damaged abdomen. “Who gave you the pictures?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Max remained quiet and then clutched me closer to his chest. “Does it matter? Let’s say that the pictures opened my eyes to the true intentions of my friends.”