The cry went up "She's found the money." Everyone crowded round, all chattering at once and demanding to know how she had found it.
"Well," she answered still shocked. "I don't know. I was polishing an aubergine and the money fell into my lap. It must have got mixed up with the rags."
Anil beamed. He jumped up and around. He was so pleased with himself and with me. He came and hung onto my skirt like a little tot would have. I was touched by this break with his usual reticence.
"There you see, Bharati. It was only your memory that caused the mistake. You may even have swept the money under there absent-mindedly while you were doing something else." I could see she didn't like this at all. The crowd was forlorn with disappointment. There would be no prison for Sharmila now; no criminal among them; and no pageant to put spark into the monotony of the everyday. Serve them right.
Bharati quietly sat on her low stall to make herself less visible. Something I noticed she always did when she had made a mistake she didn't want to admit to. She flattened out the notes and separated them. Then, as though fired from a gun she jumped up. "Oh, Oh, you see, I was right. Five rupees missing. Five!" There was joy in her voice and triumph. Everyone stirred and began twittering with gossip again. My heart sank.
"Look in the rags again Bharati." I insisted.
Little Tarun began pulling her arm. "I'm busy! Stop it!" She pushed him away and his chin wobbled.
"For you." He announced holding a tattered five rupee note up to her proudly.
She drew her breath in. "Where do you find that?" She demanded.
A shiver darted down my spine. She seemed big enough to eat him.
"I found it." He pulled out his pocket with a thumb and pointed into it with the forefinger of his other hand. "In my pocket" He chirped and grinned widely at his achievement. "Now you won't cry."
Her face darkened. She glared at me and then at the boys but didn't speak. Her mind was working something out. I could not move. What would her nasty mind conclude about this? She could be very unpleasant when she was put out. She grabbed both boys and called me to follow her. Supriya and the twins looked frightened. I told them to wait for me at Bharati's stall then hurried to find out what was happening. It was Sharmila she was looking for. The eyes of staring inquisitive people burned into me. Sharmila was sitting quietly answering a policeman's relentless questions. She looked exhausted.
"So, Sharmila you didn't steal my money?" There was a cunning gleam in Bharati's eye.
Sharmila stared uncomprehendingly. "No, Bharati, I didn't."
The policeman rose with a frown but, before he could speak, Bharati's voice rang out. "You gave it to your children to hold for you. Shameful! I cannot have a thief with me. You don't deserve the protection and help I've given you and now you are corrupting your own children. You don't deserve them either." Sharmila was speechless. Bharati looked over at me. "Thought you'd fooled me between you, didn't you Manasa? I should never have trusted a prostitute." She spat her contempt onto the ground near my feet.
I was so shaken and embarrassed I could neither speak nor move. I forced myself to look at Sharmila. I could see the shocked hurt on her face. I had persuaded Bharati not to tell Sharmila about me but now she had given me away. I wished I had found the courage myself to risk telling Sharmila quietly, then she would not have heard in this dreadful way. The crowd all glowered at me. Shame and helpless anger pinned me there. Then someone limped forward. It was Dinesh. He approached the policeman in his ungainly but good humoured way. It diverted attention and curiosity away from Sharmila and me. Though still upset, I was greatly relieved. Dinesh ignored the crowd and addressed the policeman.
"You're looking very thirsty. Why has no one given you a drink? Come and sit in the shade of my stall over there. I will bring you cha and give you flowers to freshen you. Come. You must continue your good public services from there." The policeman was persuaded and gratefully took the seat Dinesh hurried to find him. Dinesh shooed the rest of us away. I melted away too, unsure about what would happen to Sharmila and about our friendship, now that she knew I had deceived her about my work and my life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
The market was a place I decided to avoid for a while. I learnt from the twins that Sharmila had been employed by Dinesh and was working on his stall. She was busy learning all she could about flowers. I was thankful to know that she had not lost everything again but I struggled with a curious new feeling. It was uncomfortable but the more I tried to ignore it, the more it tore at me. It was not easy to push my pride away and admit to the painful stab of jealousy.
A little later I had a visit from Dinesh. He smiled his warm indulgent smile at me. "Bharati's tongue works harder than she does sometimes, doesn't it?"
I could still feel the lash of Bharati's words; still struggled with the humiliation she had left with me.
Softly Dinesh invited, "Come, sit here next to me." I sat on the very edge of the bed. He drew me closer to him stroking my head and murmuring into my hair. When I felt better, he seemed to know and took my hand. "Would you prefer to sit quietly today?" Half-heartedly I smiled. I hardly knew what I wanted.
After a while Dinesh continued, "The policeman told Bharati that I am responsible for Sharmila now that I am her employer. Bharati has been warned she must not make further unnecessary commotion or trouble. She didn't like that, at all. She never speaks to Sharmila now and she bristles whenever she sees me." He paused to give me one of his warmest smiles. "She gets her fetching and carrying done by her nephew. He's a weedy boy and likes to gossip like his aunt. He's received so many clouts from Bharati, for his laziness," Dinesh bent his hands into claws either side of his head. "His ears have grown as big and shiny as aubergines." We laughed together. Dinesh always knew how to cheer me.
"It was clever and good of you to help my friend, Sharmila."
"Yes. She deserves better treatment than she received from Bharati."
"Does she ever mention me? Bharati told her about me ... living here. She didn't know before that."
"Ah! ... No! She speaks little. She's very reserved and that's good but she's your friend, she must understand. And what about me? Have you forgotten me? I've been patient, Manasa. You're right about leaving here, though. I'm sure it will be tricky. Mona and Pramath hold on to their treasures ... " Although he continued to speak, my mind wandered away on his words. How kind, how sensitive he was. There were many things I had been described as and treated as but something valued like treasure was not one of them. At any time he could have turned away from me or despised me, but he didn't. I drifted back to him, aware he had stopped talking and was frowning at me.
"What? My thoughts wandered away then. You spoke such lovely words."
"Such lovely words that you stopped listening, so that you could taste them." We laughed together.
Finally, I asked, "Is Sharmila happy now?"
He hesitated for just a moment, "Of course. Women always like me, except for Bharati," he laughed again. Then he took my hand and drew me so close our bodies spoke for themselves. "It shouldn't be this way, Sharmila with me, and you in this place. You're still my special wife though we mustn't spoil with complaining, what we have and what we shall soon have, when you leave here."
"You are right. I hope Kajal will come back soon so that we can resolve everything." I smiled but could not quite meet his eyes.
I tried hard to hold on to hope and cheerfulness but, in spite of Dinesh's renewed assurances, I was again at a disadvantage. I still did not know whether Kajal really would return and, if she did, whether I must choose between them both. He had to give wages to Sharmila now. It would take more time to save. We had not agreed upon a sum to aim for but we needed as much as we could manage to put together. Somehow, to me, it seemed pointless trying to think ahead when everything about our lives was so uncertain. Gently, I moved our thoughts on. I wanted to know more about Dinesh. He enjoyed talking about himself. It was not much of a task to loosen his tongue. H
e allowed me to appease him in this way and I was glad.
He had lived most of his life in Delhi. His family, who had been comfortably off, to begin with, had sent him to a boys' school until he was sixteen. It astonished him when, impulsively he spoke to me in English and I was able to respond in kind. That we could tease and enjoy each other with so much ease seemed to me an important measure of our mutual respect and thoughtfulness. I held on tight to that.
As calm settled over us, sadness edged into his voice. "When I was a college student, my mother was badly injured in a road accident. I was in the car and that was how my right leg became twisted and useless. My mother never recovered consciousness and died soon after that."
"How terrible, when you were still so young. What happened?"
"I have no memory of the impact but I do remember that my eldest brother, who had been driving the car, ran off without looking back. He'd always been the family favourite. In their grief the family just couldn't believe he'd been responsible. They were convinced I'd been showing off after only a few driving lessons. My insistence that they should listen to me only alienated me more. I was forbidden to speak of it. Somehow there was no police involvement." He paused a moment. "I decided to look for work in Calcutta so that I would no longer embarrass them with my presence at home, and besides, I was very angry with them."
I had not heard of a family punishing a son so cruelly before. I squeezed his hand and held it while he continued. His expression had darkened. "I was full of anger for my brother. I grieved for my dear mother who should never have died in such a senseless way. Without my parents support I no longer had the motivation or means to study. I had only a little money of my own. Bit by bit I bought my way into a small car repair business but my partner's incompetence was ruining our trade. Finally, I bought him out of the business, but I hadn't sufficient interest, myself, to continue for long after that. I was unhappy. My heart wasn't in it.
"My three grown up sisters were all married. They were kind but busy with their own families. The rest of my family no longer wanted to see me. My father was a grieving wreck. Now I was being blamed for his cancer also.
"I went to stay with my maternal grandmother until she died the following year. She never recovered from losing her daughter. That had been the final straw for her. I'd been close to my grandmother who was a lonely widow. She understood my pain and believed my story. I wandered back here on my own after she died.
"Finally, I met an old school friend who advised me to look for a space in a Calcutta market. He helped me find a pitch and to get started. Business has flourished ever since. I liked working in the open where, slowly I healed but the loneliness inside me persisted until the day I met you."
His courageous story surprised me. I hadn't realised how alike our lives had been. At last, I remarked that I felt sad for all his losses and that we had much in common. I did not elaborate and was grateful he didn't push me. He sat silently waiting for me to tell him more, but in the end I simply said I was delighted we had met and that I was glad neither of us was sad or alone any more.
I slept well that night. Dear Dinesh had soothed my pain by sharing his. I had felt such shame after Bharati's public denunciation but Dinesh wanted me as his wife and could find good in me. It gave me confidence in us both. How I longed to be away from that place. It seemed like an impossible dream that we would ever be together somewhere safe.
The next day I thought how lucky I was to have my other comfort in life, my Lipika who was fast growing into a beautiful child. The other children loved her. She was the youngest but she was quick to learn all kinds of things from them. Madhu and Semanti kept her occupied while I swept the room. She walked back and forth between them while they slowly and patiently taught her some song about an elephant and a monkey. Lipika stumbled often but continued to giggle with the others, all the while struggling to form the new words. Her efforts pleased them. They had little security in their lives. I was glad that at least they could have fun playing together.
Our peace didn't last long. Without warning the door slammed open, hurling Lipika against the wall. The other two fell towards each other and banged heads as they tumbled to the floor. They all burst into shocked tears and screams as Mona's thick figure entered the room. "What is all this? Go outside to play this is a workplace!" She showed no remorse or alarm at the pain she'd caused. Instead she glared at me waiting for me to apologise to her. The children struggled tearfully to their feet. The girls cradled Lipika, who held her arms up helplessly to me. I swept her up.
"Well?" I demanded. I knew Mona could never be wrong and I was not going to waste my anger and energy on her. The twins scrambled to hold on to me.
"Arab nephew, Assad, is here and wants to see Semanti." She smirked. She had no time for trivialities with children. She was a businesswoman and she would show me how to get things done. She knew I hadn't liked the Arab uncle. I was anxious to protect the children, since I had heard how they were to be used. I had already begged her not to let him visit the children but she had laughed derisively at my plea and finally losing patience had ordered me out of the room. The events I dreaded were beginning to happen and I had no idea how to prevent them.
"He is eating now. Put on one of the new saris and some jewellery. Manasa will show you how to make yourself look right. Then go and wait in the visitors' sitting room. Madhu find Supriya. She can take the baby now." She left banging the door shut with as much force as she had used to open it.
I refused to let my hatred of Mona cloud my mind. I had to think of Semanti. I was worried about her. I didn't know what to say to help or protect her. I wanted to hold on to her but I knew, that if I did hide her away she would be punished and would still have to go through the same thing another day. Besides that, I didn't want to make her panic. Quietly, I sent Madhu with Lipika to find Supriya. They went off cheerfully on their quest. Semanti stood looking at me with large trusting eyes. She was small and thin, like a spindly sapling it was my task to cut down. Angrily I snatched up an old dark blue sari. It was unfair that I must lead her into this.
"Aunty, I prefer the red one or even the yellow one." Her tiny face glowed with a shy but hopeful smile. I had been attempting to make her look as drab as possible, so that the nephew would see she was merely an uninteresting child, and leave her alone. It was tempting to tell her how beautiful and grown up she looked in the hideous dark blue but I could not upset her with lies that might add to her misery in some way. He might hurt her, then tell her it was because she was ugly and that she deserved it. I ached that I could not do anything to prevent what might be about to happen but I grabbed at whatever small thing I could think of to protect her.
"I don't know why Mona wants you to dress up. You are just a little girl and I think it would be better if you wore something simple. You are not ready to be a woman yet. A woman has to stop playing with her friends and her toys and work hard every day."
Musing on that thought she came over and leaned against me. "You choose me something."
"Remember, you have to do whatever Mona has told you. It is not your choice. She is responsible. You have to obey because it is your duty to do as she tells you. Remember, too, you are special to Madhu, to me, and to Lipika. Very special, and always will be no matter what happens." I was babbling my consent to this awfulness. It was horrible. I was fighting the disgust inside me unable to think clearly while trying desperately to keep calm for her sake.
Her childish body skipped about the room. "I want to wear the dark blue. Dark blue! Dark blue!"
I wrapped her in her sari, re-plaited her thick wiry hair into a long strap down her back. She looked incongruous in adult jewellery. Her decorations gave her the look of a dwarf trapped in childhood.
"I want to show Madhu all the lovely things first. It's heavy, aunty."
"No. Go straight to the visitors' room and wait. When you have finished seeing the uncle's nephew, come back here and I'll help you remove all your finery." Her shoulders d
rooped into a sulk. "Call me as soon as you come back and we shall have a little talk." She didn't look impressed. "Then we shall find some sweet meats." I felt I had cheated her but there was no point in upsetting her now.
"Yes! Yes! Can Madhu have some, or just me?" She wheedled.
"The talk is just for you. You can decide about the rest."
"All just for me! All just for me!"
"Now stop jumping about and go." I turned away and she skipped off.
I wanted to grab her and run. What kind of human being was I that I could allow a child, not so much older than my own daughter, to be tainted and hurt? I prayed. To whom, or what I was saying, I was not aware. I sat brooding morbidly for a time. There had to be something I could do. I got up removed my plain, pale sari and draped a flimsy gold muslin about me. I filled a jug with water in the quiet of the temporarily deserted kitchen, and strode boldly to the visitors' room.
I hesitated at the door. All sorts of horrible pictures were cavorting across my stricken mind. If this disgusting animal wanted sex I was determined to make sure it was me he would choose. Then Semanti would be free, and forgotten. I closed my eyes, grabbed the door handle, and went in softly, pretending not to notice anyone was present in the room.
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