by Lauren Wood
“I don’t like how you’re talking. You can’t possibly think that we can get the upper hand on Caleb. He has been doing this a long time. He probably has all of his bases covered. I don’t want my secret admirer to leave me this soon in the relationship. You gave me a reason to think that a man can be more than I could ever hope for. I can’t even compare the sex that we have with any other time that I’ve been with a man. It’s the kind that leaves you breathless and wanting more. It’s the kind of makes you want to reach out in the middle of the night and take advantage of your partner.” “I don’t want him to do anything that will ruin what we have together. I have to get through to his thick skull. The best way to handle this is to bow down and surrender. It may not taste good going down, but it’s far better than the alternative. I just don’t know if either one of us can do it.”
“I look up at the sky full of stars and I know that what I do down here on earth is nothing compared to the vastness of the universe. I need to do this and I hope that I have your support.” The doorbell rang on their destiny. He retrieved a plain brown wrapper out of the hands of someone that looked a little unsavory. There was money exchanged and then he returned to where Nicole was waiting patiently. “I know that the authorities will never be able to capture him, so it’s going to be up to me to make sure that he never gets his hooks into somebody like that again.”
Randal would miss being Royce, but if he had Nicole, then he had everything that he would need. By taking this insanity this far, he was putting his own life in danger. He couldn’t in good conscience allow this playboy with too much money than brains to work this kind of deal on somebody else.
“You know that I will stand by you, but I really want you to consider the consequences.” Nicole saw the revolver coming out of the bag and it didn’t look real. It was made of plastic and only the bullets would send up any kind of red flag. “I’m guessing that you think that he’s going to take some precautions to make sure that his life is not in danger. Caleb has probably had several threats on his life and I doubt seriously that he holds any malice. He knows how the human mind works. He probably knows that you’re going to come after him?” “This was not what I wanted for our lives, but I understand how he could feel like we are painted into a corner. I would rather run and never look back, but that would only be feeding into his hand. Caleb is destructive and has the money to make people dance like puppets on a string. We have to be the ones to cut those strings permanently.”
“I don’t want you to think that you need to follow me. I would rather do this alone, but I doubt seriously that you’re going to allow me to do that. You should go put on something warm. We’re going to have to meet him in less than ½ hour.” He lay the gun down on the counter and then he walked over to the closet to retrieve her coat. He barely had his hand on it, when he felt something strike him in the back. He stumbled forward and then the door closed behind him, so abruptly that he didn’t get a chance to react.
Nicole grabbed a chair and put it up underneath the handle to the door leading to the closet. “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you have his death on your conscience. I will meet him myself and I will do what is necessary. I hope to you can forgive me and that you don’t feel guilty after I’m gone.” “I’m hoping that this is not my last stand, but I would be foolish to think otherwise. I’m not much for violence, but in this instance it seems prudent to take that risk on my own.”
Randal got back up on his feet and heard every word that Nicole was saying to him. He slammed into the wood of the door with everything that his muscular frame could muster. He pushed and pounded and screamed for her to not do this. “Nicole, I don’t want this for you. This has never been your fight and you need to open up this door. Do you hear me? Tell me that you are listening to me and that you understand what I’m trying to tell you.” Randal pounded on that door, until his knuckles were raw. The only thing that he could do was not give up. Eventually, the door would give and that would be when he would know that it was time to act and not stand on the sidelines.
“You did something stupid, but I don’t think that you should pay for it with your life. I would take it, as a compliment that I want to do this for you. I’m not trying to punish you or give you any reason to doubt the kind of love that I feel for you. You are the sweetest man that I have ever met, but you also the biggest pain in my ass. I want to promise you that I’ll be back, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to pull the trigger. He might actually laugh in my face and snatch it out of my grip and use it on me himself. So many things can go wrong. I can’t believe think that I’m going to do something like this.” “It was a beautiful sunny day, but the only thing that I could feel was desperation clawing to get out. Each pound on that door makes me jump back in the hopes that he won’t find that necessary escape from the prison of my own making.”
“I won’t be able to live without you.” He hoped that this would be the one thing that would draw her back from doing god knows want. The recoil of the weapon would be hard enough for him. It would be even harder on a woman that never handled a gun before. She was remarkable and she had a way of looking at things that was different than others. “I never wanted to domesticate you. I wanted to liberate you from an existence that was just going to swallow you whole. I can’t let you do this.” His conviction was evident, but acting upon it was another thing. He was trapped like an animal and if he could have, he would’ve sawed off his own arm to get away.
“I feel, so lucky that I have found you, Randal. It still takes me a bit of time to wrap my mind around the fact that you’re not who you said you were. You can never hide your true face. It doesn’t matter how you dress it up or how you act in public. Who you really are is always there regardless of what you do to the contrary. I’m leaving now before you change my mind. You’re the only person that would be able to do that. I can only hope that I will be able to do you proud.” “I couldn’t breathe and for that one moment I was having what can only be considered, as a panic attack. I was breathing heavy and I grabbed for the nearest bag, which of course turned out to be the brown paper version of what the gun came in.”
“I know that you think that you are doing the right thing, but it’s not. You have to allow me to do this for the both of us. It’s the only way. I will never forgive you or myself for allowing you to take up arms for me. What can I do to get you to see reason? I wanna hear your voice through the static and noise of the beating of my own heart. You know what they say about revenge being best served cold. You’re taking my right for vengeance out of my hands. This isn’t you and I’ve never wanted to make you a killer.” If he could keep her talking long enough, he might be able to break free and take that choice out of her hands. He reeled back with his foot. He heard the splintering of the wood. He also felt the pain of that jarring impact go up his leg like a knife twisting all the way up his inner thighs.
“We both know that this will never end. He needs to be taken to task for what he has done. I was hoping that we could take his deal, but that would’ve been the coward’s way out. We would’ve given him exactly what he wanted. You do know that he forced you into this position. He wanted to talk to me in front of you to dig it in a little bit deeper. He wanted you to react and you played right into his hands. We both played into his hands without even realizing that we were doing it. We should be ashamed of ourselves for letting him get to us like that.” “He is the man of my dreams and the compassion that he has shown me and the fire in his eyes is something that I will never forget. I don’t want to do this, but if I don’t, then he will. He doesn’t want me to be a killer, but I don’t want him to be a killer either. One of us is going to have to take it upon ourselves. For him to think that he can roll over me like a steamroller was foolish.”
“I’m realizing that love can hurt sometimes, but this is the only thing that I know. It’s hard, but it’s the only thing that makes it worthwhile living. We can’t give him that power to hold ove
r us. I know that I can’t stop you and you have made it almost impossible for me to see you face to face. My eyes would have told you how much I would miss you and I would make you break down.” He kicked two more times and there were tears rolling down his cheeks from the intense pain that he was feeling.
“I understand why people go above and beyond for the people that they care for the most. I hope you know that you will never be alone. Even if I’m not there, you will feel me standing beside you and holding your hand to a higher standard. I will never let you go in life or in death and that is a promise that I’m going to keep by hell or high water. I don’t know what the next life holds, but I won’t be able to move on without you. You can’t fit the kind of love that we have in a box. It will stifle it and suffocate it, until there’s nothing left. That is exactly what would happen if you were to place that final nail in his coffin.” “I will always remember the way that he kissed me and the feel of his body next to my own. I have to believe that things will work out the way that they are supposed to. If I’m to die on this day, I’m damned and determined to take a piece of Caleb with me. If I can kill him then that will be the icing on the cake, but will I be whole or splintered into a million pieces by having that weigh down on my conscience? I don’t think I will be alive long enough to find out.”
“I’m warning you that he can’t be trusted. He will know what is going on in your heart and he will be ready for you. That’s the one thing that I love about you more than anything else. You look for the good in every one and you can’t even fathom that real evil exists. You probably think that you can change him, but trust me he’s beyond redemption. The things that he has done are unforgivable and he will have to pay for them in the afterlife.” He saw the sliver of light and that gave him that extra bit of strength that he needed. He kicked out with his foot one more time, but it wasn’t just the door that he heard crack this time. His ankle broke in two places. He rolled around in agony.
That probably would have stopped Nicole from doing this, but she was already out the door and in the car by the time that he had done himself irreparable harm.
Chapter 2
Nicole looked back one last time and there was a moment of hesitation where she wanted to turn around and go back to the man that she loved. She had just received the coordinates for the meeting that was going to change her life for the better or for the worse.
The ride over was ripe with tension and she was half expecting to see Randal riding to the rescue. The time for indecision was over and seeing the whites of the eyes of the devil was a good indication that she probably should have thought this through a lot harder than she did.
Caleb was standing by the car looking smug and folding his arms over his chest. He was still wearing the white suit that made him look like the good guy, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. He liked to play on that part and make people believe that he was there by the goodness of his heart. He was self destructive, manic and a little psychopathic, but at least he had found an outlet to direct most of those tendencies.
Caleb knew that he could’ve gone down a different road and lived a relatively happy and productive life. What was missing was the excitement and he had gotten that from the moment that he had first seen the fear in somebody’s eyes of losing it all. It was during a business transaction and one that shaped and defined who he was, as a man. The fear and the way that the man’s hand shook while signing over his business was like a light bulb going off over Caleb’s head.
It didn’t take him long to figure out that humanity was its own worst enemy. He saw the devastation and the destitution. He wanted to play on that like some sick guardian angel. The first time that he had seen the light in somebody’s eyes that was this close to ending it all was that thrill that he was looking for. He had to wait five years to get his just desert, but it was worth it in the end. Every month he showed one person heaven and then five years later, he would show them what hell was all about.
“I see that you have come alone. Do you have some idea that you want to deal with me permanently. If you look around, you’ll notice that I didn’t come alone. There are three sharpshooters in various locales. They have a gun trained you at this very moment. They’re being paid quite handsomely for their services. If they see anything that is out of the ordinary or makes them feel that I am in danger, then you won’t be standing there and breathing very much longer.” Caleb had his fair share of those that wanted to hurt him. The scar on his cheek was from that one and only guy that had gotten close enough to try something.
“I was going to kill you. There’s no point in lying to you, because you already pretty much know the writing on the wall. I decided on my way over here that you weren’t worth it. I would only go to jail and even if I didn’t, I would always have your death hanging over me any time that I closed my eyes. Even in death, you would still haunt me and that is something that I can’t allow to happen.” Nicole couldn’t see the sharp shooters and wasn’t even sure that they were there in the first place. This could’ve been his way of keeping things cordial. “Seeing you walk around and making people think that you’re their savior is wrong. You’re their funeral and once they sign on that dotted line, you’re practically guaranteeing that suicide isn’t far from their thoughts after the five years.” “I still want to wipe that smug look off his face, but I can’t do it the way that I was intending. He’s not exactly an easy man to reach and he will disappear without a trace after negotiations are completed.”
“I told you when I first met you that I like you. You have this way about you and maybe there is some way for you to save face. You obviously did this to protect the man you love, but I really don’t think that he’s worthy of your kind of protection. Standing up for him is only going to make you drown. I’m going to be right there to push you under with my foot. You probably thought that by being a woman that I would go easy on you, but I’ve had several women that have taken the chance with those five years. I can’t deny that I get a thrill every time that they have that pen in their hand. There’s indecision in their eyes and then finally that sense of triumph that comes from scribbling their John Hancock on the document. That may not be my Christmas, but it certainly is my birthday.” Caleb knew that his Christmas was the day that he pulled the rug out from underneath them.
“You can’t stand there and tell me that you think that what you’re doing is right. There has to be a small part underneath it all that knows that this is wrong. Do you have any humanity or has that been burned out of you from some unknown source in your childhood.” “The life that I was leaving behind me was cold without Randal by my side. He made it all worthwhile and I didn’t feel like I was just amongst all the other sheep. I have to find a way to get underneath Caleb’s skin. I have to find a way to reveal to him the underlying reason for the reason why he’s like this. If I don’t ask any questions, then I won’t get any answers. I have to strip away what I see on the outside for what’s going on in the inside.”
“It’s interesting that you would try to fixate on my humanity. I’ve never thought of myself as a good guy or bad guy. I’m just the guy that has your fate in the palm of his hands. It’s that power of good over evil that makes it too damned delicious to stop any time soon. I even think about having a prodigy and passing on everything that I know to the next generation. Anything that comes from my genes will be cursed by the need to hurt others. By doing this, I give them what they need, instead of trying to take somebody’s life and then landing in jail for many years to come. I know that I’m damaged and that I’m not right in the head, but I’ve learned to accept it. The kind of love that you share with Randal is something that I’m not capable of. I don’t even know how anybody could get that invested in another human being. Even my child when it’s born will not have the kind of love and nurturing that it needs to take its first steps into the world.”
“I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you won’t know what it’s like to be in love and truly happy
for the first time in your life. I feel sorry for the man that you have become. You don’t know any different and this is the only way that you feel alive. It’s not so much the things that you have said to me, but it’s the things that you do. It’s how I feel every time that you’re close to me. It’s like somebody is walking over my grave and spitting on everything that I believe in. I don’t know if you truly have these sharpshooters out there waiting to gun me down in cold blood. It could be just a bluff. You wear that suit like it’s your own personal armor. You project this kind of innocence, but you can’t hide what’s in your eyes.” “I wonder when the last time that he saw a piece of his heart that wasn’t black as night. Did he even have his humanity when he was born? He speaks like he has always been this way and that in itself makes me pity him, but also fear him at the same time.”
The only thing that Nicole could hold onto was that feeling of her secret admirer. The little gifts and the furtive glances from the man that had turned out to be more than she expected was something to cherish. He stared down this man that couldn’t stop smiling like this was the best thing that he had ever done in his life. Nicole took out the gun and had it in her hands before laying it on the table with both hands draped over top of it.
“If you’re trying to scare me, then you’re going to have to do a whole lot better than that, Nicole. You already know that by bringing that with you that you have sealed your fate. You either die here today, or we come to a mutually beneficial arrangement. I’m more than happy to leave Randal out of it. He has already paid for his life of luxury. He won’t be able to live without somebody else keeping him in the lifestyle that he has grown to love. He’s accustomed to the finer things and you may not believe this, but I seriously don’t think that he’s able to live without it.” Caleb took out the pen and laid it alongside the gun that was partially hidden underneath Nicole’s hands. That pen was a family heirloom that had been passed down from generation to generation. It was made of solid gold.